Leti
Nathaniel’s in the kitchen nursing a beer, alone, when I find him. His eyes light up when he spots me, and something disturbingly like guilt clogs my throat. “There you are.”
“I’m sorry for ditching you for so long.” Among other things. “You wanna get out of here?”
“Sure,” Nathaniel says easily, seemingly unfazed by being left alone at a party for half an hour. “Can I walk you home?”
I nod, ignoring the shame burning in my chest and the stinging sensation that hasn’t left my eyes since Andrew caught us outside. Fucking pathetic. The worst part is he’s not even wrong.
“Sorry for the bad second date,” I say once we’re outside my apartment. “It was probably too early for you to meet my crazy family—or to see how crazy they make me.” I try for a derisive laugh, but it comes out choked and watery.
“Did something happen?” He rubs a hand down my arm in a comforting motion, but I flinch at the contact. Funny. His touch feels like a betrayal in a way Julian’s doesn’t. How messed up is that? His hand falls back to his side, eyes downcast.
“It’s too much to get into.” I shake my head as I step away from him. “You don’t want to hear about my family drama. Trust me. And I’m sorry I left you by yourself for so long.”
“It wasn’t all bad,” he says. “Some of my grad school classmates were there, so we got to talk shit about our finance professor.”
That must have been one of the women I saw him with earlier.
“I’m glad it wasn’t a total bust, then. I’d promise to make it up to you, but…” I take in a deep breath. “Maybe we should take a pause on this.”
“A pause.” His brows furrow. “I don’t understand. Did I do something wrong?”
“No, no, it’s not you.” I cringe as soon as the words are out. “It’s—”
“Ah, the old it’s-not-you-it’s-me speech.” He chuckles. “Haven’t heard that one in a while. Gotta say, I don’t miss hearing it.”
“I kind of got wrapped up in something I shouldn’t have,” I confess, racking my brain for a way to explain what happened outside with Julian without sounding like a complete asshole.
“You mean someone.” Clarity lights up his face, but there isn’t any accusation in his tone.
“Yes.” The answer comes reluctantly, but I owe him that much, don’t I? “I’m sorry. I never meant to put you in the middle of it.”
“It’s okay.” He lets out a long sigh. “We just started going out, and we aren’t exclusive. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
That’s hard to believe. This thing with Julian has been confusing, messing with my head in a way regular dating can’t hold a candle to.
“This other person,” Nathaniel starts. “You think it could be serious?”
The question jars me for a moment, an emphatic no on the tip of my tongue, but that’s my defensive instincts kicking in.
The truth is I’ve been fighting these strange, mixed-up feelings for Julian from the very beginning.
The sexual attraction I so rarely feel for anyone, let alone so instantaneously.
The romantic attraction that grudgingly followed close behind and only grew stronger each time we hung out.
It’s not that I regret not giving Julian a fair chance on our second first date, exactly. It’s the clarity I miss. The lines I drew in the sand have been crossed and kicked over so many times, I no longer know where we stand with each other.
“It’s not like that with us. We’re—” I stop myself short of saying just friends, because wow that has never sounded more delusional than it does right now. “Complicated?”
“Been there.” Nathaniel flashes a grin full of such understanding and sympathy, I practically slump against the wall in relief. “Believe me. Can’t say I miss that either.”
“It’s the worst,” I concur. “And believe me, ‘complicated’ is the last thing I want. It sort of happened without my meaning it to. I’m still trying to figure out what it all means, if anything.”
“Then I guess I should give you some time to figure it out,” he says, something eerily like disappointment shining in his eyes. “How about this.” Nathaniel reaches for my hand.
I let him touch me this time, even as everything inside me rebels.
“I’m not looking for complicated. If you decide you aren’t either, let’s redo this date. We’ll get dinner by the riverwalk and spend the whole night talking the way we couldn’t tonight.”
He paints a romantic picture. I can imagine us eating at a table by the water, walking beneath the trees lit up by fairy lights, the light bouncing off the river. Talking, getting to know each other in ways we haven’t gotten a chance to yet.
“That sounds nice, but—”
“No buts. Consider it an open invitation,” he says, his expression hopeful. “You know how to contact me.”
“Right,” I say. “That I do.”
“Call me if you change your mind.” He releases my hand as if reluctant to go. “And if I never hear from you again, no hard feelings. Okay?”
“Okay,” I agree, more confused than ever as I push the key into my front door.
As it shuts behind me, I collapse against the wall with a dramatic groan.
Bella shushes me from the couch, muttering something about not waking the kids, and the night’s events die on my tongue.
I need to talk to someone about what the hell happened tonight, but it’s only once I’m stopped from doing so that I reconsider.
It’s been one thing after another tonight.
I haven’t taken a second to ask myself how I feel about everything that went down with Julian, my brother, and Nathaniel.
“How was the party?” she asks, voice just above a whisper, after moving me into the kitchen. “Still awful?”
I open my mouth, the truth on the tip of my tongue, but a knock sounds at the front door before I can.
For a moment I’m paralyzed, wondering if Julian could be outside.
I briefly wonder what kind of explanation he could possibly have for himself, for the flirting and fighting and mind games.
But I don’t have an explanation for my own actions, kissing him like that with Nathaniel only a wall away.
She could be the one love. His words not mine, my brother had said.
What a pair we make, seeking each other out despite the other people in our lives.
But it’s not him at the door. All my thoughts come to a roaring halt when my sister comes through the front door.
“Oh good, you’re here.”
“Please don’t make me go back down there,” I beg. “Elena, if you love me—”
“The party’s over.” Her arms cross over her chest as she stares daggers at me. I check my phone, but it’s only ten thirty. Surprising, given that my family’s parties usually last long into the night. From the look on my sister’s face, you’d think I had something to do with it being cut short.
“But it’s only ten thirty,” Bella echoes my thoughts, confusion furrowing her brows.
“We had to send everyone home after Andrew and Julian got into it with each other.” Her glare stays trained on me, her tone so accusing that for a split second, I mistake her for our mom. “They’re at the hospital right now. What the hell happened out there?”
“What do you mean, got into it? They got in a fight? A physical fight?” When Elena nods, I rear back, stunned.
I can’t imagine Julian coming to physical blows with anyone, least of all Andrew.
For all the verbal sparring we’ve done over the years, I can’t imagine my brother getting into a physical fight of any kind either. “What are you talking about?”
“I was hoping you could fill in the blanks.” Elena’s stern face morphs into concern. “You were the last one out there with them. Did you and Andrew get in a fight?”
“Of course we got in a fight.” I deflate. “I left when he called me out for being the pathetic loser disappointment child. I don’t exactly have an argument there, do I?”
“Oh, Leti.” Bella pulls me into a hug when my eyes start stinging all over again. “I hate the way your brother talks to you sometimes.”
“So that explains why Julian punched him, then,” Elena says before her nose wrinkles. “Or maybe it doesn’t. What else happened out there, because I still don’t get it.”
Julian started the fight? None of this is making any sense to me.
“Oh, I knew I liked him,” Bella says to me as my sister’s mouth drops open in surprise. My best friend completely ignores the way my eyes widen in panic as she says, “I told you you should’ve given him a second chance.”
“You know Julian?” My sister’s jaw drops as Bella realizes her mistake. She mouths a sorry at me as I shake my head at her.
The jig is up. Might as well confess now.
“Yes, I know Julian.” I sigh. “We went out on a date a while back. It didn’t work out for reasons we don’t need to get into, but we sort of became friends.”
“Friends?” Elena’s expression doesn’t change. “Really?”
“Obviously that term isn’t accurate at the moment, but I don’t have a better one.”
Bella turns to me now, surprised.
“We kissed.”
“You kissed?” they both exclaim, but are stopped from asking more at the sound of fussing from the living room. Bella goes to get the kids settled in her bedroom before shutting the door and returning to us.
“Tonight. And last weekend.” I cringe at the looks of bewilderment on their faces.
“You didn’t tell me about kissing him last weekend.” Bella cuts her accusing eyes to me. “Way to keep me out of the loop.”
“You think you’re out of the loop?” Elena glances down at her. “All this time, I thought they were strangers to each other. What kind of a person keeps a friendship a secret?”
“Andrew doesn’t need any more ammunition to use against me,” I tell Elena.
“I could already hear his taunts in my head after learning that I not only went out with his best friend, but also that Julian was now taking over my dating apps because I’m too helpless to pick out my own romantic prospects.
I didn’t want to hear it, so I chose not to tell him. ”
“Listen, I get why you kept it from Andrew,” Elena says. “But why did you keep it from me? I’m not our brother. You know I would never make fun of you for that.”