38. Melanie #2
“Let’s just go inside before he eats all the popcorn.
” Desperate to believe him, she gave him a small smile.
What she wanted more than anything was for him to swoop her up into his arms, like he used to do after they were first married, to acknowledge her sacrifice, recognizing that she had stayed here, in the middle of nowhere, for him.
The next morning, as Johnny Mathis crooned on the stereo in their living room, Melanie sat on the floor surrounded by presents and wrapping paper, putting the finishing touches on Henry’s gift, a coffee grinder.
He’d gotten it into his head that he could somehow taste the difference in coffee when he ground the beans himself, and he had ruined their blender a few weeks ago doing just that.
Before she wrapped Joshua’s gift, a microscope, she debated showing it to Henry first. A few months ago, Melanie had been getting dirty clothes from her son’s room when she came across a science equipment catalogue with this exact model circled, and she’d called the company to order it for him.
Once it arrived, she marveled at the size of the box before carefully extracting it.
Gently turning it over in her hands, she imagined her son using it one day.
For the life of her, she had no clue how to even turn on the dang thing, or if it even needed to be turned on.
Maybe it was ready to go? Ever since he discovered his dad had wanted to be a doctor “once upon a time”, Joshua had made it his plan to become one.
Over the years, Melanie had built the myth up to their son to ensure he would carry out what should have been his father’s legacy, but to her chagrin, he refused to discuss his own long-buried dream.
Of course, she gave herself equal time to shine in the spotlight, regaling Joshua with her own tales of the Hollywood star she could have been, and to her delight, she had piqued his interest in the performing arts.
Melanie’s stomach cramped just as she tied a ribbon around Joshua’s gift, and she shot to her feet, making it to the toilet just in time.
Ugh. Three days in a row now she’d been nauseous.
Some stomach bug or another was always going around in Joshua’s school, but usually it passed in a day or two.
She must’ve gotten one of those really strong ones, she decided.
Pouring herself a glass of apple juice, she dialed her sister. Though Melanie spoke infrequently with her mother, she talked to Casey every other day, and being sick made her miss her even more.
“Hello?” Though it was two in the afternoon, her sister’s voice was ragged. Melanie wondered if she had worked a late shift last night or just stayed up all night arguing with her boyfriend, who was a scalawag of the first order.
“Casey, what in the world has you soundin’ like somethin’ Mama dug up from her flower bed?
” No matter how she tried to prevent it, her accent went straight to what she called “white trailer trash” the moment she spoke to her sister or her mama.
Or if she was frustrated with her husband, like last night.
“Mellie! How’s my handsome little nephew?”
“He’s…good. Not so little, though.” The day Melanie dreaded would come, when her baby boy no longer needed her, and she fought back her mounting desolation.
“What’s with the pause? Last time you called, you said he was acing all of his classes, which is more than either of us ever did!”
Melanie didn’t react to Casey’s joke because her nausea rose again, and she worried she would need to cut her phone call short. She paused briefly to let it pass, then replied, “No, he’s still doin’ good. He’s so smart…just like Henry.” Melanie whimpered softly, and her sister caught it.
“Oh, Mellie, how’s that bad? Henry’s so sweet every time I call. The same as when you guys were here all those years ago.”
Right around when Joshua was four, the three of them visited Florida, after years of Henry nagging her about it.
He suggested her family could meet them at Walt Disney World, but Melanie said the eight-hour drive was too far for her mama.
What she hadn’t told him was that her mama would never have enough money for the gas, theme park, or hotel, and she couldn’t bear her mama being a charity case.
To her amazement, Henry had pivoted, and they stayed in Pensacola right by the beach on the Gulf Shores.
Her mama’s eyes lit up at the sight of Henry, so polished when he wasn’t working in the auto shop (if you didn’t look too closely under his nails).
Mama had commented quietly to Melanie that Henry looked like a man who could afford to be generous, and he was, treating Mama and Casey to meals out, buying almost a year’s worth of groceries when they went to the store for “picnic supplies”, even paying the two months of back rent Mama owed on the trailer.
At the beach, Mama whistled, “My, my, my, Mellie, you sure got a good one,” when Henry took off his shirt to play with Joshua in the surf.
After sipping the cocktail she bought from a man trailing a cooler behind him, she continued, “I guess all those hours spent twistin’ tools and crawling’ under cars is worth it after all.
” Mama slipped her sunglasses down her nose to peer over them at her daughter. “How long do you expect it to last?”
“What do you mean?”
“What I mean is that man is of a higher class than you. Yes, he may work with his hands, but you can see his good breeding. Men like that don’t stay with women like us, Mellie. Guaranteed, he will want somethin’ more one day.”
Melanie, still clinging to her Hollywood fantasy, informed her, “We’re both gonna have somethin’ more! I’m workin’ on gettin’ us outta South Dakota, Mama. We’re goin’ to California one day-”
Snorting with laughter, her mama responded, “Not that old pipe dream! Girl, when will you wise up? Ain’t nothin’ special ‘bout you. The only place you will land is back here, with me and your sister. And maybe that kid o’ yours, but maybe not.
Your husband seems awfully attached to the little guy.
And what you told me about his family, he ain’t never gonna leave them. ”
Annoyed and stung by her mama’s words, Melanie had thrown off her swimsuit cover-up to cool off in the water when her mama’s words stopped her in her tracks.
“The only thing you can do, oh daughter of mine, is keep poppin’ out them babies.
That’s what’ll keep a man like Henry interested.
” After that trip, Melanie ensured she was careful with her birth control, intent on proving her mother wrong.
She assured Casey, “No, everything’s fine with Henry.” What wasn’t fine was Melanie, who worried she was going to be sick again.
Drawing in deep breaths, she listened as her sister said, “Well, hopefully I’ll be able to see for myself soon enough.” Every month, Melanie sent her sister money to save for a visit sometime, on the promise she wouldn’t tell their mama.
“Yep,” Melanie quickly agreed, “I gotta go, Casey. I’m not feeling too good.”
“Oh, no…for how long?”
“The past few days.”
Casey teased, “Ooh—could I be getting a new niece or nephew? Maybe that’ll be a good time to visit.”
Melanie’s blood ran cold at her sister’s words, and the vomit she’d been holding back surged up her throat.
Leaving the receiver dangling, she raced to the bathroom, making it in the nick of time.
Crying into the porcelain, she trembled.
How could she do this again? How could she stay, with another baby, in a place she hated, where no one loved her?
Joshua did, she corrected herself, for now.
How long, though? When would he realize his mother wasn’t good enough for him?
She wasn’t smart or talented, no special skills of any kind.
Even her blonde hair, once her shining glory, wasn’t real anymore.
On Christmas Eve, before picking Henry up from work, she went to the pharmacy for the test she hadn’t had the courage to buy, let alone take, before that day.
When she opened the door, tacked to the board in the entryway, the Greyhound Bus schedule caught her eye, reminding her of the time twelve years ago when she’d first noticed the pharmacy also served as the bus depot.
At the Christmas Eve celebration with her in-laws that night, unable to wait another moment without knowing her fate, she ducked into the bathroom.
Sitting in silence, the holiday revelry from the living room mocked the panic she felt as the second line appeared on her pregnancy test, and she was too stunned… too broken to move.
Christmas morning, after they opened their gifts, while Henry and Joshua pored over the instructions to the microscope they had both loved, Melanie called her sister from the bedroom.
The next day, another bout of nausea hit Melanie, and she pressed her forehead to the icy glass on the bus, letting her tears fall freely—the tears she had kept a tight rein on since leaving Clover Lake that morning.
Knowing no one would understand, she’d done it anyway—left it all behind her.
Left them behind: the only man who had ever loved her, and the son she was bound to disappoint.