Chapter 11
Ana sucked in a breath and stumbled a bit when Cole continued dancing. He steadied her against his body, but his gaze never faltered.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
Cole made a tsking sound.
“You’re a horrible liar, sweetheart. Ben told me.”
“He told…you what?”
“Let’s just say he said some things he shouldn’t have, I called him on it, and in the process, I asked about the bruise.”
Analise swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to pin a smile to her lips when she noticed Sergeant Major Jones eyeing them from a few feet away where he danced with one of the young ladies from their table. “It was an accident. He didn’t mean to.”
“He hit you.”
“I demanded his phone, and he threw it but??—”
“He hit you,” Cole growled again. “And you lied to protect him.”
“I’m sorry. I am but— He’s my son.”
“That doesn’t make it okay, Ana.”
“I know. But it was an accident. Benji wouldn’t hurt me on purpose.”
Cole stopped dancing and stood there glaring down at her. And she tried to make him understand.
“Don’t you remember what it’s like to be a teenager? Raging hormones and emotions and— Just like we discussed at the table, that was before the nastiness that came with social media. Ben is struggling. I want to find him help, but he must want to go. I can’t force him to.”
She exhaled softly, hoping Cole’s silence was a sign he’d accepted her apology or was at last coming to terms with the position she found herself in as a single parent.
Ben had no one else. Not a father, not grandparents. He had her and Quinley, who was less tolerant than Ana was on a bad day. Given how Ben had quit basketball, she wondered at his friend situation now. He used to talk about his friends all the time, but lately…he didn’t talk much at all.
“I know your instinct is to protect him, but that doesn’t change facts. You lied to me.”
Jones appeared beside them. Ana realized belatedly that the song had ended, and that Calvin Jones had undoubtedly heard Cole’s statement.
“My turn,” Jones said. “Go get a drink or something, Blackwell.”
Cole held her gaze a long moment before locking his jaw and turning away from her to stalk off the dance floor.
Jones stepped forward and drew her into his arms. Ana felt the man’s gaze on her, but she wouldn’t make eye contact. “I can…only imagine what you’re thinking right now because of what you heard. It’s… complicated. My son— Cole…”
“Ahhh,” Jones said, his deep voice and tone sounding knowing. “You’re stuck between the two of them, and something happened.”
“Yes. Very much so.”
They swayed back and forth to the music, and since Jones seemed to understand, she forced herself to meet his gaze. “They both have very strong personalities and— Let’s just say Ben hasn’t made the best impression with Cole or his brothers.”
The man’s teeth flashed white in the dimly lit room.
“Yeah, well, I suppose it doesn’t help that you and Cole have a nasty history, either.”
She stared into Jones’s gaze, her pulse picking up speed as she sucked in a breath. “Cole told you that?”
“Didn’t have to. I remember the day he got your Dear John. And all the days afterward when he chased a death wish because of it.”
Horror filled her at the man’s words. She’d known Cole wouldn’t take the breakup well, but— “A death wish?”
“He volunteered his ass more times than I can count. The more dangerous, the better.”
“Because of me?”
Calvin Jones didn’t nod, and his gaze and friendly smile were long gone.
“It took me a while to figure out where I’d heard your name. It came to me when I heard Blackwell say you’d lied to him. That boy,” Jones shook his head and huffed out a laugh that held no amusement, “used to say those same words every single time he got drunk. ‘She lied to me.’ Over and over again.”
Ana blinked hard to rid herself of the sudden sting of tears, but it didn’t work. Her eyes filled to the brim, and she struggled to keep her composure. “I never wanted to hurt him. I just knew I wasn’t ready. This life…” She glanced around the room at the uniforms and the beautiful gowns and the remnants of the massive cake left nearby. It was a celebration of a brave and honorable corps but— “Your wife is a warrior.”
“She is.”
“I’m not,” she said honestly. “Cole wanted to make a career in the Marines, and I would have held him back. Don’t you see? I would have caused him even more pain if I’d married him and then realized I couldn’t be a military spouse.” Her voice broke and she had to take several breaths and clear her throat before she could continue. “I know I hurt him, but that would have been worse.”
Jones remained silent, but when she braved another glance at him, he’d seemed to have lost some of the anger in his features.
“You’re probably right. That would have been worse. But the truth is when he wasn’t mad at you, I was because of the stupid things he did to try to forget you.” A huff left him. “You look shocked.”
“I am.”
“Yeah, well, I’d never seen him like that before—or since. So, whatever this is between you now, I hope you’ve changed.”
The words felt like knives sliding into her skin with a million little painful cuts. “Calvin, I had no idea. I…handled things badly. Horribly. I should’ve done better, and I’ll carry that regret with me forever, but please know I didn’t end it because of not loving him. I ended it because…I did. But love wasn’t enough to fix what was wrong.”
They swayed for several beats in silence, and Ana fought off the overwhelming need to go find Cole and…what? Comfort him? Kiss him?
Like that would somehow make up for the pain she’d inflicted? Pain that had caused him to seek out danger to try to forget her? “Tell me what he did. The things he volunteered for.”
Jones shook his head. “He can tell you himself if he wants. Just use your imagination. You’ll probably come pretty close.”
The song ended, and one of the young Marines from Jones’s tables asked Ana to dance. She didn’t want to but also didn’t have the heart to say no since she’d noticed the young man and another sat at the second table without dates.
They made casual conversation, and Ana forced herself to smile and keep up her side of things, but all the while, she searched the ballroom for Cole. Where had he gone? Had he left the hotel?
As the song ended, a heavily decorated older gentleman went to the mic and asked everyone to be seated once more and welcomed the special guest speaker.
The soldier she’d danced with led her back to her table, but the seat beside hers remained empty until the guest speaker was well into his speech.
She glanced at Cole and noticed a flush to his cheeks. Beneath the cover of the table, she stretched out a hand to grasp his and found it cold to the touch. He’d gone outside. Stayed out for quite some time if his hand was any indication.
But when she remembered Jones’s words about Cole having a death wish after she’d broken up with him, she slowly withdrew her hand and curled it into a fist on her lap.
What was she doing right now? What were they doing? Benjamin had brought them together—crashed them together—but where would it lead? Where could it now that she was aware of Cole’s reaction?
Quinley had pointed out that the problems standing in the way of them being a couple no longer existed, but now that she knew the extent of the pain she’d caused Cole…she couldn’t even consider a second chance now.
Ana glanced up and met Calvin’s gaze before quickly looking at the man on stage, still talking about the sacrifices made by the soldiers and their families.
She hadn’t been willing to make that sacrifice then. To support Cole the way military spouses needed and were required to do.
And that was another reason why she didn’t deserve to be with Cole now. She had to get out of there. Leave. Go home and soothe her bruised heart which had somehow gotten its hopes up that maybe tonight was the start of something more. A…rekindling.
It wasn’t.
The sooner she left, the better.
* * *
The following afternoon, Cole stared at the waves from the stool of a restaurant tiki bar. The sea breeze held more than a bit of northern chill, but the sun’s rays worked hard to combat it. When the breeze calmed, the sun grew hot on his back, and he couldn’t help but compare it to the evening with Ana.
She’d been hot and cold. Between his upset and anger over the way she’d lied to protect Ben and whatever had happened on the dance floor when he’d gone outside long enough to cool down, something had changed.
It was like a light had gone out in Ana, and whenever she looked at him she seemed…distant and even sad.
Despite their opposing opinions on Ben, Cole had thought they’d made progress. After he’d reined in his temper over the lie and reminded himself that he’d protected his younger brothers much the same way back in the day, he’d rejoined the table ready to put the past—all of it—behind him.
He hadn’t missed the look exchanged between her and Jonesie, though. Ana had reached out, touched his hand—but then withdrawn and retreated inside herself like she suddenly needed to reenforce the battlements. He wanted to know why.
“Surprised to hear from you so soon,” Jonesie said as he took the stool beside Cole. “Caught me just in time. I was about to hit the road.”
“I want to know what happened between you and Ana last night.”
Jones tensed beside him and then ordered a drink from the twenty-something tending bar.
“What, I don’t even get a hello?”
Cole pinned his friend with a glare. “Hello, Calvin. Now what did you say? Ana could barely look at me the rest of the night, and as soon as the ball ended, she made some lame excuse and left the hotel like her dress was on fire.”
“How do you know it was something I said?”
Cole swiveled on the stool and leaned hard on the bar as he faced his friend. “Tell me before I get arrested for punching my best friend.”
“Oh, so we’re friends now? See, I thought friends talked to each other, but I haven’t heard from you since you left the corps. If I had, maybe I’d have known you planned to bring the woman who nearly got you killed a hundred times over.”
Cole glared at Jonesie and fought the urge to throat punch him. “Did you tell her that?”
“She asked about the days after she broke it off.”
“Calvin, come on. Those missions were legit. Someone had to do it.”
“It didn’t have to be you,” Jones shot back. “Not when your head was so messed up. Don’t sit there and pretend you took those on for any other reason than hoping a bullet might end it for you.”
He couldn’t deny it. But thankfully his will to live had been stronger. “That could be said of a lot of soldiers in the same situation. Not just me. I got lost in the dark for a while, but you had no right to throw that in her face.”
“I had every right.”
“Ana and I have talked about her reasons for that email. We’d moved beyond it. I can’t believe you did that.”
“Why’d you walk out?”
“What?” Cole asked, watching as the bartender set the drink on the counter in front of Jones.
“Last night when you went storming off the dance floor. Why’d you leave?”
Jones waggled a finger in Cole’s face when the reason came to mind.
“See? That right there. I heard you, man. I heard you accuse her of lying. When are you going to learn your lesson with that girl?”
“She lied to protect her son.”
“Yeah, she told me, and I get it, but you leaving like that? You’re already in over your head. What happens when she chooses her son—like most moms do—over you?”
Cole muttered a curse under his breath. “I’ll deal with it.”
“Like you did last time? Come on, man. I’m not trying to be the bad guy here. I’m just trying to get you to see that some things are best left alone. You and Ana worked out the past, and that’s great. It’s called closure. So why open that door again?”
“Because things are different now,” Cole said.
“I don’t see how. She’s lying, and you’re pissed off. You sure things are different? You obviously have issues with her kid. She said as much last night.”
“Ben… He’s never had a dad in the picture, and he’s walking a tightrope when it comes to Ana and authority.”
“That’s not your problem, Cole. Look, the military might not stand between you and Ana now, but her son does. After everything you’ve been through, don’t make yourself a casualty now.”
Cole downed the drink he’d ordered and glared at his friend before setting the glass carefully on the weathered bar in front of him. “You’d die for your wife and kids, Jonesie. So don’t sit there and tell me some things aren’t worth dying for.”
* * *
Ana stared out at the gorgeous view from Quinley’s parents’ home along the Intercoastal Waterway, her thoughts replaying the events of last night.
“Inbound mama,” Quinley warned.
Ana glanced over her shoulder at her beautiful friend, her stomach squeezing when she spotted her mother barreling toward them. She’d known her mom would attend Quinley’s bridal shower, but it didn’t make it any less tense. “Don’t leave me. Maureen is on a mission, probably about the holidays.”
“Quinley, congratulations,” Ana’s mother said, leaning close to air-kiss Quinley on both cheeks before turning her attention to Ana.
“Hi, Mom.” Ana braced herself and hugged her mother, wishing they could be as close as Quinley was to her mom. “You look great.”
Maureen didn’t look a day over forty—which said something since she’d turned sixty-three on her last birthday.
“Thank you.”
Ana struggled to keep the smile pinned to her lips when she noted her mother studying her with a critical gaze. Considering she’d barely slept after the ball and Calvin Jones’s revelations, Ana knew she looked worse for wear.
“Before you disappear, I wanted to confirm you’re coming to the house for Thanksgiving,” Maureen said. “Quinley, you and Rhys are invited, too, of course, though I imagine you’re getting together with your parents as families do.”
Quinley slid Ana a side-eye glance.
“Actually, we were just discussing our plans for the day,” Quinley said. “We thought we’d take my parents and the boat out for a sail, and I was just about to ask Ana and Ben to join us.”
“It’s a good thing I caught you before you could make other plans then,” Maureen said pointedly.
Ana opened her mouth to argue, but Quinley’s mom tapped out an attention-getting sound against her wine glass and announced that one of Quinley’s cousins would be giving them directions for the game about to be played.
“Ana, please. Come to the house for Thanksgiving,” her mother said in a low voice. “It’s past time we put aside our differences, and what better time than the holidays?”
“What’s the catch?” Ana asked softly.
Her mother stiffened, and tears glistened in her eyes, turning them a soft gray-blue.
“Do you know what I see when I look around this room?”
The question led Ana to scan the room, seeing Quinley’s large family of sisters, cousins and aunts.
“I see love and…missed opportunities. Not for them but for us.”
“You can’t compare our family to Quin’s,” Ana said softly.
“But I can,” her mother said. “I’m close with Winnie. Did you know that?”
“Quinley’s cousin?”
“Yes. Her daughter is probably five or so years younger than you. She… She also became pregnant at a very young age, but her parents handled things very differently than your father and I did.”
“I am aware.” A boulder the size of Texas settled in Ana’s stomach. She’d heard about Quinley’s cousin’s pregnancy at the time. The baby’s father had also disappeared once the pregnancy had been announced, but rather than drive Melody away, the girl’s parents had become even more proactive and protective of her as a single mother. They had literally done everything the opposite of Ana’s parents, and across the room the young woman watched as her young daughter and mother hugged, a loving smile lighting her face.
“You might not believe me, Analise, but I see my mistakes—our mistakes. And…I’m sorry your father and I didn’t handle things better. We were both so shocked and angry on your behalf.”
Did she hear actual remorse in her mother’s tone? “I disappointed you. You were angry with me, too.”
One of the guests walked by distributing bingo cards but Maureen shook her head to indicate she wasn’t going to play. Ana took one of the sheets but made no effort to listen to the instructions.
“My point,” Maureen said, “is that Winnie now has years of precious memories because of the way they embraced things. Memories I don’t have of Benjamin.”
“That’s not my fault. Not all of it, anyway.”
“I know that,” her mother said. “We’ve butted heads at every turn over the years, and because of it, our grandson barely knows us. I’d like very much to change that. Please, come to Thanksgiving dinner.”
Ana inhaled and fought the trepidation and nerves wracking her. “I’ll consider it,” she said softly.
Her mother stretched out a hand and gently squeezed her arm.
“I hope you do.”
Ana stood there like her feet were glued to the floor long after her mother walked away. She turned her back to the game and the guests, once again staring out at the expanse of water and the glimpse of the Atlantic beyond the tiny skiff of barrier island across the way.
Her mother’s words—the sincerity of the request—surprised her.
She and her parents hadn’t had a good relationship in years. Their upset and disappointment in her was never far from the surface because her actions had reflected poorly on their image. They were polite in the public situations they found themselves in, but with every year that passed, the crevasse had grown deeper and wider and ever colder.
They lived very different lives, and when those lives did intersect, Ana remained determined that she and Ben be fiercely independent and not reliant on her parents due to their many rules and restrictions.
Cheers erupted after a cry of bingo, and Ana allowed herself to lean against the floor-to-ceiling support while she sifted through her thoughts one by one.
She and Cole had talked about her reasons for ending things back then, and they’d reached an understanding of sorts. Was it possible to do the same with her parents? After all these years of separation and pain, could they find a way to move forward?
Ana glanced over her shoulder and watched as Quinley’s aunt gave Maureen a hug. The two seemed to dab at tears and whispered quietly until Winnie’s granddaughter ran to show them her bingo card. Both women beamed at the girl, though Ana’s mother’s smile seemed forced and sad. Almost broken from…wistfulness? Envy?
Ana turned back to the window, her heart in her throat.
With Ben’s recent behavior, maybe this was proof it was time to try again?