25. JESS
Chapter twenty-five
JESS
I inhale the fresh scent as I step out of the airport. Tina’s bright smile greets me as she exits her car, her signature blonde ponytail swinging back and forth as she moves to greet me.
She wraps me in a tight hug. “It’s so good to see you!”
“You too,” I tell her.
She eyes me warily. “You sure? There’s not a lot of color in your cheeks. You, ok? Was there a lot of turbulence?”
“The flight was fine. I’m happy to be back, I really am. But I’m kind of nervous, too.”
Nat and I stayed up all night last week talking about my text conversation with Coach Bradley. She, of course, was all for me coming back, even though she said she’d miss me terribly. She really is an amazing sister.
But I was still hesitant. How would Jagger react after I left without a goodbye and ignored all his efforts to get a hold of me? I never responded to the flowers he sent me every day, never thanked him. I feel terrible, but I thought I was doing what was best for both of us.
If we couldn’t be together, why drag out the hurt?
And then I got a package, a huge one. It was out of the norm for our daily delivery. Mo knocked on our door with the flowers, then handed me the box, saying it was on the ground.
I thanked him, put the flowers in a vase, then moved them to the windowsill. Nat was buzzing with excitement. “Open it! Open it!” she squealed like she knew it was something momentous. It just looked like a brown box to me.
I grabbed some scissors from the kitchen and broke the seal on one side. The package was super light. I had no idea what it could be.
When I tilted it to the side onto the table, an oversized card started to slide out. I’d never seen one that large before. “Oooh,” Nat sang from the couch. “Told you he wouldn’t stop.”
“You don’t know it’s from Jagger.”
Nat scrunched her face at me. “Please. Of course, it’s from Jagger.”
She was right. I opened the card to his writing . Since I can never seem to find the words to say to make things right between us, I went back to the expert who helped me last time. Please don’t give up on us, Jess. Love, Jagger.
How could he still be so kind after all this time? How could he not be angry with me about how I left?
“Read it out loud!” Nat yelled.
“Ok, calm down,” I told her.
“He sent you a card bigger than my head; there’s nothing to be calm about.”
She’s right, as usual. My insides twist in knots, anticipating what it’s going to say next. I’m instantly transported back to Jamaica—it feels like a lifetime ago and just yesterday, all at once. It was the place that gave us a chance at forgiveness.
I’ll never forget Jagger’s face when he looked up that Daisy Piper song on his phone. He was unsure, nervous. But he had no problem showing me his vulnerability if it meant I’d forgive him.
He really is one of a kind. I immediately recognized the song lyrics to “Falling Apart Without You.” I begin reading them to Nat.
Every corner of this town whispers your name, Every shadow reminds me of the love we framed. And I’m searching for the moments we once knew, Longing for the days when it was me and you.
Come back, I’m calling out into the night, Life’s lost its color without your light. Every dawn is just a shade of gray, Without you here, I’m drifting far away. So come back, and heal this broken heart, ‘Cause without you, I’m just falling apart.
“OMG! That’s one of my favorite Daisy Piper songs!" Nat screams.
I can’t hold back my smile because it's mine too.
Nat falls to the ground dramatically. Then pops back up and sprints to my bedroom.
I follow her. “What are you doing?” I ask as she throws clothes from my closet on the bed. “Packing. You’re going back to Montana. You have a job waiting for you and Jagger waiting for you. You don’t need to be here with your single sister watching Tiger King on Saturday nights. Go make a life for yourself!”
I grab her shoulders to turn her to me. There are tears in her eyes. “I don’t want to leave you.”
She wipes her face as her mascara starts to run. “Please, I’m totally sick of you already, Sissy.”
“You know I hate that nickname,” I tell her, my voice breaking.
“I know. I’m going to finish packing for you. Go book your flight. You’re outta here tomorrow morning.”
So, here I am, back in Montana. The Bears weren’t upset that I didn’t give them any notice that I was leaving. I don’t think my job is all that crucial to their organization.
“Nope, no turbulence. It’s just a lot, coming back. I haven’t talked to Jagger since I left, didn’t give any of the guys an explanation of why I quit.”
Tina gives me another quick hug. “It’s going to be fine. They’re all going to be ecstatic to see you. We need a pick me up around here. Maybe they’ll be inspired and actually get a win tonight.”
She drops me off at the Villas. The guys are at the rec center early for the game. I won’t run into any of them right now, which is good, I need a few moments to compose myself. I couldn’t get out of my yearlong lease, so I’ve been paying rent ever since I left, which is convenient coming back.
I never bothered to send for my furniture or car either. They’re still here, too. In the city, I didn’t need a car, and living with Nat meant furniture wasn’t necessary. I just kept putting it off, because bringing them to Pennsylvania would make everything feel too final.
I take the elevator up to my old apartment. This feels strange but wonderful at the same time. Part of me wishes it was early morning, and Mabel would come strolling by on her way to Jazzercise or I’d smell scrapple wafting from Gus’s apartment. But the hallways are empty, it’s oddly quiet.
I unpack my suitcases and freshen up before heading to the game. In forty-five minutes, I’ll see Jagger for the first time in almost five weeks.
***
Normally, I’m here hours before a game starts, but since I don’t officially start working until tomorrow, I decide to wait until the game’s already in progress to go into the center. There’s really nowhere to hide in the stands, so I’m going up to the balcony because they dim the lights up there when the puck drops.
The Oklahoma Eagles are in town. They have an even worse record than we do. I lean on the balcony railing to get a good view of the crowd. Or where the crowd would be if there was anybody here.
I knew it was bad, but I can’t believe what I’m seeing. There are no more than a hundred people in the stands. They look just as bored as the guys do on the ice.
A member of the Eagles steals the puck from Jagger. Instead of fighting to regain control of it, which I’ve seen him do hundreds of times, slashing with his stick until he’s successful, he gives up immediately. Dax looks over at him and throws his hands in the air in frustration.
When Jagger doesn’t even skate back to help stop the opponent’s advance, Dax goes over and pushes him. Meanwhile, the Oklahoma forward carves his way down the ice, weaving in and out of our players until he gets to Troy.
Troy was unstoppable before I left, making it impossible for anyone to get around him. But he’s distracted by Jagger and Dax, caught in between breaking up a fight between his teammates and his duty to protect the goal.
Troy chooses his job as the last line of defense, but it’s too late. Just as Troy focuses on the Eagle with the puck, he sends it flying across the ice to a teammate, who has an open lane to the net.
1-0 in less than four minutes of play. This is awful. What happened to teamwork, camaraderie? They look nothing like the guys that won those preseason games. What’s worse is a few people in the stands start booing.
Jagger hears the jeers and glares at the inebriated men it seems to be coming from. He starts skating in their direction. Coach Bradley immediately subs for Jagger, and Talon grabs his arm to lead him back to the bench.
I want to call out, to let him know I’m here to support him. It’s painful to watch his frustration, knowing I’m part of what’s eating at him. Jagger finally lets Talon guide him off the ice and drops onto the bench, fuming.
The game feels like it goes on forever, everything about the Hawks play is uninspiring. No wonder nobody wants to watch. I love these guys, and it’s hard for me to cheer because there’s nothing to cheer about.
The final score is three to nothing. Another shutout loss.
When the final buzzer sounds, the lights spring to life, enveloping the center for the fans to leave. I forgot that it happens so quickly, so I’m not prepared for the gaze that falls on me.
Jagger catches my eye from down on the ice. I freeze. Waving feels awkward, and a smile feels too forced. Instead, I’m stuck staring back, caught in a strange reunion limbo, unsure of what comes next.
But clearly that’s not good enough for him. He throws down his helmet, stick and gloves and races to the nearest exit.
The guys shake their heads at his actions, still unaware I’m up here until Dax puts the pieces together. He waves wildly up at me with a huge smile on his face, “Hey, Jess! It’s about time! You’re on my list, and it’s not my Christmas list!”
But then he laughs like he’s made the world’s best joke.
I nod and smile back at him. I have a lot to make up for with these guys, and I will. I’m going to work harder than ever to get the fans back in the stands.
For now, though, it’s time to make this right with Jagger. We need to talk. Actually, I need to talk, to apologize—
Jagger bursts through the door; I don’t know how he got here so fast. He’s still wearing his skates. But he’s moving with surprising quickness.
I open my mouth to immediately start apologizing just as he scoops me into his arm, and plants a kiss on my lips that sets my world on fire.