16. Andrie #2
His words hit me like a punch. They weren’t anything I hadn’t told my own patients a time or two, nor myself or Vik, for that matter. Hell, Lessia had said the same thing only days ago. But the emotion and true understanding behind his words made me really believe them for the first time.
“He was a hard man,” I started. “Raised in an unforgiving world. But I could see the pain in him. The softness he guarded so closely and his desire for a different life. We’d planned on getting away together …
but the world had other plans.” His mother, more accurately.
“It was my hope that we would reunite here, but I got word he died not that long ago.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, squeezing the hand he still held in his. “I wish I could tell you the pain goes away completely after a while, but I think it only dulls into a hollow ache.”
Now, it was my turn to comfort him. “Has it been long …” I trailed off, remembering him saying his girl had been kidnapped and then killed before he could save her.
“From what Vik tells me, before y’all even came to Texas,” he confirms. I wondered if she had been one of the girls in the container with me, crossing the ocean unwillingly, thinking we knew what was in store for us and not having a clue of the horrors that had awaited.
“How was it, having to stay when she … left?” I asked, hurting for the man who’d lost two people he obviously loved.
He stared at me for a moment, and I realized he might not know what I’d been read into.
“I don’t know your background or name,” I rushed to explain.
“But I do know you’re Vik’s brother—a real one—from Russia.
And I know Vik was forced to leave everyone behind when he came to the United States to rescue me.
Because I knew Vik from … before … and I’m the resource the organization you’re now a part of uses when y’all need to talk to someone, I have a basic idea of your past. Though, I admit, I didn’t know you existed until you showed up here. ”
Xander cleared his throat. “It was touch and go for a long time—trying to get out of my old life cleanly and getting here. If you know anything of the life we had in Russia, you know it was not a happy or safe existence. Losing the only two people who meant anything to me made my life … harder in a lot of ways but easier in others.”
I opened my mouth to ask, but Xander read my questioning look.
“I didn’t have anyone I could trust or turn to when I needed, but they were no longer a threat to be hung over me, to keep me in line, either.
Very little of my past is more than pain, pretense, and blood.
And it’s not something I relish reliving.
” The blankness in his eyes echoed mine, and I thought about what he must have seen …
and been forced to be a part of. “How did you end up in Russia to begin with?” he asked, and now, it was my turn to shift uncomfortably.
“I grew up as a free spirit. My parents and I weren’t close—I was a late in life baby, and they were already closing in on their golden years.
They pretty much let me run wild, and I left them alone, for the most part.
It worked well for all of us. They died within a few months of each other.
I was twenty and had already been out on my own for a few years. ”
“I’m sorry,” he murmured, but I just shrugged sadly.
“They both had health problems, and honestly, they probably preferred that to moving on without the other. Anyway, I drifted for a while, trying to find who I wanted to be, you know? As much as I hated school, I knew I wanted to do something with social work or kids, so I went to school part time. Anyway, one of the other students was doing a fundraiser to help them pay for a semester abroad. I ended up walking past them as they were putting up flyers, and we got to talking about it. There was an orphanage in Russia that the school had partnered with—sending students interested in teaching or early childhood development. Even some students who wanted to be nurses or doctors. You know, getting experience out in the world. Of course, that was before Russia/US relations really went down the tank,” I said wryly.
“Anyway, something about it just spoke to me. One conversation, and I was all in.”
“I take it you were a little impulsive when you were younger,” he teased gently.
Chuckling, I took a sip of wine. “Let’s just say anyone who knew me wouldn’t have batted an eye. I scrimped and saved and sold off my parents’ house for tuition money and the travel expenses, and pretty soon, I was flying across the Atlantic.”
“And … him?” he asked.
Resisting the urge to down the entire glass, I took another sip, clearing my throat before answering. “Love at first sight. You?”
“Something like that.”
We both drew in shaky breaths before Xander changed the subject, clearly ready to move onto other topics. “I hear you had an exciting day at the office. You all right?”
I waved a hand at his concern. “Whomever it was that broke in was long gone by the time I got there. The idiots managed to kill my laptop in the process of torching into my safe, so they didn’t even get what they came for.
I was planning on branching out and having a second office, but now, I’m wondering if I should look into moving locations for this one completely.
Obviously, it isn’t as secure as I’d originally thought. ”
“I’m supposed to tell you that all parties are aware of what happened and are looking into matters.
” Xander parroted, making me smile. “I know it’s a secret and all,” he said around another mouthful of stew.
“But I wanted you to know that I’m aware of the …
complexities … of your practice. And while I’m still mulling over my decisions regarding future employment, I’ve already mentioned to Matteo that I might need to see a different therapist when and if the time comes.
” He raised a hand before I could comment.
“You might be able to separate your feelings from professional sessions, as you do with Vik, but I’m not sure I can.
And in the name of honest communication, I’d rather tell you how I feel now rather than possibly blind-siding you in the future when you find out I’m talking with someone else. ”
I blinked, not sure if I was more surprised to discover Xander was debating how deep to go into the ops band of brothers he’d been adopted into, that I was connected to them, or that he’d already taken steps to ensure our personal and professional lives were protected.
I was the therapist in charge of all the operatives and personnel who supported them.
Without clearance from me, they didn’t get back out in the field after missions.
But I knew there was a work-around, another Xander could see.
“Now,” he said before I could comment. “Since this dinner got way too heavy and serious, I’d like to turn matters back to normal light dinner stuff. Tell me, do you prefer mountains or the beach?”
We traded normal get-to-know-you banter as we ate, the real world dropping away as we fell into enjoying each other’s company.
Hours passed, neither of us seeming to want the night to end, lingering over putting away the dishes and settling onto the couch with hot tea and pastries Xander had picked up from Claire’s bakery for dessert.
I was telling him about the time Savage ended up riding home buck-ass naked after losing his clothes in a game of strip poker to a group of women in their sixties when we heard the familiar sound of muscled growls of motorcycles pulling onto the street.
I’d barely registered the sound when Xander was on his feet, hand on the gun in his waistband as he strode to the front of the house.
Before he could get to the door, Shade and Whisp walked in. Their grim expressions telling me they weren’t there for a social visit.