Thirty-eight #2
The entire time, a question pressed into my brain until I had to ask.
“Why are you teaching me this, Tag?”
His movement stopped. When he didn’t immediately answer, I continued, “It would be easier to just stick me in a stall with a pitchfork or send me to gather rocks from a pasture.” I shook my head.
“Why fool with teaching me how to do stuff that will just slow you down? Everyone has been really patient, but I’m not an idiot.
I know that having me around hinders more than helps. ”
His answer was firm but kind. “Because we all believe you can do anything you set your mind to. And we want you to believe that too.”
I shook my head. “I definitely do not believe that.”
“You will eventually.” He sounded so sure. “Sometimes the only way to stop bein’ afraid of something is to just tackle it. So, grab the saddle and bring it over here.”
Clenching my teeth, I obeyed, slipping my hands beneath the saddle and heaving it into my arms. I took the few steps between the sawhorse and Lady May and attempted to lift it on her back.
She was tall though and it took me a few tries to get the blanket flat under the saddle.
Finally, when the straps were hanging loose and ready, Tag walked me through how to buckle them all and how tight each one needed to be.
Somewhere along the line, Jesse wandered over.
Then I heard Cooper and Harlan’s voices nearby, and to my utter horror, Nora’s loud, “Yay! Uncle Peter is riding a horse!” cut through the arena.
Based on the chatter of children near the driveway, an audience had gathered, and I wasn’t happy about it.
My tense limbs and quaking stomach would put on quite the show, no doubt.
“Last time you rode was…”
“Your wedding.”
“You need a refresher on how to mount?”
I wracked my brain for the instructions. “I remember Harlan teaching us. Grab the horn and put your weight in the ball of your foot while you stand, right?”
“You right-handed?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Right hand on the cantle then, left on the horn. As you stand, you can move both hands to the horn and swing your leg over. Give it a go whenever you’re ready.”
The arena fell deathly quiet. My stomach rose into my throat and heat prickled over the back of my neck. I didn’t want to do this, but I could hardly chicken out with everyone watching my every move.
I tried to swallow down my fear, but it moved into my chest, making my breaths shallow.
Thankful for the bill of my hat, I tipped it toward the ground, hiding beneath it.
My hands lifted, finding the horn and the cantle, which sat a touch higher than my shoulder level.
I gripped them, but sweat slicked my palms. Only then did I realize that I’d need a free hand to stick my toe into the stirrup, so I let go of the horn and ran my hand down the fender as I lifted my toe.
Losing balance, my body slammed into the side of Lady, who was as immovable as a brick wall.
Righting myself, I held the stirrup while I stuck my toe in then moved my hands back to the saddle. Then I gave myself a mental countdown.
Three…two…one.
My muscles tightened, as if to mount, but I never left the ground.
My heart thumped against my ribcage.
Man, I didn’t want to do this.
Three…two…one.
Nothing. This time, my muscles froze in fear. I didn’t want to look stupid in front of everyone, but here I was, unable to even get my foot off the ground. I tried to laugh but it sounded as desperate as I felt. Speaking softly so only Tag could hear, I said, “I…don’t know if I can do this.”
He didn’t respond, which aggravated me.
I wanted someone to end the tension, someone to say, “You know what, Peter? Nevermind. You’re pathetic and you should quit while you’re ahead.”
But I wouldn’t have any such luck, would I?
Jesse piped up. “In the wisdom of John Wayne, ‘Courage is being scared senseless but saddling up anyway.’”
John Wayne wasn’t even a real cowboy.
“Why don’t you just stand up?” Tag said. “Don’t even worry about gettin’ your leg up and over. Just stand in the stirrup a few times until you get the feel of that.”
I stood three times, and on the third time, my foot slipped out and hit the dust.
“You know,” Cooper’s voice quipped from behind me. “Your wife got this in one try.”
“Coop.” I could almost hear Tag rolling his eyes. “That’s not helpful.”
Cooper gave a tsk of mock disappointment. “She hardly even listened to my instructions either. Just mounted like an absolute badass.”
I gave an indigent snort as an unbidden smile lifted my cheeks. I wouldn’t expect anything less from my wife. “Sounds like her.”
“She was pissed that day though,” Cooper added.
“Don’t remind me.”
“I’m tempted to take a video of you struggling and send it to her. Might heal her a little bit.”
That made Jesse laugh but Tag chided him. “Cooper, just shut up, would ya?”
Everyone fell silent again and I gave myself another countdown, aloud this time.
“Three…two…one.”
Motivated by the idea of video evidence, I heaved my body upward and leaned over the horn, simultaneously swinging my leg across her back. A chorus of “good jobs” and “there ya gos” filled the air. My heart lifted in excitement until Lady May shifted her hooves, lurching me to the side.
In a flash of panic, I curled my body over the horn, one hand grabbing Lady’s mane, the other clutching the saddle for dear life. I needed to reach down and find the fender on the other side so I could guide my foot into the stirrup, but that would require letting go of something.
My breaths rattled in my chest, and I knew I looked ridiculous, tangled up in Lady’s mane, but my muscles went offline as fear took the reins.
The ground felt so far away.
Briefly, I wondered if I was supposed to be wearing a helmet, and what would happen to my brain if I hit my head again. No one came to my aid as Tag gently coached, “When you feel like you can, find that other stirrup to help you stabilize.”
Slowly, I reached down, the pads of my fingers following the etched designs until the fender was in my grasp. I turned it and the stirrup bounced against Lady’s side. Fumbling much longer than I should have, I finally directed my toe in.
“Alright,” Tag said. “Now, sit up.”
Tightening my shaky core, I slowly unraveled my death grip on Lady’s mane and pushed myself into an upright position, forcing myself to take a breath.
“Very nice.” Tag said. “Now, I’m gonna show you how to dismount.”
And we did it all over again.