22. Chapter 22
Charlie
I sla brought her another cup of tea to replace the untouched one she’d just carried back to the kitchen.
“Thank you,” Charlie said automatically.
“Beau’s bringing Lorenz home,” Ry said. “They’ll be here soon.”
Charlie wrapped her hands around the warm mug, welcoming the heat. She was still so cold. She couldn’t seem to stop shivering.
“I’m sorry I … I’m sorry I called everyone out. It’s so late, and you should all be—”
“Stop,” Isla said gently, taking the seat next to her. “Please, Charlie. We’re here because we want to be.
Ry nodded. “For both of you.”
Charlie lowered her eyes to the steaming mug. “I feel so stupid.”
“Don’t. You did the right thing,” Ry said.
She’d done the only thing she could. It wasn’t the first time she’d worried about Lorenz, but it was the first time she’d worried for him. She’d hurt him so badly, and he’d looked so lost when he’d walked out … he’d looked shattered.
“I should leave.”
Isla and Ry exchanged a long look.
“Why?” Isla asked.
Because Lorenz might not want to see her, and she didn’t think she could stand it if he kicked her out of his house.
“I … I’m not sure Lorenz will want to see me.”
“I know for a fact he wants to see you, Charlie,” Ry said. “He sent a message asking us to stay here with you until he arrives.”
Charlie hesitated. Maybe he was only coming back because this was his home.
A sob caught in her throat. Maybe he was coming back to tell her it was all over.
“Charlie,” Isla said, slipping an arm around Charlie’s shoulders and giving a gentle squeeze. “It’s going to be okay.”
Charlie nodded, putting on what she hoped was a brave face. None of this was Isla's or Ry’s problem. It was her problem. After what she’d done, she owed it to Lorenz to stay and hear him out. No matter how much it hurt.
The sound of a motorbike cut through the silence.
“That’s them,” Ry said.
Charlie’s pulse lurched.
By the time the front door opened, Ry and Isla were on their feet. Beau strode inside, holding the door open for Lorenz.
Charlie looked up. Lorenz was wearing a jacket he hadn’t been wearing before.
Beau’s jacket .
His dark hair was damp, his face pale from cold, as if he’d been outside all this time.
“Thank you,” Charlie said to Beau, her voice barely above a whisper. Beau hadn’t hesitated for an instant when she’d called him.
Beau gave a small nod.
“Are you sure you’re both okay?” Ry asked. “We could make another cup of tea.”
Lorenz shook his head, speaking for the first time. “We’re good, thank you. Charlie and I … we just need to talk.”
It took a few minutes, but eventually the three of them left. Charlie’s legs shook so badly, she had to sit back down at the kitchen table to hide it. Lorenz chose to stand in front of her.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“Don’t,” Lorenz replied, his expression cold.
Tears rose to Charlie’s eyes again. “I don’t know what you want me to say …”
“I need you to answer my questions. Do you think you can do that?”
Charlie nodded.
“You …” Lorenz licked his chapped lips. “You thought I wouldn’t want you?”
She frowned slightly, thrown by the question.
His hand moved closer, but he stopped just short of touching her.
“You thought I wouldn’t want you, if you couldn’t have children?” he repeated. “All this time, that’s what you’ve been thinking?”
“Lorenz, please don’t make this harder than it has to be. I already said I was sorry. I know I should have told you the truth.”
“You should have,” he agreed, and there was something raw in his voice. “You should have given me the chance to decide what mattered to me.”
A flicker of pain crossed his face.
“I know you would have stayed with me, Lorenz. I know that, because that’s the kind of man you are. But you would have missed out on something I know you desperately wanted. Kids. A family.”
Lorenz exhaled slowly. “And have you wondered, over the last weeks, why I don’t have kids? A wife? A family?” he asked. “Have you wondered?”
Charlie gave a small, sad smile.
“I have. I have wondered … An ugly, small part of me was even glad you hadn’t married again. But that’s wrong, Lorenz. I love you. And that’s why I have to stop this—whatever this is between us. Because you deserve more.”
“You love me.”
She faltered. Out of everything she’d said, he had to latch on to this. “You … you know what I mean. We were married. Of course I—“
“No,” he said, more firmly. “That’s not what you meant.”
Lorenz
Lorenz took a deep breath.
He wasn’t sure of much, but at this exact moment he knew his future—his entire life —depended on his being able to stay in control over the next few minutes.
“Stop,” Charlie begged.
He wasn’t going to stop. He wasn’t going to stay quiet anymore. He’d done that six years earlier, and it’d gotten him nowhere. Now, he was going to get it all out into the open. “You didn’t say you loved me. You said you love me.”
Her throat moved again. Her eyes looked away from him.
“Lorenz …”
He kneeled in front of her and brought her hand to his chest. “I spent all these years thinking you left because I wasn’t enough. Because I wasn’t there for you when we lost our baby.”
Color rose to her face. “Lorenz, I swear I never meant—”
“Please stop apologizing.”
He closed his eyes for a moment, searching for words he should have found seven years earlier.
“I was angry, Charlie.”
She flinched, and he forced himself to keep talking.
“When I walked out of here tonight … I don’t think I’ve ever been that angry.”
Charlie’s face crumpled.
“But I wasn’t angry because you couldn’t have children.”
“What?”
“I was angry because I had just realized why I lost you. And now, I’m not angry. I’m just disappointed in myself.”
“In yourself?“ she repeated, as if unable to make sense of his words.
He went on. “I should have known something was going on. And when you asked for a divorce, I should have fought harder. I shouldn’t have let you choose what you thought was best for me.” He closed his hand over hers, keeping it against his chest, so she could feel his heartbeat.
A sob escaped her. “But you wanted children. You talked about it all the time. You were so happy—”
“Yes!” His voice came out louder than he intended. He lowered his voice. “I wanted kids with you . With you, Charlie. That was the non-negotiable part you seem to be missing.”
Charlie shook her head. He could see the conflict in her, the years of conviction coming face to face with his words. “You say that now, but you haven’t had time to think what it really means. You might feel different tomorrow.”
“I would have said it then,” he replied. “If you’d given me the chance.”
“I was trying to protect you,” she said finally. “After everything we’d lost, I didn’t want to be the reason you lost even more.”
Something tightened in his chest.
So we ended up losing each other.
Somehow, he had to make her see how unacceptable this was.
“When you asked for a divorce, I accepted it because I thought it was the right thing to do.” He gave a short, humorless laugh. “It never occurred to me that the woman I loved might be making the biggest mistake of our lives.”
Charlie stared at him.
“You know what I should have done? I should have refused to sign those papers until we understood what had happened to us.”
“But I …”
“And I should never have let you carry everything alone, Charlie,” he said, squeezing her hand and arm gently.
“So now …” she said, her expression dazed.
“We’ve spent almost seven years letting the worst months of our lives decide our future. We’re done with that. We’re done rehashing the past. You were my family, Charlie. You still are . That’s why I didn’t build a new life with someone else. Because you’re my wife .”
Her eyes widened slowly.
“You … you still want me? Even after what you’ve learned tonight?”
Want her?
Didn’t she realize the only thing that scared him was the thought of living the next decades without her?
“Nothing you’ve told me changes what I feel for you, Charlie. I love you. I always have. And now that I know you feel the same— if you feel the same—I don’t want to keep living in the past for a minute longer.”
Her breath hitched. For a second, he thought he’d gone too far. That maybe it was too late. Maybe—
“Okay.”
“Okay?” he repeated. “Okay, as in, you agree with everything I’ve said?”
A real, unsteady smile broke through her tears. “I don’t know about everything, but I agree that I love you, and I agree that … I’d like us to see what a future together looks like.”
His throat felt tight with something akin to relief—except calling it relief was like calling Mount Everest a hill.
She glanced down to his chest, where their hands met, then back up at him. “Now, I’d like some dinner. Which means you’re going to have to let go.”
He remembered Val’s words. Warm food. Hot tea. That was what Charlie needed, after everything she’d been through.
“Right,” he said, releasing her hand. “Food first. Then we plan.”