31. Xander
Xander
“So, I hear congratulations are in order,” Matteo said, taking the bag of ice I was holding and dumping it in a cooler by the grill.
I snagged a water before it could be buried, not about to drink anything that could slow my reaction time, even if we were among friends.
“Do I have you to thank for that or Lessia?”
He didn’t answer, instead saying, “I’m sorry it was sprung on you that way.
Normally, we’d at least talk before putting a plan into motion, but the timing of this one wasn’t one I was watching as closely as I should have.
Still, Grimm and Lessia were pretty sure you’d go for it.
If you decide it’s not for you, just let me know, and we can make other arrangements.
All I ask is you stay with it until we can insert a replacement. ”
Even after being with the men these last few weeks, it still took me by surprise that I had the freedom to choose and that my feelings and opinions mattered.
My entire life had consisted of being a soldier of sorts for my mother and a puppet for my father, toeing the line to keep everyone I cared about safe.
Before Alex, Viktor and I were held in place by our loyalty to one another and the knowledge that we needed to be absolutely meticulous about any plans of escape.
After, well, if my staying in that role was the price I needed to pay to ensure their new life was secure, it was worth it.
“I can’t imagine it being anything close to as distasteful as my last job,” I half-joked, still not completely comfortable telling anyone just how excited I was to get the job offer. “I’m sure I can handle it.”
The dog, which had been lying patiently on a raised bed by the grill, rose. He wagged his tail hopefully but stayed on the platform, clearly waiting to be released.
Matteo made a gesture with his hand, and the dog came bounding up to me, his body almost wriggling in excitement.
“This is Zeke. He’s ours but was a rescue, so we’re still working on obedience,” he explained as Zeke tried to jump up.
I leaned down instinctively, recognizing him as the goofball sleeping in his kennel earlier in the day, and gave the dog the attention he wanted.
“As I told your girlfriend, I don’t know much about dogs. But I’m willing to learn.” I gave the dog one more pat before he bounded off in the direction of the men.
Vik headed our way then as the others rose to start playing with a soccer ball. As they began kicking it to each other, Zeke raced into the middle of their circle, trying to catch the ball before it could reach the next person.
“How’s Andrie? And yourself? I know yesterday couldn’t have been fun,” Matteo asked quietly as Vik came up beside us.
“We’re fine. She’s handling everything better than most. It helps that she’s a psychologist. Her coping mechanisms are fully developed and constantly being used.
And yesterday wouldn’t even break the top one hundred on my bad days list.” I took another sip of my water, feeling the two men evaluating my words.
“I know you don’t want to rely on Andrie as your psychologist. If either of you need it, I can fly in our semi-retired one. He’s the one Andrie talks to when she feels the need,” Matteo said carefully.
Vik snorted. “Fink’s probably chomping on the bit to come down here. The last time Andrie spoke with him, he was grumbling about the impending cold up north.”
“It does get cold up in Colorado,” Matteo pointed out.
“She talked to him a week or so ago. It’s still summer,” Vik replied.
“In Texas, maybe. But you can bet the weather's already changing up north.” Matteo chuckled. “He’ll be here for less than a day before he’s complaining about the Texas heat.”
“No question about it.”
But despite the lighthearted words, Matteo’s scrutiny only intensified.
“Seriously, I know you haven’t been here long, but you’ve gone through a lot in a few short months, plus settling down with Andrie.
I know you’ve waited a long time for this and paid for it in ways I’m sure I don’t even know.
But I’m also sure the woman you’re getting to know isn’t exactly the one you’ve been dreaming about. ”
I bristled because Andrie was exactly the woman I’d been dreaming about.
Matteo raised his hands and continued, “I’m just saying, it must be hard, reconciling all you’ve had to sacrifice with only a fantasy to keep yourself going.
And now that the flesh and blood woman is in front of you, I worry it’s not the magical life you’ve been dreaming of …
that you’re going to regret what you’ve done these past years and what we’re about to do. Is this life going to be enough?”
Vik, who’d been matching my anger, clenched fist for fist, suddenly hesitated, pissing me off even more.
I knew what Matteo was clumsily asking and even understood it on a basic level.
I’d been existing on dreams of Alex and me for more years than I cared to count, and I could see where some would envision a future as a way to keep themselves on their mission.
Even worse, Alex and I had only truly been together for weeks, barely even months, prior to her abduction.
Though we’d known each other on a soulful level, we’d still been learning about each other’s past and surprising each other with new facts about the other almost every day we’d been together.
But I wasn’t most people. Life lessons from those around me had never led to dreams of the perfect life.
I’d dreamed of a regular life … of coming home from work, squabbling over dirty clothes and dishes, making dinner for her, and even watching television on the couch almost as often as I’d fantasized about making love to her.
My life had never been normal, and that was all I’d ever wanted.
Sure, normal for us might not be the typical American dream, with her list of patients and my being involved with the Iron Wraiths. But it was still going to be ours.
“I’d sacrifice another lifetime if it were to get me what I have right now,” I gritted out. “And the only regret I have is not killing off Demetri Melnikoff a long time ago.”
The sound of glass shattering had me spinning, realizing too late what I’d just said, and that Andrie had heard me.