20 Leti
Leti
A call interrupts the audiobook I’m listening to right before the two heroines are about to fuck. Elena’s name flashes on my car’s screen. This better be good. It’s not like my sister to call this early on a workday morning. She must have just dropped Alicia off at school.
“What’s up?”
“Oh, good. I caught you before you went in to work,” she says, though she’s only marginally right. I’m about to turn into the school parking lot. “Don’t make plans for October fifteenth.”
“What’s happening October fifteenth?”
“Please tell me you’re joking.”
“It’s not your birthday. It’s not your anniversary. It’s not my birthday. Not Mom’s or Dad’s. Who…” Oh no. “Crap. It’s Andrew, isn’t it?”
“That took you way longer to realize than it should have.”
I can practically feel her disappointment oozing through the car speaker.
“Leti—”
“Save the lecture for when I have time for it. You have two minutes before I have to rush out of the car to sub yet again, because apparently that’s what this job has turned into.
” I wouldn’t mind being a few minutes late, actually.
Maybe they’ll look for a substitute somewhere else if I’m nowhere to be found.
She cuts to the chase. “We’re planning a surprise party. I’m about to make the group chat. And do not leave this group like you left the last one.”
I only left the last group chat because my parents decided to recap the disastrous events of my quinceanera to Diego.
I couldn’t stand the way they’d twisted events and acted like it was some funny anecdote to recount when they still haven’t forgiven me for something that wasn’t my fault.
“He’s our brother. The least you can do is pretend you care about him. ”
“Ouch.” My tone is sarcastic, but the blow lands like a dead weight.
When we were younger, Elena was always firmly on my side when it came to the fights I had with Andrew.
Then we became adults, and the more I stood up for myself the harder I became to defend.
When our parents scolded me to be nicer (though I’m sure they said shit to Andrew), to let his comments go quietly, to try more with him, she went radio silent.
These days, I can’t help but wonder if she agrees with them underneath her silence.
“Leti, I’m begging you.” She sighs. “I know how he is, but you have to come through for him on this. No more fake illnesses.”
“Fine.” I grit my teeth. “Whatever. Put me in the stupid group chat.”
I hang up without saying goodbye, then let out a groan that vibrates my chest before pulling myself out of the car.
For no reason at all, tears sting my eyes.
Elena doesn’t understand. It’s easier when Andrew and I aren’t in the same room.
We can’t do each other any harm that way.
It’s why I’ve tried to pull back from him since we became adults, but Elena has a special way of reeling me back in.
She’s the only one I can’t say no to, a fact everyone knows good and well.
My phone vibrates in my pocket during first period, but I don’t check my notifications until lunch. The phone nearly slips from my hand after reading through the first few messages.
Elena: Hello all! I’m planning a surprise party for Andrew on October 15th. Here’s a screenshot that lists everything we still need. Let me know if you can bring anything, and if you have any thoughts/ideas for the party!
*screenshot of list.
Julian: Woot woot!
Julian: We should be good to throw the party at my apartment. Kayla has agreed to kidnap him for the day, so we’ll have plenty of time to set up.
Elena: Thanks for letting me know!
Julian’s in the group chat. This shouldn’t be surprising to me.
And yet, reading his text interactions with my sister is bizarre.
A foreign concept. Like I’ve tricked myself into believing he only exists in one corner of my life, completely separate from my family.
I read through the rest of the messages, contemplating whether it’s safe for me to say something.
I can’t get Elena’s disappointed voice out of my head all day.
The least I can do is try. Or pretend, as she so aptly put it.
Tomorrow, I decide. Once I’ve shaken myself out of the shock of seeing Julian and me placed in the same group chat as my sister.
Once I’ve gotten used to these two separate corners of my world meeting and have prepared myself on how to proceed.
My audiobook is interrupted yet again after school while I’m at the end of the massive line to get out of the parking lot. Julian’s name flashes across my car’s screen.
“What.”
“You sound annoyed.” His voice surrounds me on all sides. I should’ve thought better than to answer his call on Bluetooth. There’s no escaping him. But then, I’ve never been able to escape him.
“Weird day.” I shiver, turning down the AC. Won’t be needing that now that the front seat of my car has turned into a cold spot. “What’s up?”
“You didn’t answer your sister in the group chat.”
For a moment, I’m stunned that he thought this was a good reason to call me out of the blue. A wave of frustration crashes over me. I can handle fighting with my siblings, holding on to these small grudges simply because I’m used to it by now. But I can’t handle Julian being thrown into the mix.
“She asked if you could bring plastic silverware and paper plates to the surprise party.”
“Now is not the time to get all sunshiny on me, sunshine boy.”
“I’m sorry, what part of me relaying your sister’s message is sunshiny?”
His chuckle is a low rumble that goes straight to my core. Goddammit. It’s really not helping matters that I’ve been inadvertently edging myself all weekend.
“The part where your voice is so chipper, it’s giving me a headache.”
“It’s kinda weird, isn’t it?”
“No kidding.” I relax now that he’s voiced the same thought I’ve had all day. “When did you meet Elena?”
“Her kids stayed with us for the weekend about a month and a half ago,” he says. “She kinda cornered me before she left, but I get it. I’d want to make sure my kids were in good hands too. She probably wanted to make sure I had Andrew’s best interest as well.”
“That’s Elena.” I sigh. “Always the mother hen, even before she became an actual mother.”
“She’s cool, though,” he says. “Anyway, she asked if you could buy the plastic silverware and swing by early to help set up.”
“Tell her—” I cut myself off, biting down on my tongue.
He can’t tell her anything, because we’re not supposed to know each other.
I didn’t realize until this moment that keeping our friendship a secret from Andrew meant keeping it from Elena too.
From a much bigger corner of my world than I’d previously accounted for.
“Never mind. I’ll text her back in the chat. ”
“This party’s gonna be so strange.” He lets out a nervous laugh. “We’ll have to pretend we don’t know each other. Unless you think we should tell everyone?”
“No, definitely not.” It comes out more vehement than I mean it to. “Fuck. We really will have to pretend around my family. There’s no good alternative, is there?”
“We don’t have to tell Andrew how we met,” he says. “We could make something up.”
“He’ll think we’re dating.” The silence on the other end is loud.
Was that too blunt? We did date. Twice. But so far, we’ve avoided talking about that, and we’re friends now.
What does it matter that we went on two first dates that didn’t work out?
“Which might be worse than the truth. He’ll think we’re hiding it from him, and then he’ll become so insufferable that we’ll have to come clean. ”
“You have a very different relationship with Andrew then I do,” he says casually. “He can’t be that bad. He’ll understand a simple explanation.”
“But he won’t understand why we kept it from him for this long.
” I take in a deep breath, let it out slowly.
“It’s like you said. We don’t know the same Andrew.
Sometimes I can’t believe you’re friends with him.
” I didn’t mean to let that slip. Julian knows me too much.
He’ll pounce on any scrap of vulnerability, and I just gave him the perfect opening.
“What does that mean?”
“Let’s drop it,” I say, too quickly, before he can delve deeper into my relationship with Andrew. “It’s not worth rehashing.”
He’s silent for a beat, and it isn’t until I make it all the way to the front of the line that I realize how long we’ve been talking. I turn onto the main street, hands tightening on the wheel when he asks, “Are you sure?”
“Sure that I want to stop talking about my brother?” I huff a laugh. “Definitely. We’ll get through the surprise party, and then our friendship can slip under the radar again. No harm, no foul.”
“Friends, huh?” I can hear the smile in his voice.
“I mean that in the most general sense possible.”
“Sure you do, Leticia.” He has the gall to laugh. “See you later, friend.”
“Later, sunshine boy.”
“That nickname is so not the insult you think it is.” Then he hangs up.
Three days later, Nathaniel calls to make plans for a second date.
The call came randomly on Friday night, without a text to warn me, which of course means I stumbled over my response and accidentally agreed to go out with him the same weekend as Andrew’s surprise party.
He didn’t even seem fazed at the idea of meeting my family so early on.
I thought about canceling almost as soon as we hung up, but then I realized he could make a good buffer between me and, well, everyone.
My parents. My brother. And more than anything, it might be nice to finally have a date to bring to these chaotic family functions.
If anything, it’ll stop Andrew from making any more convent jokes.
Still, there’s always the risk that something could go wrong. I’m still me, after all.
The first person I text the news to is Julian. I don’t even think about it before pressing send on the message.
Julian: Two weekends in a row. The boy works fast, I’ll give him that.
Leti: You think it’s too fast?
Julian: It doesn’t matter what I think.
I frown down at the screen, an ache forming at the base of my forehead the longer I read his last message.
Of course what he thinks matters. He’s the one who matched me with Nathaniel in the first place.
He’s the one who coached me before our first date, as embarrassing as it is to admit I needed coaching. Why is he holding out on me now?
I type out a reply but press backspace when it doesn’t come out right.
I must spend too long crafting a message, because my phone vibrates with a call and the screen changes to a dull gray background, Julian’s name displayed at the top.
I need a picture of him, is my first thought.
For his contact photo. It’s a stupid thought, one I immediately shake my head at having.
“What?” My voice comes out more curt than I mean it to.
“I didn’t mean to freak you out,” he says. “It’s not too fast if you don’t think it is. Your opinion is the only one that matters here. That’s all I meant.”
“Okay.” A sigh of relief loosens the tension in my shoulders. “You didn’t really need to call me to say that, but I appreciate it anyway.”
“This was faster,” he says. “Do you want me to come over? We can talk it out. You can tell me what you’re thinking about the Nathaniel of it all.”
“No.” Yes. It’s the only thing I want, to my endless frustration. When did I allow myself to rely on him for so much? I let out a grumble as I throw myself down on the bed. “We don’t have to. You’ve done more than enough for me already. More than I probably deserve.”
“I’ll be the judge of that,” he says. “And you’re in luck. I went to Trader Joe’s today and came back with pumpkin everything, so if you’re in the mood to eat your feelings, we can do it together.”
“What do you need to eat your feelings for?” I ask, suddenly curious. “Are you dating too? Is it going as poorly as my dates?”
“Maybe not so poorly with Nathaniel in the picture.” There’s something off about his voice, but I can’t pinpoint what it is. “Once you stop overthinking everything anyway.”
“I do have a tendency to overthink,” I begrudgingly admit. “And you never answered my question. But it’s fine. I’ll let you get away with it for now, but be warned. I’m not through invading your personal life.”
His soft laugh fills my ear. “Whatever you say, Leticia.”
“I mean it. Bella’s way of getting me to talk is three glasses of boxed wine.
I’ll figure out what yours is.” I’m not sure why I’m suddenly curious about his dating life.
If I’m only turning it around on him so we don’t have to talk about mine, or because I’m genuinely interested in what’s going on with him.
I’m not used to talking about myself so much, but it’s all we do when we’re together.
It feels shameful that I still know so little about him.
“Three glasses of wine, huh?” He’s deflecting again. “Any particular kind?”
“As if I’d tell you that,” I scoff. Then, after a pause, I ask, “Is my brother there?”
“Nope.” I can practically hear his smirk. “He’s staying the night at Kayla’s, so you’re free to cry in peace here. I hear my shoulders are pretty comfy. I won’t even put it on your permanent record, because that’s how gracious I am.”
“I’m not going to cry.” I roll my eyes, even if for some strange reason I can’t stop smiling. “I need…” I let out a sigh. I have no idea what I need. “Pumpkin brioche.”
“You’re in luck. I got the last loaf in stock.”
“You lucky, lucky man.”
He laughs before his voice turns conspiratorial. “Come on. You know you want to.”
“You sound like a drug dealer.”
“So we know wine does it for ya, but autumnal snacks are also good contenders. Maybe fall consumerism in general.” There’s some static, and then the distinct sound of paper bags rustling.
It’s so easy to imagine him bustling about in his kitchen, sorting through his assorted purchases and putting them away.
So responsible. So adult. “I can light a pumpkin candle, if that’s the case. ”
“I think you’re the one who’s a little too into fall.” I raise a brow even though he can’t see me.
“Oh, you have no idea,” he says. “Maybe you shouldn’t come over. It might get a little embarrassing for me.”
I grab my keys off the entry table. “Too late. I’m already on my way.”
But I have a feeling he already knew that.