27. Julian
CHAPTER 27
JULIAN
A fter a long morning—with more whining than usual—Aria finally agrees to let me head to work while her usual sitter watches her.
I’m grateful, because Jack suggested meeting up for lunch today, and that feels like a much needed reprieve from the constant tension that's been shadowing me. I have just enough time to meet up with him before heading to the job site for the afternoon.
As I navigate the familiar streets, I try unsuccessfully to shake off the perpetual state of alert that's become my new normal. The reality is, until the situation is settled—until I know for certain that there's no longer any threat to Aria and Natalie—I’m not going to be able to relax. I know it's an obsession, a part of me that doesn't work right anymore. But that doesn't make it any easier to let go of.
I meet Jack at our old spot, the diner where I ran into Natalie the night she moved back into town. It's quiet and out of the way, giving us the privacy needed for potentially heavy conversations. He’s already seated when I arrive, and his expression shifts from casual waiting to concern as he takes in my appearance.
"You look like you haven’t slept in a week. Everything alright?" Jack asks as I slide into the booth opposite him.
I force a smile, one that feels more weary than reassuring. "Yeah, just the usual circus. Aria’s home sick, and I’m out here trying not to think of a million things that could go wrong," I admit, running a hand through my hair in frustration.
Jack’s brow furrows. "It’s that bad, huh? I mean, I know the situation with Mason’s been tough, but you seem more on edge than usual."
"It’s not just Mason," I confess, leaning back in the booth and glancing out the window momentarily as if expecting to see a problem manifest right there. "It’s everything. Even with Aria at home, where I know she’s safe with the sitter... I can’t shake this feeling of dread. It’s like I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop."
Jack nods, contemplating quietly. "I get what you mean. You can’t live like that, man. It’s not sustainable. You've got to find a way to trust a little—trust the people taking care of her, trust that you’ve taken the right precautions."
"I know, I know," I reply, dragging my hands down my face. "It’s just hard to switch off. The police are useless, so I can’t trust them to keep Aria or Natalie safe—Shit, Natalie.” I struggle to catch my breath, my thoughts battling each other for attention. “Every time I see Nat—or even just think about her—I’m reminded of what I stand to lose if I don’t keep my guard up. And Nat... I can tell something's bothering her, but she’s trying to handle it without adding to my stress."
“Can you blame her?” Julian asks gently. “She cares about you and Aria a lot. The last thing she would want to do is be a burden to you.”
I sigh, fully aware of how unapproachable I've been lately. “She's not a burden,” I state firmly.
Jack pauses, searching my face. For what, I don't know. “Then what is she?” he finally asks.
A part of me grateful for the chance to vocalize my feelings, yet uncertain about how to articulate the complexities of my relationship with Natalie. "She’s… amazing, Jack. She really is. But it's complicated. With all this going on, I sometimes wonder if I’m the one bringing too much chaos into her life."
Jack shakes his head. "She doesn’t care about that. She’s in this with her eyes open, man.”
I manage a half-smile, knowing the truthfulness of his words, but it doesn't ease my guilt. “Yeah, she’s something else. I mean, she's Nat. I’m just... I worry I’m not giving her what she needs.”
“I think what she needs is a break—you both do,” Jack interjects. “Maybe you could take a break together.”
It's a brilliant idea, and I practically kick myself for not thinking of it sooner. “You’re right,” I agree, excitement brimming within me for the first time in a while. “We could go somewhere special, an escape just for a night.”
Jack squints at me, his expression pinched. “Careful—that’s my sister you're talking about, remember?”
I laugh, a genuine sound that feels surprisingly refreshing given the weight I’ve been carrying around. “I know. I'll keep the details to myself.”
“Good Lord,” Jack mutters under his breath, rubbing a hand down his face. Then more seriously, he adds, “Just promise me that you're really serious about this? That you're not just playing with Nat?”
A serious moment passes between us as the weight of his plea draws years of history, of brotherhood trust, up to the surface.
“Honestly?” I pause, a realization dawning on me even as I speak, “I care about her a lot, Jack. Too much. I think I'm in love with her.”
The word hangs in the air, more significant than I intended. Jack looks shocked at first, then his expression shifts into something deeper, more reflective. The truth is, it surprises me too. Saying it out loud, admitting it to Jack, to myself, makes it more real than it’s ever been.
The silence stretches too long for my comfort. I have no idea what Jack is thinking. For all I know, he's taking so long to answer because he's contemplating the most gratifying way to kill me. And I wouldn't blame him, considering everything.
To my surprise, Jack raises his brow, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth as he nods slowly. “Well, then. That’ll do.” He laughs, shaking his head as if in disbelief. “Actually, I think it’s good—you and Nat. You’ve got something special. If you love her, then she deserves to know that. Especially now, with everything that’s going on. It might give you both something solid to hold onto.”
His words echo in my mind as we continue our lunch, switching topics, trying to give the heavy conversation a moment to settle. It's genuinely good advice. It could be just what Natalie and I need; a romantic night away from everything, a chance to recharge and reaffirm the feelings that have been growing between us. It will give me an opportunity to tell her I love her.
As we part ways, Jack claps me on the back, a brotherly gesture filled with warmth. “Take care of her, Jules. And take care of yourself too. You’ve got people who care about you, don’t forget that.”
Driving away from the diner, I feel a mixture of resolve and anticipation stirring within me. Planning something special for Natalie sounds like just what the doctor ordered. Maybe it’s time to stop letting chaos dictate our lives, and start creating our own peace, however fleeting it might be.
Settling back at home later in the evening, with the mission of planning something truly special for Natalie, I feel light, bubbly—like my very bones are buzzing with excitement. Or maybe it's nerves. Planning a romantic escape requires far more effort than the usual dinner and a movie. It needs to be unique, something memorable that will offer us both a genuine break from our worries.
I start by looking up various date ideas, browsing through endless lists of suggestions. Many are the standard fare, but I’m looking for something deeper, different. After an hour of searching, I find myself drawn to the idea of a secluded cabin getaway. It’s the perfect blend of intimacy and escape—remote enough to feel like we're stepping out of our lives, but comfortable enough to relax completely.
The idea solidifies as I explore options for cabins nearby. I find one nestled beside a lake, surrounded by woods, offering privacy and a picturesque setting. It boasts a cozy interior with a fireplace, a small dock, and promises of starlit nights. This could be the perfect place for us to unwind and reconnect, away from the ever-looming pressures of our daily lives.
The more I think about it, the more perfect it seems. We could take walks by the lake, maybe go boating if the weather allows, or just stay in bed the whole time—if that's where the trip takes us. It would be a chance for us to talk, to laugh, and just be together without the outside world intruding.
But then, there’s the matter of Aria. The thought of leaving her overnight, even with trusted friends, stirs a familiar surge of reluctance. It’s a hurdle I hadn’t fully considered, too caught up in the excitement of time alone with Nat.
Taking a deep breath, I remind myself that Aria enjoys her time away from home. She’s getting tired of being confined to the house day after day. It’s just the safety concerns that make me pause; but I can hear Natalie’s voice in my mind, reminding me that Aria will be okay, that I can't do everything alone and I need to trust the people in my corner.
With a decision made, I mark the upcoming weekend on my calendar. Tomorrow, I’ll start the preparations: booking the cabin, arranging Aria to stay with family, and planning the small details that will make the getaway special for Natalie. I want everything to be perfect.
I can already imagine Nat’s reaction, the joy and surprise in her eyes. It’s a moment I find myself eagerly anticipating. This weekend will be about us, a chance to strengthen our bond.
After realizing how long I've been lost in planning and daydreaming, I glance at the clock. It’s getting late, and I need to put Aria to bed. The day has slipped by quicker than expected, riding a high of good emotions that I haven't experienced in a long time.
As I get Aria ready for bed, I think about how I'll explain the upcoming plans to her. I want her to be excited, and not feel like I’m taking a vacation without her. If she has any sort of hesitancy about this, I’ll shut down all the plans.
But I’m really hoping she’ll wingman me here.
When Aria hops under the covers, I can tell she's feeling much better than this morning. Her fever is gone, and a healthy shine is beginning to return to her eyes. I might as well tell her now, then.
“So, Aria,” I begin, tucking her quilt around her little body. “How would you feel about having a sleepover at Uncle Mike’s and Aunt Judy's this weekend?” They're not really her aunt and uncle—they're my cousin and his wife—but they’re the closest family we have in the area, and they have two kids around Aria's age.
Aria lights up briefly, then her eyes narrow, curiosity piqued. “Why?”
I chuckle, knowing her interest is as much about the potential for fun at Mike’s as it is about what I might be up to. “Well, it’s sort of a special weekend. Just for the adults, though. Natalie and I need to... recharge a bit, you know?”
Aria considers this, then nods, satisfied. Her excitement reemerges. “Okay! Will my cousins be there?”
“Yes, you’ll have lots of company. I bet you’ll have loads of fun too,” I reassure her, happy to see her warming up to the idea.
“Okay! I hope you have fun too, Daddy. Make sure you do something cool!” she responds, her tone earnest, and I make a silent promise to both myself and Aria to make the most of my time away.
Her easy acceptance and well-wishes lift a weight from my shoulders. Knowing Aria will be in good hands and looking forward to her own ‘vacation’ makes it easier for me to focus on the special time ahead with Natalie.
Maybe I really can do this, find the right balance between parenting and personal needs. Maybe this will be better for me, and all the people I care about.