18. Julian
CHAPTER 18
JULIAN
T he first light of Monday morning brings with it a sense of unease. Even as I say goodbye to Aria and leave her with the sitter, the normalcy of my routine is hardly a comfort. Knowing she'll be safe at home, a small part of me relaxes, but the bulk of my concern still rests with Natalie and the situation we're embroiled in.
Pulling out of the driveway, I dial Natalie's number, needing to hear her voice, to know she's safe. She picks up after a couple of rings.
"Hey, Julian," Natalie's voice comes through, sounding calm but with an underlying tension that I've become all too familiar with these past days.
"Morning, Nat. Just wanted to check in. Are you okay?" I ask, trying to be a solid anchor for her despite my own anxiety.
"Yes, I'm at the building now with my team and a few of your guys," she replies. "We're all being careful. I’ve asked around, but so far, nobody knows anything. It’s like hitting a brick wall."
My grip tightens on the steering wheel, but I keep my voice level. "I’ve got two extra sitters on standby for a few days, just until we have better leads or the police make some headway. I don't want to have to bring Aria to the site again,” I explain, bridling the anger that rises at the reminder of my daughter's threatened safety.
"That sounds like a good idea," Natalie agrees. "How about you? Are you keeping safe too?"
"Don't worry about me, Nat. I'll be fine," I assure her, though my mind races through a dozen precautions I've yet to take for myself. "I’ll be there soon. Just want to make sure everything’s alright over there."
"Okay," she says, her voice a comforting balm amidst the churn of my anxieties. "See you soon."
We hang up, and as I drive towards the Langford, the weight of responsibility for both Natalie's and Aria’s safety settles heavily on me. The decision to ensure Aria has extra protection eases one concern, but the mystery of who might be targeting the project—and potentially anyone involved with it—has sweat beading on my forehead.
It's still fairly early as I pull into the site, and most of my guys haven't arrived yet. I need to talk to Gabriel before we get things started today, get on the same page and set up a game plan. Hopefully as my second in command he'll be able to take some of the load of off me.
I spy Natalie through the front glass doors, coordinating with her team. She looks up as I approach, and our eyes meet. There's an unspoken communication in her gaze, a mix of reassurance and resolve that steadies me the tiniest bit.
I’m ready to discuss our next moves, to strategize and strengthen our defenses. The potential danger of the situation bulled Nat and me into an even tighter orbit. I’m grateful for her presence, her strength and support. It's what’s keeping me focused and determined to see this through.
The mood outside is palpably grim. The few members of my crew that always arrive early—the kind of guys who wake up before sunrise because they actually enjoy it—offer me only subdued nods, their faces etched with worry.
As I make my way deeper into the site, snippets of hushed conversations reach my ears; talk of quitting, of the risks now seemingly outweighing the rewards of this job. Morale is understandably low, what with the severity of the situation now painted on the building in huge, glaring letters.
As I step through the front door, I catch the tail end of Natalie's conversation. She's speaking intensely with Benny, one of her renovators. His words are heated, his frustration evident, as he gestures wildly.
“This person is clearly out to hurt him, Natalie!” Benny exclaims, his voice ringing with anger and fear. “Any one of us could get hurt. It’s not just his neck on the line!”
Benny's frustration peaks at the sight of me, and he storms off before I have a chance to respond. Natalie turns to me, her expression sympathetic.
“I’m sorry about that,” she says, her voice low. “Benny’s just scared. Everyone’s on edge, really. They’re worried about their safety, about their families. It’s... it’s a lot.”
I nod, understanding full well how crushing those pressures can be. “I know,” I reply. I hate feeling helpless like this, unable to fix things for everyone. “I don't want anyone to get hurt because of me. This isn’t just about the building anymore—it’s about our people, our safety.”
Natalie reaches out, placing a reassuring hand on my arm. “We’ll get through this, Julian. Maybe you should address the crew, reassure them that we’re doing everything we can to secure the site and their jobs. They need to hear that from you.”
It's a great suggestion, and I feel a flicker of resolve pierce the fog of my despondency. I'm glad I have Natalie to think for me in times like these. “You’re right,” I say, straightening up a bit. “Let’s call a quick meeting. I need to be upfront with them, ensure they know we’re taking this seriously.”
Most of the crew has arrived by now, so I gather everyone, preparing myself to face their worries head-on. As they assemble, I search for Gabriel, but don't find him amongst the anxious crowd. He's usually the first one here, but he must be running late today. It looks like I'll be doing this part on my own.
I explain the situation to the crew as clearly as I can, outlining the measures already in place and those we plan to implement. I stress our commitment to their safety and the importance of solidarity in times like these. My normal confidence in my job is wavering, but hopefully what I've said is enough to foster a bit of hope.
As the crew disperses, a low murmur of conversation continues, the energy mostly unchanged. I deflate all over again, the world seeming to fall out from under me. I turn to Natalie, needing the stability her presence provides, but at this moment, it does nothing to comfort me.
I'm losing control, the stress reaching new heights in light of everything that's happened in the past two days. My pulse thrums too quickly through my veins, the noise of construction is too loud, and there's an ache in my head that's becoming unbearable. I have to do something. I have to protect Natalie from all of this.
“Nat, I really think you should consider taking a few days off until we sort this out,” I suggest again, more insistently this time. The dangers are escalating, and the thought of her being caught in the crossfire is excruciating.
She shakes her head, her expression resolute. “I said no last time, Julian, and I’m saying no again. It’s not just your reputation at stake here; it’s mine, too. I’m not going to run away and hide.”
My fists clench, my frustration rising, fueled by fear for her safety and something else—something deeper that I've been unable to shake since my time in the service. “I know you want to be involved, but it’s not safe, Natalie. The threats are getting more personal, more dangerous. I can’t stand the thought of something happening to you just because you’re being stubborn.”
Natalie’s eyes flash with emotion. “I’m not helpless, Julian. I appreciate your concern, but I’m not leaving the project. I need to see this through, just as much as you do.”
“Does Jack know what’s been going on here? Maybe he can talk some sense into you.” I know the words are belittling even as I say them, unfairly shoving Natalie back into her role of annoying little sister.
Natalie’s jaw clenches as she draws herself up to her full height. “I’m not sixteen anymore. This isn’t Jack’s business, and I don’t need him to worry about me too. I’m fully capable of making my own decisions.”
“You don't understand?—”
“No, Julian. I’m staying,” she cuts me off, her voice firm, leaving no room for argument. “I understand the risks, but what we're doing here is way more important. We can’t let this person bully us into running away!”
I run a hand through my hair, trying to calm myself. This has already escalated way too far, but I can't make her see reason, and it's driving me insane.
“I’m just worried about you,” I admit, softening my tone as much as possible, trying to make her understand.
“And I appreciate that, really, I do,” she replies gently, though her stance remains unyielding. “You need to trust that I know what I’m doing.”
"But you're being reckless!" I blurt out, my voice rising despite my best efforts. "This isn't about proving how tough or grown up you are. It’s about being smart!”
Natalie throws her hands in the air, her composure slipping. “So now I'm stupid, too? What do you think I did before you came along? I've been handling my life just fine on my own for ten years—without you!”
The accusation stings, a blow that hits right where it hurts, and I reply with seething sarcasm. “And just look how well that's turned out for you.”
Natalie’s eyes narrow. “What are you talking about?”
“Your little runaway bride fiasco.”
The moment the words leave my mouth, I realize how unfair and hurtful they are. I didn't mean them. I just wanted her to listen to me. I lost control.
All the anger drains out of me, replaced by nauseating guilt.
Natalie’s face flushes a deep red as she blinks furiously, moisture gathering along her lashes. “That was really low,” she hisses, her voice thick with emotion.
Before I can apologize, she turns on her heel and storms off, leaving me standing amidst my own shame and idiocy.
I know the smart thing to do is chase after her, but I'm frozen. This is exactly what I was afraid of. It’s what I did to Jack, what I feared I'd do to Natalie if I allowed myself to get close to her. I'm no better now than I was back then, and the manifestation of my fears is suffocating.
My heart pounds as I struggle to breathe. I've crossed a line that I'm not sure I can come back from. I want to make things right, but I'm not sure how, or if she'd even let me. The world is starting to spin, and I have nothing to grab onto, the loneliness I've grown so accustomed to is suddenly staggering.
Aside from Jack, I don't know many people here. My old military buddies, the ones who might understand the kind of stress I'm under, seem like distant connections now, faded by time and different life paths. I wouldn't even know how to begin.
Despite everything Natalie and I just fought about, I find myself pulling out my phone and typing a text to Jack. I need someone to look out for her, even if she hates me for it. And to feel like maybe I'm not entirely alone.
Things at the site are getting worse. Please keep an eye on Nat for me. Don't tell her I asked.
I hit send before I can second-guess myself. It’s done. Now all I can do is hope that Jack will understand and that, eventually, Natalie will forgive me.
With a deep, shaky breath, I tuck my cellphone away and wander over to the guys, who have congregated by the destroyed scaffolding. I need to get a grip, throw myself back into the work.
The crew surveys the damage with grim expressions, their body language stiff and closed off. Everyone has been avoiding the graffiti—both physically and in conversation—though it must be at the forefront of their minds. The police tape that once sectioned off the area has been removed, but that provides little comfort.
As I approach, a storm of emotion continues to churn inside me. I try to focus on the task at hand, to engage with the immediate needs of the project, but the fight with Natalie weighs so heavily on me that I feel like I'm treading water. Concentration is impossible.
Thankfully, Gabriel suddenly appears beside me, pulling me back up to the surface. "The damage is pretty extensive," he starts, gesturing to the twisted metal and broken planks. "The main supports there and there," he points, "are completely compromised. We'll need to do a full rebuild before we can even think about getting our guys back up there."
I nod, relieved to have my number two back at my side, and impressed at how quickly Gabriel was able to assess the damage. "You've had time to survey this already? You're quick," I observe, almost incredulous. He couldn't have been here more than five minutes, and he’s the only one composed enough to even think about a proper assessment.
Gabriel waves away my comment as if it was no big deal. "Yeah, I took a quick look as soon as I got here. Wanted to see what we're up against.”
I kneel down to get a better look at the supports. It'll take a bit more investigation before we start, but Gabriel's quick survey appears to be correct. I'm grateful at least one of us has managed to keep our heads today.
I nod and brush the grass from my pants as I rise, turning my attention back to the site. "Alright, let’s prioritize safety and get a structural assessment done. I want everyone to be extra cautious until we know the full extent of what we’re dealing with."
Gabriel agrees, and we set to work organizing the necessary evaluations and repairs.
Even with Gabriel here to shoulder some of the burden, the weight on my chest feels no lighter. My stomach continues to knot as my thoughts are pulled again and again to Natalie and our argument.
It all started over my concern for her safety, and somehow ended with me insulting her in the worst way possible. But honestly, I'm not surprised. This is who I am, after all.
Just when things were starting to go right, I ruined them.