4. JAGGER
Chapter four
JAGGER
I definitely wasn’t going to let Jess walk (or limp) right back out of my life. I would have found a way to figure out where she was staying at the resort, but clearly, I don’t have to now.
I hate seeing how much I hurt her. Why was I such an idiot?
It’s not like I was ready to settle down with her four years ago, but I could have done things differently, picked another, less public time to tell her we needed a break. Now I have an unbelievable mountain to climb to find a way to get Jess to let me back in her life.
But I won’t stop. If there’s one thing I’ve learned playing professional hockey, it’s perseverance. Only the top one percent of high school players become pros, so the deck is stacked against you. I have multiple decks stacked against me when it comes to Jess, but as long as there’s the slightest chance, I won’t give up.
She’s definitely not a fan of me at this point. But the way her eyes softened when she saw the drawer shows me there’s a deep dark corner of her heart that knows we’re good together.
“When did you do this?” her voice lifts.
I sit on the bed. “The first time I came here. It was after I couldn’t get a hold of you for so many months. I just had to get away from Miami because everywhere I went, everything I did reminded me you weren’t by my side anymore.”
Jess has a faraway look in her eyes, hopefully remembering our good times. But then her face hardens again. “You could have brought Lottie to keep you company.”
I deserve that.
“Lottie and I were long over by that point. I decided that summer if I couldn’t have you, then I didn’t want anyone. So, I carved our initials in here to remind me of the best thing I ever had. A little junior high school, but I guess there’s a teenage boy still somewhere inside me.”
Jess rolls her eyes. “Yep, there’s definitely a teenage boy still in there. ‘Connection,’” she mumbles and puts the drawer back in the nightstand. Or at least attempts to. She can’t get it lined up and pulls it out to try again.
The more she tries, the more frustrated she gets. “Can I help?”
When she turns around, I see more tears welling up in her eyes. “It’s all yours, I’m going to talk to Megan at the front desk.” Jess throws the drawer back on the bed and stomps out the front door before I can figure out what to say to get her to stay. Especially when her towel drops to the floor, and I catch a full view of her yellow bikini. Saying I'm tongue-tied doesn't even begin to cover it.
***
I know Jess doesn’t want me to follow her, so I stay behind in the room while she tries to get me kicked out. But I know it’s not going to happen. I’ve been coming here every summer for the last four years; most people know me by name.
And not because I’m a professional hockey player. There aren’t a lot of hockey fans in Jamaica as far as I can tell. It’s just because I’m a familiar face year after year, and I always interact with the staff. But Megan at the front desk is new, so I’m guessing that’s where the mix up is. She knows nothing about my standing reservation.
I couldn’t believe it when I came out of the shower and saw Jess sleeping on the bed. Best surprise ever. And I’ve had a lot of women pop out of nowhere in my career. But there was no face I would rather see in that moment than hers. I didn’t want to wake her, so I went to the ocean. I definitely knew she was in the pool, although my attempts at having fun with her are falling short.
Thirty minutes later, I’m relaxing on the patio when Jess comes out. She slumps into the chair beside me. “Looks like I’m stuck with you until Thursday.”
She acts like it’s the worst news she’s heard in a long time. I bump her shoulder gently. “Come on. Is it really that bad? It could be fun…” I can’t help my roaming eyes. Those tiny blue hearts on her suit are really calling my name. “I like your bikini, very—”
“Don’t even think about it,” she interrupts, wagging a finger at me.
I lean back in my seat. “Don’t think about what?”
“Flirting. No comments about my suits, my hair, my eyes and definitely not my lips,” she says, lifting my chin up.
Jess catches me staring at her pretty pouters. Whenever she gets riled up, for some reason, it makes me want her even more, always has. My eyes involuntarily go to those full, pink pillows of delight, and she’s well aware of my attraction to them.
“Right. Sorry. No flirting. I would never. At least starting now. Can I just say one thing, though?”
Jess tilts her head in surrender. “I guess.”
“I’ve missed you.”
A flash in her eyes tells me she’s missed me too. But there’s no way she’s going to say it. That’s ok. I have so much work to do to make up for how I hurt her. Four days as my roommate seems like a great place to start.
“It’s ok. Don’t feel like you have to say anything back. Especially not something like, ‘Jagger, I’ve missed you, too. Those rippling muscles. That wind swept hair. The smell of your manliness, all beachy mixed with a hint of sweat and saltwater.’”
“Manliness, really?” she scoffs.
“Too much?”
“Way too much. The last thing I’m thinking about is the smell of your manliness. I’m going to unpack.” She whips around just before she reaches the sliding glass doors. “You’re sleeping on the couch, by the way,” she says with an adorable smirk.
My Jess is still there. There’s a wall around her heart, which is warranted. And this sassiness is new, but I’ll take everything she has to dish out as long as she’s talking to me because it’s a start. I never thought Jamaica would be the place I’d get a second chance with her, if that’s possible. But I’m going to show her what a perfect roommate I can be.
I head to the closet to make space for Jess’s things. “Do you need more room?” I ask as she’s hanging up a few shirts. I can take my stuff out of here.” I start grabbing my clothes, but she stops me with a hand to my chest.
That’s three times now she’s touched me. Yes, I’m absolutely keeping a running total.
“It’s fine. We can share. I don’t have that much. Just t-shirts and bikinis, really.” She gives me a preemptive look before I can comment on her comment about bikinis. I was definitely going to. I’m glad she stopped me; my comment was not one a good roommate makes. I shouldn’t focus on what her body looks like in those small bits of fabric, like the ones I’ve got my eyes on.
Jess has clearly forgotten she’s still wearing just her suit after needing a towel to get out of the pool. I must be drooling or something because she suddenly looks down. “Am I not going to be able to wear a bikini around here without you slobbering all over me?”
“Pfft. What? I hardly noticed your outfit. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to tidy up my toiletries in the bathroom.”
I excuse myself and close the bathroom door behind me. I haven’t even gotten anything out yet, but I need to cool down and check my lips. Yep, I was definitely salivating.
But I’ve got this. I’m just going to jot down some notes on my phone to remind me of the things I’ve been wanting to say to Jess all these years, so her bikinis don’t stop my brain cells from working as a team whenever I see them.
Let’s be honest, it’s Jamaica and there will be a lot of skin on full display the next few days, so I need to prepare.
When I feel like I’ve got a good list of thoughts, I head back to the living room. Jess is reading on the couch, still in her suit. She looks up at me, and I smile nervously as my insides pretend they’re a cup of water for tea ready to boil.
I quickly pull my phone from my pocket. “Just going to check the weather.”
Jess looks out the window at the blue sky. “Looks like sunshine to me.”
“Yes, but you can never be too sure. What if we need an umbrella when we go to dinner. I mean when I go to dinner. Of course, I’d never assume you’d come with me. Right?”
Jess returns to the book she’s reading. “Right.”
“You are going to need to eat, though. So, if we end up at the same restaurant, and maybe we’re both alone, it could be possible that we eat together, yes?”
“Nope.” She doesn’t even look up this time, just holds her book in the air like it would be better company than me.
Ok then. Time for apology number one. I have at least five preparations in my mind. “Jess,” I clear my throat so there’s no chance I’ll squeak. “I’ve thought about what I’d say to you if I ever got the chance to see you again and…”
Cleansing breath. Deep cleansing breath.
“And…” She looks up at me, and I freeze. Then I do the only thing a man in my position can do, look up a song by Daisy Piper, the wildly popular country star who is known for her heartfelt and personal lyrics, “Just one second, please.”
I clear my throat one more time, then recite the chorus of Daisy’s song, “The Way I Let You Go.”
If I could turn back the clocks to that day
I’d never let you walk away
The way I let you go, the way I let you down
Now all that’s left is this empty sound
I’d take it all back, the hurt I caused
If I could just rewrite all my flaws
But you’re gone, and I’ll never know
What could’ve been if I didn’t let you go
When I finish, I hesitate to look her in the eyes, a little concerned about what she’ll think of my impromptu apology. Daisy has written a song for every possible thing that can happen in a relationship, so I knew her lyrics were the go-to for the situation. I finally lift my head to see her mouth hanging wide open—so wide that I think I can see her tonsils.
“Jess? Hello? How was that? Pretty sweet apology, huh?” I smile and smile, so hard my face is starting to hurt, but she’s not changing her expression. Still like the opening of a cave over there.
I thought it sounded good. That Daisy Piper really has a way with words. Much better than anything I could have come up with.
Finally, the cave closes, and Jess speaks. “Did you just apologize with the chorus to one of Daisy Piper’s songs?”
Uh-oh. She recognized that, did she? I’m a huge country music fan, but Jess never was. “The Way I Let You Go” is a popular song, but Jess never listened to that genre of music. I guess everyone’s a “Pipette” now. She is followed all across the globe.
“Um, maybe. It was kind of clever, don’t you think?” I tell her while doing my best to maintain my perma-grin. It’s the thought that counts, right? I meant everything Daisy said.
I’m not sure Jess looks moved, though. She stands slowly and puts her book on the table. Then she walks out the patio door without saying a word.
She trudges toward the water just as I see the first raindrops fall from the sky. Jess looks up and shakes her head like she can’t understand where it’s coming from.
Then it starts to pour.