Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
I ’m standing at the top of the cliff and looking at the golden strip of sand below. Groups of beachgoers are dotted along the coastline. Above my head is a bright blue sky. It’s Sunday and the café is closed. Yesterday was busy as we had student Ava join us and the warm weather had brought out the romantic couples. Ava and I also planned out her Treat Your Grandparent promotion. She agreed to help spread the word at college.
Lucas and Dad are baking so I have decided to walk along the coastal path. It’s where I feel closest to Mum. Taking out my phone, I smile. On my lock screen is one of my favourite photos of her. The one where she’s in hiking gear and boots, rucksack slung over her shoulder, ready for an adventure. She loved walking for miles in the countryside and up along this winding coastal path. I remember every Saturday, Dad and I would wave her off. Even as a child I could feel her excitement on the morning of one of her walks. She’d be laughing as Dad poured her tea into a flask and moaned about how she had packed her rucksack.
Sometimes I look at Mum’s face for too long. ‘I miss you so much, Mum,’ I croak. ‘After all these years without you it still hurts.’ Through the blurriness her beaming smile finds me.
The walk I am going on will take me to the little brass plaque Dad and I got made after she died up here on one of her walks. She fell on a piece of ice and hit her head. It caused a fatal stroke.
Dad and I visited regularly in the years after she passed away. Throughout my teenage years it was a place of solace for me. As the little path winds around, I can see a figure stood by Mum’s plaque. They’re crouched down on their knees and wiping her plaque. My heart thuds. Feeling protective, I walk faster. The figure sees me coming and shoots up to their feet. As I get closer, I gasp; it’s Noah.
He gives me an awkward look. ‘Didn’t expect to see you up here.’
‘It was a last-minute decision. What are you doing?’
He nudges a collection of small pebbles with his shoe before casting his gaze out to sea. ‘I was on a walk, and I’ve just come across your mum’s plaque.’
‘Oh, I see.’
He points to the beach below. ‘When we used to sit on our rock, I always used to see you looking up here.’
Smiling, I stand beside him and look down at our old rock. ‘You came up here a few times with me – remember?’
His face softens. ‘I used to moan a lot about coming up here – didn’t I?’
A giggle escapes my lips. ‘Yes, you did. I think once I had to practically drag you up those steps.’
‘Sorry.’ His boyish smile sweeps across his face and my chest feels like it is full of tiny seagulls.
I flick my eyes to Mum’s shiny plaque and find myself wishing she’d got a chance to meet Noah. ‘You never met Mum – did you?’
He doesn’t say anything and returns to staring out to sea.
‘She would have liked you,’ I say, letting my mind whisk me back in time to when Mum would collect me from primary school in her old leather jacket pretending to be a cool parent.
I get the feeling Noah wants to go. He’s shifting his weight from one boot to another and is fiddling with the zip on his red jacket. ‘I used to think you were brave dealing with the loss of your mum. I never knew my mother because she left after my first birthday.’
I bend down to run my fingertips over her plaque. ‘I think I’ll always be dealing with losing her. I like to think she’s still with us.’
We walk back along the coastal path towards the steps side by side. Every so often we turn our heads to find the other smiling back.
‘Your mum loved hiking, didn’t she?’
I nod. ‘Mum loved adventure and the outdoors. She looked forward to her Saturdays, when she would head out with her map, her rucksack, and her flask.’
‘She sounds like a lot of fun,’ he says, quietly.
On the way down the steps, we giggle like school children at the exhausted tourists who are getting their breath midway up, and we try to chase each other down the rest of the steps.
Once we get onto the beach Noah points over to our rock. ‘Shall we climb up for old times’ sake?’
Before I can blink, he takes my hand, and we hurry across the beach to our old rock. He climbs up with ease. With a sigh I follow him up. I make sure I sit apart from him. Dangling my jean-clad legs over the side, I savour the warm and fuzzy nostalgic feeling of being back sat on our old rock. It’s been years.
‘I’d forgotten how peaceful it is up here,’ sighs Noah, running his hand through his blond hair. ‘It’s still one of my favourite places in the world.’
‘We used to have a lot of fun.’
He nods. ‘We’d race home from school. I’d do my homework and you…’
‘Wouldn’t do any,’ I say, with a giggle. The prospect of spending time with Noah was too much of a distraction for me.
‘We’d meet by the seafront and run like mad things over to this rock.’
‘With sweets stuffed in our pockets and two sugary drinks shoved inside a picnic blanket.’
The boyish smile is back. ‘Listen to music up here and watch the world go by.’
‘I never got cold up here considering we stayed out until it got dark.’
‘That’s because you always stole my coat.’
We both laugh and I notice the sparkle in his eyes.
‘I missed this place so much when I left.’
‘Where are you staying?’
He flicks back his golden hair. ‘I’m renting a tiny cottage in the town. It’s just off the high street.’
‘Why are you back, Noah?’
His summer blue sky eyes lock onto mine. ‘I had a succession of bad relationships in Ireland, and I started to think about why love was so hard for me.’
‘Did you come to any conclusions?’ I can’t drag my eyes away from his.
The atmosphere between us has changed. Our friendly banter has been replaced with intense stares. ‘I never forgot about you, Alice.’
We’ve been staring at each other for what feels like an eternity. A wave of emotion is rising inside of me. On the white crested tip, it carries the words I have been trying to say since he returned. The wave is stronger. After a deep breath the words whoosh out of my mouth. ‘What happened to us, Noah?’
He reaches out and touches my hand, sending a surge of electricity through my arm. ‘I never wanted us to end.’ Leaning back, he breaks our trance and throws a pebble out to sea. ‘Did you really write to me?’
I nod. ‘Every week. I couldn’t post them in the box on our street as I was scared Dad would see me.’ I smile. ‘Looking back now I don’t know why I was worried Dad would see me. Anyway, Pete took my letters and posted them for me.’
Noah is looking at me. ‘You asked Pete to post your letters?’
‘He was your best mate and I trusted him. He was nice to me when you left.’
Noah looks out to sea. ‘When I first came back and I learned about Lucas, I was angry.’ He runs a hand through his hair. ‘I thought you and Pete had got together because all along you’d…’ He stops. ‘Oh God, this is silly. Why are we raking up the past?’
A concoction of twenty years of frustration and anger is bubbling inside of me. ‘You thought I’d secretly fancied Pete while we were going out with each other – is that what you thought?’
Noah has found another pebble and is turning it over in his hand. ‘Did you?’
‘No, I did not. I started dating Pete because…’
Noah is now staring at me. ‘Why, Alice?’
‘To make you jealous.’ I hang my head. ‘Noah, I was so angry you never contacted me. It was a bad decision. Probably one of my worst.’
He puts a hand on my arm. ‘You had Lucas together. He’s great.’
‘Yes, he is.’
‘Did you love Pete?’
I let out a heavy sigh. ‘I feel guilty for what happened with Pete. For years I was waiting for him to lead me back to you but when that didn’t happen, I waited to fall in love with him.’
‘And?’
I shake my head. ‘I never loved Pete.’ Noah’s intense stare is making me feel light-headed. Our eyes have locked in. We’re inching closer. His mouth is hovering over mine. I can feel his warm breath on my chilly lips. In a flash I am whisked back to when we were teenagers, we’re on this same rock and Noah is about to kiss me. Just like he used to all those years ago, he presses his soft lips against mine and as we kiss, I plunge my hands deep into his blond hair. His hand brushes against my thigh as our kissing intensifies. A familiar feeling of warmth is emanating from between my legs and making me press myself against him. Parts of me which have been in a deep sleep for years are waking up.
Noah sits up abruptly. ‘I need to go.’ His tone has changed. It’s tinged with a coolness to it. He checks his watch. ‘I have got to sort my laundry out.’
I place my hand on his arm. ‘Are you all right?’
He nods and sits up straighter. ‘Look, I made a mistake kissing you. I’m sorry, Alice.’
‘What?’
Pulling himself to his feet he climbs down our rock and strides away.