Chapter Thirty-Seven Rage
We are lying on the blankets and under the tree after the time we have spent together.
Rose is on my chest and her breathing has evened out so I know she is asleep.
Every day for the last six months I have thought about how crazy it is that we are here.
How I can’t believe this wonderful woman gave me a second chance.
To some this all might seem crazy and fast, but we were doing whatever it was we were doing for almost two years before shit hit the fan.
Yes, our relationship started out physical and really lacked any type of emotional intimacy, but these last six months we have gotten to know each other in a way I never thought was possible for me.
We have become a family.
I had a lot of work to do to prove to her that I was not going to pull away when I got too scared and when I got uncomfortable with the emotions I was feeling.
Truthfully, after I thought I lost her for good any uncomfortable feelings I had with my emotions towards her went out the fucking window.
I got a glimpse of what life would be like without her in it and I didn’t want that for myself.
Despite me thinking that my life was everything it was supposed to be within the club, I knew deep down that I was missing something.
That I hid behind walls and didn’t really allow for any type of relationships that got too deep.
She helped me fucking see that. She helped me see that I was living half a fucking life.
After she told me in the hospital that she would give me a chance, I made it my fucking mission to prove to her that I could be what she needed.
That I wanted to be better for not only her, but myself and our kids.
Mason might not be hers biologically, but she does not treat him any different than she treats Reid.
Their relationship has grown so much in the last six months.
She taught him how to ride horses on the new fucking horse she bought him, Atlas.
Mason loves living here on all this property and has talked about how he can’t wait to help Rose turn it into the business that she wants to.
My life has become so different than I ever thought or even fucking imagined and I owe it all to this beautiful woman in my arms.
Not long after things settled down and we got Rose back home, Brynley, Sutton and Abby asked her if she was fine with them moving into the cabins she had built towards the business portion of her property.
Rose made it clear that she wants her girls working with her on this business and she is waiting patiently for Abby to be done with veterinary school so that she can be Rose’s primary vet.
I still had not earned the right to live in the same house as Rose after they moved out.
So I spent time proving to her that I was working on bettering myself.
Some of that included having a conversation with my family, sitting down and telling them everything. It was hard, but it was something we needed to do.
The memory hits me hard as I look up at the clouds above us.
Pulling up into dad and Liz’s driveway I notice that Trev, Cooper, and Knox’s bikes are in the drive.
It was what I expected when I got in touch with everyone and told them I wanted to have a family meeting.
That there were things I wanted to be open and honest with them about.
I did tell dad that the little ones probably shouldn’t be hanging out in the room with us as we talked about it.
I think that was when he knew it was more serious than anything else.
Before I even make it to the door, I hear a car pulling up in the drive and I turn to look and see it’s Rose. She gets out of the car and walks over to me. I immediately pull her into my arms and look down at her.
“What are you doing here? Where’s Reid and Mason?”
“Reid is with the girls and Mason went over to Sophie and Lash’s. I wanted to be here for you. I know this is going to be hard and I want to give you that support. We decided that we would give this a try and I want to do what a good girlfriend would do.”
“Thank you, so much. You have no idea how much this means to me. Especially after everything I have done to you.”
She puts her hand over my mouth.
“Stop. You have apologized for what you said. You explained why you had the reactions to our relationship that you did and you know that it doesn’t give you an excuse. We are moving forward. We are learning who the other person is without the physical aspect and working more with emotional intimacy.
Even though you're a big bad biker and all this is new for you. I love that you are trying for me.”
“Always. I’ve lived life without you and I don’t want to do it again.”
“Alright, well let’s go. Your dad is probably freaking out since you left him such an ominous message.”
I laugh and begin walking up towards my dad’s front door hand and hand with the woman I love.
The conversation that day was really heavy.
Dad hated the fact that he did not know that any of that happened and felt like it was his fault that I was ever in that situation.
There are still times today that he looks at me and I see the guilt in his eyes for everything that I carried when he didn’t know about me.
Even when he did know, but didn’t know how to help me or see that I was struggling.
I never wanted him to put all of this on his shoulders, but he is my dad.
I know that no matter how old we all get, he is still going to be looking out for us and fighting any battle for us.
During those conversations I also apologized to Liz.
I told her that it wasn’t her that I mistrusted, not really.
I just had a general mistrust for all women because of everything that happened.
I see how she is with my siblings and I know that she is a great mother.
She would never put her kids in the situations I was in.
The relationship she has with dad, I know that for a long time I fought against it and really I shouldn’t have taken so long to get over that.
I should’ve known that my dad was with her because he loved her.
I never really thought you could fall for someone after the first night like dad has always claimed he did with Liz, until Rose.
Until I was willing to admit my feelings for her.
My phone buzzes on the blanket next to me and I pick it up. A smile forms on my lips and I send a quick reply before I set it back down. I look down at Rose and move her hair out of her face. Then I bend down and place several kisses on her lips until her eyes flutter open.
“Mmm, what? I was so comfy. I don’t wanna get up.”
I chuckle and kiss her forehead.
“I’ve got another surprise for you?”
She peeks out from under her eyelashes and looks up at me.
“I don’t know what else you could possibly surprise me with. I’ve already got a ring, I’ve got the cut. Your swimmers might be good, but there is no way they worked already.”
A laugh breaks out of my mouth and I start getting up.
“It is not a baby, but I’m sure you’re going to love the surprise.”
“I’m sorry, is it another animal?”
Again I laugh at that because since we started this relationship six months ago we got another horse and two more dogs.
Mason wanted a puppy so we welcomed Ranger who is a male German shepherd puppy that we brought home when he was twelve weeks old.
Then of course because Rose didn’t want Reid to be left out and not get a puppy we also got a little golden retriever puppy named Teddy.
“No, there are no more animals. Now you can sit here and continue to guess or you can get your sweet ass up and find out.”
It wasn’t long before we were on our horses and back up towards the house. We put the horses away and walked hand and hand back to the house. When we opened the door the room full of people shouted, “CONGRATULATIONS!”
Rose had tears in her eyes because of all the people that were there with us to now celebrate our engagement.
The brothers were there, but the part that was really the surprise for Rose was I flew in her family.
Not just her family from Texas, but also her family in Maine.
Thorn had come with them, which had surprised all of us because we had not heard much from him since he got back from that first run and then requested to go on all the runs we did with the Maine chapter after that.
He also came with a little surprise this time.
Rose’s parents came up to us, holding Reid and gave Rose a hug.
Then they both looked at me and smiled, “We are so very glad that this all worked out and we want you to know that we appreciate all the lengths you have gone through to do right by our little girl. We know that it wasn’t easy and we know there was a lot of pain to work through.
But now that we have gotten to know you, we are glad that you are a part of this family. So thank you.”
Her mother said before pulling me in for a hug being careful not to squash Reid who is in her arms.
Her dad comes to stand by me and smacks me on the back before squeezing my shoulder, “You better never hurt her again or I don’t care what alliance our families have in place, I will find you and I will kill you. Slowly.”
I look at him and then look at Rose before I say, “I would never dream of hurting her, ever again. I might do some stupid shit from time to time. What man doesn’t, but I will never do anything to bring her pain on purpose or even of that magnitude.
Thank you for listening to me and giving me a chance to prove myself to you and to your family.”
“Of course.”
Rose’s family was also someone I had to work towards forgiveness with.
We have flown out to Texas a couple of times and they have flown here.
I worked on mending that bridge as well to prove to them that I was serious about their daughter.
I had many sitdowns with Beau and Rose’s brothers about everything.
I didn’t give them the full details of my past, only because I felt like I was not in a place to tell them everything, but I did tell them how I was feeling and that things in my past led me to be a complete and total fucking idiot.
Rose comes over and stands next to me. She turns and stands on her tip toes placing a kiss on my cheek.
“Thank you for fighting for me and for fighting for our family.”
I look at her and bring my hands up to cup her cheeks, “Of course, I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I gave up on the fight of my life. You are worth everything. I can’t wait to continue to build our family together. I love you.”
“I love you too! Now we get to plan two weddings. Isn’t that so exciting?”
I smirk at her and place a kiss on her lips.
“Dragon and I picked some wonderful women who are going to plan the most beautiful weddings. I can’t wait to see what you guys come up with.”
She smirks right back at me, “Oh, I’m sure you guys are going to love it.”
She places another kiss on my lips before she walks away laughing and I don’t care if I’m wearing a pink fucking tux on the day of my wedding to her, I am going to be the happiest man on the fucking planet because I fought for my Rose and I came out on top.