17. CHAPTER 17 #2
There was no resisting it, though. Kira resisted so much already, refusing to save her own life in the tank with Dr. Cooper. The pull of Adelle Riven exceeded her desperation to live that day.
Even though Kira recognized the danger of living in this house and letting Adelle in, this woman didn't seem like a fool. Adelle walked through the fire and grabbed hold of Kira.
Maybe it was always worth holding on to one another, no matter the consequences.
Predictably, Zayne refused dinner. Kira wasn't privy to the conversation between the mother and son since they'd stepped into another room to talk.
Interestingly, the tension always stiffening Zayne's shoulders loosened when he returned.
The warmth of his mom melted the edges of his ice, at least a bit.
Not enough, though.
Adelle unlocked the door to the kitchen, one of the rooms off-limits to Kira, and left her alone with Zayne.
Kira wished she'd asked him about his mother and not just his father when he spoke to her of the forbidden. He'd deny her the chance to ask again. How such a caring woman raised such a cold son astounded her.
Then again, maybe it didn't. A thrum of pain hummed through this home. It resonated with the ache of her own heart.
The dynamic between Zayne and Adelle solidified Kira's intuition about the tank, though she didn't fully understand why.
“I know you didn't order Dr. Cooper to put me in the tank.” Kira didn't look at Zayne, because he usually refused to look at her.
“What you said shook me, but you overplayed your hand. I see what you're doing.”
She'd return to her room rather than listen to his excuses or denials.
His voice stopped her. “You're right. I made a mistake.”
He admitted it?
“I'll give you a tour of the grounds before I leave.” Zayne appeared impassive, almost bored. “Do you need a jacket?”
“I don't need a jacket.” Kira choked out the words. “I need to know why you lied to me.”
“Simple miscalculation.”
Rage as shocking as that hot water flushed through her body and heated her face. No way Zayne missed it either because he held her stare, and Kira didn't hide her snarl or furrowed brows.
“I'm incredibly sorry, Ms. Stiles. I didn't mean a word of it.” The least believable apology anyone ever uttered to her.
When he started to walk again, Kira joined him only because her body needed to move, and he disoriented her. Nothing about him made any sense. Nothing.
“Why—”
“The premises are guarded and secure.” He opened the glass door and nodded for her to pass through to the stone courtyard. “Go outside whenever you want.”
Bright anger clouded her view except for his stupid straight shoulders and the back of his equally stupid head.
Hanging electric lanterns lit their path while Zayne discussed the gardens, the pavilion, and a dozen areas of the yard she didn't care about right now.
All of it insulted her, in fact, because so many people in this empire fought just to warm their homes, and she spotted the dark, glistening waters of a private lake down the sloping hill.
Zayne spilled more words than she ever heard him speak while he reviewed all his precious rules and lectured her about where she may spend her time.
Kira hardly heard a word of it, until she noticed they turned toward the woods.
The heat of his breath the first time he threatened her washed over her ear.
“You have no idea what I could do to you without anyone knowing.”
What if she'd been wrong, and he did order Dr. Cooper to hurt her? Now he led her to the woods at night, far away from the only person who might stop him.
Those shoulders of his looked very different as she walked behind him, with fear edging out the frustration. Dr. Cooper said Zayne slammed him against the wall. Well, she heard it all the way down from the lobby.
What an impulsive decision to confront him like this.
Her steps slowed. If she ran back toward the house, would Adelle hear her scream before he dragged her into the woods?
Zayne must have heard her stop because he stopped and faced her.
“The trees are dense enough here to block drones and surveillance equipment.” His eyes scanned the skeleton of winter branches above them.
He slid one hand into his pocket. “My father doesn't want cameras in the house, but you should never trust walls in Ciondo, no matter how certain you are.”
A warning? He flipped his attitude so severely she felt like she crashed into a wall repeatedly.
“I can talk to you out here, but only when I say it's safe,” he said. “Never assume.”
What frightened her minutes before—being truly alone with Zayne—now opened a hint of hope. And it hurt to feel because he kept eviscerating that hope whenever it crept into her heart.
“We're alone,” Kira said. “Truly alone.”
Zayne nodded. “The Phaedra told me to walk back what I said to you about the tank.”
Oh, so that was the truth. If not for his orders, he was content to lie to her and let her believe he had her tortured. Her hands clenched.
“I didn't want to talk inside the house, though,” Zayne said. “Just in case.”
All these secrets.
“You're exhausting,” Kira said, not sure which of her raging emotions won this time, only that she wanted to melt into the ground. “At least I understand why Dr. Cooper acted the way he did. What are you doing?”
Without anyone watching, she expected Zayne's body to coil with anger and for his voice to lower in menace. Out here, he didn't need to hide how much he hated her for the cameras—if he did hate her. Kira was lost in his mess of a head.
Zayne didn't look angry, though. Sadness tinged his voice and his shoulders weren't as straight as normal. “I'm fucking up. That's what I'm doing.”
It may take this moment echoing in her mind for days for her to grasp that he volunteered that to her. Still reeling from what he said, Kira wasn't prepared when he met her eyes and didn't look away. The moonlight darkened his irises.
“I'm sorry,” he said, his apology sincere this time.
Wild heartbeats competed with his quiet voice. Kira sensed his need to look away, and yet he didn't. Neither did she.
“I made decisions for you,” he said. “I tried to manipulate you just like everyone else. I abandoned you alone in a prison cell, and I was wrong.”
Relief soothed her that in his own messed up way, he tried to protect her, but she resented what he did to her.
Her heart yearned to tell him that she forgave him and understood, because Kira forgave too easily, and because she doubted Zayne apologized often.
But she trained herself to stop making excuses for people.
This apology felt miraculous to her because he was so stubborn, but Zayne only said all this after she confronted him.
This fight wasn't over. He may fall back into the exact behavior he apologized for.
“I thought I was going to die.” Talking about it ripped the bandage from her raw wound while it was still too fresh.
The horror convinced her she never actually escaped.
“You know what that's like, but you hit me anyway.
I'm not safer. Just hurt. So, I hope you don't stop at feeling guilty. I hope you do better.”
Whatever he did next, Kira could endure it, because she needed to say this to him, no matter how he handled it.
Whether he hurt her, or lashed out, or refused to look at her again when he finally—finally—let himself see her.
Accepting his apology felt safer and kinder, but she needed to fight for herself to survive in captivity.
Kira endured the doubt and fear and refused to cower.
But, damn, did it hurt when he tore his eyes away and left her all alone.
Zayne scanned the trees again, already gone and probably forever. Worse, he turned away from her toward the house. An ache throbbed at her core even though she expected this.
Moments swirled with this one—Dr. Cooper turning off the video of young Zayne, the prison door slamming shut with nothing but darkness as her companion, the soldiers ripping her out of Mom's arms.
Kira hated being alone.
That ache surged into the searing pain of waking up in the children's home.
Kira closed her eyes, not ready to see Zayne walk away after she opened up to him.
Except the crunch of leaves beneath his boots stopped, and she opened her eyes to see him reach up to a spindly branch hanging overhead.
With a touch that looked too gentle for him, he dislodged a bud with a frail shoot creeping out of it.
Still trapped in that old pain, Kira struggled for breath and watched with limp arms as Zayne came back to her. As he walked close enough to touch and waited until she met his eyes.
“My mom brought me out every year at the end of winter, and we searched for the first signs of spring.” Blue waters lapped beneath the gray of his eyes, his look gentle but not soft, just like a beach where mild waves disguised raging riptides.
It was dangerous venturing into his waters, not knowing when she'd step too far and be thrown out into the ocean to drown.
Zayne lifted that little bud between his fingers into her line of sight. “She told me to never crush the sprouts of the first flowers. Soon, buds will break on all the trees, and it won't be alone.”
With her heart ripped open already, the unexpected kindness burrowed deeper into her than it may otherwise, washing down into fissures left too dry in captivity.
“Keep it,” he said.
In shock, she lifted her palm. Zayne dropped it into her grasp, not risking the slightest graze of his fingertips along her skin.
The anger and pain melted away into understanding, and she fit a few of his pieces together.
“Don't hit yourself either.” Kira closed her hand around the sprout to protect it from the rest of the world.
One firm nod. His body looked so tense, and Kira felt his pain in her chest. Letting down his defenses hurt him.