Chapter Nineteen
DIANA’S FINGERS TIGHTENED around the steering wheel. She was tired of being scared for herself and others.
“Well, two can play this game,” she muttered under her breath. She changed lanes, then took the exit at the last possible moment. Adrenaline pumped the blood faster in her veins just as she pumped more fuel in the car by pressing on the accelerator again.
“Technically, more than two people are playing this game. Though we don’t know how many people exactly.” Tex raked his fingers through his perfectly combed hair. Worry came off him in waves.
Guilt needled her. She never should’ve put him and Rachel in this situation.
“Same point.” Laredo supported her opinion. He always seemed to have her back. “You’re doing great, by the way.”
“Thank you. But to be fair, we’re on my turf now. It’s easier for me.” After making sure there wasn’t any oncoming traffic, she turned right on the red light.
“You’re doing great,” Laredo repeated with more emphasis.
Despite the alarming situation, she found her lips tipping up slightly. Not just because of his words but also because she could see his ocean-blue eyes in the rearview mirror. She made another turn.
“Sooooo great that I find myself pumping an invisible brake pedal again,” Tex grumbled.
“Sorry.” Diana considered slowing down, but she could just make it on the yellow light, so she sped up again, then glanced at Tex.
Hmm. He was clutching the door handle. “It’s okay. It just reminds me once again how much I love being alive. And being happily married to the most amazing woman on earth.”
“The latter is up for debate.” Laredo’s words reached her. “Because I happen to think the most amazing woman on earth is driving this car.”
As much as she loved his words and wanted to devour them and hold them close, she needed to keep her concentration on the road. So she just tucked those into a secret corner of her mind to ponder later.
Slowing down a bit, she turned right again at the next red traffic light and barely righted the vehicle, then squeezed into the small opening in the next lane. “Do you think we lost any tail, if we had one too?”
“We’re good. I don’t see any tail,” Laredo said.
“I’m sure if someone was following us, they no longer are. I’m also relatively sure I’m going to kiss the ground once I get out.” To think about it, Tex did look rather pale when she glanced at him.
He must be worried about his wife. No doubt, he was eager to talk to Rachel to make sure she was okay. But he mustn’t want to distract the love of his life while she was driving and, most likely, driving fast.
“Okay, I’m going to slow down.” Diana tapped on the brakes.
“Good,” Laredo and Tex said in unison.
From the corner of her eye, she saw Tex press the buttons on his phone. “Hey, Harris, are you all okay there?”
As Tex put his younger brother on speakerphone, Harris’s voice filled the SUV cabin. “We’re fine. Though as much as you love me, I know it’s not me you’re worried about. But, boy, I’m ready to kiss the ground when I get out.”
Good. Everyone was okay. The two brothers looked very different, but talked the same. In different circumstances, she’d smile. But now? She let out pent-up air. How could she live with herself if something happened to them because of her?
“That’s what I said!” Relief rang clear in Tex’s voice, as well.
“Should we go to Dr. Noah Jamieson or meet at a neutral location and regroup?” Rachel’s voice was even and 100 percent professional as if she didn’t just lead a mad chase around the city.
Diana tamped down her impatience. As much as she couldn’t wait to talk to Noah and hopefully have him point them in the right direction to find Pat, she needed to think about everyone’s safety. “Let’s meet at a neutral location, regroup, and discuss our next steps. We might have some updates from Marina, as well. And then we’ll go to Noah.” Uh-oh. That didn’t sound fair. “Unless everyone would like to have lunch first?”
“I’ll do whatever everyone else wants,” Harris said on the speakerphone.
“I vote to go to Dr. Noah Jamieson.” Laredo obviously voted that because of her.
If only she could hug him in gratitude. Her heart started beating faster for a reason other than speed. Who was she kidding? She felt much more than gratitude toward him.
Tex took longer to reply. “My stomach votes for lunch, but my brain votes for the doc’s place.”
“I imagine your brain outvotes your stomach, right?” Laredo chuckled.
“Mostly.” Now that the danger had passed, Tex sounded much more relaxed.
Back on the freeway, Diana sped up, this time not because she was trying to get away from danger but because she was trying not to be run over by other vehicles. She missed Port Sunshine’s much slower pace, stunning views, and the promise of something she didn’t dare admit even to herself yet.
With her adrenaline ebbing, so did her energy. Now, fatigue settled in her bones. She flattened her lips together. She needed to stay on high alert. It was imperative. But with the immediate danger gone, her thoughts returned to the text from Laredo’s first love. She could nearly imagine the cucumber and pomegranate scent he’d told her Lolly used.
Diana had meant it when she’d said that he deserved a great music career. And she wanted more people to hear his incredible songs. But her heart squeezed. She didn’t need more reasons to add to why she and Laredo couldn’t be together. If Laredo and Lolly started working together, would their feelings return? Not to mention, like Lolly’s producer said, it would be good for publicity. There’d be no place for Diana then.
“Then it’s decided. Let’s take care of business first,” Rachel said.
“Thank you all.” Diana didn’t know how to express her gratitude, and the words didn’t seem enough. Especially after learning that words could often mean nothing, even from the people closest to you.
Her stomach clenched, but she kept her head high and her shoulders pulled back as when pretending to be Rachel at the airport.
For a few moments, they all discussed where to meet until she suggested the parking lot of a popular nearby eatery, a place with excellent barbecue ribs. Everyone agreed to that. Oops, was it fair to bring them all there, but not let them eat?
Laredo seemed to guess her thoughts. “It’s okay. We can eat after we talk to Dr. Jamieson.”
“That’s true,” Harris said.
“I appreciate it.” She took the left turn needed to get to the restaurant. Christmas lights decorated the storefronts, and winter themes frosted many shop windows. People hurried in and out, many lugging giant shopping bags, clearly stuffed with presents. When she’d turned twenty, her parents had asked her not to get them anything for Christmas or birthdays, which in their opinion absolved them from buying her presents, too.
Now her mood was anything but festive.
Would Noah even talk to them? So much depended on the information he could provide and his willingness to provide it. The conversation wouldn’t be easy for him, and Diana wouldn’t blame him if he refused. She needed to get through to him somehow. Her friend’s life might depend on it.
She sighed. No pressure at all.
The silver SUV was already in the parking lot by the time she pulled in there.
Tex’s phone rang again, and his wife’s voice chimed in, “Don’t park or stop. Just continue going to Noah’s place. Marina told me he took a leave of absence from the hospital, so hopefully, he’s home. I don’t think anyone followed me. But I’ll let you know if I spot a tail again.”
“Got it. Well, I have to stop right now because people are crossing in front of me.” Diana tapped on the brakes.
“Okay, that works, too.” Rachel remained no-nonsense. “I’m pulling out of the parking space.”
“I love you, too, honey,” Tex teased.
She laughed. “Me, too. Always.”
Diana’s heart constricted as she moved forward when the road was clear. The affection was clear between Tex and Rachel, even with the slight teasing or maybe because of it. All the couples in the Lawrence family Diana had seen clearly cared about each other, worried about each other, supported each other, and yes, joked with each other. She revved back onto the road and into an opening in the endless flow of cars. The traffic hadn’t bothered her this much before, but her nerves hadn’t been this raw before, either. And before, she didn’t think about how a different world existed elsewhere.
Laredo had told her some of his siblings’ stories, and boy, there should be a book written about them. A series, actually. They’d faced danger and challenges in their lives and overcome many obstacles, but their happily-ever-afters—or happy beginnings—touched her deeply. Made her wish for things she didn’t have and with the person whose breath now warmed her neck and whose mere presence warmed her heart.
She knew the affluent neighborhood where Noah lived and didn’t need the GPS to find it. But even with the GPS, she wouldn’t have been able to find a road to such happy marriages before she’d met the Lawrence family.
Her chest constricted. Her grandmother loved her husband but mostly spent her days saving Grandpa from himself and alcohol. Diana’s parents were married more to their jobs than to each other. Her in-laws bickered a lot. Pat’s mother flitted from relationship to relationship. And Diana’s father’s friends who sometimes came to Sunday dinners during her childhood had been on their second wives and were now on their fourth ones who smiled fake smiles with pumped-up fake lips. And her marriage to a prominent doctor had proved to be a sham.
Eager to reach her destination, she shook such thoughts away and passed a forest-green sedan.
“Rachel is following us. I take it there’s no tail,” Laredo said. “You and Rachel did fantastic.”
When she couldn’t help glancing back at him in the rearview mirror, she met his caring, admiring gaze that never failed to make her heart flutter. Laredo was so different from what she was used to. In a wonderful way that expanded the hope in her chest.
Reluctantly, she returned her attention to the road and put brakes on her wistfulness. At the burning need for alcohol, she tightened her fingers around the steering wheel as if it were the bottle’s neck.
As if feeling her need to think, the brothers kept quiet.
Once she could process it fully, she might agree with Laredo that Adam’s infidelity wasn’t her fault. She might even admit what Adam had done didn’t define her.
But what she’d done did define her.
Only a few months after getting married, she’d realized she’d married a man just like her father, one more dedicated to his job than to his family. The endless sadness that followed sent her into the familiar tailspin of working harder to get the love and attention she craved from the person closest to her. But it hadn’t crushed her because she didn’t know any better then. Pat’s mother’s relationships with men weren’t good prototypes, either.
Before Diana met Laredo and his family, she hadn’t realized marriages such as his siblings built existed. They seemed more like something out of books and movies. Now she knew and longed for something almost within her reach and yet impossible to get closer to, to hold onto.
Her rib cage tightened as she watched for the exit to the neighborhood where Noah lived. She was falling hard for Laredo, and she wanted much more than one kiss and a long-distance romance where there was a chance she could hide her relapse if it happened.
She spotted the needed exit and turned on the blinker. “We’re almost there.”
She’d found her way here easily. But she was still far away from finding the way to Laredo’s heart. Or the way to her former self who still believed in love and fresh starts.
Maybe she was too clingy, indeed. If she didn’t hide her thoughts, she’d scare him away like she’d scared away Adam. Not that there was much chance of a relationship with Laredo to start with.
She clenched her teeth so hard her molars felt the risk of breaking as she took the ramp, then the exit.
Then she made the turn at the traffic light. It wasn’t about her or her picking up her soul in shards without the soothing help of alcohol. Or her dreams of the impossible. It was about finding Pat alive. Her gut twisted.
Christmas lights decorated every house in the neighborhood. It must be spectacular at night. She passed one place where an entire lit-up reindeer herd paused in the front yard, frozen in time as they were caught in her headlights, and another one with every tree wrapped in Christmas lights and not one but three blow-up snowmen playing snowballs.
After pulling up to a large white stone house with arched windows overlooking a stone birdbath, she parked at the curb. Hmm, she was wrong before. Not every house was decorated with Christmas lights. This one wasn’t. And while all the other houses had manicured well-watered lawns, taller grass tangled into the untrimmed shrubbery here. A few outgrown branches hung sad and helpless and waved at her as if begging for water and attention.
The silver SUV parked near another house. Her skin prickled. Would she find the answer to her most desperate question behind that smudged glass door?
“Ready?” Laredo leaned forward and touched her hand, and pleasant tingles skittered along her skin.
“No.” She twisted in her seat and met his gaze, drawing strength from his touch. “But we should go.”
“If you’re okay with it,” Tex drawled, “I’ll just hang here and talk to my wife.”
She nodded. “Totally. Besides, several men might be too intimidating for Noah. Should we wait for Rachel to signal it’s safe to proceed?”
“Absolutely. Have I told you I’m only alive because my wife saved my life numerous times?” Obvious pride rang in Tex’s glowing words.
“Okay. And very impressive.” Diana smiled, but some bitterness soured her mouth. Adam had never talked about her or to her with such pride. Not even close. To him—or her parents or her in-laws—she’d never measured up.
The next moment, Rachel called. “It’s all clear. Stand to the side of the door when you ring the bell rather than in front of it. Not that I expect anyone to start shooting, but better be safe than sorry.”
Diana winced. “Shooting?”
Rachel cleared her throat on the other end of the line. “It’s best to be extra cautious.”
It was time to go.
Yet Diana lingered in the car and drew a deep breath of that new-car smell for courage. She was so eager to get here, and now she was terrified all her hopes of finding Pat would tumble down.
Laredo opened the door for her and gave her his left hand. “Have faith.”
“I... I’m trying to.” Diana climbed from the spacious vehicle that wasn’t her own. The man in front of her wasn’t her own, either, no matter how much she wanted him to be. She chuckled without mirth. Even the man she’d married apparently wasn’t her own.
Laredo had a point. Even her dreams weren’t her own but her parents’. And she knew now, her life wasn’t her own, either.
Oh, forget it. “I’m trying to keep faith,” she said again, but she needed the reminder more than he needed the explanation.
Unlike Laredo’s or his family’s faith, her faith was weak and vulnerable, like a kitten she’d found and wanted to keep when she’d been eight. Her parents hadn’t let her. Thankfully, their neighbors had taken it in.
Her shoulders slumped before she pulled them back, and not only because she was supposed to be impersonating confident and capable Rachel right now. Never mind that Diana was shaking in these black combat boots. She needed to carry her head high and find her friend.
Her hands fisted. And when all this was over, she was going to have a pet. Or several. Laredo was right. She could do it now. Having a pet of her own would be a start of reclaiming her life, of reclaiming herself.