Second Chance Where We Belong

Prologue

Carolina

Eighteen Years Old

Have you ever felt like the world around you was closing in?

Like the walls were caving ever so slowly about to swallow you whole?

The small town of Haven Valley, Texas—my hometown—made me feel like I was slowly suffocating.

There were rolling hills as far as the eye could see.

There were several farms that lined the backroads I knew like the back of my hand.

Roads that Leo and I enjoyed just taking a stroll down on a nice summer day.

Most would call the land beautiful—which it was.

I, on the other hand, felt like it would eat me alive the longer I remained here.

In the eighteen years of my life, I felt like I never fit in around here. I never felt like my life was supposed to be lived in the confines of these hills.

I was a free spirit.

I wanted to roam.

I wanted to be set free and fly wherever the wind took me.

I didn’t want to end up like my mother.

They say, “there’s no place like home,” or “home is where the heart is,” but to me, home felt like a place I didn’t belong. Home felt like a curse that would inevitably drive me to the brink of losing my sanity.

The only person who held me here was him.

My Leo.

We’d known each other since we were knee high to a grasshopper, as my parents and grandparents would say. Everyone who knew us said Leo and I would end up together, married, and live happily ever after.

Even as those thoughts entered my mind, my throat felt like it would close and the panic set in. I didn’t just want to be a wife and a mom. I wanted more.

I took a deep breath in and calmed my racing heart.

As I walked down the pathway to the confession tree, as Leo’s family, the Courtrights, called it, I knew I was about to make a life-changing decision which was why the panic started to crawl its way back in.

You see, Leo and I ended up together just like everyone predicted. Since we were both sophomores in high school and he noticed me as more than the girl from down the road, we’d been a couple. I’d loved him my whole life, though. Where one of us was, the other was either there or not far behind.

The tree came into view, and my steps faltered just a little because Leo was already there waiting for me.

His truck was parked right beneath the tree branch we sat on every time we were here. The tailgate was down; his legs swung back and forth as he stared off in the distance.

I was thankful that he hadn’t felt me approaching. The second he saw me, he’d jumped down from that truck bed and bound toward me just like he always did.

I needed more time to collect my thoughts.

Even though I’d had weeks upon weeks to prepare, now that the time had arrived to break the news to him, I didn’t know if I could.

You see, I was a sucker for the look he gave me when he received bad news.

I’d immediately go into fix-it mode and make his frown turn upside down.

Only this time I wouldn’t be able to. I had to do this for me and my sanity.

The moment I took a deep breath, Leo turned his head in my direction.

I could faintly make out the smile that appeared on his handsome face.

His smile alone always caused my insides to flutter and my heart to warm.

Even though I was about to break his heart, his smile caused my heart to skip a beat.

Just as I predicted, he jumped down and raced in my direction. Seconds later, he was right in front of me. He pulled me in for a bear hug, and picked me up off the ground, spinning us both around.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and burrowed my head into the crook, breathing in his scent.

The smell of him brought me instant comfort.

The fresh scent of citrus and musk calmed my aching heart and would always remind me of him.

A bottle of Acqua di Gio was secretly tucked into my suitcase already because I was a glutton for punishment in the long run, but I knew I’d need comfort on the worst of the worst days ahead.

Leo put me down, and his hands went to my hips to make sure I was steady on my feet before he pulled back. I pulled him closer and willed the tears to be kept at bay just a little longer.

“You okay there, cara?” he asked, concern etched in his voice.

All I could do was shake my head and keep my face burrowed in his shoulder.

I knew I couldn’t keep standing there like this, but I needed to hold him close for a few more seconds.

For just a few more moments, this amazing, caring, funny, charismatic, handsome young man was mine.

Leo acted all big and bad, but deep down, his heart was so full and he loved hard.

I felt his love every time he looked at me.

It’d break me to see the pain in his eyes I inevitably would cause, but I had to keep telling myself I deserved to follow the path my heart pulled me toward.

That was the only way I’d be able to walk away.

Taking a deep breath, then another, I prepared myself for what I was about to do.

“You’re scaring me, Carolina,” Leo whispered, and tightened the hold on my hips.

The use of my full name caused me to shiver.

I hated it when he called me Carolina, but I couldn’t focus on that too much.

I wouldn’t be his cara anymore after today.

We’d go back to formalities if we ever saw each other again.

And I needed to remain focused on my reasoning or else I’d break down and cave.

I kept my head down as I pulled back, needing just one more second before I looked into his eyes and faced him.

I looked up into the bright blue eyes that I held so dear, into the eyes of the man I loved. So much concern etched on his face. I knew I needed to spit it out, but I took one more moment to memorize the look he gave me. Behind the concern, there was nothing but love staring back at me.

Here goes nothing, I thought to myself.

I opened and closed my mouth several times, willing myself to just spit out what I needed him to hear, but I couldn’t.

Something held me back. I knew it was my second thoughts and third thoughts that I’d had recently if I could go through with this, but I knew that I truly wouldn’t be happy unless I explored the world the way I wanted to.

I’d already purchased my one-way ticket to Charleston, South Carolina.

Just rip the band aid off already, Carolina, I berated myself.

“We need to talk, Leo,” I whispered after I pulled back from him, my gaze focused on the ground, because I couldn’t keep looking into his eyes.

“You’re scaring me, cara. Why don’t we go over to the truck so we can sit down and talk?” he suggested as he reached for my hand. The second his fingertips touched my skin, shivers raced up my spine, and I took a step back.

I couldn’t have him touch me for this part. I’d break down, and I had to remain strong.

I braced myself and finally looked up into the piercing blue depths of his eyes. He frantically searched my face as he tried to decipher my expression. I tried as hard as I could to force my expression to remain neutral even though on the inside I was breaking down.

“I’m leaving, Leo,” I finally said, as I mustered up the courage to finally break the news.

“Yeah, I know. You’re leaving tomorrow to go to the University of Texas.

This isn’t news, cara. We’ve got it all planned.

I’ll visit on the weekends, and you’ll come home on your breaks,” he exclaimed as he reached for my hand a second time.

This time I let him. I didn’t have the strength to pull away again.

His thumb ran over the top of my hand as he attempted to soothe me the way he always did.

Only this time, his touch almost broke me.

I looked at where his thumb continued to rub my hand and tried to memorize the way his touch felt against my skin.

How he’d done the same thing numerous times, and it always managed to make me feel the slightest bit better.

Looking up at him, I knew I’d wasted enough time lingering.

The sun was setting in the background. On any other normal day, we’d lie down in the bed of his truck and just exist, taking in its beauty.

Today it just marked one more thing that would break my heart when I saw it.

I knew every time I’d see the sunset from here on out it’d remind me of the way I broke his heart.

“I’m not going to the University of Texas, Leo,” I admitted.

“What do you mean? That’s all we talked about this summer.”

“I never agreed that I was going there because I didn’t want to officially lie to you.”

“Lie to me? What do you mean you didn’t want to lie to me? Lie to me about what?” he asked, his voice filled with worry.

I let out an emotional sigh and shook my head. Explaining this to him was harder than I’d thought it’d be.

“Think back, Leo. Did I ever say I was going?”

His eyes frantically searched mine. His mouth opened and closed before he finally shook his head.

“No, I just went along with what we’d always planned because telling you the truth was just too hard.”

I looked away from him to gain my composure because I could feel the tears well up in my eyes, and I couldn’t cry in front of him this time. I’d save that for the moment I walked away from him for good.

Before I let my thoughts linger too long, I looked back in his tear-filled eyes and continued my explanation.

“I can’t stay here, Leo. I’ve never wanted to stay here. I’ve always told you I wanted to see the world. I bought a ticket, and I’m leaving tonight,” I confessed.

There, I’d said it. The truth was finally out in the open. Finally confessing my truth didn’t make me feel any better. I felt downright horrible. I was about to lose my best friend, and there was no coming back from it.

“Where are you going, cara? We can still make this work. Long distance doesn’t scare me. I’ve told you that.” His pleading eyes almost did me in, but I had to do this for me.

I could tell him where I was going. He was right. We could make this work. But I couldn’t do that to him. He deserved to find happiness without me. He’d be better off without the promise of a future I couldn’t give him.

“I can’t tell you that, Leo. I can’t leave here with promises we both know we’d eventually break.”

“I meant every word. You’re it for me, firefly. We can make it work. There are video chats and phone calls, and these amazing inventions called airplanes.”

He still had so much hope in his voice. Everything he said made sense, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t leave him here with the hope I’d come back. Because I didn’t know if I ever would.

“We need a clean break, Leo. I can’t make those promises to you. I just can’t,” I firmly stated, internally begging that he just let me go without a fight.

“Break? You’re leaving me? Like leaving me, leaving me?”

He stepped back and dropped my hand. Even though it was hot outside, a chill ran through me at the loss of his touch. At the finality of our end.

“Yes.” My whispered voice cracked, as I said the admission aloud.

“Why? We had so many plans.”

He turned away from me and drove his hands through his hair and gripped at the ends.

He paced back and forth before he stopped and turned to face me.

His finger pointed at me as he said, “All we talked about this past year was our future, and every word out of your beautiful mouth was a lie,” he screamed as he finally allowed himself to believe the words I’d been trying to say.

“Because I don’t know if I’m ever coming back, Leo.”

“What? What do you mean you might not ever come back? Did you ever even love me?” His voice was now louder than moments ago. His tone echoed in the evening air. All I wanted to do was run, but I’d give him his answer and leave.

“Not the way you’ve loved me, Leo. I did what was expected of us. What everyone believed would happen because I felt like I didn’t have a choice. Now I’m choosing myself.” The second the lie slipped out, my mouth tasted like lead.

I made myself watch as the realization dawned on him at what I just admitted. He schooled his features, as he withheld the tears that formed. His mouth set in a tight line, and I knew that he finally realized the meaning behind my confession.

“Get away from me, Carolina. Go and enjoy your brand-new life. I can’t believe I ever loved someone as cold and heartless as you. Well, now I hate you,” he spewed.

Looking down at his hand, I watched as he pulled off the simple sterling silver promise ring we’d exchanged last year. He tossed the ring; the metal band landed right at my feet. With one final hated look, he turned and walked away from me.

I picked up the band and slid it on my thumb, gently rubbing it, the feeling foreign and final. The ring he’d given me last summer still rested on my right ring finger. I’d likely never take it off. I’d leave the reminder there to taunt me forever.

I deserved every word he’d just uttered. But it still hurt to hear. Even though I just lied through my teeth, it had to be done. I needed him to hate me so he wouldn’t try to get me to come back. I needed him to hate me so I could leave. I needed to lose him so I could learn to love myself.

I watched as he got inside his truck and slammed the door before I turned around and left. Just a few more minutes and I’d be back in my SUV and could break down.

His last words haunted me as I made my way back. “I hate you.”

But while he was over there hating me, I’d continue to love Leo Courtright until the day I died. Even though loving him just broke both of us.