37. Ava
Ipace Gemma’s office as she watches me closely. Blood pumps around my body, and I’m convinced it helps calm me. She never questions why I don’t like to sit down and accepts me for who I am. This isn’t a safe space; this is a safe haven.
“And how do you feel knowing Lucien and Damon are gone?” she asks.
My tongue extends to lick my bottom lip. “Relieved,” I admit. “I did think it would give me closure, but I’m not really feeling anything yet.”
Gemma’s mouth curls into a soft smile. “It’s barely been a week, Ava. Closure doesn’t have to happen the next second. You are probably still digesting what happened, and that’s okay. It might take time, but don’t be frustrated with yourself.”
I nod once. “I know.” I raise my thumb to my lips to chew on the nail. “It felt surreal seeing them again.”
“Did it upset you?”
“At first, yes. It felt like someone had punched me in the throat and I couldn’t breathe. But I knew they were going to die, and I wouldn’t get the chance again. That’s why I decided to do what I did,” I sigh and drop my hands to my sides, flexing my fingers. “It didn’t fulfil me with the satisfaction I thought it would.”
“Why do you think that is?”
I meet her gaze. “Because the pain I made them feel in those short seconds is nothing compared to the years of abuse they gave me. It put things into perspective for me, and I’ve never been so angry.”
“And you have every right to be angry,” she states, leaning forward in her chair. “What other emotions did you feel?”
My body turns towards the window, and I stare out at the cloudy sky. I fold my arms over my chest and release a heavy sigh. “Fear. I feared them, just like I did when they kidnapped me from my school–”
I cut myself off and blink. School?
“I haven’t heard you mention your school before, Ava. Would you like to elaborate?”
My eyes dart from tree to tree as I search my mind for the memory. I swallow back the lump in my throat. I close my eyes, letting the memories flood towards me.
“I-I was at school. I was in my final year, a few months away from graduating, and they took me…in the car park. There was a white van. A white van,” I murmur as the memory replays in my head like a movie. “And…”
Gemma waits patiently for me to carry on. I turn around to face her as she watches curiously. I keep my mouth parted, but for a few moments, nothing comes out. The words are all jumbled in my mind.
“And…” I rasp through trembling lips. “I was there with my friends.”
“Do you remember the names of your friends?”
I nod slowly. “Kayleigh. She was my best friend.”
Tears well in my eyes as the memories become clearer by the second. I take down a shuddering breath and slip a hand through my hair.
“I spent a lot of time with her because I hated my foster parents,” I whisper. “Her family was like my true family. I loved them to pieces. They treated me like their own—like everyone does here.”
A hand covers my mouth. “Oh, my God,” I gasp. “I remember. Iremember.”
“How does that make you feel, Ava?”
“Weightless.”
“In a good way?”
“In a good way.”
We’re silent for a few moments, and I wipe my eyes. “I need to tell Jaxon,” I blurt. “I’m sorry. I need to go.”
“Go.” She stands and urges me out of the door with a proud smile. “You did this, remember? You did this all by yourself.”
Warmth swirls in my chest. “Without you, I wouldn’t have been able to do it all.”
Then I dart out of her office and run through the infirmary into the house. “Jaxon!” I shout, my voice echoing around me. “Jaxon!”
I stumble out into the hall and call his name one last time. He emerges from the stairs in a hurry. “Ava?” His voice is laced with alarm. “What’s wrong?”
When he reaches the bottom step, I crash into his chest. His arms engulf me in a tight embrace. A hand cradles the back of my head as he inspects my face, but I’m beaming. “What’s wrong? You scared the shit out of me.”
“I remember,” I whisper, clinging onto the back of his T-shirt. “My past. I remember.”
Jaxon exhales out through his nose and drops his forehead against mine. “That is incredible.” He relaxes into me. “I am so proud of you, baby.”
My lips remain in what feels like a permanent grin despite my glassy eyes. “I had to come tell you. I needed to find you.”
“Please, never shout my name like you’re in danger again. Ava, I–”
I frown and lean up to peck his lips softly. “I’m sorry,” I murmur against him. “I was excited. I wanted to tell you. Gemma helped, but I wanted you to be the first to know.”
He releases a soft grunt and kisses me again. “Thank you for wanting to share it with me. Do you want to talk about it?”
My head moves into a nod. He takes us to his private living room, and I explain everything I remember—right down to the last detail.
Jaxon’s eyes hold mine as I speak, and he moves his thumb across my knuckles. “I am so proud of you, you have no idea. I had every faith in you.”
I press my head against his shoulder. “It feels good to remember. It feels like that part of my mind has opened up.”
“Ava.” He slips an arm around me and tugs me up so I’m looking at him. “I have something to confess.”
My lashes brush my cheek as I blink a couple of times. “Okay?”
He inhales a large gulp of air. “The night you went out for Lucy’s girls’ night before the wedding,” he starts. “When you were drunk, you mentioned a few things, including Kayleigh and your foster parents, but with nowhere near as much detail as you just explained to me.”
A gash strikes my heart like a spear. No. No.
“What? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because you didn’t remember in the morning, and I wasn’t sure if it would trigger or upset you. I wanted you to do this by yourself. I didn’t feel like it was right to start meddling in something that meant a lot to you.” He places his hand on my face delicately. “I didn’t do it to keep it from you maliciously. I wanted you to have this moment like you did with Gemma just now. I’m sorry.”
I stare at him. “It’s been ages since that night.”
“I know.” He nods and caresses my face with his thumb. “I’m sorry. I didn’t do it to upset you. I did it so you could remember in your own time. The alcohol must have opened up a part of your memories, and in the morning, it sealed back up again.”
My body shifts backwards, and I move out of Jaxon’s reach. I run a hand down my face. “I understand why you did it,” I admit with lowered eyes. “But it hurts to know you knew and kept quiet about it. All this time, I could have known. Did you think I would run away and leave or something?”
“Not at all.” He shakes his head.
I turn my gaze away because my eyes ache.
“I’m sorry, baby,” he says sincerely. “I didn’t want to take this moment away from you. Please forgive me. I should have been honest, but when I once asked you about Russell Vale and you said it didn’t ring any bells, I didn’t want that to be a repeat with mentioning Kayleigh or your foster parents. I didn’t want to confuse you further.”
I clear my throat and straighten my spine. “I see.”
We sit in silence for a long moment. I can’t believe this.
“I didn’t know what to do,” he rasps. “I should have told you.”
“It’s fine.” I force a smile. “It doesn’t matter now, right? I remember, so it’s fine.”
“Don’t say it’s fine because it’s not.” Jaxon frowns. “I want to show you something.”
“What?”
He grabs the laptop sitting on the coffee table. He opens it up and taps away at the keys before turning the screen towards me. I move my eyes over the laptop to find it open on a site. Another memory I had completely forgotten.
Posted 2 years ago
I just wanted everyone to know I have decided to leave Russell Vale and travel around the world. I wanted to keep this quiet because I didn”t want to say goodbye to my friends and family. This is something I have always wanted to do, and I am so happy I am finally free. Don”t try to contact me. I want to start fresh with my life and make new memories. Ava x
“Oh my God,” I mumble under my breath. I move forward to scroll through the endless comments I had no idea people would make. I read them as quickly as my eyes can move until one comment stands out.
Kayleigh: How could you leave without even saying goodbye? I thought we were best friends! How could you leave me? Reply to my text now!!!!
A million questions fly around my head. Nausea creeps up my throat and claims me in a chokehold. Jax’s hand grips my fingers gingerly. “Ava?”
“She thought I left.” I stare at the screen blankly. “No one knows I was taken. No one looked for me.”
Tears swim in the crevice of my eyes once more. Jaxon moves the laptop away and twists his body towards mine. He doesn’t smother me in affection, which I’m grateful for. Instead, he takes my hands again. My brain has barely processed any of this information. It aches between my brows.
“Do you want to contact her?” he asks.
I glance at him in a dazed surprise. “Really?”
“Of course.” He brushes a strand of hair from my eyes and tucks it behind my shoulder. “I’d do anything to make you happy, Ava. If you want to contact her, visit her, or anything, you can do whatever you want. I kept this from you, and I want you to be able to see her as soon as you can. If that’s what you want.”
I release a quiet whimper and lean forward to wrap my arms around him, burying my head into his neck. “Thank you,” I mumble inaudibly as his arms secure around my back. “Thank you for not giving up. I know I’ve not been easy to deal with.”
“Ava.” He kisses my cheek. “I would have been there for you no matter what it takes. Don’t thank me for allowing you to see your friend. You don’t need permission for these things.”
I hold onto him for dear life.
Now that I can remember my past, I think about Kayleigh. I miss her. I miss being with her—more than I could ever comprehend. I pray she wants to see me after all these years and that she’ll give me a chance to explain.