20. Natalie
CHAPTER 20
NATALIE
W hen Julian texts me Sunday morning, my heart feels torn. I'm still hurting from our argument, but I also know I can't ignore him forever. Even Jack has been hounding me to talk to him, which is surprising considering how many times he's warned me to be careful around Julian.
A strange sort of relief washes over me when my phone buzzes again, only this time it’s a call from my boss. Even though this will probably be a difficult conversation, at least it will give me something else—anything else—to think about besides Julian Rodriguez.
I've been putting off this discussion for as long as possible, fearing the consequences of keeping the vandalism from Lottie, but it needs to be settled. As I answer the call, however, the momentary relief I felt before disappears, replaced with dread.
“Hi, Lottie,” I answer, breathing through the anxiety that's squeezing around my ribcage.
“Natalie.” In just that one word, I can already tell how exasperated she is. “Why do I keep hearing about these incidents from the police instead of you?”
“I'm sorry,” I readily apologize. “I just didn't want you to worry. We have everything under control, so?—”
“Under control?” Lottie interrupts, understandably frustrated. “This is the opposite of under control, Natalie. Things are getting worse! I'm starting to think I need to fly out there and take over the project.”
Lottie's threat hits hard, making my stomach clench and bile begins to rise up my throat. It's bad enough that neither Jack nor Julian have any confidence in my abilities, but losing Lottie's trust would be devastating. I've been doing everything I can to keep the project afloat, to protect my career, to prove to myself and everyone around me that I'm not just a major screw-up. And yet still I'm failing.
“No, no, Lottie, you don't need to do that.” The words tumble out in a rush. “The exterior renovation is a little behind schedule, but our job on the inside is running smoothly. We actually started the art restoration a little early, so our team can afford to take a pause for a couple of days.”
“That's another thing,” Lottie replies, ignoring my assurances, “it's not just our team I'm worried about. I'm not sure I like the idea of keeping this contractor on. It seems to be his fault that we're all in this mess.”
Even though I'm still angry with Julian, Lottie's accusation stirs a protective agitation in me. “Julian is not someone you need to worry about,” I declare with a surety. “He's the best contractor in the area, and his crew is excellent. They're professional, efficient, and just as dedicated to this project as I am. You're not going to find a better man within a hundred miles.” Embarrassment warms my cheeks at my choice of words, at how boldly I came to Julian's defense. “A better man for the job, I mean.”
Good Lord, when did I fall in so deep?
The line is silent for a minute, and I wait in anxious anticipation for Lottie’s answer. Finally, she speaks. “I trust your judgement, Natalie.”
A huge sigh escapes me, a breath I didn't even realize I was holding. Lottie trusts me.
“Thank you, Lottie,” I answer, indescribably relieved.
“I'll let the project continue as planned—for now—but only on the condition that you tell me the second something else happens, okay?” Her proposal is more than reasonable; it's gracious, actually.
“Of course, Lottie, I promise.” Her trust means everything to me right now, as it helps to fight against the seeds of doubt that have begun to grow in my own mind.
As I end the call, my phone screen switches back to the previously opened text thread between Julian and me. His message from this morning hangs heavily at the bottom, still unanswered.
Julian
I know I don't deserve it, but I would really appreciate the chance to talk to you. I'll be home all day if you want to come by.
Do I want to go to Julian's? The answer is a complicated one. Julian deeply hurt me, holding the worst moments of my life against me, but it was only that painful because of the feelings I've developed for him over the past weeks. I hate admitting that I let him get so deep under my skin.
But I knew our relationship would be tricky, full of risks. We both acknowledged that we wouldn't be perfect, that we would both do our best—together. That kind of trust also means allowing him the opportunity to explain himself. I owe him that, at the very least.
The worst part, though, is that despite everything we're going through, part of me really wants to see Julian anyway.
The tension of the past few days lingers like a shadow as I pull up to Julian's house. Despite my swirling emotions, I know that I'll ultimately feel better after this necessary conversation. I need clarity and perhaps, closure—whether that leads to reconciliation or a firmer divide, I'm not yet sure.
As I step up to the front door, my heart pounds with a mix of apprehension and a faint, remaining hope. Before I can knock, the door swings open, and there stands Aria. I almost forgot that she would be here, but she looks genuinely happy to see me, her bright smile momentarily lifting the heavy atmosphere.
"Natalie!" Aria's voice is cheerful, a stark contrast to the turmoil I feel inside. Her presence, so innocent and joyful, disarms me for a moment.
"Hi, Aria! How are you?" I manage a smile, touched by her warmth.
"I'm good! Daddy and I made cookies. You have to try them!" Her enthusiasm is infectious, and it almost makes me forget the seriousness of why I'm here.
"I'd love to. Thank you, Aria,” I reply as she leads me into the house, her small hand in mine feeling like a lifeline in the confusing storm of my emotions. But with my stomach churning from the stress of being in Julian's home, I add gently, “Maybe a little later, though—is that okay? "
“Okay,” Aria answers, totally unbothered. Being so young and unaware of the complexities around you must be nice.
As we enter the living room, Julian stands up from where he's been sitting. He’s wearing a fitted shirt that accentuates his broad shoulders and toned physique, and despite everything, I can't help but notice how handsome he looks. The sight of him, so familiar yet so distant, tugs at something deep inside me.
"Hey, Nat. Thanks for coming," he says, and he actually sounds surprised that I came. His eyes search mine, looking for a sign of the walls I've built up since our last encounter.
“Well, you know," I respond, keeping my voice cool. "Aria said there are cookies involved."
A brief smile crosses his face, a softening around his eyes. "Yes, we've been busy in the kitchen," he admits. But then his expression becomes serious again, the smile fading as quickly as it appeared. He bends down to address Aria. “Hey, kiddo, why don't you go play in your room for a few minutes?”
“Aw, but I wanted to play with Natalie,” Aria whines, bolstering me with her easy acceptance of my presence.
Julian smiles and tousles her hair. “Maybe we can all play together in a little bit. But right now, Daddy and Natalie need to have some grown-up time, okay?”
“Okay, Daddy,” Aria relents. Though her shoulders slump with dejection, she walks to her room without further protest.
“Thanks, sweetie,” Julian calls after her. Aria's compliance, and Julian's gentleness in teaching her, are both testaments to how great of a father he is. My heart stutters in my chest, betraying my resolve to stay in control off my faculties today.
Julian stands and runs a hand through his loose hair, moving it out of the way of his face. Damn him. I bet he left it down on purpose today, knowing full well the effect it has on me.
His face is gravely serious when he speaks. "Before we discuss anything else, I owe you an apology."
My heart jumps to my throat while he takes a deep breath, clearly trying to gather his thoughts. "I was completely out of line the other day. What I said was unfair and hurtful. I brought up something I had no right to, especially in the way that I did. I’m truly sorry for that.”
His words hang in the air, laden with sincerity and regret. I listen, the tightness in my chest easing slightly with his acknowledgment of the pain he caused. It's an awkward apology, yes, but his awkwardness speaks to his genuine nature, making him, and his apology, harder to dismiss.
"Thank you for saying that," I finally say, my voice steady, though my heart is anything but. "It means a lot to hear you acknowledge it. It was a low moment for us both, I think."
Julian nods, looking relieved that I’ve accepted his apology, but still tense, as if bracing for more. "I want to make things right, Natalie. Not just about the other day, but everything that’s been going on. I know I’ve been... a lot, between the building and us. But I want to find a way forward, if you're willing."
The earnestness in his plea makes my next breath catch slightly. For such a large man, he somehow appears so small in this moment.
As I take a deep breath, my eyes firmly meet Julian's. "I accept your apology," I begin, my voice carrying the firmness of my conviction. "Just please don't ever bring that up again. I know the way I chose to leave my ex was dramatic, but you know why I did it. I told you that he cheated on me. Leaving him was a decision I made out of self-respect. I need you to respect it, too.”
It's hard to talk about, to be open with the wounds Julian poured salt in during our argument. But I can see the humility in his stance, his eyes, his words, and that makes me feel safe enough to take the chance.
Julian nods, absorbing the gravity of my words. "Understood. I’m so sorry for bringing it up in the first place," he says sincerely, his expression somber. “You know, I'm actually really proud of you for making that decision.”
A blush spreads over my cheeks, tickling my ears. “You are?”
Julian nods. “I can't imagine how hard that must have been. You've always been tough, but that—” Julian pauses, searching my face. “You're an amazing woman, Nat. Really.”
His words are totally disarming, and I find myself scrambling for any sort of a response. “Thank you,” I finally manage.
Gesturing toward the couch, Julian invites me to sit down. I agree, and we both settle in together, our arms nearly touching from the proximity. I can feel Julian's warmth, his tenderness and sincerity radiating from him like a hearth. The urge to reach out to him is overwhelming, but we have to resolve this fully before I get too wrapped up in him again.
“I need to ask you something,” I say, my gaze falling to my lap. “If you feel that way, why did you bring it up?”
Julian's answering sigh is laced with remorse. “I'm not great at dealing with stress,” he admits slowly, as if carefully choosing his words. “Remember how we talked about things with Jack? It was the same thing then.”
I wait patiently, letting Julian explain in his own time. The fact that he's willing to open up like this speaks volumes of his commitment to me, and I want to honor that.
Julian folds forward beside me, resting his arms on his knees. “It's been that way since I got back. Sometimes I'm just—I don't know— ‘angry’ doesn't seem like the right word. It's really hard to talk about.”
“It's okay. I didn't mean to push you,” I say, finally meeting his gaze. “You don't have to tell me anything you're not ready to share.”
Julian smiles weakly. “I do want to tell you one thing, because I think you deserve to know,” he continues. “Once on deployment, there was an incident where… Well, things didn't go as planned. I got injured, here.” Julian touches his right knee, and my heart pangs at the thought of him in that situation, in pain. “It's okay now, it healed just fine. But the whole operation went bad, and someone I had really trusted went down for it.”
Julian shakes his head, as if trying to wipe away the memory. “Being over there is like nothing else, Nat. It changes you. I've got all these pieces inside of me that don't work right, and that's something that I'm probably going to have to deal with for the rest of my life.”
His confession is heartbreaking, but in a way, comforting. I know I'll never fully understand Julian's experience, but hearing this helps me to put things into perspective. It gives me hope that, as long as we continue to communicate, this relationship just might work.
“I'm so sorry you went through that,” I offer quietly. “Thank you for sharing that with me, and helping me understand.”
Julian's whole body releases, relief washing over both of us. “Thanks, Nat.”
Tentatively, Julian reaches out and takes my hand. And I don't pull away. His grip is gentle, reassuring, and I allow myself this moment of connection.
Just then, Aria bursts into the room, grinning from ear to ear. "It's cookie time!" she announces proudly, placing a plate of chocolate chip cookies on the coffee table with a flourish.
Aria’s excitement is irresistible, and I can't help but smile. "Thank you, Aria. They look delicious."
Aria beams at the compliment and then looks up at Julian. "Daddy, can Natalie stay?" she asks, her eyes wide with hope.
“That's alright with me," Julian responds warmly, glancing at me for confirmation. “Would you like to stay for a while, Nat?”
The question is simple, but poignant. Somehow, it doesn't feel like we're just talking about today.
My heart thumps wildly in my chest, and I hold Julian's gaze as I answer, "I would love to stay."
As we settle down around the coffee table, Julian looks fondly at his daughter, who is comparing the sizes of cookies on the plate. Discovering the biggest one, Aria takes a giant bite, smearing a bit of chocolate on her chin.
"Aria, did you help make these?" I ask, hoping to connect with her a little bit, too.
"Yes! I helped mix and I even put them on the cookie sheet," Aria explains, her voice full of pride.
"That’s very impressive," I add, smiling at Aria. "You're quite the baker, aren't you?"
Aria nods vigorously, pleased with the praise. "Daddy says I'm the best six-year-old baker in the world," she adds before offering me a cookie. "You have to try one!"
I take the cookie Aria offers and thank her graciously. This small, domestic moment feels so natural, and the earlier tension between Julian and me is all but evaporated in the warm scene unfolding around us. There's a comfort in the simplicity of sitting together like this, appreciating the everyday joys that life can offer.
I take a bite. The cookie rich and chewy, perfectly baked. "Wow, Aria. This really is delicious. You two did a great job."
Aria beams at me, delighted.
As I savor the sweetness of the cookie, my thoughts begin to drift. For a fleeting second, I imagine what it might be like to have a family of my own. The thought of being with Julian, of spending time with Aria and getting to know her better, fills me with a surprisingly strong desire to be part of their little world.
As silly as it is, I can't help but fall into the fantasy for a moment. Visions of three of us—weekend outings, school plays, holidays—happy and secure. The images weave together into a beautiful tapestry of possibility. My heart swells with longing, with hope. It's as alluring as it is intimidating.
I'm jolted out of my reverie by Aria’s voice, her cheerful tone breaking through my thoughts. "Natalie, you can have another cookie if you want!" Her bright eyes focus on me, innocent and beautiful.
I smile at her, touched by her generous spirit. I wish I could accept, but the stress of the past few days has caught up to me and turned my stomach off. "Oh, thanks Aria, but I'm too full for another right now," I reply, giving my stomach a comedic little pat, drawing a giggle from her.
Julian watches our interaction, his eyes crinkling around the edges. It's nice to think that I can be as much a comfort to him as he is to me, that we've both found peace in this moment together.
After a while, when Aria dances back to her room, Julian's mood shifts. His expression turns serious as he asks, “Have you heard any news from the police yet?”
The question hangs in the air, a solemn ending to an idyllic moment. I shake my head, a slight frown creasing my brow. "No, nothing yet. It really feels like we’re on our own with this," I lament.
Julian’s jaw clenches, his hands twitching in his lap. "We'll figure it out," he asserts, maybe more for his own comfort than mine. "We have to."
I nod, appreciating his determination, but the effect the situation is having on Julian makes me worried for him. I wish there was something more I could do. At least now I'm beginning to understand his feelings, and hopefully I can be a better support to him moving forward.
As Aria's bedtime approaches, I reluctantly gather my things. This evening has been so wonderful, but our relationship needs a minute to breathe, for the wounds to finish healing. And I don't want to encroach on Julian and Aria's routine just yet. We'll take that slowly, one step at a time.
I gratefully accept Aria's goodbye hug, her warmth spreading over me like sunshine. “Thank you for the cookies, love,” I tell her, gently running my hand over her dark curls.
“You're welcome,” Aria answers politely, reaching up with a mirroring touch of my own hair. “Thanks for coming.”
This beautiful child is so sweet, so pure. She's an extension of Julian, all of his good parts bundled up into one adorable little human, still untarnished by the weight of the world. He’s an amazing father—that much is evident—and it only deepens my feelings for him.
"Yes, thank you for coming, Nat," Julian echoes, his gaze lingering on mine for a moment longer than necessary.
Aria stays inside as Julian and I step out onto the front porch, the cool night air crisp against my skin. It's Julian who leans in first, his lips soft and gentle as they find mine. He's being careful, I know, and his tenderness sends a lovely shiver down my spine.
We break apart but remain close, the energy between us charging with mutual desire. Without thinking, I throw my arms around his neck, pulling Julian back down for another kiss. This one is deep, searching for one last reassurance that his feelings match my own.
Julian answers me with matched fervor, his mouth moving against mine with insistence as his hands lift to my face, gluing me to him. Too soon though, he pushes me back, and both of us gasp for air.
“Aria is watching,” Julian whispers, his breath tickling my neck.
Surprised, I quickly peek around his shoulder just in time to see a tiny head of curls dart away from the window. My face goes hot.
“How did you know?” I ask.
Julian smirks. “It's a dad thing.”
It's entirely unfair how much that turns me on. I bite my lip, resisting the urge to lunge at him again. Julian eyes me playfully for a moment before wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me to him, capturing me in his embrace.
“Really, thank you for coming, Nat,” he repeats. Pulling back slightly, he plants a tender kiss on my forehead. “I'll see you tomorrow.”