12. Jaxon
Isit in my office, staring down at my dark wooden desk. The picture inside the frame Ava smashed rests on the corner. I haven’t had time to replace it. I lean over to take the photo between my fingers.
My heart thumps at Julia’s face. The pair of us. All the grief I’ve endured over the past year. I notice that my face falls into a soft frown when I can’t take my eyes off her. I despise myself for being in this situation, especially now I’ve been given a second mate who needs all the love one could possibly give her.
When my mind twitches to Ava, my wolf howls at the thought of her. I could never forget Julia, but he”s got other ideas. Right now, Ava is the centre of his focus. I miss Julia more than anything, but Ava’s presence has spun my world entirely.
There’s a knock at my office door, and I lower the photo. “Come in.”
Kayden emerges and offers me a nod. “Jaxon.” He bows his head slowly. “Busy working?”
“All of the stuff I missed? Yeah. I’m trying to get everything back under control. I can’t believe I left everything for this long. The pack would have fallen apart without you.”
“Don’t overwork yourself. You’ve been up here for hours.”
I shrug. “It’s not overworking when there’s a pile-up.”
“Then, let me help.”
“No, you’ve done more than enough.”
Kayden raises his brows, calling bullshit.
“What?” I slump back into my chair.
“I can see where this is going.” He holds up his hands in defence. “I know you’re a perfectionist, but not everything needs to get done within seconds. You’re going to end up burning yourself out or messing up. That’s the last thing we need from you.”
My eyes roll. “Did you need something, Kayden? Other than bothering me.”
“It’s my job to bother you.” He flashes me a lazy smile.
“Don’t I know it,” I mutter under my breath.
“Just checking how you are. How are things going with Ava? You seem like you’re getting your spark back again.”
My brows raise. “I do?”
“Yeah.” He pauses by my desk and shoves his hands into his pockets. “I know you miss us. I know you miss stepping up as our Alpha. I can only imagine this has to do with Ava and the bond that’s growing between you.”
I lean back in my chair and sigh. “My head”s a mess. I feel guilty for wanting to let the bond strengthen between us, and then I think about Julia. My heart hasn’t been the same since she left us.”
Kayden nods. “I get that. But don’t you think she’d want you to be happy? You’re not going to forget about her. She’s always going to be a part of your life, but that doesn’t mean you can’t develop things with Ava. The Moon Goddess doesn’t lie. She’s blessed you with a second mate for a reason.”
I bury my head in my hands. “Some days, I wake up excited to see Ava’s face, and then I think about Julia and the way she looked when they–”
“Stop torturing yourself, Jaxon.” Kayden’s loud voice snaps me back into the room and away from my wandering thoughts. “I get it. She’s gone. We all miss her. But Ava, she needs you. She needs us as a pack, even if she’s human. Sometimes, I wanna kick your ass to make you see sense.”
“Fucking dare.” I point a finger at him.
Kayden’s mouth stretches into a shit-eating grin. “When you need it, I’m going to deliver. Don’t you worry.”
I huff out a breath through my nose.
“I know things are hard, but when do you ever give up?”
My eyes harden. “Never.”
“Then let all of these negative emotions go. You can grieve; I am not taking that away from you. But your family has been here the entire time. We’re not the same when you’re not with us. If anything, it’s Ava who has allowed us to see you more over the past month. She’s bringing you back slowly, even if you don’t see it yourself.”
Deep down, I know he’s right. I’ve spent more time in the house than I have in my office, all because I want to make sure Ava is comfortable.
“I’m taking it one day at a time.”
“And I’m proud of you, brother. But if you ever make me say that soppy shit again, I’ll have to kill you.”
The corner of my mouth tips in amusement. “I’ll call a training session for today. It’s been long overdue.”
Kayden grins. “Thank the Goddess. I know work is important, but so is reconnecting with the pack. They’ll be ready and waiting.”
I definitely missed takingcharge and being with my loyal pack members. How could I not? They’ve stuck by me, even when I’ve been an asshole and deserve nothing but silent treatment. I’ve been absent during the time I was grieving Julia, and I have a lot to make up for.
At least I can admit it’s good for distractions, even when I didn’t want to listen to their words of advice. I thought I knew best, and I thought wrong.
Alphas don’t like being told what to do; I can vouch for that.
During our training session, I find my wolves are more than eager to please, and I appreciate every second of it. They respond to my orders, and together, we connect on a new level. Despite not being able to shift because my wolf refuses to show himself, I’ve used my human strength to push through instead.
By the end of the training session, I know I’ve worked them to the bone. I might be a pusher, but it’s for the greater good. They need to move outside of their comfort zones to improve, and I’m making up for lost time.
I’m not going to let them down again. I’m not going to let myself down either.
I’m striving to be a better man—someone my dad would be proud of.
When we all prowl back to the pack house, I spot a figure in the window. I recognise Ava’s long dark hair and piercing brown eyes. My lip curls at her curiosity. She’s beginning to ask more questions, but it’s mostly directed at Lucy because they spend more time together. A part of me is slightly envious, but at the same time, I know she needs her comfort first.
My time will come, when I’ve earned it. I’m sure of it.
I slip through the back door of my private kitchen where Ava is standing. Her eyes roam over my body, taking in my sweaty skin and dirty forearms before landing on my face.
“Hey.” I smile at her. “You okay?”
Ava nods once. “Hey.” Her voice is quiet. “Yeah. I was watching you guys.”
Warmth spreads in my heart at her confession. “It’s been a while since I’ve been out there.”
“Why?”
“I’ve been isolating myself.”
“I do that, too. It doesn’t help anything,” she admits, wrapping her hands around her elbows.
My head moves in agreement. “You’re right; it doesn’t.”
Ava’s mouth opens and then shuts. I frown as she reserves herself and steps away, turning her back on me to leave the kitchen.
“Did you want to ask me something?”
Her shoulders tense for a moment before she glances at me. “I have a thousand questions,” she whispers. “But I’m not sure I’m ready for the answers.”
My forehead pinches at her statement. “I don’t want you worrying about being here. If you have concerns or questions, I want you to be able to ask them.”
Ava glances over my body. “I guess you should shower first.”
“Sorry, do I smell?” I say playfully.
Her nose twitches. “A little. Yeah.”
A deep laugh rumbles from my chest, catching both of us by surprise. Her eyes widen slightly, but she doesn’t look frightened. “I’ll go shower, and then I’ll meet you in the living room?”
“Sure.”
I’m gone for no longer than fifteen minutes. Ava is sitting on the sofa in my segregated lounge. Here, we have all the peace and quiet she needs to ask her questions.
I perch on the other end of the sofa, reminding myself to give her space.
“Okay,” I say, taking her in. “What did you want to ask?”
Ava twiddles with her fingers for a long moment before her lips part. “Are we on land where there are only wolves?”
“Yes.” I nod. “For miles, this is werewolf territory. This area is called Wildemount, and that’s the name of our pack. The human district is further north.”
“Wildemount Pack?”
“Yes.”
“And you’re the Alpha?”
“Yes.”
She hums softly, and I study her lips as she presses them together. “I don’t understand much about the bond and what it means. Why us? Why me?”
“The Moon Goddess makes these choices for us. She pairs us with people she thinks are compatible,” I explain.
Ava’s face morphs into disgust. “So she mated me with Lucien because she thought we’d be a good match?”
I wince. “That”s something I can’t explain, and I’m sorry. I’m only grateful that she’s led you into my path where you’re safe. She’s granted us both a second chance, which is unheard of in our realm.”
She’s startled. “Oh.”
The room falls silent for a moment, and I let her digest my words.
“The woman in the picture,” she blurts suddenly.
“Yeah.”
“Who is she?”
“Julia. Her name was Julia. She was my fated mate before she was taken away from me.”
“How?”
“She was killed.”
Ava frowns. “I’m so sorry.”
My eyes lower to the sofa. “It’s been almost eleven months, but it’s been hard. At first, it felt like half of my soul had been ripped from me. But since you came into my life, I’ve been fighting a thousand different emotions.”
“How long were you together for?”
“Almost two years.”
Ava’s eyes glimmer with sadness. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“It’s okay.”
Silence envelops us again for a long moment before she asks, “And what does that mean for us?” Her brows crease in confusion.
I clear my throat. “I’m as surprised as you are. Second-chance mates are known to be a myth. But something happened, and we’ve both been directed towards each other for a reason.”
She swallows harshly and stares at me for a few seconds. “Everything is hard to grasp when Lucien kept a lot from me.”
“I get that,” I say slowly. “But nothing between us has to be forced or rushed. I’m happy to go at whatever pace. My heart is still grieving Julia, and it’s not fair to put you through that. I want to be honest and transparent with you.”
“She’s not someone you can easily get over.” Her expression softens. “You will probably love her for the rest of your life.”
I slide my hands down my thighs. “Yeah, I probably will.”
“Do we have to be together?”
“No,” I state. “But being without each other will hurt us internally and our wo–” I cut myself off. “My wolf. But I won’t force you into anything. I’m not that kind of man. I want what’s best for you and nothing else.”
Ava buries her head in her hands. “How can I be mated to two wolves but be human?”
“I don’t know,” I admit. “Human mates are extremely rare, but second-chance mates are unheard of. You must be one powerful anomaly.”
She leans back into the sofa and shakes her head. “I can’t believe this is happening to me. I can’t believe any of this is happening to me. It’s messing with my head.”
“I know.” I frown. “And I’m sorry.”
I pray she starts to remember her past so she can have some kind of connection to the human world. I fear she’s losing her sanity, being in our realm and adjusting to our way of life.
“Tell me more about the mate bond,” she says suddenly. Her feet move to the floor, and she angles her body towards mine. “That day you found me in your office, the sound of your voice and the way you cradled my hands had me calm within minutes. H-how?”
I offer her a small smile and lean forward. “Because mate bonds are there to help one another. To ground them and remind them they are loved and cared for.”
Ava blinks once. “It felt so warm like someone had wrapped me up in a blanket and gave me a hug. I-I’ve never felt anything like it in my life.”
“Because it’s unlike anything else in the world. It’s indescribable.”
She nods in agreement. “Panic attacks hurt me, and the pain was masked. It was like you absorbed some of it.”
“The mate bond probably did. I used my power to take away your agony.”
“That’s incredible,” she whispers, unable to take her pretty eyes off me. “I just don’t understand how.”
I stare down at her hands cupped in her lap. “It’s a hard concept to grasp, I know. Over time, it’ll only grow stronger as the connection builds. What you felt the other night is nothing in comparison to what it could be.”
Ava’s mouth falls open. “How do you build the connection?”
“By being around each other, talking, touching.”
“Oh–”
“But we don’t have to do any of that. Only what you’re comfortable with.”
Ava’s eyes dart to my hands and she chews down on her lip as if she’s in deep thought. “What if you held my hand again? Would it do it, then?”
I nod when she glances up. “It will.”
Silence washes over us for a long moment until she meets my gaze and hesitates. “C-can we–”
“You want me to hold your hand?”
“Uh–”
“How about you hold my hand?” I suggest.
Ava’s head moves, but she fixates on my palms. “Okay.”
She doesn’t move at first, but after a few minutes, she leans over and holds her fingers above the centre of my hand. We don’t even need to touch to feel the electricity that courses through my veins. I glance up at Ava. She doesn’t seem to feel it the same way I do, but I know my wolf”s senses are heightened.
After another minute, she drops her finger to mine and loops them together. Relief and comfort crash over my body like a wave. I close my lids for a moment before snapping them open to watch. She fights her eyes to stay open as she squeezes her finger around mine.
But to my surprise, she stretches her other fingers out and laces them through my own. Fireworks explode in my mind at the small connection. It’s intensified by a million because she’s the one who initiated it—I have a very small portion of her trust.
A sharp breath escapes when she slides her hand against my palm. A shiver trails down my spine. Her cheeks begin to heat to a rosy pink, and her pouty lips part as she explores my hand with her own.
“Wow,” she exhales. “This is…”
She can’t even finish her sentence, but I know exactly what she means.
“Beautiful?”
“Refreshing.”
My lips curl into a smile, and our eyes meet. Her fingers pause on my palm, and she reluctantly pulls away. I’m met with coldness, but my wolf is happy to be in her presence.
“Thank you,” she whispers.
“For what?”
“For letting me do it on my own and reminding me that I can.”