31. River
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
River
I stared at the list of names on the screen.
I’d finally broken through the encryption with the help of my network online. We’d thrown everything we had at that damned file, and it had proven more resilient than we’d expected.
Jud Hale’s girlfriend inside Stillwater must not have realized the file would be unreadable when she’d downloaded it, absent Stillwater’s encryption key, which they’d no doubt stored separately. Because they weren’t idiots.
But we’d done it. I’d pumped my fist as the file finally opened, laying bare its secrets.
And that brief moment of triumph had turned to horror.
About twenty-five names, far fewer than we might’ve feared. But one of them instantly struck my heart like the blade of a knife.
Rainey.
Agent Josh Rainey .
Charlie had texted me a few minutes ago, saying she’d headed up to Last Refuge with Rainey and Torres. They’d shown up out of the blue.
“No,” I whispered to my empty apartment. “No, no, no. ”
I rocketed out of my chair. It tipped backward onto the wood floor with a loud smack. I grabbed my car keys. Sprinted down the stairs.
As I drove, I called Charlie. Straight to voicemail. I tried name after name in my contacts. Jessi? No, Charlie hadn’t appeared at Last Refuge. Genevieve? No, Charlie had left the diner a while ago. But the FBI agents’ car had been headed toward Refuge Mountain.
“Tell Owen that Charlie may have been kidnapped,” I said. “Get a BOLO on the car the agents were driving. My phone may lose service soon.”
I pressed the accelerator, nearly skidding as I took the curves as fast as I dared. If Rainey had taken her, he’d want to get her to a secure location as quickly as possible. But Torres hadn’t been on the list. Unless Rainey had recruited his partner more recently to Stillwater’s cause, Rainey would need to get Torres out of the way.
I almost drove past the small break in the trees. A dirt path, just wide enough for a vehicle. My body lurched forward as I pushed the brakes. I could just make out a slash of blue through the trees. A car.
I pulled onto the path.
As soon as I spotted the abandoned car, I jumped out, head swiveling as I searched for any sign of Charlie or the FBI agents.
Then I heard a scream.
I drew my weapon and ran.
I reached a clearing. Torres was stretched out. Listless, blood covering a wad of fabric at his chest.
And Charlie was on the ground with Rainey on top of her. She grimaced with pain. Forehead bleeding.
I saw fucking red .
“Just for that, I’m going to make this hurt,” Rainey said. “I’ll start with breaking the bones in your arms. See how much you like it.” He raised the gun in the air. Not to shoot, but to bring the butt down on her forearm. I saw the arc he was about to follow.
This bastard was dead.
I leveled my aim, a microsecond from shooting him in the temple.
But Charlie screamed and raised her other arm. She had a baseball-sized rock clenched in her palm. Twisting, putting the weight of her whole body into the motion, she smashed the rock into Rainey’s head.
The agent careened to the side. Charlie screamed and hit him again. Rainey sprawled in the dirt, arms askew. Out cold. Blood poured from a slash at his hairline.
I dropped my gun to my side and ran toward her. “Charlie!”
She blinked and looked up at me. “River?”
My knees hit the ground, and I scooped her into my arms. Kissed her face. “My God, I thought I’d lost you. When I saw his name on that list…”
“I’m okay,” she said haltingly. “But Torres. We have to help him.”
I staunched the bleeding as best I could, then carried Torres to my car. The unconscious Agent Rainey went in my trunk, hands and feet secured.
Charlie sat in the back seat with Torres, cradling his head in her lap. She’d protested that she was fine, but I’d insisted on putting a bandage from my first aid kit on that gash on her head.
“Hurry,” she said. “Please, River. We can’t let him die.”
“He won’t.”
In the rearview, I saw her wipe a tear. “You don’t know that.”
“On the contrary. Reality is what I say it is.”
That finally coaxed a smile out of her.
A couple hours later, I walked into Charlie’s room at Hart County General’s emergency department. Genevieve was sitting in the chair beside her, speaking quietly.
The lights were dimmed, but Charlie’s eyes lifted as soon as she saw me. “Any news?”
“Torres is still in surgery.” I took her hand, lifted it up, and kissed it. “But he’ll be fine.”
“You keep saying that.”
“Because I believe it. The guy is tough. Almost as tough as me.” I winked, and Charlie squeezed my hand.
They’d stitched up the gash on Charlie’s head and were monitoring her for a concussion. Doctors were seeing to Rainey too, though Owen had deputies waiting to arrest him.
Word had spread far too quickly: there had been another attempt on the lieutenant governor’s life. Owen was keeping a tight lid on the identity of her attacker, but reporters had already descended on the hospital. They’d never really left the county. The FBI was calling. The governor’s office. Everyone wanting to know what the hell was going on in Hartley.
The truth could leak any moment. Which could lead to more revelations than we were ready for. Like the list of Stillwater moles I had just decrypted. The list we hadn’t decided how to handle yet.
Genevieve wanted to publish the thing. So did my hacker friend Cerberus, which was why I hadn’t given him access yet. Brynn wanted us to turn it over to her bosses.
As for me? I just wanted to grab on to Charlie and get her back to my secluded cabin. Hold on to her, keep her safe, never let her go. Give her so much love and cuddles and tenderness that she forgot the horror she’d experienced today .
I’d come so close to losing her, and in the end, I hadn’t saved her. She’d saved herself.
I had left her vulnerable. Rationally, we had believed Charlie was safe in Hartley. Safe with her FBI agent friends. But my gut still churned with all the blame I aimed at myself.
“I need to get out of here,” Charlie said. “I can’t just sit in a hospital bed. There’s way too much going on.”
I sat on the mattress beside her, reaching out to trace my thumb across her cheek. “Okay, sweetheart. How about Genevieve creates a diversion for us, and we make a break for it. We won’t tell anyone where we’re going. We can disappear for a few days again, just you and me.”
“I’m not kidding. I need to get to work dealing with this situation before it blows up even more.” She smiled weakly. “If you want to be my favorite person ever, you’ll make that happen.”
I hadn’t been kidding. But I grinned, shrugged like I was saying you got me , and turned to Genevieve. “Her favorite person ever if I do what she wants. You see how manipulative she is?”
Gen snorted. “Then you two are perfect for each other, aren’t you?”
I kissed Charlie’s hand again, but her eyes slid away from me. “Please, River. Find a nurse for me? Use your powers of persuasion.”
“You just don’t want them complaining to the media that the lieutenant governor is a difficult patient.” I set her hand gently on her lap. “I’ll see what I can do.”
I went out to the hallway. The moment Charlie couldn’t see me, I leaned into the wall and rubbed a hand over my face. I was exhausted. I’d barely slept in days. And I couldn’t take away all the burdens on the woman I loved, and that knowledge was tearing me up inside.
Then my phone rang, and I checked my screen .
Ross .
Oh, hell.
This was a bad time to have that chat with my brother. And yet, I couldn’t imagine a better one either. Today was already a shitshow. Why not add to it?
“Little brother,” I said, pushing into a stairwell.
“River, I’ve been trying to reach you. What on earth has been happening in Colorado?”
I summarized things as quickly as I could. The version we were currently telling the public, anyway.
“That’s unbelievable. The whole thing. You finding her, then becoming a fugitive to save her. But it’s also exactly the kind of thing you’d do.” Ross laughed, but he sounded more tired than amused. “Charlotte sent me a message that you were cleared of any charges, and you’re both well. Is that true? You’re both okay?”
I couldn’t imagine he’d heard yet about today’s developments.
We had the list. I knew the names of every one of the traitors taking Stillwater bribes. Soon, I’d learn the secrets of each one of them. I’d make them pay. Especially Agent Rainey.
If I had been faster. If I’d just cracked the encryption a day earlier. A fucking hour .
I hadn’t answered my brother’s question. “It’s been tough, but yes. Charlie is, um…she’s safe now. I’ve been trying to take care of her.”
I tried to summon my usual irreverence or snark. Anything to keep the desperate yearning out of my voice. But my brother was quiet, just breathing. The pause went way too long. I probably hadn’t succeeded.
“I should go,” I said.
“Wait. Riv, there’s something I need to say. I meant to say it a while ago, but then I thought there was no point, and… ”
“Bro, I need you to spit it out. I have things to do.”
“I knew how you felt about Charlotte,” Ross blurted out. “I’ve always known.”
Shit. My eyes closed. “Ross, listen, I?—”
“No, just let me say this. I knew how you felt about her when we were teenagers and you left for the Navy. I knew it when I pursued her. And I just.” He cleared his throat. “I just want to say I’m sorry.”
The word hung there. Had I heard that right?
“ You’re sorry?” I asked.
“I think I was jealous of you. Charlotte was the one thing you wanted and couldn’t have, so I…I wanted her for myself. I feel like shit saying that.”
Possessiveness flared up in my chest, but I ignored it. “We were kids. We were stupid.”
“Yeah, but I grew up. Charlotte and I were never right for each other. I tried so hard to make us fit as a couple, even when deep down I realized it wouldn’t work. So I owe her an apology as well. It took me marrying the love of my life, and some therapy, to be able to look at myself and really admit the mistakes I’ve made.”
“Wow,” I said. I had nothing else.
“You hate me, don’t you?”
I pushed my forehead against the cold cinderblock of the stairwell. “ No . I couldn’t hate you. I thought you would hate me.”
“Do you still have feelings for Charlotte? I guess you must, since you risked everything for her.”
I nodded, though he couldn’t see me. “Yeah. I do. I really do. I’m in love with her.”
Another pause.
“Are you okay with that?” I asked. Then corrected myself. “To be honest, I don’t care if you’re okay with that. I want to be with her. But I’d like to know how awkward it’ll be at Christmas.”
He laughed. “If you and Charlotte wind up together, then I just want you to be happy. Be good to her. And I hope you can forgive me.”
Ross ended the call. All I could do was stare at the phone in my hand.
It was evening by the time Charlotte finally got released. But she didn’t want to rest. Not even close. Instead, we went to the sheriff’s department headquarters, where Owen gave her a conference room.
Charlotte had her phone back, and she went into lieutenant governor mode. Making endless calls.
I barely had a chance to talk with her, so apart from dropping off drinks and food and Advil for her headache, I kept myself busy by haunting the hallways of the station.
When Trace showed up, he joined me. We wandered over to the break room, where I poured us cups of burnt coffee. “The list is secure?” Trace asked, voice near a whisper.
“Locked up tight on my computer.” I already had the contents memorized.
“And the other names?”
“Nobody we know. District Attorney Grissom is clean, for what that’s worth.”
Rainey was in county lockup for now, but the Feds were on their way to claim him. This was about to turn into a jurisdictional nightmare. Owen’s problem, not mine.
Trace leaned against the counter, sipping his coffee. “And Charlie? How’s she faring?”
“Not great. I think she’s avoiding the trauma, which makes sense. Stillwater’s other attacks were bad enough. But this one will take some time for her to heal from.” I didn’t mean her physical injuries, and Trace knew it. He knew very well what I meant.
I just wanted to be there for her in whatever way I could. Assuming she would let me.
New voices down the hall drew me to Charlie’s conference room. Brynn had just arrived. She was hugging Charlie, saying over and over again that she was sorry.
I stood in the doorway with my hands in my pockets, feeling more useless than I had all day.
Then Brynn noticed me. “Hey, River. I raced to get here from Denver as soon as possible, but SAC Stanford is on his way. We all need to talk before he crashes the party.”
We gathered around the table in the conference room. Trace and me, Owen, Charlie and Brynn. We would’ve invited Aiden, but he was at Last Refuge with Jessi. Scarlett and Genevieve had remained at the hospital to greet Agent Torres’s family when they arrived from Denver.
Brynn rested her hands on the tabletop, expression grave. “First, I am so incredibly sorry for what Agent Rainey did today. If I’d had any clue?—”
“We all screwed up,” Charlie interrupted. “We have to figure out what to do about it. I’m guessing Stanford wants to continue holding back Rainey’s identity in the media?”
“Yes. But I must tell him about the list you got from Hale. Given what’s happened, I can’t keep it secret any longer. We have our own computer experts. They’ll get to work on decrypting it, and?—”
Everyone except for Brynn looked at me. Oh, right. I’d forgotten that she didn’t know yet. “I cracked the encryption. We have access to the list. Rainey’s name was on it.”
“ And? Who else?”
I rattled them off. Alphabetical order. Each one was bitter in my mouth .
“I recognize a couple of them aside from Rainey and Hale,” Brynn said. “One is FBI. Can’t say for sure about the others.”
Charlie crossed her arms. “I’m sure we’ll find out all about them soon. But we need a decision. Make the list public? Give it to the FBI?” She looked to me, Trace, Owen.
“You’re leaving the decision to us, Lieutenant Governor?” Trace asked.
“I didn’t say that. But I’d still like to hear your thoughts.”
Brynn held up her hand. “Wait. I have a proposal. I think it will serve all of us, and I’m sure I can get SAC Stanford to agree.”
We all waited.
“You turn over the Stillwater list to the FBI. We keep it secret. Use it to bring down the organization from within. In exchange, we ignore what the Last Refuge Protectors have been up to for the last year. The laws you’ve all broken. Many laws.”
Silence. None of us moved.
“I looked up the file on you when I was back in Denver,” Brynn said. “It’s getting pretty thick. Virtually speaking. I can make it all disappear.”
Owen broke first. But only to laugh. “Whatever you’ve got, Agent Somerton, the FBI would’ve made a move if they had anything concrete. You know what we call ourselves. So what? That means nothing. You’re trying to write a check you can’t cash. You want us to hush up the fact that an FBI agent in Stanford’s field office was working for Stillwater. That the same man tried to murder a fellow agent and the lieutenant governor today. But we’re not so easily bought.”
“Then consider it a mutual understanding. A partnership, even. We could keep you involved in the hunt for Stillwater.”
I shared a glance with Trace. Dipped my head. He was our leader, and whatever call he made, I’d follow it. Owen did the same.
“We don’t want maybes,” Trace said. “We want a guarantee. When it’s time to take down Stillwater, we’ll be a part of it.”
Brynn turned to Charlie. “Lieutenant Governor? Are you on board?”
“If the Protectors are okay with this, so am I.”
Brynn held out her hand to Trace, and he shook it. Agent Somerton grinned. “I look forward to working with you.”
While Brynn went to confer with Owen about the prisoner transfer, and Trace went to fill in Aiden, I pulled up a chair beside Charlie.
“I’ve barely spoken to you in hours.” I studied the bandage at her forehead. “How’s your head?”
“I’ll get through it.” She set her phone down, sighing. “There’s still so much I need to do. The governor’s apoplectic. He wants me back in Denver first thing in the morning. No more delays or excuses.”
I put my hand on her arm. “But you told him no. Right?”
Her mouth opened. Eyes darting to the side. “I’m going to ask Brynn to drive me back. Tonight.”
I sat back in the chair like the wind had just been knocked out of me. “I know it’s difficult to handle what happened today, but you can’t keep avoiding it. Avoiding me .”
“That’s not it. I’ve been away from work for a week and a half. I’ve been trying to catch up remotely, but I don’t even have my clothes. I haven’t seen Cleo. Or dealt with any of the regular parts of my life.”
“Then I’ll drive you. I’ll help you deal with things in Denver. ”
She pushed back her chair and got up. “No, that’s not any better. It’s time for me to go home, River.”
Home . Another kick to the chest.
“So you’re leaving? Just like that? And this.” I stood and gestured between the two of us. “This is ending, with barely even a goodbye?”
“Only because I’m barely holding together! I have been working so hard not to fall apart in front of everyone.” She hid her face with her trembling hands.
“Charlie. It’s just us now. Sweetheart. Talk to me.”
Slowly, she lowered her hands. She blinked, and two tears painted lines down her cheeks.
“I thought I was going to die today. I thought of everyone who matters to me. Everything I’ll miss. But the one regret that cut me deepest was you .” She took a ragged breath. “I told myself I was okay with this ending. It has to end. But I also can’t face losing you again, even if that makes me weak. It’s going to… River, it’s going to break me.”
Hell. The pain in her expression was already breaking me.
I cupped her face. Brushed her tears with my thumbs. “Then why are you walking away from me right now?”
“Agent Torres almost died today too. I have responsibilities. There’s so much more at stake than my broken heart.”
“My heart’s on the line too. I told you I love you. Over and over again. You don’t believe me?”
“I believe you, but it’s not enough. We both know the reasons?—”
“Yeah, we do. One of them is my brother. He called earlier today, and we talked. I didn’t even need to tell him about you and me, because he guessed. He said he’s always known how I felt about you. Ross and I have things we need to figure out, but when it comes to you, my brother and I are okay. He wants us to be happy.”
Relief opened up her features before she closed off again. “ It’s not just Ross. It’s everything else. Our jobs. Our commitments.”
“Then fuck all of that.”
“ What? ”
“Fuck it. I’m serious. We make our own rules.”
Her mouth hardened into a line. I heard the no right there on her lips before she said it.
But then, she hesitated.
“You really think we can do that?”
I laughed. Pulled her to me and kissed her, very gently, on her uninjured temple. “Here’s what I know. I screwed up with you before. So many times. I was too much of a coward to tell you how I really felt. So here’s me, laying it all on the line.”
My throat bobbed as I swallowed.
“I’ve never believed I could be what you need. I thought I was too selfish and had too much to prove. Just a few days ago, I thought I had nothing better to offer you than a fling. But you have my heart, Charlie. Since I was seventeen years old, my heart has been yours. So why shouldn’t I give you the rest of me?”
She looked up at me. “But I don’t want you to give up your life here. And I can’t give up mine. I have three more years of my term, and what if I want to run for reelection? Or run for another office?”
“Then we’ll do it. If we both want this, we’ll find a way to make it work. Who says we can’t? Even if it’s long distance. You think that scares me, after the years I’ve been apart from you?”
“With the Protectors, you break the laws I’m supposed to uphold.”
I shrugged. “Seems to me like we’re going legit. Partnering with the FBI, like Brynn said. We’ll figure it out. But nobody decides what our forever looks like but us. As long as you think you could feel the same way I do.”
I gazed back into her eyes. And I waited.
Never, in all my years as a SEAL or a clandestine operative or a vigilante Protector, had I been quaking like this in my boots.
Charlie brushed her finger over my lips. “I’m falling in love with you.”
I took a brief moment to close my eyes and revel in that fact. She was falling in love with me. I mean, of course she was falling in love with me. How could she resist?
“So you’ll do this with me? Figure out how to make it work?”
“I still have to go back to Denver tomorrow. You can’t come with me, simply because it’ll be a distraction. I need you here working your hacker magic on research. We’re sharing the Stillwater list with the FBI, but I want to know everything about those names myself.”
“I thought you didn’t want me breaking laws anymore.”
“Well, we can’t be too strict about it.” Her eyes smiled. “But I promise I will see you as soon as I can. I’ll be counting the days. Okay?”
I gritted my teeth. Our first test. But no problem. I would pass it. “Okay. I can live with that. I’ll stay here.”
“There’s one more condition.”
“Name it.”
She leaned in and whispered, “Call me Charlie-Baby when we’re in bed?”
All my feelings for her were caught in my throat. But I was smiling so damn big. “I will call you whatever you want me to, as long as I can call you mine. Every single day for the rest of our lives.”