Chapter 26
AFTER THAT, LOTS OF THINGS HAPPENED.
The day before Lydia’s discharge from hospital she took her daughter into her arms for the first time, and she felt the warm weight of her, and the surprisingly strong tug on her nipple when Naomi’s mouth latched on.
Kittens, she thought. Babies looking for their mother’s milk. She remembered their urgent clambering, their blind hunt for nourishment, and here it was again, the same urgency. She remembered the mother cat’s purring, the deep contentment she’d shown, and she felt it too.
Marian brought her home the following day. On their arrival, Lydia discovered a baby buggy parked in the hall, and a baby sling hanging from a hook above it. In her bedroom a cot was installed, complete with overhead butterfly mobile. A stack of tiny clothes sat on her bed.
In the bathroom was a changing table, a giant box of nappies and a small plastic bath with a clutch of baby toiletries and a rubber duck in it. The sitting room couch had been moved to accommodate a rocking chair, a toy chest that already held an assortment of furry animals, and a play mat.
A baby monitor was plugged into a kitchen socket, another in Lydia’s room.
‘We didn’t know where you wanted things,’ Marian said, ‘but it’s easy to move them around. We have the promise of a high chair, and I’ll drop over Jack’s old car seat, and there’s lots of other stuff ready for when it’s needed. We didn’t want to crowd you out.’
‘Where did you get it all?’ Lydia wondered.
‘Oh, here and there. Susan put out a call. And just to warn you, you’ll need a babysitter – everyone wants you back to your yoga classes.’
‘Actually,’ Lydia said, ‘I have that sorted,’ and told her.
‘Excellent news,’ Marian said. ‘You’re very organised.’
A large brown envelope Lydia hadn’t seen before lay on the kitchen worktop.
She didn’t need to open it: she knew what was inside.
She’d been wondering what had brought him to the house the day she’d fallen.
She’d forgotten he was to hand over the photographs.
She tucked the envelope under the cutlery tray and closed the drawer.
Not ready yet.
That evening she phoned Brendan. ‘I’m staying,’ she said. ‘I’m not going back to Dublin.’
A beat passed. ‘You’re staying on at Chance House?’
‘I am. I’m going to try to run it as a wedding venue.’
‘Well . . .’ he said. As the silence stretched, she wondered if that was all. He cleared his throat. ‘That’s great news,’ he said. ‘I’m really happy to hear it, and Kathleen will be too.’
He’d wanted her to keep the house because of Damien. How had she missed that? He’d wanted her to follow through with the adventure they’d started together. She told him she had Marian and Susan on the lookout for bathroom and kitchen fittings, and he promised the manpower as soon as she needed it.
Five minutes after she’d hung up, she saw a call coming through from his landline number, and she knew it had to be Kathleen, who didn’t possess a mobile phone. She kicked herself that she hadn’t thought to ring her with the news instead of Brendan. Force of habit.
‘You’re staying,’ Kathleen said. ‘You’re not going back to Dublin.’
‘I’m not going back, Kathleen. I really want to stay here.’
‘I’m delighted to hear that. Tell me how the baby is getting on.’
It warmed her that they were friends now.
Next day, before her daily trip to the hospital, she called to the butcher’s shop. As ever, she breathed through her mouth when the smell of meat hit her. She was glad the day was sunny enough for him to prop the door open.
‘I just wanted to say thank you,’ she said, ‘for what you did that day.’
‘Happy to help,’ he said, wiping hands on a cloth. ‘Glad you’re home again. Susan tells me the baby is thriving.’
‘She is . . . You know I’m staying on here.’
He gave his gentle smile. ‘I do.’
‘I have you to thank for that too.’
‘Any help you need, you know where I am.’
‘I suspect I’ll have lots of help – people can’t do enough around here. By the way, I saw you left the photos.’ She paused. ‘I might wait another while before I look at them.’
‘Sure.’
‘And I was thinking I might take a few more driving lessons soon, if you’d be happy to give them.’
‘You don’t need any more lessons,’ he told her. ‘You have the basics – now you just need practice, with a qualified driver sitting beside you.’
‘In that case, maybe it’s time to start looking for my own car.’
‘I’ll keep an eye out,’ he promised.
‘One more thing,’ she said. ‘I was wondering if you’d like to be Naomi’s godfather. Don’t feel you have to.’ His had been the first name she’d thought of, after all he’d done, and because of the person he was.
For a moment he said nothing, just went on regarding her. Was he searching for a nice way to say no? ‘You really don’t have to,’ she repeated. ‘I won’t be offended.’
‘I’d like to. Thank you.’ Up went the eyebrow. ‘I’m not sure what class of godfather I’d make. I’ve never done it before.’
‘I’d say you’ll do just fine.’
‘Have you chosen a godmother?’
‘To be decided,’ she told him. She had decided who she wanted, but she wasn’t sure how the request would be received, so she kept it to herself till later that day, when she and Greta were sitting on the Chance House patio, and Greta was knitting a tiny yellow cardigan, needles flying.
‘Yes,’ Greta said placidly, when Lydia asked. ‘I would like that, thank you.’
A few minutes later the clicking slowed, and stopped, and silence descended. From the corner of her eye Lydia took in her friend, hands stilled, looking down the garden to the sea.
She’d debated asking her, not knowing how Greta would feel about it, not wanting to put her in a position that might make her uncomfortable – but of all people, Greta would say no if she didn’t fancy doing something, so she’d gone ahead, and it seemed that Greta had no objection.
She’d chosen well, in both cases.
She rang Cathy and outlined her plan. ‘I have no idea whether anyone will want it for their wedding, but if they do, I’ll need someone like you to feed them. Would you be interested, in theory even? It would mean giving up your Saturday nights if it took off.’
‘I’d love it, Lydia, and not just in theory. Keep me posted.’
Another thing ticked off her list. She texted Gareth, walking in Spain. Hope all’s well. Just letting you know that I’ll soon be in need of a website . . . big changes here. Give a shout when you get home and I’ll fill you in.
His response was swift. Old news – my mother heard it from someone who heard it from someone. Delighted you’re staying around, will put my web design hat on for the rest of the trip. I’ve managed to lose Ultan three times already but he keeps finding me.
She went to dinner at Marian and Tom’s. ‘I need an accountant,’ she said to Tom.
‘So I hear. I’ll sit you down some day that suits both of us, and go through everything.’
‘Can you help me make a business plan, so my parents know I’m serious?’
‘Sure thing. That’s step one.’
It was coming together.
The day before Naomi was due home, Tessa moved into the apartment’s second bedroom.
From her suitcase she took a cloth doll, old and worn and faded, with yellow wool plaits and a blue knitted dress and tiny brown felt shoes that were sewn on.
She had a painted smiling mouth and blue eyes and rosy cheeks, and a little pink triangle for a nose.
‘I made her,’ Tessa told Lydia, ‘when I was pregnant with Ursula. When you asked me to come, I sent Stephen back to the family home to hunt for her in the attic. I’ve given her a wash to freshen her up.
Don’t feel you have to use her. I just said I’d bring her along to show you. You’ve probably got far nicer ones.’
Lydia took the little doll, noting the neat stitching that held her together, the pocket on the dress embroidered with a flower, the tiny dots of eyelashes. Faded or not, her soft smile made you want to smile back. She’d been put together with pure love.
‘What’s her name?’
‘Sissy. I have no idea where that came from – I can’t remember who picked it.’
Sissy. She was perfect.
While Tessa unpacked, Lydia phoned her parents, steeling herself for what she sensed would be a difficult conversation.
‘Now, please hear me out,’ she said, both of them listening.
‘This will come as a surprise, but I’m not coming back to Dublin just yet.
’ She’d decided to pitch it to them as a year-long experiment – which it might well turn out to be.
She told them of the preparations she’d already put in place, and the ones she was planning.
‘So,’ she said, ‘what do you both think?’
A beat passed.
‘You’ve just had a baby that came early,’ her mother said. ‘You’re a first-time mother, and you’ve decided to start a new business? I can’t believe what I’m hearing, Lydia.’
‘Mum, can’t you for once be supportive?’
Silence. ‘Mum?’
But it was her father who answered. ‘Lydia, I have to say this is a ridiculous idea.’
She felt as if she’d been slapped. ‘Dad, this is my life. I’m an adult, I’m not your or Mum’s responsibility any more. I’m free to make my own decisions, and you need to start respecting that. I’m following my heart.’
‘You’re following a dream!’ her mother snapped.
‘The same foolish dream that brought you to that wholly unsuitable house. Your head is in the clouds! You’re going to spend all your money on this far-fetched notion of a wedding venue – God only knows who you’re listening to there – and you’re going to lose everything! ’
Lydia’s face felt hot with rage now. She was under attack from two fronts – but she was fighting back.
‘So what if it doesn’t succeed? It’s my money, my decision! I’m not asking you for anything – it’s got nothing to do with you!’
‘Have you forgotten you have a child now, Lydia?’ her father asked sharply. ‘You’re responsible for her, not just for yourself – how can you be so blasé about her future, for God’s sake?’
‘Of course I’m not blasé!’ she shot back. ‘Naomi is my top priority – I’d starve before I let her go hungry! But you’re not even considering the possibility that my plan might actually work – you’re shooting it down in flames before I even begin! Am I never allowed to take a chance?’
Her mother again. ‘Lydia, you make it sound like you’re trying out a new fashion. This is not taking a casual chance, this is investing everything you have in the idea that people will want to come and get married in the middle of nowhere! Can you not see how outlandish it is?’
‘No!’ Lydia retorted. ‘I just see something that’s worth trying – but don’t worry, I won’t bother either of you if I go broke! Thanks a lot for your faith in me!’
She jabbed the red button, knowing it was juvenile, like storming off in the middle of a row, but she couldn’t listen to any more.
Her cheeks were on fire, her blood racing.
Typical of them, dictating what she should do.
So negative, assuming she’d lose everything.
If either of them called her back she’d ignore them, but when her phone rang twenty minutes later, it was Marian.
‘I’ve found the perfect bathroom stuff. It’s beautiful – and guess what? They’re having a summer sale. I’m sending you photos as I speak.’
‘Wonderful.’
She would put her parents from her mind, forget their hurtful words. Ironic, just when she and Kathleen had found a way to be friends, the people she’d considered her allies were suddenly on the other side.
It wouldn’t last. It couldn’t last. She didn’t want it to last. She wanted them with her on this new path, not watching silently, disapprovingly, from the sidelines – but they would have to come with her on her terms. They would finally have to accept that she was in charge of her life, not them – and she would have to wait until they were ready to do that.
Next morning, she and Tessa drove to the hospital and brought Naomi home – and finally, life began to turn the right way up again.