CHAPTER 5
Arlowe sat there, waiting for a response, and her three friends were all just chatting like the most important moment of her life, outside of meeting Eline, wasn’t happening right now.
Sarai was telling them something about her upcoming cabin trip with Gabi, and Enya was listening intently, probably trying to live vicariously.
Violet was on her phone, likely texting Stella a play-by-play of her night so far or even telling her girlfriend that she would be home soon.
Arlowe, meanwhile, still couldn’t believe that life just continued to go on around her, because the moment she’d first seen Eline, time had stopped, and it felt like it should stop again now that they might be on their way to talking once more.
“I bought lingerie,” Sarai shared.
“You did? Do you wear lingerie?” Enya asked.
“Not usually. I’ve never worn it for her before, but it’s our first trip together.
I should do something special, right? For our one-year anniversary, we just went to dinner, and we still lived here.
You two were both home, so we… kept things quiet.
And we were working so much then, too – we didn’t have a ton of energy to do much.
Yes, we’re still working like crazy, but we’re going to have four uninterrupted days off, and I cannot wait.
I plan on having sex with my girlfriend all over that cabin, and I want to wear something special just for her to take it off. ”
“I wish I had someone who wanted to take lingerie off me,” Enya replied dreamily.
“What about you, Vi?” Sarai asked.
“What about me?” Violet asked and looked up from her phone.
“When are you and Stella going to go on another vacation?”
“We just went on one, like, three months ago.”
“I meant a real vacation. You did the whole long weekend thing, too, because we’re all pretty much obsessed with work,” Sarai said.
“Oh, I don’t know. She’s busy at her own job, and I’m busy here.”
Arlowe stood up and went into the kitchen, not wanting to listen to them talk about things that were not important right now. She pulled a beer from the fridge, opened it, took a long drink, and sat down at the table just as Enya walked in.
“How are you doing?”
“I’m freaking out. You can’t tell?”
“No, I can. That’s why I left those two to talk about their girlfriends, lingerie, and their vacations and came in to check on you.”
Enya sat down in her chair before she stole the bottle from her and grabbed a sip.
“I never really moved on from her, Enya.”
“We all know. We were there after it ended, and we’ve been there every day since, Arlowe. You’ve missed her from the moment you two said goodbye, or maybe even before that, when you knew you’d have to say goodbye.”
“Do you know how many times I have wished that I’d never met her?” she asked before she tipped the beer bottle back again and took another drink.
“You don’t mean that,” Enya replied.
“No, I do. I’ve thought that thousands of times over the years. What would’ve happened had we never met? If I had never laid eyes on her, fallen for her instantly, and then left her there.”
“Arlowe…”
“It was so real, Enya… But we were so young. I know most people would say that twenty-two isn’t that young, but it is when you think about it.
She had her plan. I had mine. Those plans were going to take place on different continents, and we didn’t think that either of us should have to give that up, but we also didn’t even know how to try to be together.
I remember telling myself that it would be five months.
I told her that, too – at least, we’d have each other for five months.
Then, those five months ended, and ever since, I’ve been wandering around, looking for my fucking heart because someone I met when I was twenty-two years old still has it.
So… Yeah, sometimes, I wonder what my life would’ve been like had I never met her. ”
“And when you wonder that, how does it feel?”
Arlow passed Enya the beer bottle and replied, “Worse somehow.”
“I really don’t understand this, Arlowe,” Enya said and took a drink. “None of us have wanted to push you because it’s your life, but you could have reached out to her, at least. Maybe you two could’ve made it work.”
Arlowe swallowed and said, “We agreed that we would give it time.”
“And you did. Now, it’s been years, and it’s the first contact. You could’ve at least answered the questions you’ve had about Eline and her life since.”
“No, I couldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because she asked me not to, okay?” she said a little louder than she’d intended and just as Sarai and Violet had entered the kitchen of the house they all used to share.
“What?” Sarai asked.
“You never told us that,” Violet added.
“It never mattered because I couldn’t handle knowing anyway. Look, I know you two met your girlfriends in Amsterdam, but it’s not the same situation. Violet, you and Stella hated each other back then. Maybe you could’ve been together and still would be today, but probably not, right?”
“Probably not, no,” Violet agreed as she sat in her old chair.
“And, Sarai, you had a little thing for Gabi, but she was only there for a weekend and had a plan of her own. So, you didn’t say anything to her, and she didn’t tell you about her little crush, either.”
“Yeah. So?”
“So, it’s not the same for me. I met her and fell in love.
I had all that time with her, and I blew it because I couldn’t figure out a way to keep us together.
She said as much in a letter that she wrote me that I read pretty much all the time.
She couldn’t understand why I could solve problems in computer code, but that I couldn’t see us finding a way to make things work between us.
She said she wanted me to stay away basically, and that if and when she was ready to reach out, she would.
I waited, you guys. I waited for months.
Then, years. I gave up and stopped waiting, but I’ve been trying to respect her wishes since the first time I read that letter. ”
“Arlowe… You should’ve told us. We wouldn’t have given you a hard time,” Sarai said.
“It didn’t matter. I never thought I would hear from her again.”
“Well, you have. So, what are you going to do about it?” Violet asked.
“What can I do? I told her that she could reach out on social and that I’d give her my number. The ball is in her court now.”
“You should’ve asked her if she was single,” Enya suggested.
“Really? Just come out of the gate with that one?” she asked.
“Why not? It’s a pretty important question.”
“No, it’s not, because she still lives on another continent, and I live here.”
“Yes, but you’re not a college student on the verge of graduation anymore, and neither is she,” Sarai argued.
“You could actually figure out how to see each other now. Plus, we’re in charge of the company we work at, so if you needed to take some time off or to work from there or something, I’m sure–”
Arlowe’s phone dinged then, and Sarai stopped talking immediately, likely because she’d recognized the sound. Arlowe pulled her phone out and opened her email.
“Is it her?” Enya asked.
Arlowe read the message to herself and said, “Oh, my God…”
“What?” Violet asked.
“Arlowe, I didn’t mention this before…” she began to read out loud.
“And maybe I shouldn’t now, but I’m not exactly staying up late tonight.
I’m actually out at dinner right now, about to get my food, and then I’ll go home to my new apartment because I moved.
I don’t live in Holland anymore. I live in the US.
More specifically, I live here. Well, I live in the same town as your company’s main office.
I guess I assumed that you probably lived here, too.
Maybe you work remotely from somewhere else, but I don’t know. ”
“What?” Enya asked.
“She lives here?” Sarai questioned as well and then stole Arlowe’s phone from her hand to read further.
“If you live here, I’m here, too, and I can look you up on social media, or I can text you, but we could also maybe meet up if you want.
” Sarai looked up at her before she looked back down, finished reading the rest of the email, and handed Arlowe her phone back. “She wants to meet you for coffee.”
“I know. I read it to myself before you took my phone, Sarai.” Arlowe looked back down at the device, not trusting her own eyes, despite what she’d just said to Sarai, that Eline was here and that she wanted to meet. “God, she’s here…”
“That’s not a coincidence,” Violet said. “It can’t be.”
“What do I do?” Arlowe asked.
“You should meet her. I’ve always been on team Arlowe and Eline,” Sarai told her.
“Me too,” Enya added. “In fact, I think we should have a good, old-fashioned house vote.”
Arlowe chuckled and replied, “We can’t have a house vote on whether or not I meet Eline for coffee.”
“Yes, we can,” Sarai stated. “Unanimous. And you can lobby votes, remember?”
“We haven’t had one of those in a while,” Violet noted before she took Arlowe’s beer.
“I guess that’s a community beer now,” Arlowe said and shook her head at her friends.
“I vote yes,” Violet shared and took a drink.
“I vote yes, too,” Enya said, raising her hand.
“Me too,” Sarai said, doing the same. “Arlowe, it has to be unanimous if it’s an important vote like this one, not just what movie we’re going to watch.”
Arlowe took a deep breath and said, “I vote yes.”
“Yeah?” Enya asked, sounding excited.
“Am I crazy? I haven’t seen her since–” She stopped. “What if it’s still there between us, but she’s with someone else? I don’t know that I could recover from that.”
“It’s going to be fine,” Violet said with a soft smile. “At least, you’ll know. And, honestly, Arlowe, if that’s all you get from this little meetup, that’s still pretty important. You could finally move on. For real.”
Arlowe nodded and asked, “What do I type?”
“Well, you didn’t listen to us the first time, so why ask us again?” Sarai teased.
Arlowe looked at her seriously and said, “Please, help.”
Sarai softened and said, “All you have to do now is tell her that you’re in. Pick the coffee place we go to so that it’s on your home turf and exchange numbers so that you can text each other.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s it. Keep it simple. You can say anything else you need to say when you see her.”
“Right. Okay. That makes sense.”
“Want me to type it for you?” Sarai asked.
“Yes, please,” she replied and handed Sarai her phone.
“Hey, since we’re all here, can I maybe ask for a vote on something else while Sarai types?” Violet asked.
“If it’s about my request for a new coffee machine, you already know my answer is yes, VI,” Arlowe said.
“No, it’s not a work thing.” Violet smiled wide. “I want to ask Stella to marry me.”
“What?” Sarai exclaimed and handed Arlowe back her phone. “Just hit send.”
“You’re proposing?” Enya asked.
“I want to. Stella is it for me. She’s the love of my life, and it’s been over two years. I want to marry her.”
“You don’t need us to vote on that, Vi,” Arlowe replied before she read Sarai’s message.
“She would be a part of our family,” Violet noted. “This family. You three are really the only family I have since I don’t talk to my own much these days, and I want your blessing; all three of you.”
“I vote yes,” Enya said immediately. “Stella is great, and I can see how much you two love each other.”
“I vote yes, too, obviously, but do I now have to get the group’s permission if I want to propose to Gabi?”
“Sarai, you just moved in with the woman. I’d say give it a minute,” Arlowe said.
“I didn’t mean today. I mean in general. If we’re going to do that, I’d want you all to give your blessings, like Vi said, I think.”
“We all love Gabi, and we know you do, too. Plus, it’s easy to see how much she loves you. So, it’ll be a yes when you do that. Now, can we please refocus on me? I’m about to send this damn email.”
“You didn’t vote, Arlowe,” Violet reminded.
“Violet, you have my blessing to marry the love of your life,” she said. “You don’t need it, but it’s all yours. I’ll stand up beside you when you say, ‘I do,’ and I’ll be the one planning your bachelorette party because these two are lame and don’t know how to party-plan.”
Violet laughed a little and told her, “Send the email, Arlowe. It’s time.”
Arlowe reread the message yet again, decided that what Sarai had typed would have to be enough, took another of the many deep breaths she’d been taking that day before actually hitting send, and when she set her phone down quickly, as if it were going to self-destruct, they all got silent for a minute.
“You’re really getting married, huh?” Sarai said, breaking their silence eventually.
“Well, first I have to ask her, and she has to say yes, but I hope so, yeah,” Violet replied.
Then, Arlowe’s phone dinged, but it wasn’t an email notification. It was a text message from an unknown number.
“It’s her,” she said, opening the text app, and with her shaky hands, she added Eline’s name into her phone for the first time in a dozen years before she went back to the message itself.
“What did she say?” Sarai asked.
“Just letting me know that this is her number. Should I reply?”
“Yes, Arlowe. Set up the coffee thing,” Enya instructed.
“For when?”
“Arlowe, set it up for as soon as possible,” Violet said. “Skip work if you have to. You two have been waiting long enough.”