12. JAGGER
Chapter twelve
JAGGER
I understand now why Jess didn’t want to keep in touch. We have such a powerful connection when we’re together, it’s impossible to deny. I think she knows it, too. It’s like asking peanut butter not to want jelly, macaroni not to crave cheese. I get that peanut butter and pasta don’t crave other food products, but you get the picture.
I crave Jess. She is the cheese to my macaroni, perfectly melting into every part of my life and making everything better. Ok, this is getting weird, no more talk about pasta or melting. The point is she’s next-level tempting, which is why I’ve tried to avoid her at all costs the last few days. I have to if I want to save my career.
I’ve done everything I can to resist looking at her, getting close to her, interacting unless it’s absolutely necessary.
Getting shipped off to Montana felt like the worst demotion ever, although well-deserved. Especially with no way to reach Jess and brighten my days after seeing her in Jamaica. Stuck in the middle of nowhere with a struggling minor league team is a tough situation to adjust to.
But I was trying. And then there she was. The best part of JJ, standing next to the ice. Standing, until I hit a rocket off the glass her face was plastered against. Darn you, high speed puck action.
The crazy thing is that I heard all kinds of comments when Jess and I were together in Miami. Jess’s job was high profile too, with her beautiful face on tv every night. There were tons of guys in Miami that wanted to take my place and have her on their arm.
But I never worried about them because I was so cocky, thinking no one could measure up to an NHL star. And that’s how I lost her, believing I could just move on to the next girl like she was replaceable.
She’s not.
When I heard Brooks make that comment, it wasn’t as much about him thinking she’s gorgeous. I can’t deny any guy’s thoughts about that because it’s true. But the real blow was that he could say it in front of me because Jess isn’t mine anymore, a painful reminder that I screwed everything up.
So, in true Jagger fashion, I took my anger out on Brooks. Clearly, I haven’t changed as much as I thought I did. And I’m now at risk of losing more than just the girl. I had to choose, and I went with what looks like the only sure thing: hockey.
Jess hasn’t shown any indication that she wants to get back together, not that we’ve talked about it since she got here. (See puck incident above.) She did not seem pleased when she came to my apartment yesterday. She was so hot (not attractively hot, although she was that too, like always). Hot like fuming. I thought I was going to have to hose her down.
Wow. That would have been fun. There’s a very distracting visual in my mind right now.
Ok. I’m back. Jess had every right to be upset, I’ve definitely been ignoring her. But I’m trying to do what’s best for both of us: my career and her heart. Because I don’t know if I can be the man she needs, the man she deserves. I’d like to think I can.
Four years is a long time to reflect on your mistakes. I feel like I would do everything differently. Well, not everything. I did have some shining moments as a boyfriend, at least that’s what Jess told me when we were together.
Jess has an incurable sweet tooth, which can get triggered at any time. But it is particularly vulnerable very late at night. I can’t remember what we were doing, but one time we stopped for gas on the eastside of Miami, about thirty minutes or so (with lights) from her place.
Jess dashed inside for a snack and came back to the car squealing, clutching a small cup of Pistachio Delight ice cream. She said it was her all-time favorite. I swear she groaned with every bite. I’ve never seen anyone treasure dessert so much. But that’s Jess—everything she does in life is with intensity, even something as simple as eating.
So, for the next six months, whenever she wanted it, I got it for her. I love to see her smile, and pistachio ice cream puts a thousand-watt mega grin on her face every time. I did a lot of things like that for her. But I obviously also let my eyes wander, not realizing what I had.
The life of a hockey player is full of temptation, everywhere we go. But I’ve seen guys make it work. Well, one guy, actually. There was a Miami teammate that was happily married. I guess that’s not a great percentage out of twenty, but that means it’s possible. A few others were long-term couples like Jess and me.
This situation is more complicated than a normal relationship for lots of reasons.
I don’t know if Jess wants to be more than friends. (It’s unlikely they sell pistachio ice cream in this town to help me get back in boyfriend mode.)
I don’t plan on staying here in Echo Ridge.
Technically, we now work together.
Even if I could find a way to fix the issues, she’s contractually off-limits anyway, making everything else null and void.
There just doesn’t seem to be a recipe for success given these ingredients, which is why I’ve avoided her… until yesterday. Technically, I was still trying to avoid her. But then she got too close, and I lost all ability to function at a high level.
Ok, I still functioned just fine, but all my attention was focused on her lips.
Ever since she forced her way into my apartment, I just couldn't let her leave, again; the desire to kiss her was overpowering. I knew the moment had to happen before it slipped away.
So, when she tries to walk away, I pull her back to me, her body landing on my lap. I feel every part of her touching me as her weight pushes me against the couch.
She’s not that heavy, I don’t have to fall backward. I definitely want to.
Jess looks at me in shock. “How dare you?” she asks. “You won’t talk to me, do more than grunt or speak like a caveman with two-word answers, but you’ll do this?”
“Do what?” I ask innocently, doing my best to stop staring at her bottom lip. It’s just so… lippy.
“You know what you’re doing. You think just because you’re so unbelievably handsome, with that perfectly groomed five o’clock shadow on your face, those warm toffee eyes…” Jess’s hands roam my shoulders like she’s looking for buried treasure. I’m not sure she knows she’s doing it, but roam away. I’m your map, take as long as you need. I lean my head back and close my eyes. I’ve never been so happy to give up control.
Her hunt ends much too quickly. “Jagger. You’re not even listening,” she scolds.
My eyes pop open, and I feel a smirk tug at the corner of my lips. “Well, you’re going to have to stop distracting me then, I’m not sure I gave consent for a search of my muscles.”
She scoffs. “I wasn’t searching.”
“You definitely were,” I counter. “Now what were you saying about my eyes? Something about their yumminess, please continue…”
But she doesn’t.
She does something even better. Her mouth says hello to mine in a reunification for the ages. Her toned arms wrap themselves around my neck like I’m her life raft, the only thing keeping her from drowning.
But I drown for sure, in the taste of her lips, which have a faint coffee scent. Bring on the mocha latte, the expresso, the Caramel Macchiato (big Starbucks fan). Whatever she has, I want to taste it all.
Coffee has never been a sexier drink than at this moment. Or maybe it’s just Jess. Ok, it’s definitely Jess. She does everything in life with a hunger, remember? Including kissing, and I find it impossible to resist getting lost in that intensity, so I’m not going to hold back any longer.
I match her passion and wrap my arms around her waist. This is everything I’ve wanted for so long, everything I’ve needed. Her body is pressed so tightly against mine, I can feel her breath rise and fall in her chest, each inhale brushing against me like a quiet invitation. The soft rhythm echoes through me, drawing me closer without even trying. We meld together like we are meant to fit, two puzzle pieces that need one another to be whole.
I need Jess. I want Jess. I also want my career, and there’s no possibility for both. But I don’t care anymore. I can’t think about that right now, more focus on her neck, less on the complications of life.
My lips make a beeline for her collarbone, more drowning. I don’t want to be rescued… ever.
Her skin is so soft, and the way she arches her body lets me know I’m on the right track. So, I continue planting kisses across her jawline, slow at first, until a small gasp escapes from her throat. It ranks at number one on my all-time favorite sounds list.
But all too soon I make the mistake of all mistakes.
I start peppering her jawline with kisses in rapid succession until she giggles, thinking I’m being playful. But it breaks her from whatever “Jagger and I are kissing and I’m enjoying it” trance she was in. She practically leaps off my lap.
“Oh my gosh! What are we doing? How did this happen?”
Ugh. Why did I go with machine gun kisses?
“Well,” I answer with a smile, “It all started when a boy liked a girl, and that girl, whew, she—”
I reach for her hand, but she continues backing away, cutting me off. “No. We’re not doing this. I just want us to be friends, a normal friendly relationship. This— This can’t happen, it’s in your contract. Have you forgotten about that already?”
“I did for a few seconds there, absolutely.” I tilt my head in question. “Come on, do you really think Coach will kick me off the team? I’ll just talk to him and promise him it’s fine.” I give her my most innocent smile. “That I’ll be on my best behavior no matter what happens. I’m the most talented player he has. He needs me, and I need you.”
Too much. I’m promising things I don’t know I can deliver on. But I’m desperate here. If Jess walks out that door right now, that’s it. I’m not going to get another chance.
Her body loses some of its tension.
I stand and go to her. “Please, Jess. I can’t pretend I don’t care about you; it’s killing me. Plus, it’s making me—”
“Grumpy.”
I tilt her chin gently, guiding her gaze to mine. “Very grumpy.”
I plant a kiss on her forehead. “We can do this. We just have to be discreet. Could be fun, right?”
Jess tries to keep a straight face, like she doesn’t agree. But her resolve is crumbling, I can tell. The first sign is always her sigh. The sigh that says, “I’m acting like I’m going to say no, but I’m definitely saying yes.”
I don’t interrupt her heavy breath, just continue gazing at her swooningly. Time ticks by as she clearly plays scenarios over in her head. Finally, she relents. Thank goodness.
“Ok. But no flirting at the center, or on away game trips, or in the hallway. Gus thinks he has a chance with me, so he’ll definitely say something to one of the guys if he sees us.”
“Gus? I have competition all ready?” I mock a fighting stance.
“No fighting, remember?” she pushes my hands down. “And Gus is in the apartment to my left. He’s like eighty-something.”
I laugh. “Ok, no fighting. But I’m going to need to see your calendar, so I can pencil myself in for sessions with your lips.”
“Deal.” Jess winks at me, before turning to leave. I’ve never looked forward to an appointment more in all my life.