Chapter 21
TWENTY-ONE
RORY
What the hell has gotten into her, I think, as I whisk her up the stairs.
She’d normally be desperate for me to put her back on her feet, telling me she is too big, scared of me dropping her.
Truthfully, she does not weigh nothing – but once I’ve committed I’m all in, and I bound towards my bedroom at speed, her giggles urging me on.
I throw her down on the bed and she bounces, grinning up at me once she settles.
She spreads her limbs wide, her paint-marked hands vivid against the white sheets, her now longer hair splayed out on the pillow, sun-streaked from all her time outdoors.
Her big brown eyes are wide and joyful, a spark of energy in them that I haven’t noticed there before.
The smudge of burnt umber paint on her forehead matches them perfectly.
She looks me up and down, her tongue darting out to moisten her lips.
Fuck. She is the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen.
‘So,’ she says, gazing up at me. ‘What are you going to do now?’
‘I’m going to take your clothes off you, very slowly. Then I’m going to kiss every single part of your body over and over again, until you can’t think straight. And after that, when you’re good and ready… I’m going to make you come so hard the only word you can remember is my name.’
She looks shocked, then delighted, a small sigh escaping her gorgeous lips.
‘Okay,’ she says after a few moments. ‘I’ve had a meeting with myself, and I’m happy with that agenda. I’m all yours…’
She stretches her arms over her head, lush and lithe and absolutely definitely knowing what she’s doing to me as her breasts rise and fall.
I growl and pounce on her, hoping I can make good on all those promises.
I’m so turned on right now, all I want to do is sink myself inside her and drive us both to oblivion.
I force myself to slow down, to take a breath.
I unbutton the soft fabric of her top, peel it from her skin.
She arches up towards me, and I know what she wants – what I want to give.
I tug the front of her bra down so her nipples are right there for the taking, taut and trembling.
I take one in my mouth, the other in my fingers, listening to her moan with pleasure as I work her.
She’s so sensitive, and as she buries her hands in my hair, she spreads her legs and rubs herself against me.
I know what she’s up to, and I pull myself away from her.
Not yet, I think, not yet. I promised her slow, and that’s what she’ll get – sweet, slow torture.
I keep her trapped beneath me, and pull off my own T-shirt.
Her fingers immediately go up to my shoulders, and she pulls me in for a kiss.
I don’t resist, but I do let it wander – beneath her ears, the side of her neck, her throat.
I move around her, removing clothing, kissing the tanned flesh that lies beneath, enjoying the way she’s quivering with every touch.
By the time I glide my fingers between her legs, she’s desperate for more, her soft skin hot beneath my hands and lips.
I slide down, kiss her inner thighs on both sides, oh-so-slowly teasing my way upwards.
She’s shaking and trembling by this stage, murmuring my name, her voice a ragged whisper of need.
‘Oh God, please, Rory, please… don’t stop!’
I have no intentions of stopping, ever. If it was up to me I’d spend the rest of my life right here, doing this. Making the woman I love explode with pleasure…
Love. The woman I love. I pause, give myself one second to consider this.
To accept it, to feel the rightness of it.
I love her. Everything about her – her heart, her spirit, her gentle beauty.
Her smile, her shining presence, her constant kindness.
The touch of her skin against mine, the warmth of her body against me, the intoxicating scent of her right now…
I taste her, explore her, give her what she needs.
What we both need. Her whole body shudders as she reaches her climax, her fists clenching the bed sheets into jumbled balls, her moan of pleasure tumbling out of her as she peaks.
I smile against her thighs, lay gentle kisses against her, and work my way back up.
I lie by her side, and gaze at her. Flushed cheeks, dilated pupils, swollen lips. Perfection.
She laughs, and hides her face in her hands. ‘Well, that was embarrassing…’
‘What was?’
‘That noise I just made. I don’t think it’s ever been heard on the human plane before.’
‘I liked it. I plan on hearing it again, many times. Look at me, Jane.’
She emerges from her palm-shield, and I kiss the tip of her nose.
‘I’m about to say something terrifying,’ I tell her.
She nods, bites her lip. Looks slightly nervous. ‘Okay.’
‘I love you.’
There. For feck’s sake, it’s out. I know this is a risk – I know she might not be ready to hear that truth. I know she might make a run for it. But I find that I can’t keep it inside me, don’t want to – not telling her would be like lying. I can’t play games any more.
‘I see. Well, I suppose this is a pretty good time to say something like that. While I’m still weak from the world’s best orgasm.’
Her eyes meet mine, and she reaches up to stroke the side of my face, trailing her fingers down to my lips.
I kiss the tips, and she stares at me intensely, staying silent.
That silence seems to last forever. Jesus.
Have I made a mistake? Have I ruined everything?
I feel hollow inside at the thought that she might leave, but no, I decide, I haven’t made a mistake – if she doesn’t feel the same way, if there’s no chance of her feeling the same way, then there’s no point in carrying on with this. It has to end.
I gulp, and close my eyes. I can’t keep them open while she rejects me.
‘Look at me, Rory,’ she says quietly, echoing my words from earlier. I do as I’m told, and she smiles. Small, sweet, promising.
‘It is terrifying,’ she goes on. ‘But I love you too. I… I’ve been fighting so hard not to. Pretending even to myself. I don’t know if I’d ever have said it out loud, or even in my own head, but I’m glad you did. Maybe you’re braver than me. Or maybe I just feel like I have more to lose…’
My heart soars at her words, and I scoop her into my arms, holding her close.
I’m relieved, thrilled, filled with sudden joy.
Filled with hope. But I also hear the note of fear in her voice, the slight touch of sadness.
A grain of discontent lurking beneath the happiness.
I should let it go, perhaps, but I can’t.
Now more than ever we need to be honest with each other.
Too much has happened between us, too many lies and miscommunications. I don’t want there to be any more.
‘You sound like you don’t want to love me,’ I finally say, putting my finger on what’s bothering me. ‘Like it’s a bad thing. And what do you mean, you have more to lose?’
She gazes up at me, and she has never looked more beautiful.
My perfect Juliet, with all her layers of experience and complications and mysteries.
Of years without me, of a life lived separately, of her own deeply buried secrets.
I know she has them, and I know they still wound her.
‘I’m sorry,’ she says simply. ‘And if I sound like that, it’s not your fault – it’s mine. I love you, Rory, I really do.’
There’s a tremor, a slight tremble of her lips as she speaks.
She looks vulnerable, raw, and I feel like an arse for questioning her.
I hold her closer, and say: ‘Jane, if it makes you feel any better, then I feel pretty damn scared right now too. I’m all in, and that’s bloody frightening.
And I have plenty to lose. My heart. My mind.
My entire soul. They’re all yours, Jane – I’m willing to risk them all for you. ’
Tears fall from the corners of her eyes, and I kiss them away, murmuring words of comfort.
‘It’s okay,’ she says, wrapping her arms around me, pulling me down on top of her. ‘I’m happy. These are happy tears. I love you. I do. It’s complicated, but we’ll figure it out, won’t we?’
I nod, and she wraps her legs around me, twines her hands into my hair. She kisses me, her body moving beneath me in ways that drive conscious thought from my mind.
‘We’ll figure it out,’ she says, sighing as her hands roam over my back, caress the muscle of my arms. ‘But for now, we have this – and this isn’t complicated at all…’