Chapter 10 Grady
GRADY
Mara’s Range Rover smelled like leather and money. She drove through Brentwood with one hand on the wheel, talking about Luci’s piano recital and Jordan’s new obsession with dinosaurs, her voice light and easy. I watched the neighborhood slide past the window.
It hadn’t changed since last Christmas. Same massive houses set back from the street behind gates and hedges.
Same Teslas in driveways. A gardening crew working on a lawn that was greener in October than most places got in July.
Sprinklers running in the middle of the day.
A woman in yoga pants walking a tiny designer dog while talking on her phone.
I’d driven these streets a hundred times. They used to feel normal. Now they felt like another planet.
“Hank’s in post-production on the new one,” Mara was saying. “It’s going really well. He thinks it might be his best yet.”
“That’s great,” I said.
She glanced over at me. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Just tired.”
“How was the flight?”
“Fine. Quick.” I’d spent most of it staring out the window thinking about Esme. Wondering if Madison was feeling better. If Robbie had told her what we’d talked about. If she’d slept at all last night.
“You sure you’re okay?” Mara asked again. “You’ve been quiet since I picked you up.”
“I’m sure.”
“I know tomorrow’s going to be hard. But I’m really glad you came. I’ve missed you.”
“I know. I should visit more.”
“You should move back,” she said lightly. “Come home.”
This wasn’t my home any longer. Being here told me that.
We pulled up to her gated community. Mara punched in the code and the gate swung open. The driveway curved up toward the enormous house.
My sister and Hank had lived here for over five years.
I’d spent several Christmases with them, ate at their gigantic dining room table, played with the kids in the pool and slept in the guest room with a king bed and the view of the canyon.
But this time, all I could think about was Esme’s apartment.
Eight hundred square feet above a flower shop.
Three people sharing one bathroom. A whiteboard calendar on the wall because there wasn’t room for anything else.
Madison slept in what was essentially a closet in Esme’s room.
Robbie’s bedroom was barely big enough for a desk and a bookshelf.
This is the kind of life Esme deserves.
Mara parked in front of the garage and turned off the engine. “Home sweet home. You remember where everything is?”
“Sure.” I grabbed my bag from the back.
The air smelled like jasmine and a hint of chlorine from the pool in the back. Somewhere in the neighborhood a leaf blower whined. I glanced up at the blue sky. It was a perfect seventy degrees in late October.
“Come on,” Mara said, heading for the door. “The kids are dying to see you. Jordan’s been talking about Uncle Grady nonstop.”
I followed her inside. White marble entryway.
Soaring ceilings. Light everywhere. A formal living room to the left that nobody ever used and the dining room to the right with the table that seated twelve.
The house opened up into the great room—kitchen, living space, and a wall of glass overlooking the infinity pool.
I set my bag down by the white marble island the size of Esme’s entire kitchen and dining area.
“You want something to drink?” Mara opened the built-in fridge. “Water? Kombucha? I stocked that cold brew you like.”
“Water’s fine.”
She poured me a glass and handed it over. Then she leaned against the counter and studied me. “Do you hate being here?”
“What? No.”
“You’ve got that trapped animal look.”
“What’s a ‘trapped animal look?’”
“The one where you’re trying very hard to be polite but you’d rather be somewhere else.” She tilted her head. “Are you worried about the meeting tomorrow?”
I took a sip of perfectly filtered, perfectly cold water. “I’m nervous, but curious. What do you think he left us?”
“I don’t know really. Enough for a down payment on a real house maybe?”
“My house is real,” I said.
“I’d call it more of a one-room dwelling.”
“I like it there.”
“I know. It’s just that I worry you’re throwing your life away.”
“I’m not,” I said, bristling.
“Okay, okay.” She put up her hands. “So what do you want to do? Are you going to take whatever he left you?”
“I’d have said no. Until lately.”
“What’s changed?” She tilted her head to one side, studying me with almost violet eyes. Our mother’s eyes. “Have you met someone?”
I looked at her for a long moment, debating about how much to tell her. I’d mentioned Esme casually a few times, but had not confessed to the extent of my feelings for the woman who was supposed to be “just a friend.” I set down the glass.
“Yeah, I’ve met someone.”
“Grady. Really?”
“But it’s complicated.”
“Tell me everything.” She came around the island and leaned on the counter next to me, giving me her full attention. “Who is she? How did you meet?”
“Do you remember me mentioning my friend Esme?”
“The flower shop owner, right? Single mom. Two kids.”
“Yeah, that’s her. We’ve been friends pretty much since I moved up to Willet Cove. At first, she was just someone fun to hang out with. She’s one of those people everyone wants at their party. You know the type. Outgoing and witty. Super effervescent. Can talk to anyone.”
“Sounds like you. The old you anyway before Dad wrecked everything.”
“Yeah, maybe. We have always just clicked. She’s my favorite person. Besides you, of course.”
Mara rolled her eyes. “Right. So what’s the problem?”
I took a sip of water. My mouth had gone suddenly dry. “We’re just friends. And I’m not sure she’d want anything more.”
“Why?”
“I’m not exactly a grown up. She has two kids and a deadbeat ex-husband.”
“And you teach surf lessons to tourists.”
“And live in a one-room dwelling, as you so kindly pointed out. The choices I’ve made don’t make me an obvious choice for someone like her.
She deserves this kind of life.” I gestured around the kitchen.
“Instead, she’s facing a ten-thousand-dollar deductible for Madison’s surgery.
She broke her arm in two places a couple days ago falling off the monkey bars. ”
“Madison’s the little girl?”
“Yeah.” Just hearing her name made me smile. “She’s the cutest. Has a personality just like her mom.”
“So she’s a poor single mom who owns a small business, just like you.”
“That’s right. Only she didn’t make the choice to live a simple life like I did. She married the wrong guy. Had two kids. And now she’s all alone.”
“Oh, Grady.”
“She deserves better than me. Someone who can actually take care of her and her kids.”
Mara was quiet for a moment. “Does she know how you feel?”
“No.”
“Do you know how she feels?”
I thought about what Robbie had said. “We’ve never talked about it but I think—maybe—she might feel the same way. But it doesn’t matter. I have nothing to offer her.”
“Except yourself.”
“That’s not enough.”
“Grady.” Mara reached over and put her hand on my arm. “You’re enough. You’ve always been enough. You just don’t believe it.”
I looked away, throat tight.
“Tell me more about her,” Mara said. “What’s she like?”
Where did I even start? “She rides her bicycle all over town delivering her bouquets. She lives for tacos. Loves the beach. Picked up surfing faster than anyone I’ve ever given lessons to.
And loves hanging out with her friends and the kids.
She has all these cute vases she’s picked up from various places, and they’re always filled with whatever flowers she has left at the end of the day.
She loves romance novels but also Mary Oliver poems. Her laugh is incredible.
Reminds me of bubbles in a champagne glass.
Oh, and she’s the greatest mother. Mama Bears and her have a lot in common.
Robbie’s fourteen and brilliant. Loves documentaries about weird stuff.
He’s awesome. The way his mind works. It’s something else.
Like I said earlier, Madison is adorable like her mother.
I’m crazy about that kid. She’s my Sweet Pea. ”
Mara was smiling.
“What?” I asked.
“You’ve got it bad for all three of them.”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“And yet you’re telling me you have nothing to offer her.”
“I don’t. Not compared to what she needs. What she deserves.”
“What about what she wants?”
“What?”
“Maybe she just wants you—just as you are.”
“Well, then she’d be wrong, because she could do way better,” I said.
“Don’t be ridiculous. And if it’s the money thing—you know what to do about that. Get your old job back. Buy a house. Open college funds.”
I opened my mouth to respond when the front door burst open.
“Uncle Grady!”
A blur of blond hair and oversized backpack came barreling through the entryway. My nephew Jordan. Six years old and moving like he’d been launched from a cannon.
I caught him as he slammed into me, laughing. “Hey, buddy!”
“You’re here! You’re really here!” He pulled back, grinning up at me with a gap where his front tooth used to be.
“Did you lose another tooth?” I asked.
“Yeah, two weeks ago. Wanna see?” He opened his mouth wide, again showing me the gap.
“Nicely done.”
Luci came in behind him, eight years old and more composed but no less excited. “Hi, Uncle Grady.”
“Hey, Luci.” I opened my arms and she walked into the hug, careful and sweet. “Look how tall you are.”
“I grew two inches since the last time you saw me,” Luci said.
“No way. That’s a lot,” I said.
“Mom says it’s because I love vegetables,” Luci said.
“I don’t,” Jordan said, making a face. “How long are you staying, Uncle Grady?”
“Just tonight, buddy. I have to head back in a couple days.”
His face fell. “But you just got here.”
“I know. But I promise I’ll come back soon.”
“For Christmas?” Luci asked hopefully.
“Definitely for Christmas.”
“Can we show him our stuff now?” Jordan was already pulling me toward the stairs. “I got a whole new dinosaur set I can’t wait to show you. I know the names of every single one.”