Chapter 8
One Week Later
A week after we arrive home, I told myself I would settle right back into the comfort of my routine. My Saturday is mostly dedicated to errands, but a big portion of my time is for self-care, because who can take care of a woman better than she can?
Nobody.
I sat in the bathtub for like thirty minutes straight, covered in bubbles and orange slices.
I shaved my legs. Dermaplaned my face, seeking that glass skin everyone obsesses over but can never seem to obtain.
I paint my nails. Wash and moisturize my hair.
And after all that, I walk around the house in my plush robe, feeling like a queen.
But I can’t get the week I spent with Hendrick in Hawaii out of my head.
I felt like I was with a whole new man. No, I take that back.
I feel like I was with the man I fell in love with – not the man I had four years into the marriage.
But if he changed, I have to ask myself how much I’ve changed in his eyes.
Even with those, he still accepts me, so why is it so hard for me to accept him?
Ugh…why do relationships have to be so difficult?
When Jovie calls, I catch her up on Hawaii, hoping for a different perspective than my own. Am I crazy, or were Hendrick and I our old selves again in Hawaii? I may have stopped liking him, but I never stopped loving him, and I still care about him deeply. He’s still my husband. He’s still…
Mine.
She says, “Y’all got along. That’s a good thing, right?”
“That’s what I wanted to discuss with you.”
“With me? I’m flattered, Nai, but I’m no doctor. Maybe you should talk to your mediator.”
“Already did on Wednesday. As a matter of fact, she went over the results she got from Dr. Makalua, and we passed, she said.”
“Passed what?”
“They scored us on the probability that our marriage would make it if we tried again. We passed. And when I called her back, privately, of course, she said if I have these feelings for Hendrick again, I should at least try to see if things could work out between us the second time around. She said it was our second-chance summer. Said that what she calls it when she has couples go away together in the summer to reignite what they had.”
“Ah, so this was strategic on her part.”
“Of course it was. I knew that going in. That’s why I didn’t want to go.”
“But it worked.”
“It did.”
“Cool, then I’ma tell you the same thing Dr. Mumshakalaka told you.”
Laughing, I say, “Girl, you stupid. That is not her name.”
“You know who I’m talkin’ ‘bout tho. So, yeah, you’ve built a life with Hendrick. We all got flaws. I’m sure you do stuff to make his left eye twitch all the time.”
“Girl, please. I’m the ideal wife. Any man would love to have me.”
She pretends to be choking, and says, “Nah, let me stop. You are that girl. You are, but Nai, when you chew gum, you pop it like you scared it’s gon’ jump right out yo’ mouth, and you never use the rearview camera when you back up, talkin’ about is something coming. Like, um…there’s a camera. Hello.”
“Your point?”
“These are just things you do to irk my nerves, and I’ve never lived with you. So, I can only imagine what Hendrick gotta deal with. Listen…ain’t nothing wrong with giving it another try, especially if you’re already falling in love with him again. I’m assuming that’s where we are.”
“Yes, that’s where I—we—are.”
“Okay, then. Fall on up in that piece, and go for what you know.”
“You say that like it’s easy. Like everything is just going to magically work out. What if these feelings I have for him were only brought on by the fact that we were literally in paradise? And we saw the best in each other. What if I only saw what I wanted him to be and not who he actually is?”
“You won’t know if you don’t try. Mic drop. Boom. I rest my case.”
I can picture her dropping an invisible mic and splaying her fingers afterward like she done dropped a gem when anybody could’ve said that.
She continues, “And I know you, Nai. If you ain’t feeling somebody, being in paradise won’t change that.”
“Yeah,” I grin, throwing my dirty clothes into the hamper. “You’re right about that.”
“Has he called?”
“Who?”
“Your boyfriend-husband! Who do you think we’re talking about here?”
“Oh…girl, I was distracted trying to put clothes in this dryer. No, he hasn’t called, and that’s probably because I made it clear that what we had ended in Hawaii.”
“Girl, if you don’t get off your tail and go over there and see ‘bout that man! And make sure you ain’t wearing nothing but like a coat or something.”
“It’s ninety-five degrees. I’m not wearing a coat anywhere, Jovie.”
“Then put on some super short shorts and a tank, and then go give that man a second chance.”
“You know what? You’re right. I’ma do it, but in decent attire.”
“Okay, friend! Look at me being a therapist. I went to college for the wrong thing, chile. This is my true calling—helping y’all married folks out.”
“Apparently. Anyway, I gotta go figure out what I’ma wear. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Bye, girl.”
* * *
I finish my tasks for the day, toss my clothes in the washer, and after they dry, I put them in the dryer. Then I grab a salad from the fridge and watch TV. I’m supposed to be relaxing, but I can’t exactly do that because I’m supposed to be reconnecting with Hendrick right now.
I glance at the clock. It’s close to eight. I sigh and look at my phone, debating whether I should text Henny.
“No, don’t send a text, Lanai,” I tell myself. “Just go over there.”
I need to do this in person. I told Jovie I would, and she’s already warned me not to send a text.
I get up, step into some flip-flops, and grab my keys. I drive to his place with knots in my stomach, like I just didn’t have the time of my life with him in Hawaii. As if we weren’t burning those sheets with passion. He’s not new to me, so why am I nervous to even face him?
Upon arriving, I don’t exit immediately. I sit in the car and reminisce about how good things were between us in Hawaii. We can be that again, I’m certain of it, and it shouldn’t take a doctor, therapist, or mediator to make us see that.
It just needs to be us.
“Here goes,” I say, getting out of the car. I walk up the stairs to his townhouse and ring the doorbell.
The nerves haven’t subsided even though I know he wants the same thing I want. Well, he said he did, but what if he’s changed his mind? I don’t want to make a fool of myself.
I hear movement behind the door, and then it opens. And he’s shirtless. I wasn’t prepared to be greeted by abs, pecs, and clingy gray shorts, but here we are.
“Hi, Hendrick.”
“Hey. What’s up?”
“Can I come in for a minute?”
He looks me up and down, and when his eyes find mine again, he says, “Nope.”
I wasn’t expecting that. “No?” I ask.
He smirks and says, “You’re much safer out here.”
“Who said I wanted to be safe?”
Before I could blink, I was off my feet being carried into the house, lifted up every step, and he didn’t stop until I was on the bed.
Until our bodies slammed together in a union so grand, time stood still.
He’s greedy, and desperate as he kisses me and owns my body as equally as he’s owning my mind.
Our eyes sync and marry when he says, “You really don’t know how much I miss you, Lanai, and I’m not talking since Hawaii. I mean, since we split. I don’t know how I let that happen, baby, but I’ma make sure it never happens again. I love you. You hear me?”
“Yes.”
“I love you, and ain’t nothing keeping us apart anymore. I want this forever, Nai.”
Tears spill from my eyes while he speaks his heart to me. My legs close around his waist. My heart opens wide for him. For us. We’re the most connected we’ve ever been.
He bites back a groan when he sees how emotional I am, but the sound has me squeezing his shoulders and bracing myself for the sensations crawling up my thighs, to my stomach, shutting down complete use of my brain until I squeeze him between my thighs and scream.
My body quivers as he pummels my body like only he can, and then he splinters into a million pieces, calling out for me. Crying out for me.
AS WE REST, still naked and completely wrapped up in each other – mind, body, legs, heart – he says, “We can do this, can’t we?”
“We can,” I say, lifting my head from his chest, leaving a kiss.
“And not because of Hawaii,” he says, finding my hand, interlocking our fingers.
“Not because of Hawaii,” I repeat. “Through it all, Hendrick, I never stopped loving you and I never will.”
He grins.
“What?” I ask. “I’m speaking my heart out to you, and you’re laughing.”
“I’m not laughing at you, baby. I just remembered something you said.”
“What?”
“You said I get on your nerves.”
“You do. That won’t change.”
“Good, because you get on my nerves, too.”
“Oh, do I?” I ask, sitting up. “Yes, but I love all of it—all of you. Let’s make it work this time, sweetheart, through everything. Promise me that we’ll do everything in our power to make it work.”
“I promise, but we need to take it slow. We don’t have to live together immediately. We’ll make the move when it feels right.”
“Agreed,” I say, rolling on top of her. “And you know what else?”
“What’s that?”
“I believe Hawaii needs to see this version of us, without all the marriage counseling stuff.”
“I think so, too.”
“Good, because I plan on booking another trip before the year is out.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah. Let me know your schedule, and we’re out of here. The Vaillants are back, baby.”
I lower my face to his warm chest again and say, “Yes, and it feels good to be in your arms again.”