CHAPTER 28 #2
“I did,” she admitted. “When she asks me in the future – and I hope it is still when, not if – I plan on saying yes, but it won’t be because she’s trying to keep me here.
It’ll be because she loves me for who I am now and because she wants to take that step with me.
She made some comment about flowers and music, but I don’t need any of that.
I don’t need anything other than her. I never have.
This whole time, she has either been at the front or the back of my mind constantly, but she’s always been in my heart, buried deep, embedded there, but also right there at the front, keeping me from loving anyone else how I once loved her.
I told her not to contact me until I was ready, and I think it was the right decision at first, but I should’ve reached out.
I should’ve told her that it was always her for me.
Maybe things could’ve been different. Maybe I would’ve been her wife right now.
Who knows? I might have even been pregnant or have had our child already.
I never wanted to hurt her, but I can’t marry her yet. I want to one day, but not like this.”
“I understand,” Violet said. “I think she does, too.”
“But she didn’t tell you what happened between us the other night, and she tells you everything.”
“Everything except the stuff she buries so deep that I think she tells no one, or maybe only you,” Violet said. “She takes time to process stuff. You know that.”
“Time is something we never seem to have enough of.”
“I think that’s true for everyone in love.”
“But you and Stella aren’t on some timetable. Neither is Gabi and Sarai.”
“True, but I love Stella. I can’t imagine my life without her. I’m sure you’d hear the same thing from Sarai about Gabi. Anything could happen, I know, but let’s say we all live until we’re one hundred – it still wouldn’t be enough time. That’s how it feels.”
“I just want us to have a normal relationship where we can fall in love however we want, move in together whenever we want, get engaged, and get married the same way. I know that she does, too. She just doesn’t want me to have to leave first, and I understand that, but I think I should go, take this job, make some money, and wait for the visa to be approved.
I’m going to miss her like crazy, but I’m hoping she’ll come for a visit.
Honestly, I’d like her to see my parents again.
I want them to see us together after all this time and see what I know has always been there. She’d have to want to do that, though.”
“She does,” Violet said. “I know she does.”
“I know she has to process first, but I have to sell my furniture and pack and leave soon. Will she be done with all that processing before then?”
“I can’t answer that for you. But you know who can?”
“She’s only texting me right now. I’m trying to give her a little space.”
“I wouldn’t give her too much of that before you go.”
“Yeah. I’m going to try calling her again tonight.
If she answers, maybe she’s ready to talk.
If not, I’ll get a text, but either way, I have to tell her that I am taking the job.
I wasn’t sure before, but I am now. I think it’s the right thing to do.
I know I won’t be happy just sitting around here, even though I’d have her.
I need my work, and I want us to take those steps when we’re ready, not because we have to. ”
“She’ll understand, Eline,” Violet told her. “She might not be happy about it, but she’ll understand.”
“Thank you, Violet.”
“Of course. I do have to go, though. I have a girlfriend of my own at home, who requested coffee and a scone, because she likes their scones. I’m just grabbing that for her and heading home.”
“When are you going to propose?”
“I’m still working on the timeline, but I’m making progress. I want it to be special and something she’ll love.”
“She loves you. She doesn’t need special.
Trust me, if Arlowe had asked me how she did the other night, without this whole visa thing looming over us, I would’ve said yes.
I would’ve laughed about how spontaneous it was and told her how much I loved her while we hugged and kissed in my living room. Stella really will not care.”
“So, I’ve been told,” Violet said with a smile and stood up. “I’m working on it.”
“Can’t wait to hear the story after you ask, and she says yes.”
“And I can’t wait to tell it,” Violet replied. “I’ll see you again before you have to leave, right?”
“I hope so. I have to tell Arlowe first, and that really is up to her.”
Violet nodded before she walked over to the counter, and Eline decided that since she didn’t have much time left, she should give Arlowe as much time as she could with the information that she was definitely taking the job in Holland. She picked up her phone and sent a quick text.
Eline Claasen: I know you need your processing space, but I think we should talk, and not over text, babe. Any chance we can do that tonight after you’re done with work?
She didn’t have to wait long for a response.
Arlowe Romano: I’ll come by with dinner later.
Eline smiled when she read that.