Chapter 15 #3
I looked over at Carolina and she shrugged her shoulders, but she started to laugh. The sound of Luke’s infectious laughter caused me to let out a laugh of my own.
“Swing me,” he said through his fit of giggles.
I looked over at Carolina again, and we both nodded as we started running and picked up Luke causing him to laugh more.
Carolina seemed more carefree in this moment, but I tried to force my focus on Luke. It was hard because all I wanted to do was ask her why crowds bothered her so much. Not that I thought she was lying, but it seemed like there was more to it than just being scared of losing Luke.
The tree came into view, and Carolina’s laughter died just slightly.
“What’s that?” Luke asked as he dropped our hands and took off for the tree.
I chased after him so I could watch for snakes.
We ran the rest of the way to the tree taking turns tagging each other. I bent over to catch my breath before I sat down and put my back against the hard bark of the tree.
Luke sat beside me and crossed his foot over his legs to mimic how I sat.
“This is a very special place,” I explained as I looked over at him.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Carolina finally catch up to us, only she didn’t walk all the way over. She stood there staring at us and the tree, her arms wrapped around her middle for the second time today.
“Why? It’s just a tree,” Luke said from beside me.
“Because this tree is where my family comes when they want to share secrets,” I told him. I loved that I got to share this special place with him.
“This is the confession tree,” Luke said and I stilled.
How’d he know the name of the tree?
I snapped my gaze over to Carolina who now stood right in front of us. She sat and crossed her legs as she picked at the grass beneath her.
“How’d you know the name of this tree?” I asked Luke with my gaze still on Carolina, who wouldn’t look at me.
“Mom told me,” he said with excitement.
“She did, did she?” I whispered as I waited for him to explain.
“She did. She told me how you used to drive your truck here and y’all would sit out here and tell each other everything,” Luke innocently confessed.
I sat stock still, unable to decipher why she’d tell him about this place. I’d ask her but she seemed so lost in thought as she sat before me staring down at the ground.
“Do you have any confessions today, Luke?” I asked as I broke my gaze on Carolina’s still form and looked down at him.
Luke looked up at me with a thoughtful glance as he tapped his finger on his chin.
His eyes lit up as he thought of what he wanted to confess.
“I don’t want a stepdad,” he said as he looked up at me.
“What makes you think you’ll get a stepdad?” I asked with a broken voice. The thought of another man tucking him in at night unsettled me, but I tried not to let that show.
“Because when Mom gets married,” he said and stopped.
“You don’t have to worry about that right now,” I tried to assure him, as I hoped Carolina would break out of the spell she was under and help me.
“I wish you’d love my mom again,” he whispered as he looked at the ground. My heart broke at the wobble in his voice.
“You know I loved your mom?” I asked as I looked over at Carolina, hoping she could read my thoughts and look back at me.
Her head snapped up at the questions, our eyes locked on one another, and I got sucked back into the last time we were here. Carolina’s eyes glazed over as if she remembered the same. The day she broke my heart and left me, left us.
Her chin trembled, but the tears remained unshed in her eyes as she looked at me. Words passed between us without being uttered as the pain in her eyes mirrored my own. The pain we felt that day still raw today as it was back then.
Luke speaking broke the moment, “Yeah, Mom told me all about how much you two loved each other,” he admitted.
I wondered what else she’d told Luke about us. I wished I could ask her, but Luke didn’t need to be present for that conversation.
The sun started to set, and I hadn’t realized we’d been out here as long as we had.
“Any confessions today, Dad?” he asked, mirroring the question I’d asked him.
I’d love to say what was on my mind, but I couldn’t. A seven-year-old boy didn’t need to hear the pain of the memories that were at the forefront of my mind.
“Not today, buddy,” I responded and swallowed hard.
Carolina looked at me and stood. Her eyes still mirrored the pain in my own. She turned her head away from me for a beat and when she looked back at me, she’d put the mask back in place.
“You ready to head back, buddy? It can get scary out here at night,” Carolina said as she knelt beside Luke, who laid his head back as he stared into the sky.
“Can we come back here again?” he asked as he reluctantly stood.
“Anytime you want,” I promised as we walked back toward the house in silence. The light mood from earlier had dissipated, but I didn’t regret bringing him here and sharing another piece of our family history.
My only regret at the moment was not being able to confess my true feelings for his mother.