Chapter 2
two
Leo
Icouldn’t believe that I just ran into Carolina. My head reeled at the sight of seeing her after eight long years. My heart hurt at the sight of the woman who’d broke mine. I hated that I still had so much emotion when it came to her.
What hurt the most by her leaving was how I saw her everywhere. Everything I looked at reminded me of her and the love we'd shared. I was consistently haunted by the memory of what was and what could’ve been while she was off finding herself and traveling the world.
I hated how beautiful she still was.
I hated how my heart constricted at the sound of her voice.
I hated how I still had such a visceral reaction to the woman who'd broke me and changed me in ways I never thought possible.
I just hated her so much to this day.
And I hated that I hated her. I despised the person I’d become and could barely look at myself in the mirror most days.
To everyone around me, I was this playboy who took nothing serious, but that was what I wanted everyone to think.
I was only my true self in the confines of my bedroom alone.
There was the only place I could play the guitar and envision the man I wanted to be.
I pulled into the drive and entered the code, replaying our interaction as I waited for the gate to open.
I still couldn’t believe she was back in Haven Valley.
My mind couldn’t accept that she was here and so close I could touch her.
She said she had something to tell me, but I didn’t want to hear her lies.
I didn’t want to hear anything she had to say ever again.
It was best if she left me alone and steered clear of me.
Hopefully, our paths wouldn't cross again. I could live with that.
Once the gate fully opened, I drove my truck through and down the dirt driveway to my parents’ home. I’d go in search of my brothers and find out their plans for this Saturday night. Hopefully one of them would be down to going out with me tonight so I could drown in my sorrows.
I walked into my parents’ home and ran into my mother, Lillian, as she rustled up supper.
“Hey, Mama. Have you seen Brooks or Holden?” I asked as I walked up to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
She smiled up at me as she gave me a questioning look, and I swear she could see right through me. Like she knew the secret I now held about running into my ex and she was about to question me all about it.
Something ran through my head as I thought back on what Carolina said. She mentioned letters. I’d only ever received one, and I didn’t even bother to read it. But she said letters as in more than one.
“They are in the den with your father. You look like you’ve got somethin’ stewin’ in that brain of yours.” She laughed as she kneaded the dough on the counter.
How did she always manage to know?
“I ran into Carolina today,” I confessed as I leaned against the counter and crossed my arms.
“You did? How’d that go?” she asked, a shocked expression crossed her face, as she stopped what she was doing and turned to give me her full attention.
“She had a flat tire right down the road from the ranch. I helped her change it,” I told her as I left off the latter part of our interaction.
“How’d it feel seein’ her again?” she questioned, her voice full of concern.
“I still hate her, Mama. I can’t help it,” I confessed.
“You don’t hate her. You just think you do, son.”
She didn’t understand. I truly hated her.
“If you hated her, seein’ her again wouldn’t matter. But I’m guessin’ the reason you’re so out of sorts isn’t just seein’ her again,” she continued, someone always knowing what was going on with each of her children.
Yeah, something did bother me. She wore rings on her left hand and had a booster seat in the back of her vehicle. I hated that I hadn’t moved on from my hatred of her, while she had a husband and a kid.
“She said she had somethin’ to tell me. I just don’t know what.”
“Did you give her a chance to tell you?” she asked with a stern look on her face.
No. No I hadn’t. But I just didn’t know how to handle the fact that she was back in Haven Valley let alone right in front of me. I needed time to process her return before I heard her confession.
I told my mama what I just thought to myself and waited for her guidance.
In the years since Carolina had left, I hadn’t been this open with either of my parents. I just couldn’t tell them how my heart was fractured, and I couldn’t trust any girl enough to hand it over again.
“You need to give her a chance to tell you, son. Whatever she has to say must be important if she was bein’ that insistent upon tellin’ you,” she said as she placed her hand on my arm and squeezed.
I knew she was right, but I feared what she had to say. If it were just to tell me how happy her life was now, I wouldn’t be able to handle it.
“Thanks for the advice, Mama. I was goin’ to see if Brooks and Holden wanted to go out tonight, but I’m not in the mood anymore. I’ll just text them and tell them I’m headin’ home. I have a lot to think about,” I told her as I pulled her in for a hug.
“Oh, and Mama,” I said as I pulled back from her embrace.
“Yes, son?” she questioned with a sincere gaze.
“Carolina mentioned somethin’ about letters. Do you know what she’s talkin’ about?”
I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that she’d written me more than the one letter that I received. But I did tell my mama if she ever wrote again to toss the letters because I didn’t have a need to know what she had to say. That much I do remember.
“She did continue to write to you, Leo. You told me you didn’t want the letters, and I didn’t want to upset you, so I didn’t give them to you.”
That was one thing I loved about Lillian Courtright. She respected her children’s wishes even if she didn’t agree with our choices.
I didn’t know if I wanted to know what the letters contained, but now that she was back, I didn’t know how to feel about them.
I nodded to my mama and kissed her on the cheek, not bothering to ask her what she did with them. I didn’t know if I had the heart or the courage to know the truth.
I headed back to the home where my brothers, Holden, Brooks, and I all shared. We’d moved in together a few years ago so we could have a solace away from the ranch. I loved my family and our ranch, but sometimes we just needed a break from it all.
The entire fifteen-minute drive back to the house my mind reeled with the possibilities of what Carolina had to tell me. I had no clue how to contact her to even get her to tell me this secret she apparently had to confess.
As I pulled into my driveway, I was no closer to figuring out my next steps. I pulled my phone out of my jeans pocket as I got out of the truck to see my brothers pulling in behind me. Our mama must’ve told them. There was no way they’d both be here this quickly otherwise.
I sat down on the stoop of our three-bedroom house and waited for them to walk up.
I put my head in my hands and pulled off my cowboy hat.
So many emotions rolled through me, and I didn’t have the energy to rein them in before Brooks and Holden stood before me.
Gone was the playful Leo they’d become accustomed to.
Here sat the man full of so many emotions I didn’t know which one took more precedence over the other.
“Mama told us you ran into her. What do you need?” Holden asked. He was the brother who’d always wore his heart on his sleeve. His concerned question shouldn’t come as a surprise, but it did.
“I don’t even know where to begin,” I confessed, my head still hanging at my admission.
“The beginnin’ is always a good place to start,” Brooks joked, but I knew his words came from a good place, so I didn’t bother razzing him back.
I told them everything about our encounter, not bothering to leave out anything. I needed my brothers now more than ever if I wanted to make it through Carolina’s return.
They stood before me and let me get everything out, even questions I didn’t even know I had.
Why did she return now?
Why did I feel anything after seeing her again?
How would I handle her return to Haven Valley?
Why did I have such a visceral reaction to seeing that ring on her left hand and the child seat in the back?
So many questions ran rampant through my mind, and I couldn’t keep up with them all.
After I finished explaining everything to my brothers, I didn’t feel any better. I was more confused than ever. I shouldn’t care so much about Carolina’s return, but I did, and I wasn’t sure how to understand my reactions to it either.
With my head in my hands, I pulled at my hair, frustrated beyond anything I’d felt in so long.
“Sounds like you still feel somethin’ for her,” Brooks replied after a beat.
My head snapped up to him, ready to deny his statement.
Only I mulled it around in my head, and if I was honest with myself, I did feel something.
Hatred.
Anger.
Confusion.
Nothing romantic whatsoever.
I told Brooks as much, and he laughed at me.
“There’s a fine line between love and hate, dear brother, and you may say you hate her, but I do believe there’s still some love in there for her somewhere,” Brooks replied.
Holden remained silent. Not saying a word, which was unlike him.
“What do you think, Holden?” I finally asked when he continued to remain silent.
“I think you need to have a talk with her,” he replied, not alluding to the why of his statement.
I gave him a questioning look and waited for him to elaborate.
“You have tons of questions. Some of which you may deserve an explanation for. Others might not be any of your business. But this town is small, Leo. You’ll run into her.
You’ll see her about. You at least need to ask her how long she plans on stayin’ and come up with a plan from there,” Holden explained.
I hated that he was right.
I hated that I’d have to ask her, but I couldn’t keep mulling over the whys without an explanation. I’d drive myself crazy otherwise.
“You’re right. I’ll have to find a way to contact her. I can have a peaceful conversation with her and be done with it.”
“Now let’s go have a couple of drinks and watch a movie. Keep your mind off the girl of your past,” Brooks said as I stood from the porch steps, and we all walked inside.
I was thankful I had such caring brothers, because if I trusted my gut, it was telling me after I talked with Carolina, I’d need them now more than ever.