Chapter 5 Esme
ESME
Having finished the flowers for the Morrison wedding that afternoon, thanks to Grady, I was now getting ready for my date with the doctor.
I stood in front of the full-length mirror in my tiny bedroom, scrutinizing my outfit.
Normally, I wasn’t someone who thought overly much about what I wore.
My vibe was casual and comfortable with a hint of Bohemian thrown in for fun.
For my date with Mark, I’d chosen a pair of loose jeans and a light blue cashmere sweater Grady had gotten me for Christmas last year.
Grady had said something about it matching my eyes, which had stuck with me.
Of course. I swear it was pathetic how I clung to every compliment he’d ever given me.
I slipped my feet into a pair of ankle boots. They were slightly scuffed like me, but wouldn’t hurt my feet. Grady always teased me about how little tolerance I had for uncomfortable shoes.
Gillian’s daughter Grace had come over earlier to blow out my hair.
For a fourteen year old, she was wickedly good with hair and makeup.
We had similar hair, long and fine, so she knew just what to do.
Then, she’d used her curling iron to make loose waves.
All in all, it was a good hair day. Never to be taken for granted.
The kids were in the other room on the couch, reading. Robbie had gotten some kind of physics book from the library earlier. Madison, who had learned to read last year, had chosen a chapter book about a flying bus chauffeured by a cat.
I heard the doorbell ring and hurried out of the room to answer it.
Grady stood in the hallway, a cake box in one hand and Chinese takeout in the other, wearing a T-shirt with his surf shop logo on the front and a pair of faded jeans that fit him just right.
As did the T-shirt, stretching across his muscular chest. I’d seen him often enough without his shirt to know exactly what lay beneath.
Six pack abs that made my legs feel weak.
“You look gorgeous. Did Grace do your hair?” Grady asked.
I laughed, playfully tossing my hair as if I were in a shampoo commercial. “She did. I feel fancy.” I held the door open wider to let him pass through, catching a whiff of something sweet from the box mingling with pork fried rice.
“I made a chocolate cake for after dinner,” Grady said. “And picked up some dinner.”
“You didn’t have to do that. There’s leftover pizza from last night.” Also paid for by Grady.
“I was craving sweet and sour chicken,” Grady said.
He set everything on the table just seconds before Madison hurled herself into his arms. He caught her and swirled in a circle. “Hello Sweet Pea, how goes it?”
“I got a new book at the library. I can read it all by myself.”
Grady set her on the floor. “Excellent news. Can you read it to me?”
“Do you like stories about cats who drive flying buses?” Madison asked.
“Those are my favorite,” Grady said.
“Really? Because I never read one before this.”
“I’ve been around a lot longer than you.”
“That’s true. You’re really old,” Madison said.
They settled together on the couch, side by side, and Madison began to read to him, stopping occasionally to sound a word out.
Grady waited patiently, helping when needed.
Seeing them together warmed my heart, as it always did, but it also filled me with a wistful longing.
If only things were different. However, Grady was who he was, and my wishing he’d change for me was futile.
I should have learned that by now, given my first marriage.
I’d hoped my ex-husband would change but he never did.
Jeff had wanted Robbie to change into what he called a “normal” boy.
Robbie was who he was—in my eyes perfect—and no amount of bullying from his father was going to change that.
At the moment, Robbie was bent over his book, making notes about whatever he was reading and mumbling under his breath. I loved my sweet boy, even if he was about a thousand times smarter than his mother.
The doorbell rang from downstairs. I’d put in a security system that required a code to get in, which my girlfriends and Grady all had.
But for everyone else, they had to press the button and tell me who they were before I let them up.
Living alone made me nervous. After my divorce, I would lay awake for hours, worried about every creak.
Delphine, always practical and solution based, had suggested the security system. I had slept better ever since.
I pressed the intercom. “Hello?”
“Oh, hey, it’s Mark.”
“I’ll be right down.” I wasn’t ready for a stranger to meet my kids, no matter how compatible Robbie’s algorithm suggested we are.
I reached for my coat hanging in the closet, slipping my arms through. “Okay, gang. I’m out of here.”
Madison and Grady both looked up from the book.
“Bye, Mommy. Have fun. But don’t kiss him,” Madison said.
Kiss him? Where did she hear these things?
“Okay, got it,” I said.
“Have fun,” Grady said. “And I agree with Sweet Pea. Best not to kiss on the first date.”
“You’d know, I guess,” I said, laughing.
“Hey, what’s that mean?” Grady asked, smiling, but his eyes betrayed him. My comment had hurt him.
“Just that you’ve had a lot of first dates,” I said. “So you’re more experienced than I am.”
“Just trying to find the one,” Grady said.
He might choose a little differently if that was his goal.
“I’ll be back around nine,” I said. “Be good, guys.”
“We will, Mommy.” Madison snuggled closer to Grady.
“Please keep in mind that my algorithms are not fully vetted,” Robbie said. “This isn’t a sure thing.”
“Thanks, baby. I’ll be sure to remember that.
” I turned to go, glancing back again to see the tableau that was my family.
Grady and Madison back to the book. Robbie crouched over the coffee table, scribbling notes.
The scent of Chinese take-out making it feel all that more homey.
I would rather stay with them, but I had to do this.
It was time to make my own happiness a priority. If only it could be Grady and not some stranger.
Mark looked exactly like his photos. Even more handsome, actually. He had an easygoing personality, quiet and thoughtful. He opened the door, let me pick the wine, and was polite to our server. All the things one needed to pay attention to on a first date. He passed every one.
Except he wasn’t Grady.
Regardless, we had a pleasant conversation. He told me about his work at the hospital and his reason for choosing pediatric oncology. He’d had a cousin who died from cancer when they were only eight.
I mentioned my friendship with Alex Garcia, who had invented a cardiac device for children, and Mark had been familiar with his work. All in all, a decent first date. So when he dropped me off, walking me to the door, and asked if I’d like to go out again, I said yes.
He didn’t try to kiss me, which I was glad of, as I didn’t feel ready.
I’d dated a few men since my divorce, but nothing serious enough to consider letting them spend time with my kids or allow into my bed.
If there was anything between Mark and me, it would take patience on his part.
I needed everything to move at a slow pace.
Like a sunflower.
When I got back upstairs, it was only nine.
Madison would have gone to bed already, but Grady and Robbie were sitting on opposite ends of the couch watching a documentary on the history of processed food in America.
God bless Grady. I felt sure that it wasn’t a subject that interested him much, but he always watched what Robbie wanted.
I shrugged out of my coat. “Hey, guys.”
Grady paused the show. “Hey there. How’d it go?”
“Pretty good. We’re going out again.”
“When?” Robbie asked.
“We didn’t set a date, but he said he’d call me. We’ll see if he does,” I said.
“Did you have fun?” Grady asked.
I hesitated before answering, thinking of the best way to answer. Grady knew me well enough that he’d pick up on any doubts I might be having, and, for whatever reason, I didn’t want to acknowledge them to him or Robbie. “It wasn’t not fun.”
“What does that mean?” Robbie asked, his nose scrunching as if he smelled something bad.
“It means the date was fine,” I said. “He’s nice. Handsome. Well-spoken.”
“Is there a but?” Grady asked.
“Did he make you laugh?” Robbie asked.
“Not really. He’s a serious type of person,” I said. “Very civilized.”
“Sounds awful,” Grady said, exchanging a glance with Robbie.
I narrowed my eyes, watching Grady. His expression, kind of a grimace meets indifference, was not one I’d seen on his face before.
I wasn’t sure how to interpret it. He pulled one sock clad foot over his knee, fidgeting as his eyes darted around the room, without once landing on me.
Like he had an itch he couldn’t reach in the middle of his back that made him restless and agitated.
“It wasn’t awful. Not at all. He’s very impressive, actually.”
“Great,” Grady said. “You want to watch this documentary with us? There’s only about twenty minutes left.”
“Sure.” I suddenly felt lighter. I could breathe again. Home with the people I loved. “I’ll open wine.”
“There’s some red open on the counter,” Grady said. “The bottle I brought over last night.”
While they resumed their movie, I poured us a glass. I’d had a half glass at the restaurant but had wanted to keep a clear head. Now that I was home with my family, I could relax.
Twenty minutes later, the documentary was over, and I was convinced never to buy a packaged food product again. As if I needed any further push into my hippie mom ideals.
Robbie stretched—yawning—and pushed himself off the couch. “I have to go to bed now. You may resume your adult-like pursuits.”
“Night, buddy,” Grady said.
I blew him a kiss. He didn’t care for goodnight hugs or kisses. “Sleep well, baby.”