36 Julian
Julian
What the hell are you doing, Jules?”
I knew better than to enlist my nosy cousin into my Leti plans, but Theo can’t keep a secret from his fiancée to save his life, and Marcela spilled the beans to Angela.
It’s my own fault, really, for not seeing this coming.
Marcela and Theo exchange glances from the kitchen table, twin looks of amusement sparkling in their eyes.
“No one invited you.”
My cousin merely shrugs and plops onto a barstool beside me. I start to close the lid of my laptop as she glances at the screen over my shoulder.
“If you’re not going to help, go sit over there and be quiet.” I point to Theo and Marcela’s sectional, and she pouts.
“See, when I heard from Marcela that you and Leti were dating, I was happy for you. Really,” she says.
“Was there a bit of a weird factor since I nearly dated Leti myself? Sure, but nothing major I couldn’t get past. Now I come to find out you’re making this poor girl date at least two other people before taking her out yourself.
So the question bears repeating: What the hell are you doing, Jules? ”
The door cracks open before I can reply, and her girlfriend, Krystal, walks in. “Great. Just what I needed, more people in my business.”
“Maybe they can help us track down the gift you’re looking for,” Marcela says. “We’ve checked five websites so far, and we still can’t find a bottle of Wonderstruck under three hundred dollars.”
“Well, keep looking.” I right my laptop. “We have three months to find this thing before her birthday. Everyone, set a Google alert.”
“What are we talking about?” Krystal asks as she wraps an arm around Angela’s shoulders before pointing at my screen. “Oh hey, I used to have that perfume in high school.”
“Do you still have it?”
She shakes her head.
“Then why are you still talking to me?”
“Rude!” Angela exclaims. “Ignore him. He’s stressed out over his girlfriend.”
“She’s not my girlfriend.”
“Found one for two fifty over here,” Theo says. “The website is sketchy as fuck, so I wouldn’t use a debit card if I were you.”
“That’s still too high.” I let loose a long sigh. “Okay, we’ll keep looking at a later date. Time to switch to date mode.”
“Can you explain to me first why you and Leti aren’t exclusive yet?” Angela asks. “You obviously like this girl a lot, and from what I hear she likes you too. What’s the holdup?”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“As someone who once thought dating the entire sapphic internet was a good idea, I beg to differ.” She closes the lid to my laptop. “What’s going on, Julian?”
“It’s a mess, okay?” I shake my head. “A mess that started with her brother giving me a concussion, or maybe it started much earlier and I was too oblivious to notice.”
“You never told me you got a concussion. Where’s this brother of hers so I can fuck him up a bit?”
“It’s Andrew.”
“Your best friend gave you a concussion?” she shouts. “Does your mom know about this? When I get my hands on him, I swear to god—”
“I hit him first,” I tell her. “And my mom already had her boyfriend look me over. Andrew and I are cool. It was a stupid idea to fight him, and his girlfriend is giving him more hell than anyone else possibly could, so I’d say his karma is balanced enough without you getting involved.”
“So, aside from fighting with her brother, why are you and Leti such a mess?” Marcela asks, getting us back on track.
“You have a wealth of expertise here. Theo and I did the no-strings thing once upon a time and look where we are now.” They make googly eyes at each other, and my heart clenches at the same time I consider barfing.
“And we fell into the no-strings thing a few times even though we said a million times we wouldn’t.” Krystal’s hand interlocks with Angela’s. “You have a whole panel of help to utilize in us.”
“The problem here is I want the strings,” I say. “But she’s convinced a relationship with me is impossible because of her brother, who she has so much animosity toward it’s terrifying. Not to mention, she thinks I’m in love with someone else.”
“Why does she think that?” Angela asks.
“Because my stupid best friend got drunk on his birthday and told her as much,” I say. “And she has no idea he was talking about her. That she’s the one I’ve been in love with this entire time.”
“And you haven’t corrected her because of Andrew, or because you’re scared she doesn’t feel the same way?” Marcela asks.
“She could barely admit that there was something between us before anything physical happened.” I thought I’d pushed her too far, asking her to admit as much.
Her silence had terrified me, but it wasn’t until I covered her shaking hands with mine that I realized she was the one who was terrified.
“And that if I thought she was bad at dating, it has nothing on how bad she is at feelings. It’s too soon to tell her the truth.
I can’t do that until I have a better idea of how she feels about me. ”
“If you’re sure.” But Theo doesn’t look convinced. “As for your next problem, you remember I’m familiar with sibling animosity, right? Though I’m not sure how much help I can be where that’s concerned, unless she plans on going no contact with her brother.”
“That would make everything so much worse, even though she’s probably considered it.” I let out a sigh. “There are so many little hurts between them, they barely know how to communicate without bickering.”
“Do you think they’ll ever be able to come to some sort of understanding?”
“Honestly?” I consider their hostile dynamic. Fuck you. Fuck you too, sis. “I’m not sure. It’s not like there’s anything seriously unforgivable holding them back. They’re both equally as hardheaded, petty, and willing to die clutching their grudges.”
“Yeah, I’m familiar with the concept.” I don’t know much about Theo’s brother, only the offhand comments he’s made over the last few months I’ve known him.
“I don’t know if Ben and I will ever find it within ourselves to forgive each other.
There are times when I miss him, but I’m not sure if that’s just misplaced guilt or nostalgia for the happy sibling relationship we never really had. ”
“I miss my dad sometimes too,” I say. “I have this whole fantasy in my head of him coming to his senses and promising to accept me no matter who I love. Then reality sets in. I’m the reason my dad is no longer on speaking terms with his brother and for my parents’ divorce, and at the end of the day what was it all for?
So I could fall in love and spend the rest of my life with a woman?
” I shake my head. “If he knew, I can’t even imagine the rage he would rain down on me. That I destroyed his life for nothing.”
“Julian, none of that is true.” Angela pulls me into her arms. “Your father has no one but himself to blame for how his life turned out when he turned his back on you. That’s true no matter who you end up with.”
“Logically, I know that,” I tell her. “But I can’t get this image of him out of my head. Enraged and red in the face and…disappointed. Like he couldn’t recognize who his own son was anymore. Or like he never knew who I was to begin with.”
“He’s a piece of shit, and he doesn’t deserve you,” she says. “That will never change, unfortunately. But don’t you dare spend another second blaming yourself for his mistakes. Okay?”
“Easier said than done,” I tell her. “But I’ll try.”
“Good,” she says. “And if I’m being real, I’m not inclined to agree that a reconciliation between Leti and her brother is for the better. He gave you a concussion. I don’t care if you forgave him and I don’t care that I’ve never met him before, but I may never forgive him for that.”
“It was an accident,” I explain, exasperated.
“I punched him first. I was still swinging at him when he tackled me. He was defending himself, and it was a complete accident that I hit my head on the table leg. It was no one’s fault, but everyone keeps blaming him because I’m the one who got hurt. The guilt is starting to eat me alive.”
“Jules, you’re way too nice.”
A spike of irritation heats my blood, even though I know Angela only wants what’s best for me.
“If I can figure out a way to make them forgive each other, it wouldn’t be an issue,” I say. “I’d get the girl, and I’d get to keep my best friend. Boom. Done. No more issues.”
“He’s going to meddle, isn’t he?” Theo asks, to which Angela solemnly nods. “Oh boy.”
“It’s for their own good,” I say. “They’ll thank me when they’re old and gray and still on speaking terms because I helped heal all their childhood trauma.”
“You’re not a therapist,” Angela says. “Or a miracle worker.”
“Aren’t I?” I ask. “If I could get Leticia to actually like me, then I can do anything.”