Chapter Fourteen #2
‘I don’t doubt it. But Ells, well, not so often now, but she has night terrors, not nightmares, night terrors.
She used to wake up screaming and screaming.
Admittedly she is loads better, but it’s still a huge risk.
It used to be all through the night, every forty-five minutes or so when I first brought her home, but now it’s a couple of times a week max and we have a system in place.
Her counsellor says it’s normal in kids who have had a traumatic start, and trust me, Ellie had a traumatic start and…
’ He paused. Everyone always wanted to know all the details but Sylvie didn’t interrupt him in a quest to find out more, she just waited for him to continue.
‘…and I will tell you more but not today, but she could well wake the whole farm and that’s too big an ask.
It’s possible that without the security of our routine it could easily trigger her. She may want to be in her own bed.’
‘OK, well, you know your daughter best, but at some point she is going to want to sleep away from you and I am a safe place. Sam will be fine. If he can sleep through the cows mooing as they go to be milked – and they’re noisy buggers, let me tell you – and the cock crowing, he can sleep through almost anything.
And I’ll be there to reassure her and get her back to sleep.
Again, it’s up to you, maybe let this be a test run.
I’m saying I don’t mind being woken. You know Ellie feels safe with Sam and me, and if it gets too bad I’ll call you from your slumber with Claudia. ’
‘Easy, there’ll be none of that!’
‘Then you’re a disappointment! But I can call you.
You will still have to stay sober just in case, but how great would it be if you gave it a shot and everything was OK?
You’re teaching her to manage risk, well, maybe this is one you could take tonight.
It’s up to you, but I think it’s worth a try. ’
‘Um… I don’t know.’ And he didn’t, he just wasn’t sure. He had wanted to try before, and had toyed with leaving her with Chase and Angelina to see how it went, but the fear of making any changes, especially with everything going so smoothly up to now, stopped him at the last minute.
Since he had adopted her they hadn’t spent a night apart.
The truth was that for all the years, almost three, that she had been in the orphanage, he had spent most days and nights there.
Trying to push the adoption through, bonding with her, ensuring she was well-cared for and safe, making her smile; these had been his raison d’être.
When his extraordinary leave, mandatory after the event he had witnessed, had run out he had known he wasn’t ready to return to work.
To witness and report events as they unfolded, an observer not a participant, that was a role he could never undertake again.
Finding Ellie had meant any objectivity he had once possessed was no longer part of him.
But they were not in Africa any more, they were in Cornwall, building a secure and stable life for the both of them.
He was aware that there was a danger in over-compensating, that he had resolved to treat her in as normal a way as possible, not to mess with her head by treating her like a victim.
Had he got them to a point where they could progress on to the next step?
If the last few years of his life had been about making sure Ellie felt secure was it now time to take teeny-weeny steps towards helping her be more independent?
‘At some point you may have to go away for work, an emergency may arise.’ Sylvie’s response brought him back to the present and he focused in on her words.
‘Wouldn’t it be good to know there was somewhere you could leave her if you had to and not worry about the night terror thing not being dealt with properly?
Look, we’ve got rid of Marion and the perfect chance for a dress rehearsal has arisen.
Plus, it frees you up, if you want to, to spend the night with someone and not worry about Ellie’s screams waking her up.
I really don’t mind. Just talk through what you do, how you manage it and would want me to, and then if you’re happy, we can ask her.
Not that I’m in favour of the child ruling the parent but she should have a say – there’s no point trialling this if she’s not secure enough to want to.
Train me now, then ask her when she comes down. What do you think?’
Alex thought. And knew she was right. It was possible that this insistence they sleep under the same roof every night was him mollycoddling Ellie and making himself feel indispensable.
Which in itself wasn’t healthy. Maybe this was a golden opportunity.
And there was a chance he could get called to London, especially now his foundation was beginning to take shape, and then what would he do?
Drag Ellie out of school because they couldn’t spend the night apart?
That wasn’t conducive to a secure start.
He looked at Sylvie, and suddenly like a switch his decision was made. He’d run it past Ellie, and he might have only known Sylvie a month or so but there was no one he’d trust his daughter with more.