Second Chance Mates (Fated Souls Series: Book 1)

1. Jaxon

Pain.

Sometimes, pain is all I feel. The heart-wrenching, soul-destroying kind. It’s like a void in your heart that can never be fixed.

Happiness is nothing but a distant memory. Half my soul is missing, and I’ll never be able to fill the emptiness that suffocates my chest. It’s been nine months since I watched my beautiful mate be brutally murdered. Everyone tells me there was nothing I could have done to prevent it, but that’s not true. There is always something.

I blame myself every damn day.

All I remember is the screaming…the endless screaming. From her. From me. It haunts my dreams in the middle of the night and occupies my mind when I’m wide awake. I will never be able to escape it.

My other half is gone. My mate is gone. I will never see her face again. The heartache is unbearable—even today. Being an Alpha doesn’t make it any better; it only makes things worse. The pack are relying on me, and I’ve done nothing but mourn for her in sheltered silence.

I’ve been hard on my pack since she passed, but I’m not entirely sure what they expect of me. I don’t even know what I expect of myself. My life and future are gone, and now, I’ll live the remainder of my life mateless.

Everyone has heard the horror stories of mateless wolves. They eventually go insane from loneliness and depression. The days don’t get better. The pain gradually worsens, and eventually, our wolves give up from their broken hearts.

A knock at my office door stirs me away from my desk, although I was hardly paying attention to my work. I struggle to stay focused for extended periods of time. My mind seems to wander, and I’m left in this spiralling rut.

“Come in,” I shout as the door cracks open.

My eyes focus on my Beta, Kayden, as he stands in the doorway to my office. “Alpha,” he greets me.

“Do you need something?” I clear my throat and glance back down to the papers on my desk. I can’t even remember where I left off. My eyes flitter across the words.

Did I even start?

Kayden walks across my office and stands directly in front of me, crossing his thick arms over his chest. “I wanted to know if you’d have dinner with us tonight. It’s been a long time sinc–”

My hand raises. I don’t even want to hear it. I know I haven’t been the best Alpha. I don’t need him to state the obvious. “I’m busy. Another time.”

When he doesn’t move or dismiss himself, I look up. His dark eyes are watching me carefully. I sigh, leaning back into my chair. “I know you’re going through a tough time, Jaxon. But we rarely see you as it is. The pack needs you. They can support you.”

My jaw tenses, bones cracking in the process. “I can’t.”

“Why?”

I run a hand down my face. This isn’t the conversation I want to have right now. I need to finish this work, and this is another unnecessary distraction.

“Because I can’t bear the thought of seeing other people happy, alright?” I snap, instantly regretting the words. Kayden’s brows soften, and he drops his hands to his sides. “Is that what you wanted to hear? That I’m selfish as fuck? Since I lost Julia, I can’t find it in me to look at Lucy and Sebastian together, or anyone, for that matter. It fucking kills me.”

Kayden’s mouth parts, and I brace myself for his bullshit, but it never comes. Instead, he consoles me, and I hate that even more. “It’s not selfish, Jaxon. You lost a part of your soul; we all understand that’s something that won’t heal overnight. But we’re here for you. We want to show you what a pack’s love can do. We’re family, and all of us want to help. But come on, Jaxon. Give us a chance.”

Love.

I silently scoff at the word. The only love I want is from my soulmate.

But she’s gone.

When I hear my Beta sigh and take a step away from my desk, I sink further into my seat. “You know where we are if you want to join us. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you, but we don’t want to see you deteriorate. I’m running out of things to suggest, and I hate seeing you like this.”

“Me, too,” I murmur as I numbingly stare at a spot on my desk.

Moments later, my office door shuts with a soft click. “Fuck,” I mutter under my breath and swipe a bunch of papers onto the floor out of frustration and self-hatred.

A concoction of emotions crawls through my body like trapped poison in my veins. The ones that paralyse me every day and take control of every thought.

Sadness.

Guilt.

Regret.

My airways begin to tighten. I ball my hand into a fist and shoot up from my chair. My back hunches over my desk as I try to control my breathing. Fuck. I need air. I need to get the hell out of here.

I storm across my office, throwing open the door. It crashes into the wall loudly as I rush down the stairs before my lungs constrict from all the tightness consuming me.

“Jaxon!” I hear my sister, Lucy, call out to me.

But I ignore her, my vision tunnelling. I set my eyes on the front door, and then I’m outside before I can even blink. I need to get as far away from here as possible.

My entire pack has taken the hit of my grief far too many times. I despise myself for the pain I’ve caused them, but they will never understand the agony I experience daily. The only way I know how to deal with it is to isolate myself. Grieving is not easy; anyone who says it gets better is a liar.

As soon as I step outside, the crisp air whips against the back of my neck. The heat that radiates from my body is alarming, but it’s the least of my worries. I rip open the door to my car, start the engine, and drive away. My mind is occupied with a thousand different thoughts, making my fingers wrap around the leather steering wheel tightly.

I wish I could run out into the woods and shift, spend the evening with nature. That would calm me. But I can’t even do that.

When Julia died, my wolf went into hiding. I haven’t seen him for nine months. I haven’t felt him—haven’t felt his instincts or feelings. It’s like he’s dead inside me. The only reason I know he’s still there is because I’m alive.

If I lost him, too, I wouldn’t be here right now.

He’s weak and heartbroken—we both are—but he doesn’t want to be seen. I’m envious of him in that sense. I would do anything to be wholly alone.

What is the point of living without your mate, the only person that could ever make you feel truly complete? The bond never lies. The bond is eternal. The bond that I will never get to experience again.

I suddenly snap out of my trance and realise I’ve been driving for minutes on end without thinking.

Shit.

My mind needs the distraction and a change of scenery, but it’s hard when it wanders without permission.

My fists continue to grip the steering wheel as I turn down a long, empty road. The night is pitch-black, the sky full of clouds and not a single star in sight. That doesn’t make me feel any better. Sometimes, I like to think she’s watching over me. My own angel looking from the sky above, yet I cannot see one star that wants to peek out behind the clouds of pure darkness.

The road starts to narrow, and the trees grow taller over me, but it’s an illusion. I drag a hand through my hair and focus on the road ahead. Not Julia. Anything but Julia.

Why is nothing ever simple? I wish I could switch off my overactive brain for even a minute. That would be true peace.

My nose tingles as a soft scent swarms me. All my senses become unbearably sensitive. I glance down at my arms to find my skin rising in goosebumps. I straighten in my seat, squinting my eyes at the dimly lit road. I have exceptional vision, but something is off.

The smell is faint, but it’s undeniably beautiful—a subtle scent of vanilla mixed with a heavy dose of chestnut. Where is it coming from? It’s becoming stronger by the second. Pins and needles develop in my hand, and I take my fingers off the steering wheel to give them a quick stretch.

The darkness of the trees reflects down onto the road. It looks a lot more sinister than it actually is. They blow aggressively in the wind as if the atmosphere has taken a turn for the worst. My foot presses on the brakes, slowing down. I’m on edge from twitching at every movement I see.

My eyes snap to the left side of the road as the bushes rustle. The scent is even more intense now. It’s suffocating my lungs to the point I’m struggling to breathe.

Within a second, I slam my foot down on the brakes full force when I see a young girl emerge from the wooded area. She dashes across the road with a slight limp, her clothes shredded.

She attempts to make it to the other end of the road without looking. I almost hit her. I do my best to swerve, but there is nowhere else to go on this narrow road. My tyres screech to a halt as her hand presses on the hood of my car, and her body wobbles, her feet now out of sequence.

Her terrified eyes peer at me through my windscreen, her chest heaving with every breath she takes. Her entire body is trembling, with cuts and bruises painting her skin.

The scent is so intense that my heart begins to race rapidly. I capture her dark, willow eyes with mine. For a moment, it’s like time stands still, and nothing else matters.

My wolf howls inside me, bringing everything back to life I thought I had lost. I part my lips in complete and utter shock, unable to move from my frozen stance and the new waves of emotions I forgot existed.

Mate.