Chapter 8
eight
Leo
Iwished I were outside last night when Carolina arrived home with Luke so I could catch a glimpse of him. Throughout the day when I had a free moment, I’d take my phone out and stare at the two photos she’d sent me.
I still couldn’t believe I was a father.
The word sounded foreign in my mind or even when I said it aloud to only myself.
I’d only ever pictured becoming a father with her.
I couldn’t get close enough to another woman since she’d left.
Brooks and Holden swear it’s because my heart still belonged to her. I vehemently disagreed with them.
Today we only had one trail ride, so after we were finished I headed to the house, hoping my parents were there.
I needed to tell them about Luke. More importantly, I needed to get their advice.
I had such loving parents growing up. Lillian and Sawyer Courtright loved their children endlessly, but just because I grew up with great parents didn’t mean I knew how to be one.
Now that I knew about Luke, I wanted to do right by him.
I just didn’t know what that meant. And I wouldn’t know until Carolina and I had a talk about me being in his life and what that entailed.
The ride to my parents’ house from the office was quick. As soon as I pulled up to the barn, I parked the ATV and walked the short distance to the back door, letting myself inside.
The house smelled of homemade biscuits and fried chicken, making my mouth water.
My mother stood in front of the stove watching the chicken in the cast iron skillet. She turned her head as she heard me enter, and a smile graced her lips at the sight of me.
“Hey, Leo. You stayin’ for dinner?” my mom asked as she turned one of the pieces of chicken.
“Yeah, Mama. I need to talk to you and Dad about somethin’,” I said with a nervous tone. I didn’t know how to break it to them, but I had a short amount of time to figure that out before dinner was served.
“Is everythin’ okay?” my mom asked, her voice laced with concern.
“Yeah,” I said, hoping I sounded convincing enough. I always thought I could lie to my mom, but somehow that woman could always see through it and knew the truth regardless.
“Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes. Why don’t you go wash up?” she suggested with a warm smile.
I walked through the kitchen to the half bath and washed up. Once I was finished I stared at my reflection in the mirror and gave myself a mental pep talk, trying to calm my nerves enough to tell my parents about Luke.
Once I felt calm enough, I pulled out my phone and texted Brooks and Holden that I’d be eating with our mom and dad and breaking the news to them.
Brooks
Good luck. Make sure you sit far enough away from Mom so she can’t swat you with something.
I chuckled at that. When we were kids, my mom always kept a dish towel handy if she needed to swat us from playing around at the dinner table.
Holden
We’ll be ready to hear all about it when you get home.
Thanks
I shoved my phone in the back pocket of my jeans and let out a deep breath before I left the safety of the bathroom.
My parents were both seated at the table when I returned.
I took my normal seat and waited for my dad to say grace.
“Dig in,” my mom said once he was finished.
The food smelled delicious. There was a platter of fried chicken, a bowl of homemade mashed potatoes, peas, and homemade biscuits, but as I plated my food, I didn’t know if I could stomach a bite.
My stomach was in knots at telling them about their grandchild, and I didn’t know why.
My parents would be nothing but supportive and kind.
I knew that. I guess I just didn’t want to disappoint them.
“Your mom said you had somethin’ to tell us,” my dad said before he bit into the chicken leg in his hands.
Here went nothing.
“I told Mom I saw Carolina the other day,” I began. I wanted nothing but to blurt it out, but I delayed the inevitable.
“Yeah, she told me you helped her change her tire. That was kind of you,” my dad replied once he’d chewed and swallowed his food.
“Yeah, well I also found out some shockin’ news when I went to greet the new neighbor that moved in beside us.”
“What’s that?” my mom questioned. As if she could sense I was about to tell her something important, she sat her fork on her plate and waited for me to continue.
“Carolina’s the new neighbor.”
My mom pursed her lips and withheld a smirk.
“You don’t say,” my dad said with a hint of laughter in his tone.
“There’s more. She has a child.” I don’t know why I couldn’t just come out and say it, but I just couldn’t.
“It’s been almost eight years, son. You should’ve known she’d have moved on,” my dad replied.
The thought of her moving on made me want to hit something, but I couldn’t get into what made me feel that way. I didn’t want Carolina back, but the thought of someone else raising my son didn’t sit right with me.
“Are you goin’ to be okay with living next door to her? Do you need to move back in here?” my mom asked, instantly going into protective mama bear mode.
As much as I loved my parents, I loved having my own space, and while I appreciated the offer, I couldn’t move back home after living on my own for so long.
“Yeah, Mama. I’m goin’ to be fine livin’ next door. I’m messin’ this all up,” I said as I took a bite of mashed potatoes to prevent me from further explaining.
“What do you think you’re messin’ up?” my mom asked as she cocked her head to the side trying to decipher what I’d meant.
“Her son, he’s seven,” I said as I swallowed.
My mom gasped, and my dad let out a whistle a few minutes later as they did the math in their heads and figured out what I was trying to tell them.
They remained speechless so I continued.
“His name is Luke, and he knows all about me. I’m havin’ dinner with them tomorrow so I can meet him,” I told them as I sat to the side to retrieve the phone from my back pocket.
I pulled up the photo of Luke from this morning and smiled at his flour-covered cheeks before I handed it over to my mom.
“Oh my,” she said as she placed the hand not holding the phone over her heart. I knew the instant she saw his photo, she’d know without a doubt that he was mine.
She leaned over and showed my dad the photo, and a smile graced his face.
I let out a breath I didn’t know I had held.
“Why didn’t she tell you about him?” my mom asked as she handed the phone back to me. I sat it on the table and explained what Carolina had told me.
My mom’s lip trembled and tears filled her eyes before she got up from the table so fast that the chair almost tipped backward. My dad caught it before it hit the floor and sat it upright.
She raced back into the room with a stack of envelopes that were wrapped with a ribbon.
“If I’d known what these contained, I’d have given them to you right away, but I did as you asked and didn’t give you anythin’ that came from her after that first letter,” she said as she sat back down and handed me the weathered envelopes. I sat them to the side, thankful that she’d kept them.
“You didn’t know, Mom. I didn’t either. We can’t focus on the should’ve or could’ve; we can only focus on the here and now,” I said to console her.
I wasn’t mad at her for keeping them from me.
I was mad at my eighteen-year-old self for wanting to protect his heart instead of opening her letters.
If I had, so much would’ve been different.
But like I told my mom, we can’t focus on that.
“What do you know about him?” my mom asked.
“Not much. I know that he loves to help Carolina cook based on the evidence in the photo. I know his full name is Luke Alexander Courtright, and that his birthday is May fourth. I need to ask Carolina more about him, but I didn’t want to bombard her with questions right away,” I told her.
I desperately wanted to know all there was to know about Luke, so I didn’t feel so behind when I met him, but I didn’t know how to talk to Carolina or if she’d even be welcomed to answering the thousands of questions that I had.
“She gave him your middle and last name,” my mom whispered, not in question, but more so shocked that Carolina had done that.
“Yeah, I was just as shocked as you were,” I admitted. I was still in shock, if I was honest with myself.
“You said he knows about you. What did she tell him about why you weren’t there?” my dad asked.
“She told him I had important ranch business.” I hated that she had to tell him that lie. When he was older, I’d tell him the truth and own up to my mistakes in missing these years with him.
“You said you’re havin’ dinner with him tomorrow. Can you find out what he likes, and I can go shoppin’ tomorrow since you have a busier day and pick up a gift for you to bring. You shouldn’t come empty-handed,” my mom said beaming with excitement at the idea of buying a gift for her grandson.
“I’ll ask her and let you know. I just have to say I’m sorry,” I said as I took another bite of food, not really tasting it.
“Sorry for what, Leo?” my dad questioned.
“For lettin’ y’all down. It’s my fault we missed so much with him. It’s my fault she had to raise him alone. It’s my fault he’s even here at all because I had one careless moment when we were together,” I admitted, feeling better that I’d gotten it all off my chest.
My mom stood from her seat and walked over to me, and pulled me in for a hug which I gratefully returned.
“You have nothin’ to be sorry for, son. Children are a gift.
It sucks that we weren’t there for them, but we can’t change that now, like you said.
We can only be there goin’ forward. How’re you feelin’ about seein’ her again?
” my mom asked after she pulled back from our hug and walked back to her seat.
“Thanks for that. It’s hard seein’ her again if I’m honest. I never thought I’d lay eyes on her again.
And now I find out we have a child together, and I’ll be seein’ a lot more of her.
I just want to be there for our son. I respect the heck out of her for raisin’ him on her own, and I hope she won’t make it difficult to be in his life,” I admitted my worry to my parents.
“Just talk with her. Don’t express any of your anger at the situation or take it out on her. You deal with that in private. Just focus on Luke, and everythin’ else will fall in place,” my father said. He always gave such wise advice.
I took the last bite of food I could stomach before I told my parents I needed to head home to process. What I really wanted to do was start going through the letters and find out as much about Luke as I could.
“Good night, Leo. Don’t forget to see if she will tell you what he likes so I can go grab that gift,” my mom reminded me as she gave me a hug goodbye.
“You’re goin’ to do great tomorrow, son. I have no doubt,” my dad said as he hugged me goodbye.
I could only hope they were both right, and hope that Carolina and I could come to some sort of agreement on co-parenting our son.