Chapter 17
What was she supposed to do? How was she supposed to deny something that was true, deep down? She missed him. She was torn between protecting her and Simona’s hearts and wanting to leap and enjoy her feelings again.
“See, you can’t deny it,” Todd said easily with a smile. “I’ve seen how you react when I touch you.”
His thumb was running over her palm, the simple touch already lighting fires deep within her.
“I can’t deny it,” she admitted. “But part of me is afraid.”
“Of?” he asked. His thumb stopped moving. “Me?”
“No,” she answered quickly. “Of my feelings. I don’t think I could bear letting go. Trusting again.”
This wasn’t the time or the place she’d hoped to have this conversation. Not that she’d ever planned on telling him about her fears, but certainly not in Thai It Up.
He was silent for a while then nodded. “The last person I opened up to was when I was on assignment. She was the daughter of a diplomat. I believed that Kimber could see past my assignment, so when she found out what I was, I told her everything. Well, almost everything. I had naively believed that she didn’t know what her father was doing.
How he was silently locking up and murdering his countrymen and women all in the name of purification, money, and power.
” He leaned back, dropping his hand from hers and, for the first time, she noticed weariness in his eyes.
Weariness and something else she couldn’t pinpoint.
“When I told her that I was on a mission, she at first acted like she didn’t know about her father.
Then, New Year’s Eve, during a large party her father was throwing, I was attacked. ”
“What happened?” Worry caused her to lean forward, even though he was safe, sitting across from her.
“Kimber had told her father everything. She stood over me, even helped while her father’s men beat me, tied me up, and then took me away to kill.”
“How did you escape?” she asked, eager to hear the rest of the story.
“Thankfully, I was wearing a wire. My team swooped in the first moment they could and rescued me. If it wasn’t for them, I would have been dead a long time ago,” he admitted.
“So, I understand how hard it is to trust again after being betrayed. Brock betrayed you and Simona. I won’t.
” He took her hand again. “This is my promise.”
She believed him. Deep down, she knew that if anything was going to go wrong between them, it wasn’t going to be because of betrayal. Not in the sense that Brock had betrayed her.
On the drive home, she thought about everything he’d told her. Everything he’d confided in her. Wasn’t it her turn to open up?
He hadn’t prodded or asked her what had happened, but she knew that it was time to let him in. So when she pulled into his driveway, she turned off the car and turned to him.
“I’d like to come in,” she said softly.
Instead of answering, he pulled her close and kissed her. She melted against him, letting her entire body react instantly to his closeness. To the hardness of his arms and chest against her own.
It felt too good, being held again. Held by someone who cared. Someone who understood how difficult it was for her to open up. To trust.
When he pulled away, she knew that it was pointless hiding anything from him. If he didn’t already know the details, he could guess what she’d been through.
When they stepped into his house, she turned to him.
“Maybe a glass of wine?” she asked.
He nodded and she followed him into the kitchen.
He’d gotten so much done since the last time she’d been inside.
The wall separating the mudroom and pantry was done and it looked like it had always been part of the house.
He even had a large, framed picture of the sea hanging on it.
The hutch that she’d helped him pick out sat on the wall in the dining area.
Even though it was empty of anything, it made the space feel complete and matched his oak dining table and chairs almost perfectly.
His living room was back to normal, with his television hanging up just to the left of the fireplace.
She walked down the hallway and glanced into the room that used to be his bedroom and noticed it was now the reading room she’d suggested.
Brand new bookshelves sat on either side of the wide windows. She walked over and ran a finger over the edges of a few books that sat on the shelves he’d painted a sky blue and noticed he’d organized them by author.
“You have an impressive collection,” she said over her shoulder.
“I like to go to book conventions and author signings,” he said from the doorway. “I started when I was in England for a few months and, well, I guess I never stopped.” He chuckled. “There’s one in two weeks in Boston I plan on going to. More than a dozen of my favorite authors will be there.”
“Really?” She turned around, and he held up two glasses of red wine. “Care for some company?”
He smiled as he handed her the glass. “I purchased two tickets in hopes that I could convince you to come along for the weekend.”
She nodded. “I’ll see if Crystal or Kayla can take Simona.” She sipped the wine. The dryness and bite of it instantly gave her the strength she needed.
Walking back out to the living room, she sat down on the sofa and motioned for him to sit next to her.
“I quit college to marry Brock,” she said, looking down into the dark red liquid.
“I was twenty years old and had never felt like anyone had ever loved me. My parents tolerated me and expected me to disappear after I came of age. When Brock swooped in with his sweet words and promises, I figured the rest would just come naturally.”
“It didn’t,” Todd said.
“No,” she agreed. “A few months later, we married at the courthouse. He didn’t have the money for a big wedding, and my parents…
well, they weren’t going to pay for anything.
Not since they’d put all their money into the first two years of community college.
Money they deemed wasted since I was no longer going to be going to school.
” She took another sip of the wine. “Shortly after marrying, Brock convinced me that we should move to Silver Cove. His hometown. The best decision, in hindsight. We moved into a small apartment above his parents’ garage until they moved further south after his father retired.
” She glanced up at him. “They’re in the Keys now.
Anyway, three months after they left, and we moved into a one-bedroom trailer at the trailer park, I gave birth to Simona.
Less than a month after giving birth, we got in a fight over diapers.
Brock felt everything to do with Simona was too expensive since it was eating into his drinking money.
When he hit me, it didn’t register with me at first.” She reached up and touched her cheek, somehow still remembering the burn.
The physical pain was long gone but never forgotten.
“I packed our bags, put Simona in her carrier, and had every intention of leaving, but Brock talked me out of it. After all, I had nowhere to go. At that point, I didn’t have a job or money of my own.
Then it became a standard once-a-month fight, which then turned into twice a month, then progressed to once a week until, suddenly, it was a daily event. ”
“What made you finally leave?” he asked as he got up and poured her more wine. She hadn’t realized she’d gone through the entire glass and set it down, needing a breath.
“Brock left. He was having an affair with a coworker,” she admitted. She no longer felt or cared about the sting from the betrayal.
“How long did that last?” Todd asked.
“A few months. Then he was back knocking on my door, wanting to get back together. I was working at that point, and he was still working nights at Walmart. He was desperate to control someone. Somehow, he started back in on me, without my knowledge. I was stupid to let him have any control over me.”
“He broke your arm after you were divorced?” he asked.
“Yes. We’d argued about me filling in for Kayla the night that Willow was born.
” She glanced down at the pale white scars on her wrist. “I went to work and passed out. Rowan found me on the floor and called the police to have Brock taken in. They, my friends, convinced me to press charges finally. Throughout it all, they were right there for me and Simona.”
“They do seem like a pretty amazing group. I still can’t believe that Sarah and Crystal remember me,” Todd said, setting his glass down and taking her hand in his.
His fingers played over the small scars, then he lifted her wrist to his lips and brushed a kiss over the spot gently, making her heart melt.
“How was I to know that family could be like that?” She felt tears sting her eyes. “There is no place I’d rather be than here. I want Simona to grow up knowing what love is. Feeling it from not only me, but everyone else around her.”
“Of course, you do,” he said softly.
“So, you see why I’m concerned. If you…” She shook her head. “I can’t ask you to stay. To commit to a life here. Not when you’ve been so many other places.”
“Hey.” He lifted her chin with his fingers until they were eye to eye. “Have I given you the impression that I’m going anywhere?”
“You… told Sarah that you might fix the place up and sell it.”
He frowned. “When?”
“The first night we met.”
He shocked her by laughing. “If I ever had that intention, it disappeared the moment I kissed you.” He pulled her close.
“Trust me, I’m not going anywhere soon. I’ve put sweat and blood”—he showed her a few knicks on his hands and smiled— “into making this my home.” She relaxed.
“Is that all that was holding you back?” he asked.
She thought about it. “That and my fears about trusting again,” she admitted. “But after your story, I’m willing to chance it. For you.” She lifted her hand and ran her fingertips over his face. “You’ve let your beard grow.”
He smiled. “It’s the style. Besides, you said you liked it.”