32. Ava
Jaxon’s birthday was a night to remember. I could see the reservation in his eyes when he woke me; he didn’t want me to regret sharing that intimate moment with him. But there wasn’t a single regret in my body.
Early this morning, Jaxon left with half of his wolves. He kissed me goodbye in his bed, and I could tell in his focused, bloodthirsty eyes where he was going. I didn’t have to ask. Instead, he devoured my lips and promised he will never let anyone harm me again.
I shuddered at the intensity in his voice and the way he held my head like a precious gemstone. I asked when he would be back. We’ve never been apart for longer than a day. He responded with, “When the job is done.”
Later that morning, I went down to the infirmary to ask for a medicine to help calm my heat, and eventually, my heightened emotions and desires began to align—but one thing was very clear…I still want him more than ever.
I had a session with Gemma, which allowed me to dive deeper into my emotions and generalised fears around sexual encounters. Although with Jaxon, it felt like I was experiencing it for the first time again.
What I’m doing doesn’t make me feel like a whore or a slut. It makes me a woman who is powerful enough to admit she wants pleasure for herself. The thought of doing it again isn’t something I dwell on. This is one tiny step. Right now, I’m holding onto what we shared together and using it at the forefront of my mind to push the bad memories away.
A part of me is relieved I have Gemma to help me through these new emotions because she reminds me that everything I feel is valid. And I realise all I’ve ever wanted to feel is true validation—especially from myself. I’m welcome to be my own person here, and I am forever grateful for every ounce of support.
After my session, I head downstairs to the kitchen, kneading my fingers into the muscles behind my neck. I wince at the tenderness of my flesh. I know I overdid training a few days ago, and I’m still paying for it.
When I step into the kitchen, the smell of bacon and eggs instantly swarms me. Lucy is facing the stove, humming to a song I don’t recognise on the speaker. “Hey, Luce,” I call out to her.
She whips her head over her shoulder. “Hey! Want some breakfast?”
“Sure, thank you. Do you want me to help?”
“It’s almost done.”
Once she starts plating up, I meet her at the counter and inhale the delicious smell. “Mm. Thanks, Luce. You’re honestly the best.”
“Bon appetit.” She winks.
“The house is quiet,” I comment.
Lucy glances at me. “Did Jaxon tell you where he was going?”
“Not entirely, but I got the jist.”
She reaches over to grab my arm soothingly. “He’s been planning this for a long time, Ava. Are you worried?”
I meet her gaze and nod. I didn’t want to admit it to him because I know how powerful he is. But I also know what Lucien can be like. My stomach rolls at the thought.
“Don’t be,” she reassures me. “Jaxon knows what he’s doing. He’s had his eye on the pack for a while. He was just waiting for the perfect time to attack. He definitely wanted you to be more comfortable here first, too.”
I hum softly and cover my mouth with a glass of orange juice. “I don’t want anyone to get hurt because of me, especially Jaxon.”
Lucy frowns. “You’re going to be our future Luna. The pack will go above and beyond for you.”
That word makes me flinch. I don’t know if I’ll ever react normally to that title.
“I’m sorry,” she says, registering my sudden change. “I mean, we are a family, and you are a part of our family, too. I know this is probably a scary time, but they’re doing this so those vile creatures can never hurt anyone again.”
I nod at her words. That’s one of the only reasons I’m not breaking down at the thought of Jaxon encountering Lucien or…Damon. My eyes close at all the different scenarios running through my head.
“Let’s change the subject,” Lucy declares. “How are things between you and Jaxon?”
“Yeah,” I rasp, staring down at my half-eaten plate. I want to eat, but there is a ball lodged in my throat now. “Things are good. I’m feeling a lot more settled.”
She smiles brightly at me. “I love that. I’m so happy for you.”
I shove my fork around my plate. Luna. Luna. The word keeps buzzing around my head like an annoying wasp. I want to slap my head to empty these thoughts.
How can I be their future Luna? I barely know anything about myself.
Julia must have been an incredible role model, and I’m…just me. My stomach tightens at the thought of being compared to her, but I try to push it away, even if I’m not fully convinced.
“Lucy…” I blurt. “Can I ask you a question about Julia?”
Lucy seems startled by my outburst but nods. “Sure. What do you want to know?”
“What was she like?” Will I ever be as good as her?
A small chuckle passes her lips. “Let’s just say Julia and I didn’t always see eye to eye.”
I frown at her statement. “What do you mean?”
“I didn’t really get along with her. I didn’t agree with some of the choices she made. But, of course, I couldn’t say anything.” Her lips slowly swish to the side.
“What happened?”
Lucy sighs. “I don’t wish to talk badly about the dead, but it doesn’t change how I felt about her. She was always up her own ass, and sometimes, she treated Jaxon super unfairly. He didn’t see it. He let her treat him like crap because the vision of being mates must have clouded her vile actions.”
I glower at the thought of anyone treating Jaxon badly. He’s an angel.
“What sorts of things would she do?”
“She would make him do everything for her. She’d make rude comments about him being Alpha. I’ve honestly seen manipulation at its finest with her. She loved to belittle him, but he passed it off as constructive criticism.” Her eyes roll. “It didn’t make sense to me at all, but it wasn’t my relationship. I let them get on with it.”
I chew on the inside of my lip. “But why would she treat him like that? I don’t understand.”
“Me neither.” She shrugs simply. “When I saw them, I thought to myself, that’s not how you treat your soulmate. All her spiteful intentions were there, and he defended her every time. I will never understand.”
My eyes blink in surprise. “I can’t believe he would endure that.”
“She helped him through the aftermath of becoming Alpha,” she explains. “I think he held onto that.”
I nod once. “What was he like when she–” I pause. “You know…died?”
Lucy flashes me a sad smile. “A mess. I was worried about him.”
“I see.”
My chest turns to cement. Why did I ask that question? Of course, he would be a mess. They were together for a long time, and he loved her. Losing someone special to you is something you’ll never get over.
We both remain silent for a moment as Lucy takes our plates and places them in the sink. I bite my tongue because I’m full of a thousand questions, but I know I should be talking to Jaxon about this.
Yet, the thought of bringing Julia up makes my heart ache.
“Lucy.” I twist in my seat. “Why do you think we were given second chances?”
She meets my gaze across the kitchen. “Because I think the Moon Goddess got it all severely messed up in the first place, and she had to put it right. When I see you together, the way he looks at you, the way you look at him. The development your relationship has taken. I just know you two are meant to be together.”
A quick flash of the dream I had a month ago sparks in my mind. It might have been nothing, but it felt personal. I’m on the right path. I definitely feel like it, even if I can’t explain it.
“You are everything Jaxon has ever wanted. You’re down to earth and real. You make an effort with the pack. You are so different compared to Julia, and honestly, you are a breath of fresh air.” Lucy gives me a supportive smile.
My heart thrashes against my ribcage.
“You two have been building genuine trust. You didn’t submit to the mate bond right away. Instead, you let it guide you,” she carries on.
“Yeah,” I whisper. “It’s been an emotional and taxing journey.”
Lucy purses her lips to hum softly. “Yes, it might have been taxing, but everything you’ve done, you’ve done because you are a strong woman who deserves to be happy.”
“I’m getting there,” I admit.
Not everything is perfect inside my mind, but it’s a work in progress, and I’m preparing myself for the hurdles along the way.
Later that night,I toss and turn in my bed. I shove my head into the pillow and close my eyes as tightly as possible, but nothing is allowing me to sleep. I release a frustrated groan and roll onto my back.
I stare at the ceiling for what seems like hours before I build up the courage to throw the covers off my body and walk down the hall towards Jaxon’s bedroom. He’s not here, so I shouldn’t be apprehensive.
He said I’m welcome to sleep in his bed any time, and I know for a fact his smell will calm me enough to send me to sleep. I press my fingers down onto the handle and step inside. His deep scent immediately crashes over me like a wave, all earthy and natural.
I shut the door behind me and walk to his wardrobe. My fingers brush over the edges of his T-shirts. I don’t hesitate before pulling one from the hanger and raising it to my nose to inhale. My eyes close with satisfaction. I take off my pyjamas and slip it over my body, and then I tuck myself between the sheets. They’re cold, and I wish for nothing more than his body heat. It’s been almost twenty-four hours, and the bond is beginning to tighten. At first, the sensation was dull, but now, I’m aching to be with him.
Hey, I say through our mindlink. Are you there?
For a few moments, my mind is silent. I rub my hand down my face and exhale a long breath.
Goddess, I’ve been dying to hear your voice, Ava. Is everything okay?
My skin rises in goosebumps at the way his words wrap around my heart.
Everything is fine. I wanted to hear your voice, too. Make sure you’re in one piece.
He chuckles softly. I’m safe. I’ll be home soon, I promise.
I shudder in the sheets. Your bed is cold without you.
You’re sleeping in my bed?
Not sleeping. Lying wide awake. I needed the comfort.
Goddess, he groans. You are killing me.
Should I tell you I’m wearing your clothes, too?
A groan makes my core twitch. I can’t wait to hold you.
Then, all of a sudden, warmth spreads around me, and the sheets turn from cold to a luscious hug. I snuggle my head into the pillow with a heavy smile. Are you doing that?
Yes.
How?
Our bond. I’m using my energy to charge the sparks that connect us. It’ll stay warm enough for you to fall asleep.
So you’re actually heating me from the inside out?
Essentially, yes.
Thank you.
Does it feel better now?
So much, I admit.
Dream of me, baby. I’m always dreaming of you.