Chapter 22
twenty-two
Carolina
The urge to run after hearing Mitchell’s name last night was strong.
I thought for sure we’d be safe here at the ranch, but we no longer were.
Not at the ranch. Not at my home. Not in Haven Valley.
I’d avoided Leo’s concerned gaze all day as we both hovered over Luke who’d woken up energetic albeit a little tired in his eyes.
Leo and I’d both called out of work so we could keep a watchful eye on Luke. Leo called the sheriff and gave him the name of the nurse that we suspected had given Luke the cookie the night before, and he promised to look into his whereabouts.
After he’d settled down for the night and we’d tucked him in, I’d made a cup of tea and sat outside on the porch swing. I stared off into the distance and followed the lights as they illuminated from the lightning bugs that flew about.
The smell of rain was in the air; no stars lit up the now black night sky.
Every fiber of my being urged me to pack up and run. To pack the meager belongings that I’d brought with us to Texas and just get in the car with Luke and leave.
My foot shook from the anxiety that rolled through me as I tried to figure out where to go from here. How I’d keep Luke and I safe from the deranged stalker who was closer to us than ever.
Thunder sounded off in the distance as raindrops started to fall.
The sound of raindrops hitting the porch didn’t soothe my anxiety like it usually did.
That sound amplified my anxiety and kicked it into high gear.
Just the thought of someone so close yet so far away that had every intention of finding me made me want to jump up from my spot on the porch swing and escape into the night while I still could.
The screen door creaked as it opened, and I turned my head to the sound.
Leo walked out the door and let it go as he walked over to me; the door hit the wooden frame as he stalked toward me.
The look in his eyes told me all I needed to know.
Frustration radiated off him as she sat on the swing beside me.
“You’re not leaving,” he said, and I could feel his eyes on me as I sat there unmoving, the warmth from the teacup now gone as I held it in my hands.
I snapped my head toward his, ready to fight him on it.
“How can I stay here? How can we stay here knowing that man got close enough to harm my son?” I bit back as I stood and stepped away from the porch swing. I couldn’t be near him as we had this conversation. One touch from him and I’d falter.
“First of all, he’s our son,” he started as he stood and stomped toward me. I could feel him behind me, but I couldn’t make myself turn to face him. I didn’t want Luke to lose his father, but I couldn’t see any other option other than leaving Haven Valley.
“And I need to keep him safe,” I bit back as I clenched my fist. My nails bit into my palm, and I welcomed the pain as it kept me grounded for the fight I was about to have.
“We need to keep him safe,” he countered.
I turned quickly to face him, pointing my finger at him before I continued.
“You tried that. This crazy psycho found a way around the protection of this ranch and harmed our son,” I threw at him, hating that I used his protection against him. It wasn't his fault, but I needed him to understand.
“This ranch is safe. We’re tryin’ to figure out how he managed to get into the clubhouse without access,” he explained with pain laced in his voice.
I couldn’t take the closeness of him, so I turned and stalked off the porch out into the now pouring rain. I held out my arms and closed my eyes. I let the rain soak me in an attempt to wash away every ounce of frustration within me.
The squishing sounds of Leo’s footsteps as they approached barely registered as I let out my first sob, as the feeling of defeat hit me like a ton of bricks.
“You’re not takin’ Luke away from me,” he said from behind me. The tone of his voice told me just how serious his demand was.
“Do you think I want to take him away from you?” I yelled as I dropped my arms and turned to face him.
I looked up into his eyes, the light from the porch allowed me to barely see the shadow of the man who stood just a few feet away from me.
“I don’t know, Carolina. I don’t know what you want because you never manage to tell me.”
“It’s not that simple,” I screamed at him. Life never was as simple as it seemed.
“It could be that simple. You just refuse to let it be,” he countered as he took a step forward and stopped.
“This isn’t about us. It’s about keeping that sweet little boy safe. I’d do anything to make sure of that. You can’t control this situation. You can’t control the actions of some deranged person no matter how much you’d like to,” I said.
“You’re not runnin’ this time. I won’t allow it. Want to know what’s different this time?” he said as he took the last few remaining steps forward that allowed him to tower over me.
“What?” I choked out.
“I know what’s at stake if you leave me. I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth to find you. To find our son. I won’t let you leave without a fight this time,” he told me, and I let out another sob. How could this man even remotely fight for me after what I’d done to him, to us?
“But why, Leo? There’s too much pain from the past to work through. I caused you to completely change who you were. Why would you even bother chasing after me?”
I knew why he’d chase after Luke. He loved our son, that much I knew for a fact.
I gripped the necklace beneath my shirt like a lifeline as I waited for him to answer.
“You don’t see it?” he asked as he moved so close that I could feel the whisper of his breath across my face. His hand reached up to hold the one gripped tightly around the soaked cotton of my shirt.
The rain had soaked us both to the bone including the space between us that used to mean everything.
“See what?” I asked as I moved my hand from his hold too quickly, the necklace pulled out of its hiding place and landed on top of my shirt.
Leo sucked in a tight breath as he picked up what dangled from the sterling silver chain. Our promise rings. The rings I never took off. I carried them with me all these years as a reminder of what I’d left behind.
“You kept them,” he whispered, his voice full of awe as he stared down at the silver bands.
“I had to,” I admitted, as the need to get away from him grew.
I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t risk us not working out and breaking his heart all over again.
No matter how much I’d like Leo to be a part of my future, I had to keep him safe.
And that meant he needed to be as far away from me as possible.
I wouldn’t be the cause of him changing who he was ever again.
“You’re not leavin’ me again, Carolina. Not when I just got you back,” he said, and the demand in his tone caused me to shiver.
“I can’t do this with you, Leo. You should keep hating me or pretending to hate me. It’d be so much easier if you did,” I countered as I tried to pull away from him.
Leo caught me before I could get one step away from him; his arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me flush against him.
“It’s not goin’ to be easy, firefly. Nothing worth fightin’ for in life ever is. And you, Carolina Sutton, are worth fightin’ for,” his whispered words settled into my heart as they sat between us.
“But I’m not,” I whispered back as I tried to turn away from him. He didn’t let me. He turned me to face him and rested his forehead against mine.
“Why not? Why don’t you believe you’re worth fightin’ for?”
“Because I broke you. I broke us. And for what?” I screamed as I put my hands on his chest and tried to push him away. His hold tightened around me, preventing me from leaving.
“You did what you needed to do at the time. I understand that now. Back then I didn’t, but I get it now,” he said in a softer tone.
“I don’t want you to understand it, Leo.
I want you to hate me just like you said you did,” I screamed and pushed against his chest so hard his grip loosened and allowed me to break free.
The second the feel of his hands around my waist disappeared, I longed for his touch to return, but I couldn’t act on it.
I backed away from him as he walked toward me.
“Why do you have to fight me at every turn? I don’t hate you. I never did,” he bit out, and my steps faltered at his confession.
“What?” I whispered, shocked at his words.
“I don’t hate you,” he repeated, and my brain finally caught up to understand the meaning behind his words.
His hold tightened on my waist. The feeling of his fingertips caressing the side of my face as he tucked the sopping wet strands of hair behind my ear caused me to sigh and shiver.
“But … you should. Don’t you remember?” I asked between sobs as I stared into his eyes. His expression softened as he stared back at me.
“I remember it all too well,” he said, causing me to break even further as I wrapped my arms around his waist and gripped the back of his shirt.
“I remember the nights we spent in the bed of my truck. I remember drivin’ down the backroads as I almost ran a stop sign because I couldn’t stop staring at you.
I remember the reason I started calling you firefly as you stared into that Mason jar so proud that you’d caught more than anyone else.
I remember how you felt in my arms as you laid over my chest so you could fall asleep to the sound of my heartbeat.
I remember everythin’ all too well,” he confessed as he brought both of his hands to each side of my face.
I remembered everything too. I never forgot a moment of the time we’d spent together.
His nose caressed mine, and I sucked in a deep breath. We never stopped looking into each other’s eyes, and he tilted his head as his lips caressed mine.
I released my hold around his waist and brought my hands up to his chest as he deepened the kiss; the need to push him away was almost as great as the need to feel him closer.
His kiss wasn’t gentle. His kiss wasn’t careful.
It was fierce, like he’d run out of ways to convince me to stay with his words.
This kiss was so different from the previous one we’d shared.
This kiss was like the years of missing me and him hating me and not knowing what to do with either finally caught up to him.
For a brief moment I froze at the emotionally charged moment, ready to push him away.
But I didn’t. Instead, my fingers curled around the soaked fabric of his shirt as I kissed him back, hesitant at first, like I didn’t quite trust it, didn’t trust that he didn’t hate me like he’d said, like the argument hadn’t ended at all—just changed shape.
This kiss didn’t fix anything.
The rain continued to pour down around us. My past mistakes didn’t disappear.
He pulled back from the kiss just as breathless as I was.
“Don’t leave,” he whispered and I pulled him close, unable to get words out. I rested my head on his chest, and his heart beat rapidly beneath me as I held on tight and nodded into his soaked white T-shirt.
I didn’t answer him right away.
But I didn’t pull away either.