Chapter Twenty-Four
“WE’D BETTER HEAD OUT ,” Tex said.
Rachel put on a cap and then hid her hair under it. “Diana, please let me know if you find anything interesting in the office. Your memory might be jogged, too. Maybe after those recent conversations with your parents or friends, you’ll look at something differently, considering recent events. You never know.”
Her husband nodded as he shrugged into a warm jacket. “True. My best ideas often arrive when I let my mind wander.”
They left quickly, and Laredo locked the door behind them. It wouldn’t be such a good idea to let her mind wander. Then all she’d think about would be how much she wanted a glass of wine. Would it always be like that? Wasn’t it supposed to get easier?
She walked to the office. Only Adam used it, hence all the framed diplomas and certificates and the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves filled with leather-bound medical books with golden lettering.
“Would you like to be alone? Or... is it okay if I stay?” Laredo lingered at the doorframe.
“Stay.” She spoke without thinking. But if she thought about it for a million years, the answer would be the same.
Stay.
He stepped inside the office, his presence comforting but not crowding. “It probably feels intrusive having other people walking through your home. I’m sorry we had to do that.”
“It was a necessity. But thank you for being considerate.” She started taking out books one by one and shaking them, in case something was hidden inside.
He took a place near her and checked the books on the next shelf.
Rachel was right. Diana did see some things differently because of what she knew now. Including her own home. Though was it her own, really? She bought it with Adam and inherited it after his death. Yet...
“What do you think about my house?” She made it to the end of one shelf and started the next one. She hadn’t read any of these medical books or the ones written by Greek and Roman philosophers. Adam told her they would be too difficult for her to understand, but in truth, she hadn’t been interested.
“It’s large and beautiful.” A note of uncertainty underplayed his admiration as if he couldn’t comprehend something.
“It’s not me.” She moved her fingers over one cover’s embossed gilded letters.
“What do you mean?”
“Adam chose the house and neighborhood. I wanted something smaller, simpler. I decorated the place, but I was always mindful of his taste. Nothing too bright. Or anything that looked cheap, and apparently, my grandma’s quilts did. Everything had to scream classy and expensive, or rather whisper. He was happy with the things I bought, and I convinced myself I was, too.” She stopped and hugged her middle, though she’d much prefer to hug Laredo. Then she forced herself to open another book and shake it. “I mean, I like the chandeliers and caked ceiling and classic white sofa from Italy, but it’s not me. And I never particularly liked light-gray walls or beige marble floors.”
“I didn’t think this place looked like you, but I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” He resumed checking the books, but he moved an inch closer to her. As if to show her he was there if she needed him.
And oh boy, how much she needed him!
“That’s the thing. Please hurt my feelings!” She winced, then replaced the book on the shelf. “Okay, that didn’t sound right. I meant, I want you to be honest with me.” Though she was the one who wasn’t honest with him about her addiction from the start. But he knew now, and he was still here. Her lips pursed, and she moved to the last book on the shelf. “Your opinion matters to me. You matter to me.”
“So do you.” His gaze lingered on her.
Blood rushed faster in her veins. Was he going to kiss her? Her entire being ached for his kiss, and yet she could fall apart from it now. Well, more apart than she was already.
She forced herself to look away before she could kiss him herself. She moved to the next shelf. Had Adam never heard of an ereader? Though, of course, there was nothing like the feel of a book in one’s hands. And there would be nothing like the feel of Laredo’s skin under her fingertips. She ached so badly to bring his face close, rise onto her toes, and kiss him senseless.
Using all her willpower, she attempted to concentrate on the task. They checked behind the framed awards and tapped on the desk and chair legs to see if they might be hollow. Now they had all the drawers to go through and inspect for any hidden parts.
“Pat and I went to garage sales and antique shops to furnish her apartment. We had so much fun. I mean, I offered to help her pay for furniture, but she refused. We found such a mishmash of things and colors. Some of them we had to sand and paint, some just paint, some repurpose. But somehow, it all worked together. When you enter her place, it lifts your spirits. You can see her personality right away. Like one can see your mother’s personality at the ranch house.” Um, did he see that as the compliment she intended, or did he think she called his lovely and wonderful mother a cow? “I mean see the things she loves and the life she’s chosen.”
While none of Diana’s personality was on display here, it was more like a blank slate. Laredo hadn’t mentioned it, but surely, he guessed it.
Did Adam see her like a blank slate to write what he wanted there, putty in his hands? Was that why he married her? And when she’d become too malleable, he’d become bored and moved on to someone else?
“I’ll cover the top shelf.” Laredo reached the books she couldn’t.
“Thanks. I’ll go through this one.” She knelt to check the bottom shelf.
She hoped he enjoyed her company, even under these circumstances. But for how long? Once he no longer needed to be her protector, he’d return to the ranch—or go to Nashville. And she... She couldn’t return to the alcohol. She could return to her patients, her work. And her solitude.
Argh.
“All clear here.” His voice held disappointment. He gave her a hand and pulled her up from the floor.
“Same here.” Her small hand lingered in his large and callused one, and a wave of awareness traveled from him to her. She got lost in his baby blues and wanted to. If only she could hide against his broad chest and listen to his heartbeat.
But they had a mission to accomplish. A mission that could mean life or death for her best friend.
She jerked her hand out of his and gestured to the desk. “Let’s see if this one has hidden parts, as well.”
Thankfully, these drawers weren’t locked, but if she hadn’t looked for the hidden part, she’d miss it. Laredo helped take it apart.
Only one thing was there. She picked up the diamond ring. “Why would he need to hide it? Oh.” She nearly dropped the ring as if it were from medieval times and contained poison to kill its bearer. “It wasn’t for me.”
She clattered the ring on the ridiculously expensive hand-carved cherrywood coffee table she’d ordered from Italy. Adam had broken up with Jill. Was a new fling on the horizon and the diamond ring the means to win his new object of affection? Could a different jealous husband have then wished to harm Adam?
It was probably best not to make rash decisions in the state she was in now, but she made a cutting gesture with her hand. “When all this is over, I’m going to submit my two-week notice at the hospital and put this house on the market. I’ll donate the furniture and knickknacks.”
Laredo’s eyes widened. “Are you sure?”
She nodded. She didn’t want to start from a clean slate. She wanted to build on the foundation of what and who she was, but in a new place. How and when, she didn’t know yet.
Her fingers fisted around the ring, the edges imprinting on her skin. If she couldn’t have wine—or Laredo’s kiss—she should at least get some flavorful hot tea. Her favorite chamomile tea. To calm her frayed nerves.
“I’ll make some tea.” Reluctantly, she tore herself away from him, walked into the kitchen with its stainless steel appliances and sparkling granite counters, and warm water on the stove, the old-fashioned way, in a kettle. She couldn’t wait to get out of here. “Then I’ll change into a disguise, and we’ll leave.”
He followed her and removed the delicate porcelain cups from the custom-made maple cabinet. The china set was ridiculously expensive, as well, but she missed the mismatched mugs with fun sayings in his mother’s kitchen.
Likewise, she longed for her grandmother’s somewhat messy kitchen where Diana could drop flour and laugh about it and where sacks with garlic, onions, and peppers hung from the ceiling, giving the wonderful aroma of childhood. Even more, she missed his mother’s kitchen where cabinets were scratched and she and Laredo made scrambled eggs and bacon. Her mouth watered at the memory.
Her stomach stirred, and so did her heart.
She longed for a somewhat messy life where her past didn’t have to be as spotless as a doctor’s coat, where she could make mistakes, choose her path, and still be loved. And she knew all too well who she wanted to share that life with. The person to whom she was drawn so much it took everything in her and then some to try to stay away.
But hiding away against his broad chest from her issues would be as much poison to her as alcohol was. Wouldn’t it?
While the tea brewed like this attraction between them, she needed to keep her feelings in check. Easier said than done. Their gazes met and held, and heat pooled in her stomach.
“I’ll go change.” She broke eye contact, hurried to the bedroom, and the closet before she could say too much.
In the far corner, she found a red-and-green Christmas sweater. Her heart shifted as she touched the knit pattern. Among other presents, she’d bought matching sweaters for Adam and herself for their first Christmas as a married couple. It looked like one Grandma had knitted for her when Diana had been little, one Diana, of course, couldn’t fit into any longer. Her parents never cared for Christmas sweaters, but Diana had figured she lived a different life at that point, with a person who’d professed to love her and cared about her. Adam had scoffed, said they’d look ridiculous, and told her to return the sweaters. Her heart twisted. She’d returned his but kept hers. Maybe it had been the first time she’d realized how alone she was in her marriage, but she hadn’t wanted to admit it even to herself.
Before thinking twice about it, she put the cheerful holiday sweater on. Grandma always smiled when Diana wore the one she’d knitted. Would Laredo also think Diana looked ridiculous? Her stomach clenched.
Pat once said a true connection of the heart meant the two people could be happy while looking or acting silly together. Diana hadn’t thought much about it then. She did now.
She couldn’t imagine her life without Pat, and with all fervor, Diana prayed she’d never have to. On a deeper level, she couldn’t imagine life without Laredo now, and she sent up a prayer for him, as well. But not for them to be together. It was still too close to her heart, still too much to hope for. Not to mention, he might be better off without her.
After hesitating, she put on a long flowy black skirt. The contrast of a whimsical, bright sweater and a conservative, serious skirt appealed to her as the blend of her different personalities that should be allowed to coexist and even be appreciated.
After she donned Rachel’s wig with long chestnut hair, she hurried to the bathroom. She found the makeup she’d rarely, if ever, used, drew a cat’s eye, then put on red lipstick. She looked different, but it instilled the confidence she often lacked.
A couple of times, Adam had suggested plastic surgery to make Diana more attractive—they could afford it if she wanted it—and she’d refused but secretly cried for a while. Then she’d spent a lot of time looking at herself in the mirror, doubting herself, feeling unattractive. Maybe that was another reason she hadn’t resisted drinking at dinners with him much. She’d felt much more attractive when she’d been tipsy, and as a bonus, he seemed to like her much more when they’d both been tipsy, too.
Now, when she didn’t have his mockery anymore, she could look in the mirror and like what she saw. Sober.
A roiling heat seared her veins. How many things had she turned a blind eye to in order to convince herself she loved him and they had a good marriage?
Outside the bathroom, she paused, almost paralyzed to move forward from the lifetime of being put down, most of the time openly and sometimes so subtly she hadn’t realized it or hadn’t wanted to. Those subtle put-downs were like the water drops that eventually broke the stone.
Then she pressed her red lips together, picked up the scarlet coat, and marched into the living room.
Laredo smiled the moment he saw her, sending a pleasant jolt through her. But then his expression turned all serious. “Rachel just called. She managed to break into one of the burners and is going through the phone calls. Most of them are to and from Jill, but some other numbers are there, as well. She talked to Harris, and no sign of Noah so far. But Harris has several more people on the list to go through.”
Her stomach dipped, but maybe they wouldn’t need to find Noah to figure things out. Though it still didn’t answer where Pat was, she doubted Noah could, either.
“Thank you. And many thanks to your sister-in-law and your brother, of course.” She paused, then asked a question she shouldn’t be asking. Had she turned this vain? “How do I look?”
“Beautiful, of course.” Laredo didn’t hesitate, but then he laughed.
She froze. “Are you laughing at me? My outfit?” Adam had done it before.
“No! Of course not.” Laredo shook his head. “It’s just that I have a matching sweater in my size. My mother gifted it to me for Christmas five years ago. I wear it proudly every December.”
She froze for a different reason. Could this be a sign? Or just a coincidence? “Do you like my hair?”
“Um...” He stepped from one foot to the other. “You wanted me to be honest, right?”
She tensed. “Right.”
“I like it a lot. Even more than your natural color.” He lifted his arms in a mocking surrender. “I shouldn’t have said that. You look beautiful either way. Gorgeous. Fantastic. Spectacular—”
“We can stick with beautiful .” A pleasant feeling spread through her. “And blonde isn’t my natural hair. Adam preferred it that way, so I started coloring my hair before our wedding to placate him. Pat tried to tell me something, but I told her blue wasn’t her natural hair color, either.” Diana didn’t realize how much she’d changed herself for other people. Never again. “I wouldn’t color my hair red, though.”
His eyes narrowed just a fraction. “I wouldn’t expect you to.”
The outfit, even the wig color, didn’t feel like a disguise. Somehow, it felt like the true her, or rather a different side of her. And Laredo seemed to like the true her. He’d never be molding her into what he wanted her to be, but letting her be who God created her to be.
Some heaviness lifted from her shoulders, and as if the boldness of her new look made her bolder, as well, she shifted toward him. Emotion filled his ocean-blue eyes, and an ocean of emotions swirled inside her. Somewhere at the bottom of that ocean was the uncertainty of her life and all the unknowns with her best friend and her parents and her late husband.
But on the very surface was the stark truth she couldn’t deny any longer. She had feelings for Laredo.
And she was about to kiss him again. Anticipation swept her up, making her breath catch in her throat. He tipped her chin with his fingertips and stared into her eyes. With so much tenderness and hope in his eyes, as much as she was dying for his kiss, she wanted this moment to last forever. Every fiber in her being came to life. She wrapped her arms around his neck.
“Laredo.” His name danced on her tongue just like the butterflies danced in her tummy right now.
She closed her eyes, eagerness building up inside her.
Then the kettle whistled, and she jumped back.
They looked at each other and laughed, but a note of sadness choked off her laugh. She did her best to ignore the disappointment as she turned off the stove. She shouldn’t have let herself get distracted, anyway. They needed to get out of here.
She poured the steaming water over the bag of tea and let it steep. Then she sipped the hot treat, the familiarity of it and the compounds in the chamomile calming her nerves indeed. But her mind must be still foggy in the aftermath of the tea—or the euphoria of the almost-kiss.
More fatigue settled in her bones, and she took the tea to the sofa. “I’m going to sit down.”
His eyes narrowed as he followed her, holding her up by the elbow. “Are you okay? You look pale.”
She shrugged. “Must be all the stress.” She placed the cup on the coffee table, but the tea sloshed over onto the precious cherrywood surface.
At least, it didn’t burn her fingers. She stared at the delicate cup and didn’t hurry up to clean up the mess. Her thoughts became sluggish.
Then she realized why she could still sense the faint scent of Adam. It wasn’t just her memory. It was here. Why hadn’t she realized it sooner? She stared at her favorite tea, her laughter becoming hysterical. Suspicions whirled in her mind. She should’ve seen it already.
“Are you sure? Maybe I should take you to the doctor.” Laredo’s words filtered through her mental fog.
How much time did she have left? Not much, most likely.
She turned to him. “Call 911.” She slurred her words, and no wonder. Could he understand her? “Someone was here. Poisoned my favorite tea.”
“No!” He blanched and snatched his phone.
At least nobody besides her drank it. She could’ve had Laredo, Rachel, Tex, and Harris poisoned, as well, and that sent more sharp panic through her. She’d never suspect that person because they had no motive to harm Adam. Now she caught that missing motive.
Why oh why hadn’t she seen it already? She’d been looking at it all from the wrong angle. Her theory might work, after all.
But just like her best friend, Diana might’ve realized it all too late.