Chapter 19
nineteen
Carolina
The look in Lillian’s eyes as Leo told her about my stalker was one I’d never forget.
She looked frightened as she put her hand over mine, but the second our hands touched, the look in her eyes went from frightened to one of a protective mama bear, and I felt relief when she and Sawyer immediately agreed to Luke and me staying here.
When I returned to Haven Valley, I thought everyone in the Courtright family would treat me with disdain after finding out about Luke; instead, they opened their arms and brought me into their fold without a second thought.
Luke loved the idea of staying in Leo’s old room just like Leo predicted.
Leo and Brooks were at my house gathering some things for tonight.
I wanted to go because the thought of Leo going through my things didn’t sit well with me, but Leo insisted I stay here.
He reminded me that it wasn’t necessarily safe since we didn’t know where the stalker was.
I told him everything that I needed for Luke and me and reluctantly gave in. Once he returned, I made sure Luke had his bath and got him ready for bed. He went down without a fight after the busy day he’d had with his grandparents.
I sat on the side of Leo’s old bed and watched Luke sleep, thankful that he was still oblivious to the danger that lurked. I didn’t want anything to take that innocence he still had away.
I brushed away the hair that had fallen on his forehead and ran my finger softly down the side of his face. He turned away from me, and I pulled my hand back not wanting to wake him.
With one last longing look at Luke’s sweet face that looked so much like Leo’s more and more every day, I got up from the bed, shut the door softly behind me, and went downstairs to make a cup of tea, hoping it would calm my nerves.
I found Lillian at the kitchen counter making herself a cup of tea.
“Do you mind if I make one?” I asked as I walked up beside her. She jumped a little as she turned to face me.
“Of course. You want a cup of chamomile?” she asked as she turned and pulled a mug down from the cabinet.
“I didn’t mean to scare you. That sounds lovely,” I told her as I leaned against the counter on the opposite side of the stove.
“I was just lost in thought. No worries. How do you take your tea?” she asked as she pulled a bag of chamomile tea from the container on the counter.
“With a bit of honey and a spoonful of sugar, but I can make it,” I replied, not wanting her to feel obligated.
“I don’t mind,” she said as she steeped the tea bag in the hot water she'd poured from the kettle. She placed the kettle back on the stove and added just the right amount of honey and sugar before she handed the cup over to me.
“Are you doin’ okay?” she asked as she picked up her cup and blew on the hot liquid before she took a sip.
I did the same thing and took a sip; the hot liquid warmed me up as it went down my throat.
“As okay as I can be, I guess. I can’t thank you and Sawyer enough for letting us stay here,” I said again, feeling the need to express my thanks again even though I’d done so earlier in the evening.
“You don’t have to thank us. We’re happy we’re in a position to be able to help. We don’t want anythin’ to happen to either of you,” she said as she gave me a reassuring smile.
I was shocked they were so welcoming to me, and I told her so.
“There’s one thing in this family that will never change. We forgive people. You did what you thought was best for you and our grandson. Who am I to judge if that was the right or wrong thing to do? If that were the case, you could judge me too.” My curiosity piqued at what she could mean.
“What do you mean?” I asked as I took another sip of my tea.
“I don’t know what Leo told you, but I received those letters.
He asked me not to give him anything else you wrote to him, and I listened.
Maybe if I hadn’t, things would be different.
Maybe if I’d just opened one of them, our lives would be different.
But I can’t change it. I can only ask that you forgive me,” she said as she looked at me with a pleading look.
She got the letters?
What did she do with them?
Did she still have them?
“I told Leo I kept them when he came over here to tell us about Luke. I gave them to him before he left that day,” she explained.
I didn’t know what to say.
I was grateful that she’d told me the truth and kept the letters. Those letters told a bit of Luke’s story, and if Leo ever opened them, he’d see Luke through the years.
“Thank you for telling me. You could’ve kept that bit to yourself, and I’d be none the wiser. And, as for forgiveness, there’s nothing to forgive. We can’t change the past. We can only maybe learn from it and move on,” I told her as I gave her a reassuring smile.
“Thank you, my dear. I needed to hear that more than you know. I’m goin’ to go find Sawyer and finish my cup of tea. Let us know if you need anythin’,” she said as she patted my shoulder before she left the kitchen.
“Did Leo already leave?” I asked her before she got too far away.
She turned back to me and said, “He went outside a little while before you came down. I don’t think he’s left yet, though, since he hadn’t come in to say goodbye,” she said with a smile before she turned and sought out Sawyer.
I walked out the back door, the light from the porch light illuminated Leo’s figure sitting on the couch, his feet propped up on the table in front of him, his head resting on in his hand as he stared up at the night sky.
He hadn’t noticed me yet, so I stood there with the tea cup in my hand and looked up at the sky.
The stars shone bright tonight, crickets sounded off in the distance, fireflies lit up as they flew about.
I missed nights here like this over the years.
The quietness of the country. The stars shone brighter here than they did back in South Carolina.
Sometimes I’d sit outside and look up at the sky and wonder if Leo was staring up at the same stars.
I cleared my throat to let him know I approached before I walked over to where he sat, sitting on the cushion beside him.
“It’s nice out here tonight,” I told him as I looked over at him. I thought I’d find him relaxed as he sat there, but his jaw was clenched tight and the hands behind his head were balled into tight fists.
“You okay?” I whispered and waited for him to respond.
“Not in the slightest,” he replied between clenched teeth.
I set the teacup on the table and turned to my side to face him.
“I’m sorry,” I said as I placed my hand on his thigh and then pulled back. We weren’t close anymore, and I had to remind myself that it wasn’t my place.
He dropped his feet to the porch and turned to face me.
“You have nothing to be sorry about. Not a thing. Do you hear me?” he said as he held his hand up as if to put it against the side of my cheek. His hand hovered for a beat, and I held my breath, my heartrate quickened as I waited to see what he’d do.
Did I want him to caress my cheek?
What would I do if he did?
He looked down at his lap and bit out a curse before he pulled his hand back. The breath I held released, and a part of me wished I could have the comfort of his touch.
“Do you understand this isn’t your fault?”
I gripped the top of my shirt as I thought about my response. The metal of the chain beneath my shirt calmed me as I toyed with the pendant that I held so dearly. Leo’s eyes zeroed in on my hand, and he looked at me, questions in his eyes. Ones I was sure I wasn’t ready for.
I nodded, too choked up to say the words.
“You two will be safe here. Nothing and no one will get to either of you,” he assured me, and I nodded accepting the promise of his words. My hands clenched my shirt tighter.
“Why the rings?” he said as he nodded to the hand still gripping my shirt.
I pulled my hand back and looked down at the rings on my left ring finger.
Ones I’d purchased many years ago. I ran my hand over the top of the diamond and moved the rings back and forth before I looked up at him, not sure I was ready to give him a response, but knowing I needed to. He deserved to know.
“After I finished my associates degree and started my first job as a nurse, I’d have guys ask me out on occasion.
I was too busy with Luke to even entertain the idea.
I always turned them down. But it kept happening, and I just wanted it to stop, so I went online and found this website where I could purchase a sterling silver wedding set for pretty cheap.
I saved up the money and bought one. When it happened again, all I had to do was hold up my left hand.
It worked like a charm,” I told him. I wasn’t sure why I still wore them.
It wasn’t like I needed them here. It was just out of habit.
“How did you explain the nonexistent husband to your coworkers who asked?” he said as his mood lightened. I looked up at him, and a smirk crossed his face as he sheepishly looked away from me.
“I just told them he traveled for work. They never really brought it up. Lexi and Neil knew the truth, and they played along,” I replied.
“Where’d you end up?” he asked.
“Charleston, South Carolina,” I replied.
His mouth opened and closed, and I wondered what he’d ask next.
“Just ask me,” I told him when he didn’t say what was on his mind.
“I don’t think it’s any of my business,” he said, looking me in the eyes then looking away.
“That never stopped you before,” I replied without much thought and regretted it because prior to now we hadn’t talked much about the past.
“I’m sorry. That was insensitive of me,” I told him.
“No, it wasn’t. I just…”
“You just what?” I whispered, hoping he’d continue.
“Something’ you said earlier I can’t stop thinkin’ about,” he replied as he shifted in his seat. Our legs brushed against each other, a spark igniting from the barely there contact.
“What’s that?” I whispered before I swallowed hard.