34. CHAPTER 34
Kira
The Capital
Kallum, Ciondo
Kira slid down the wall of Zayne's personal monument. Quiet tethered them together in his refuge, a quiet erupting with the suffering he kept hidden. Of course, it could never feel like anything else in here.
Telling Zayne to take her life hurt more than when she refused to speak while trapped in the tank. But no matter how hard he fought, he might not be able to save everyone from an emperor who held them in a stranglehold.
Standing against Zayne when he fought her or threatened her was hard enough, but when he pleaded with her?
Impossible.
But it seemed too dangerous to wait another hour when the Phaedra would soon make contact with Mom.
“What if you can't get me out?” she asked. “What then? That United soldier said it wasn't possible.”
Grumbling, Zayne crossed his arms. “They're cowards.”
“Growing up, we heard you only leave Ciondo dead. That almost no one has ever escaped.”
“We spend a ridiculous amount of resources on surveillance and facial recognition. You know from your work with the drones how difficult it is to evade our aerial surveillance. Nothing is impossible, though.”
Kira never found a way to avoid detection and hadn't attempted to send drones outside of her sector for that reason.
“I have someone who can mask your chip to get you out of the city, but that doesn't subvert facial recognition.” Zayne hesitated, perhaps considering whether to continue. “I'm one of the few people with access to the facial recognition database, though. We're looking into how we can use that.”
Kira nodded, appreciating that he chose to trust her. “That sounds hopeful.”
“It is hopeful. You don't need to give up.
The problem is that once you're reported missing, they'd direct overwhelming resources to finding you and launch an investigation into how you escaped. So, there are two options to get you out of Ciondo. Underground or aerial. Underground takes far longer. Aerial may lead to combat if jets pursue.”
“That's too dangerous.”
“Only for spineless cowards.” Zayne slammed his fist against the wall of the tree, furious glare locked on the ground. “The United can do it. They thought it'd be easier and cheaper to kill you instead.”
The United may not know her or what she did to defy the Phaedra, but she always felt like she fought for them.
The liberators of the people tried to kill an innocent civilian.
Tried to kill her. Her heart had been broken since being captured, but some attacks cleaved away entire pieces. “I'm not worth enough to them.”
“You are. They just don't know it yet.” Death emanated from his fists and tightly wound shoulders.
The crack of Zayne bashing his helmet into that man's nose reverberated through her memory.
“I should have used my name. I should have gone in person to make the deal.
They never would have betrayed me because they'd know exactly what it's going to cost them.”
Fear clenched her stomach at the unwavering, merciless vengeance lighting his eyes. She'd never seen him like this until the night before. It terrified her. But maybe he was right. Maybe she jumped too quickly to sacrifice her life when Zayne Riven fought for her.
She'd fight for herself though. She wouldn't sit here helplessly hoping for Zayne to save her. That wasn't how she lived her life. There had to be something more she could do.
“I'll give them what they want,” he said, “And they'll help us.”
“If you give them whatever they want, they'll use you until there's nothing left of you.”
“It's fine. I have this.”
Yeah, right. “I trust you'll do anything for me and the Followers, but I know you won't consider yourself. So, you want me to live and go along with your plan? I'm in charge of what happens to you when this is through.”
Zayne smirked, and it stunned her so much that it stole her breath. “Yes, ma'am.”
Raising her chin a little, she shrugged. “I like the sound of that.”
That tension between them hadn't lessened, but she'd learned to breathe through it, except for when their eyes met like that. And she couldn't breathe again.
“I'll consider your wishes,” Zayne said.
“You'll do more than consider.”
“Fine, whatever. The point is the United can get you out. They didn't want to pay the price. I can handle that and make sure they'll protect you once you're out. We'll try again, only this time, I'm finding my own people, not relying on someone else's.”
“I know someone who can help if we go underground. I trust him.”
“Then I do too.” He folded his arms, looking deep in thought while he stared off to the side.
The first day he came to her at the prison, she really believed he hated her.
His eyes were so cold. But he'd been the same man that day as the one who put his life in jeopardy to save her three years ago.
The same man who sheltered her from bullets with his own body last night.
The same man who furiously planned right now on how to break her out.
If care was measured in action, then Zayne cared about her more than anyone ever had.
Why? Why did he never let her go?
She dared a lingering look at him with his eyes off her, unable to keep her gaze from running down his face. Rediscovering him now that she peeled away the mask. The feel of his kiss warmed her lips, and, finally, her mind filled in the missing pieces with his face and voice and name. With him.
She was still trying to reconcile the man who saved her and protected her with the Zayne she'd known the last few weeks. To discover who he really was.
He overwhelmed her.
What was Kira supposed to do with the knowledge that Zayne could kiss her better than any damn man in the empire? That the stranger she'd thought about all these years was the same stubborn fool who'd spent weeks refusing to look at her?
His stare returned to her, and she trained her eyes on his, feeling like a silly fool.
“Aerial isn't an option without the United,” he said. “I don't know a pilot I trust. So we'll go underground. That means using the Followers and your friend. I have a few partners who can help, too.”
Kira wouldn't ask questions that endangered others, but she was curious about the people he worked with. “How many soldiers are fighting from the inside like you and Brock?”
“There's always people fighting, even in the most dangerous places. But not many here. People will lay down their lives. They won't sacrifice their families.”
The Phaedra slaughtered the families of rebels, but what did he do to the families of his own soldiers who betrayed him?
She never thought about it before. It must have been something even more nightmarish.
So many times Kira judged the soldiers—hated them.
All that righteous anger slipped into images of families, into the pounding fear of death, and the endless cry of suffering.
They surrounded her, names carved into the walls—all the soldiers who wanted to dissent and looked to see if they were the only ones.
The soldiers who made one small decision after the next to protect their families, until they were killing the innocent on the street.
Instead of risking the ones they loved, they'd given the Phaedra everything. Every last thing.
Their obedience, their souls, their families.
The blood of those who refused to back down.
Not Brock and Zayne, though.
But if they got caught…
“What…” Horror tried to silence her voice, but she fought through it. “What will the Phaedra do to you… If he catches you?” The Phaedra spared him once as a boy. He wouldn't show grace to the man Zayne had become.
“Whatever he wants for as long as he wants to.” Zayne sounded impassive. “My family is protected by their status and my father. That's what matters.”
“That's not all that matters.”
“One person can only carry so much worry. Let this go.”
“I can fear for you.” Her voice came out small. “I have room in my heart for that.”
For him. She had room in her heart for him.
A groan, and he leaned back against the tree. “Stop. Don't care about me. I made your deal, so trust I'll follow through. Detach from me emotionally.”
“You're the most ridiculous person I've ever met,” Kira said.
“This is why I refused to see you.” The way he looked at her shook her down to her bones.
Gone was the meticulously crafted distance and impenetrable mask.
The ice in his eyes had fully melted. “I'll wreck you.
There's no good that will come of caring for me. The Phaedra owns me. One night with you, and I knew not to let you any closer.”
How did words crush her and make her feel light at the same time?
“If that doesn't bother you, consider this,” he said. “The Phaedra might not just be using me against you.” Sober fear laced his every word. “He might be using you against me. If he suspects me, then I'm not your trap.”
“I'm yours,” she whispered.
The implications unfolded inside of her, like the collapse of an avalanche. Each second buried her beneath more debris, not only because this closed-off man pried open the steel of his heart for her, but because of something truly terrifying.
“It isn't safe for us to get closer than this,” Zayne said. “Not one step closer.”
“I'm a poison you'll beg to drink… You have no idea what I could do to you without anyone knowing…”
Those words had been lies, but they were the truth too. He was so afraid of what he might do to her. What might happen to her because of him?
Worse, a man in Zayne's position could hurt the United and the Followers just as much as he could help them.
If Zayne betrayed his mission to save her, he'd not only lose everything he'd worked for and all hope for the future, but he'd unleash untold damage upon the people they wanted to save most.
It was never that he didn't trust Kira to manage her heart.
Zayne didn't trust himself with her.
His coldness was desperation. Terror.