4. Chapter 4
Charlie
The door to the bathroom creaked open.
In the far stall, Charlie froze, perched on the closed toilet lid. Maybe if she didn’t move a muscle—
“Charlie? Are you okay?”
Carmen. Of course, Carmen would have noticed her leaving.
Charlie closed her eyes. She and Carmen had started work at the Fremont International School on the same day—Charlie in Primary, Carmen in Secondary, where she taught Spanish and Music.
Carmen, with her endless patience, her warmth, and the most beautiful singing voice Charlie had ever heard.
Carmen, who was not just her closest friend in France, but in the whole world.
“I know you’re in there, Charlie,” Carmen said, closer now.
“I’m … I’m fine. I just need a minute,” Charlie said. Two lies. She wasn’t fine, and a minute wouldn’t fix anything.
“I’ll wait,” Carmen said, in a tone that made it clear she wasn’t going anywhere.
Charlie sighed. She stood, smoothed clothes that didn’t need smoothing, and flushed the toilet. As if that would fool anyone. Walking over to the sink and washing her hands bought her a few extra seconds but, eventually, she had to look up.
In the mirror, she met Carmen’s worried gaze.
“What’s going on?”
“I’m okay,” Charlie repeated weakly.
There were things about her past she’d shared with Carmen—about the baby she’d lost, the divorce, at the way grief had left her feeling hollowed out.
And then there were the things she hadn’t shared.
She hadn’t told Carmen much about her ex-husband.
She certainly hadn’t mentioned he worked for the PGHM.
Or that the thought of running into him was both terrifying and intoxicating.
“Are you sure?” Carmen’s dark eyes narrowed. “If you’re not feeling well, go home. There are enough of us here to cover the rest of the field trip.”
“No. I’m fine. I just … had a stomachache.”
The lie tasted sour. Charlie didn’t usually lie, and she certainly didn’t lie to her friends.
Carmen studied her for a long moment. “You don’t look fine.”
No. I’m scared. Scared that he might be here. Scared that he might not.
It was ridiculous, really. She was ridiculous. There were hundreds of gendarmes in the valley. There was no reason his team would be anywhere near Les Bois today. And yet, the thought that she might see him had kept her up all night. Because what wouldn’t she give to see him one more time, to—
No.
She wasn’t going to do this to herself. He’d made it clear he couldn’t move on after … after everything. He’d left her behind. He’d left her no choice. He’d forced her to rebuild alone.
And she’d done exactly that. She had a good life now.
Good friends. An amazing job. Children who trusted her and made her want to get up every morning.
Not happiness like before—not that sunlit, breathless safety she’d only ever known with him.
But a new life. A calm, good life that was just the way she liked it.
“Charlie,” Carmen said softly, lifting a hand as if to stop the next lie coming out of Charlie’s mouth. “Listen, I don’t know what’s going on. And maybe it’s something you can’t talk about. But whatever it is, whenever you’re ready to talk, just know that I’m here. Okay?”
It was exactly the right thing to say. Of course, Carmen would find the right thing to say. Charlie crossed the distance between them and hugged her friend tightly. “I know, Carmen. Thank you.”
“Come on,” Carmen said, laughing as she extricated herself from Charlie’s hug. “The kids will be almost done with the map reading activity by now. I have to say, I’m glad we got to skip that one.”
Charlie laughed. Even now, Carmen often got lost inside the school grounds. It was fair to say map reading was not one of her talents.
Outside, the kids were having the kind of fun only second graders know how to have.
Charlie followed them to a set of benches and passed out ham and cheese baguettes and juice boxes, making sure the children all had one before handing the remaining ones to the teachers.
It was nice to sit out here in the sun. A month earlier, it would have been too cold.
A couple of months later, too warm. But today—right now—it was nice.
For the first time all day, Charlie felt herself relaxing. He wasn’t here. The ground felt solid beneath her feet. Everything was going to be okay. Charlie almost convinced herself that this was a good thing.
After lunch, they cleaned up after themselves, and then it was time for the final activity.
“You have a choice,” said the beautiful, red-haired gendarme who’d been showing them around. That was clever of her—giving them a choice. The children vibrated with excitement. “You can either build a snow shelter,” she continued, “or … climb our training wall.”
The decision was loud and clear.
“Wall it is, then,” the gendarme laughed. “Single file, and I’ll show you how to get the harness on.”
“You’re climbing as well, right, Ms. Charlie?” Ellie asked, craning her neck to take in the tall wall.
If anybody else had asked, Charlie would have found a way out of it.
Heights were not her thing. Her palms were already damp just looking at the wall.
But Ellie’s bright green eyes were wide with a fear she was trying—and failing—to hide.
As much as she didn’t want to climb that wall, Charlie didn’t want to let the little girl down.
Charlie smiled. “Of course I am.”
The gendarme helped everyone into harnesses, checking straps with brisk efficiency. Charlie’s harness cut into her legs, making her wish she hadn’t worn jeans that morning. She shrugged off the discomfort. The gendarme was speaking, and Charlie wasn’t hearing a single thing.
“Excuse me?”
“I asked if you’ve been climbing before?”
Charlie had. Once. With Lorenz. It’d been one of their first dates, back when they didn’t know each other that well.
He’d wanted to introduce her to one of his favorite sports.
She’d been less than twenty feet up by the time she’d realized climbing was not her thing.
But they’d ended up making love in the back of his truck afterwards, and his hands had soothed…
No. Now was so not the time to think about that.
“I’m a complete beginner,” she said. That wasn’t a lie.
“You’re going to love it. It’s almost—but not quite—as exhilarating as flying.”
Charlie finished strapping on her helmet and looked up at the gendarme’s uniform. “You’re a pilot with the PGHM?”
She probably knows Lorenz.
I could ask her about him.
No. Not happening.
“Yes. Flying is the best, but climbing is almost as much fun,” the woman continued. Charlie hoped she was not a mind reader. “You’re going to love it.” She turned to look at the kids, who by now were buzzing with excitement. “Alright. Who wants to go first?”
Charlie raised her hand, partly to get it over with, and partly because she knew Ellie was watching her every move.
The wall felt rough under her hands. Colder than she’d expected.
“I’ve got you,” the gendarme said, tapping her own harness, the rope running smoothly through her hands. “Climb on.” She lowered her voice so only Charlie could hear. “Don’t worry. It’s an easy route. You’ll be fine.”
Charlie wasn’t worried.
She was terrified.
But she smiled and started climbing. The beginning was always the worst, she reminded herself.
One foot. Then another.
Her arms burned quickly. She thought of the buttery croissants at her local café. Maybe she’d sampled too many. She should start running. Or lifting weights.
Soon, it wasn’t just her arms; her legs started trembling as well. Still, she kept going, encouraged by the chorus of small voices below.
“You’re doing great, Ms. Charlie!”
“Almost there!” That one, from little Ellie, was a lie. Charlie knew better than to look down, but looking up she could see exactly how much she had left.
“Keep going, Ms. Charlie!”
It wasn’t like she could stay here all day, anyway. With a silent apology to her arms, Charlie channeled her inner Spider-Man and kept going, up and up, until she was finally close enough to ring the bell.
“Yes!”
“Ms. Charlie did it!”
Charlie clung to the wall like a limpet. Now what?
“Now let go,” the instructor called.
Let go?
Charlie’s fingers tightened until they cramped.
“Legs wide. Feet flat against the rock,” the gendarme said calmly. “Now lean back. Trust the rope.”
Right. Because you’re hanging from a rope. It’s safe.
For a moment, Charlie wasn’t sure she could make herself do it. But she thought of the kids—of Ellie. There was a reason she was hanging from this rock, and it wasn’t for fun. She had to make this count. So she forced one hand off the rock, then the other.
The rope took her weight instantly.
Charlie gave a shaky laugh, glad nobody could hear her. She hovered there, suspended, the wall pressing solidly against her boots.
“That’s it,” the gendarme called up. “Not you just walk yourself down.”
Walk. Down.
Charlie focused on her feet. She had a vague memory that this was the wrong thing to focus on, but it was better than looking at the dangling rope. One careful step. Then another. Her legs shook, but the rope held.
Applause broke out below as she reached the ground. Several voices shouted, asking to go next. She looked at Ellie and found her smiling.
Success.
“Let me unclip this,” the gendarme said, “and you’ll be free. I’m Kat, by the way.”
“Charlie.”
“I guessed, from the chanting.”
Charlie smiled despite herself. A laugh bubbled up. Maybe Kat was right. Maybe climbing was a bit like flying. Maybe—
Her scalp prickled—a literal moment of awareness.
Charlie stiffened.
There’s nothing there. Nothing there.
She turned anyway.
Lorenz.
He stood just beyond the safety barrier, a few meters from the wall. Surrounded by another group of children.
All breath left her lungs.