53. Ava
Kayleigh invited me up to her university to spend some time together. As much as I love the pack, I definitely needed some time away.
Jaxon drops me off and reminds me the guards would be following discreetly for my safety. He wants to give me my own space, but I can see the fear in his eyes. He almost lost me once; he doesn’t want to lose me again.
The kiss he gives me in his car is like no other. Every ounce of emotion pours from his mouth to mine. I smile against him and remind him I”ll be coming home to him.
When I step out of the car and meet Kayleigh, we throw ourselves at each other and embrace for a few minutes. “Ah, I can’t believe you’re here,” she mumbles into my hair. “It’s so good to see you again. How are you?”
I nod with a smile so big my eyes water. “It’s so good to see you too. I’m good. How are you?”
Kayleigh pulls back and holds my shoulders at arm’s length. Her eyes roam my face, and I do the same. “I’m amazing. I can’t wait to show you around campus!”
“It’s nice to get out,” I admit before linking my arm through hers.
“Jaxon didn’t want to come?”
I shake my head. “He said he wanted to give us some girl time. He’ll pick me up later.”
“Well, you definitely scored with him. He’s a very beautiful man,” she admits, and I laugh at her statement.
“I know.” I brush my hair over my shoulder. “But he’s beautiful on the inside, too.”
Kayleigh turns to look at me with hearts in her eyes. “Oh my gosh, you are so totally in love with him.”
“Yeah. He’s helped me a lot with my trauma and my recovery.” I raise my shoulders. “He’s been like a rock to me. Patient. Understanding. Loving. Everything I needed to face things I didn’t want to. He’s a saint.”
Her gaze glitters as she listens to me speak. “I’m glad, Ava. You deserve happiness—always. I’m glad you’ve found it.”
“Me, too.”
We lighten up the conversation as Kayleigh takes me on a tour to see some historic educational buildings, along with the library and other facilities that make this university so incredibly breathtaking. A twang in my heart makes me frown. I missed out on this. I missed out on going to university like I always wanted.
We pause by a fountain and perch on the ledge as the sun beats down on us. “So, you go here with Danny, huh?”
She scoffs. “No. I’ve always wanted to come here. Danny just so happened to rock up. We don’t see each other often if that’s what you think. I feel like he followed me here so he could find out information about you from me, which he did. I’m sorry. I never intended to do that.”
“I know, I know,” I reassure her. “It’s fine. I don’t mind. How are your parents?”
Kayleigh’s eyes drop to the pebbled floor. “They’re not together anymore.”
“Oh.” I frown. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t–”
“No, they loved you. They treated you like their own. It’s okay to bring them up. They miss you so much.” Her eyes crinkle at the sides.
My chest warms. “I’d love to see them soon.”
“They’d love that, too.”
“Are you dating anyone right now?”
She’s quiet for a long moment, and I inspect her face. There is an edge of slight discomfort at the question. “No,” she whispers. “Not anymore.”
“Oh, what happened?”
“I was with this guy, and he–” she struggles to find her words as she shakes her head. “He treated me like shit. I don’t really want to talk about it.”
I slip my arm over her shoulder and tug her towards me. “That’s okay,” I whisper with a squeeze of my hand. “I’m glad you’re out of it if he wasn’t very nice to you, Kayleigh. You deserve someone who is going to worship the ground you walk on because you are too amazing for this world.”
She chokes out a laugh, and I see tears swimming in her eyes. “Sometimes it’s so hard to believe when I’m constantly doubting myself and who I am. I am lost a lot of the time, and I hate it.”
“Me, too,” I agree and rest my head on her shoulder. “But it comes with self-love. I know it’s easier said than done, but a little self-love and self-care can go a long way.”
Kayleigh raises a shaky finger to her eye and wipes her tears before they fall. “Yeah,” she rasps. “I kind of do this thing when I’m sad or lonely. I attach myself to the first person who gives me attention. It’s toxic and completely unhealthy, but it’s a way for me to cope.”
“Well, you have me now. I’ll come up and visit as much as I can. You can come down and visit us, too.”
“Yeah.” She nods with a trembling smile. “I’d like that a lot.”
I clear my throat gently. “Have you ever had therapy?”
Kayleigh shakes her head. “Never had the courage to go.”
“Well, a lot of people seem to think there is a stigma around therapy and it must mean you’re crazy. But what’s so crazy about talking through your thoughts with someone who knows how to give you realistic solutions and honest questions?” I admit. “I thought therapy was terrifying when I first started going, but now, I realise it’s important to my mental health. Sometimes it’s just a chat, nothing about my trauma.”
She hums softly. “Maybe. I don’t have the time now. University work has swamped me.”
“I’m always here for a chat.”
“Me, too.” She turns with a smile that finally meets her eyes. “It was nice coming over to see your house and meeting Jaxon.”
I nudge her shoulder. “Yeah. He loved meeting you.”
“And that other guy there…Kayden? He’s Jaxon’s brother.”
“No. They’re not related. They’re just like brothers. Super close,” I state.
Kayleigh nods and licks her lips. I study her expression.
“You seemed to have a moment, huh?”
A flashback of the pair of them shaking hands for a second too long projects into my mind. It was a sweet moment. Kayleigh looked at him like she’d never seen a handsome man in her life.
“What?” she exclaims a little too quickly. “No.”
I laugh. “It’s okay. We all saw it. Whatever it was.”
Kayleigh’s cheeks turn red, and she stays silent for a moment. “It wasn’t a moment. He probably has a girlfriend or boyfriend. No one that good looking is single. Honestly.”
“He’s single, Kayleigh.”
She blinks once and stares at me. “Oh. Well. That’s nice. Good for him...Come on, I didn’t show you the gym!”
We both stand and start heading towards a large building with people flooding in and out. “You have a gym membership?”
“Nope. Haven’t stepped foot in there once. I probably should. I’m so unfit. Two flights of stairs and I’m out of breath.”
“Relatable.” I chuckle.
At least my training with Jaxon has made my stamina better, and I don’t feel like I’ll die after running for twenty minutes. It’s a work in progress.
“I wanted to enquire, but I like to inspect first,” she says as we approach the doors. “I like knowing what I’m getting myself in for.”
I nod in agreement. “Sure.”
Once we’re inside, there’s a buzz of people talking in the foyer and loud music playing over a tannoy. I glance around. This is overstimulation central.
“Do you ladies need any help?” A deep voice appears next to us, and we both turn towards them.
My eyes roam his face and then his body as he leans against the wall. All his muscles flex in his tiny vest and gym shorts. The skin around his arms look like they’re about to rip from how big he’s built. There is a lanyard around his neck, and I presume he works here, otherwise, this conversation would be weird.
“Umm…yeah. I’m thinking about joining,” Kayleigh says.
“I see, I see.” He winks at her, and I find it incredibly uncomfortable. “You guys know we have personal trainers here, too?”
Kayleigh shrugs, and the guy”s eyes flick to mine. The back of my neck starts to hunch, and I instantly get bad vibes. “No, but I have no idea what I’m doing in the gym.” She laughs.
He nods at her, but his gaze finds mine again. “Yup. I’m one. I could, uh…teach you guys a thing or two.”
When his eyes dip down my body, I grasp we’re no longer talking about hiring a personal trainer. He’s suggesting that we’d climb all over him like a jungle gym. My stomach churns at the realisation.
He flashes us both a million-dollar smile. “If you know what I mean.”
I release a hesitant laugh. “I don’t think my boyfriend would appreciate that.”
“What he won’t know won’t hurt him.” He gives me another wink.
My arm takes Kayleigh’s, and I attempt to drag her away. “Yeah but when he finds out—which he will—it’ll be you who is struggling to breathe through a tube in a hospital bed.”
The expression on his face warps, and I turn away, taking Kayleigh with me. “That guy was weird,” she comments. “Does he really think that sort of approach works?”
“For some girls, I bet it does,” I exhale.
“I mean, he was kind of sexy though.”
I stare at her like she’s lost her mind. “But his personality makes him a zero out of ten.”
“True,” she sighs. “Sometimes, I like the idea of a big muscly man to throw me around a bedroom, though. That turns me on. Do you know what I mean?”
I nod before I register what I’m doing.
My cheeks heat as I think back to my own intimate moments with Jaxon. Since we started having sex, he’s been incredibly gentle and loving, which I adore. But another part of me wants him to be a little rougher. The sex we have is out of this world, but now, I want passion in a different sense. But I understand why he hasn’t with my past.
I trust him. That’s the crucial aspect. I trust him completely.
He would never hurt me. He would never even dream of it.
But I want more between us.
I want to watch him lose control. I want to watch him fall apart. I want to watch him take order of my body. And I’ll fall into an endless pit of bliss because I know I’m safe with him.
Kayleigh is still talking, and I pretend to listen while I slam up the walls of our bond so he can’t hear my thoughts—if he hasn’t already heard them. I press a hand to the back of my neck and take a shallow breath.
I want him to fuck me. I want him to claim me. I want him to mark me.
God, I want him to act like I’m not going to break—instead, I want to shatter into a thousand pieces of pleasure.