Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Killion
How to Apologize Without Words
What the fuck did I just do?
“Cam,” I say, my breath coming in shallow bursts as I try to steady myself. “I’m . . . I didn’t mean to come inside you without a condom. I mean, we’ve done it like this before, but I shouldn’t have assumed. I can send you my last physical—no STIs—and I . . . you’re the only person I’ve ever been with without one.”
Her gaze meets mine, her expression unreadable but filled with a mixture of emotions that tears at my chest. “This . . . it’s not the lack of a condom,” she says softly, her voice trembling. “But none of this should’ve happened. We haven’t even discussed what happened. I?—”
“Let me take care of you,” I interrupt, desperate to salvage what I can, “and then we can talk. About everything. About how I, again, fucked up because I let myself get carried away.”
I pull out of her slowly, the intimacy of the moment hitting me harder than I expect. She winces slightly, and guilt punches me square in the gut. I fix myself quickly, tugging my gym shorts back up, before reaching for her.
“Here,” I say gently, kneeling in front of her. My hands slide to her leggings, still bunched around her thighs, and I carefully ease them down her legs. I can feel her watching me, her silence heavier than any words she could speak. “I’ve got you,” I murmur, more to myself than to her, trying to believe it.
Once her leggings are off, I scoop her up, lifting her in my arms bridal-style. She stiffens slightly but doesn’t pull away, and I take that as permission to keep going. Her head rests against my chest, and I carry her down the hall toward her bedroom.
In her room, I lay her gently on the bed, brushing stray strands of hair from her face. She looks up at me, her eyes still guarded, but there’s a vulnerability there that makes me want to fall to my knees and beg for another chance.
“Stay here,” I say softly, brushing a strand of hair from her face before heading to the bathroom. I grab a warm washcloth, moving with purpose but not rushing. When I return, I sit beside her, the bed dipping under my weight.
“Let me take care of you,” I murmur, my voice quiet but firm.
I start cleaning her, slow and careful, every movement deliberate. I trail the warm cloth along her skin, my hands gentle, reverent, as though she might shatter if I move too quickly. “You’re so beautiful, Cam,” I say softly, my gaze flicking to hers. “Inside and out. I don’t know how I got so lucky to even be here right now.”
She doesn’t speak, just watches me with those eyes that see straight through every layer of bullshit I’ve ever built. Her silence doesn’t feel angry, but it still concerns me. I keep going, using this moment to show her how much I worship her.
When I’m done, I set the cloth aside and pull the blanket over her, tucking it around her shoulders with care. She’s everything—so much more than I ever deserved—and I need her to feel that. “You’re incredible,” I say quietly, brushing my thumb along her jaw. “Strong. Smart. And so fucking kind, even when I don’t deserve it. ”
Her lips part, but she says nothing, and I lean closer, resting my forehead against hers for a moment. “I’m sorry, Cam. For all of it. For not giving you the respect you deserve. For letting my own selfishness get in the way. But I promise you—whatever you need from me, I’ll do it. Whatever it takes to make this right.”
I don’t pull away, not yet. My lips brush her temple, soft and lingering, as if trying to press every unspoken promise into her skin. “You mean everything to me, Cam,” I whisper, my voice raw.
She exhales, her hand trailing along the blanket. “It’s okay. I was caught up in the moment too. I didn’t think about protection or . . . anything. And it’s you. We stopped using condoms back then because I was on the pill.”
Her voice falters, and before she can spiral into explanations, I cut in, tension tightening my chest. “Are you not . . .?” My heart stumbles as I force the question out. “Fuck, should we get a Plan B?”
She shakes her head, reaching for her arm, her fingers brushing against it. “Instead of the pill, I have an implant.”
Relief washes over me, but before I can say anything, she tugs her top over her head and tosses it aside, her bare skin glowing in the dim light. I watch, transfixed, as she turns toward the bathroom. My pulse kicks up as she twists the shower knob, steam beginning to curl around her like a veil.
Her voice pulls me back. “The problem isn’t just the physical, Killion. We’re not in a place where we can just have sex like we’re together again. There’s too much between us.”
“Clearly,” I agree, my eyes never leaving her as she steps into the shower. “Again?—”
“Don’t apologize,” she cuts me off sharply, glancing over her shoulder with a raised brow. “Not for what happened out there, or I’m going to get more upset.”
I smirk, leaning against the doorframe. “Oh, you’re bossy,” I tease, my gaze shameless as the water begins to cascade over her skin, clinging to every curve.
She rolls her eyes, but there’s a flicker of a smile. “So, can I join you?” I ask, already reaching for the hem of my shirt.
“No. I’m not falling into the trap,” she says with a squeaky voice.
“Trap?”
“You’re going to use your mouth and those hands to convince me of . . . I don’t even know what,” she says, washing her hair.
“Come on, Cam. I promise to behave.”
Her lips twitch as she bites back a grin. “Fine, but keep your hands—and maybe your eyes—to yourself.”
“That’s a tall order,” I reply, stepping into the steam as I drop my clothes on the floor. Her eyes dart toward me briefly, then away, but I catch the faint blush creeping up her neck.
I step into the shower, the heat of the water cascading over my shoulders as I grab the loofah, my eyes locked on hers. The steam curls around us, making the space feel smaller, more intimate, like there’s nothing outside this moment. “Let me help,” I murmur, my voice low, dripping with intent.
She hesitates, her arms crossed defensively over her chest, but when I raise the loofah and swipe the soap against it, she exhales sharply, the resistance already starting to crack.
“Kill, we shouldn’t,” she insists, shaking her head even as her gaze dips to the water trailing down my chest.
“Oh, but I know you need it, baby,” I whisper, stepping closer, my lips brushing the shell of her ear. My breath fans against her skin as I move the loofah to her shoulder, gliding it gently across her collarbone. “And you’re going to be a good girl and let me take care of you, aren’t you?”
Her breath hitches, her body leaning ever so slightly.
“Answer me, Cam. Are you going to allow me take care of my girl?” I insist. “You know I won’t touch you if you don’t respond.”
“Yes please.” Her voice is throaty. The loofah trails lower, circling the curve of her shoulder and gliding down her arm. My lips press to her damp skin, following the path of the loofah, warm and teasing, just enough to make her tremble.
“Kill . . .” Her voice wavers, but there’s no conviction behind it now, just need .
I hum against her neck, the vibration making her shiver as I work the loofah down her chest, pausing just above her breasts. I move slowly, deliberately, every touch calculated to unravel her. My mouth follows, leaving open-mouthed kisses against her throat, down the hollow between her collarbones.
Her fingers twitch at her sides, and I smirk against her skin. “You can touch me, you know,” I murmur, my voice teasing as the loofah dips lower. “Or is this all too much for you, sweetheart?”
She gasps as I slide the loofah over the swell of her breast, my thumb brushing the skin just above it, bare and slick from the water. Her knees tremble, and I catch her waist with my free hand, pulling her closer. “I’ve got you,” I say softly, my lips grazing her jaw. “You don’t have to fight this. Let go for me.”
The loofah moves down, circling her hips before brushing the inside of her thigh. My mouth trails down her neck, hot and deliberate, as my hand presses her firmly against me. Her breathing grows ragged, her body arching into my touch.
“Kill, please,” she whispers, her voice barely audible over the water.
I grin against her skin, my hand stilling as I pull back slightly to look at her. “Please what?” I ask, my tone dark and coaxing. “Tell me what you want, baby. Say it.”
Her eyes lock on mine, wide and pleading. “Let me come,” she begs, her voice trembling with desperation .
I chuckle softly, my lips brushing hers. “Not yet,” I murmur, sliding the loofah between her thighs. “You’ll come when I say, and not a second before.”
She moans, her body trembling in my arms as my lips trail along her jaw, nipping and kissing, each movement deliberate and teasing. The loofah slips from my hand, forgotten, as I replace it with my fingers, sliding them between her thighs. Her gasp is sharp, her body arching against me as I find her heat, slick and pulsing.
“Fuck, Cam,” I growl against her ear, my fingers stroking her folds slowly, spreading her open. “You’re so wet for me. Is this all for me, baby? Tell me.”
“Yes.” She nods, her breathing uneven, but that’s not enough for me. I press harder, my thumb circling her clit as two fingers slip inside her, curling just right. She cries out, her nails digging into my shoulders as her hips instinctively roll against my hand.
“That’s it,” I murmur, my voice low and rough, each word brushing against her skin. “Take my fingers, baby. I want to feel how much you want this.”
I add another finger, stretching her, filling her completely, and she gasps, her head falling back against the shower wall. My thumb trails lower, teasing her other entrance, the light pressure making her shudder. Her whole body is trembling, her thighs quivering as I keep her pinned between me and the wall.
“Do you want more?” I rasp, my mouth brushing against her ear, my fingers curling deeper inside her. “Do you want my fingers deeper? Harder? ”
“Yes,” she whimpers, her voice breaking. “Fuck me harder. Please, Killion.”
Her plea sends a bolt of heat straight through me, and I oblige, thrusting my fingers into her, faster, harder, each movement coaxing louder cries from her lips. My thumb presses firmer against her other entrance, circling in time with my fingers, making her gasp and writhe against me.
“You’re so fucking needy,” I growl, my teeth grazing her earlobe. “You can’t get enough, can you? You love how I fuck you with my fingers, how I make you fall apart.”
She moans louder, her hips bucking against my hand as she chases her release. “That’s it, baby. Use me. Take everything you need,” I encourage, my voice rough with desire. “Come for me. I want to feel you squeeze my fingers when you fall apart.”
Her cries grow frantic, her body trembling violently in my arms as she finally lets go, shuddering around me. Her release is hot and wet, coating my fingers as I keep moving, drawing out every last wave of her climax.
“Good girl,” I murmur, my lips pressing against her temple as her body relaxes against mine, spent but glowing with satisfaction. “You’re so fucking perfect when you come undone for me.”
As her trembling subsides, I hold her close, letting the hot water wash over us both. Her head rests against my chest, her breathing ragged but slowing, her body soft and pliant in my arms. I trail my hands down her back, soothing her with gentle strokes as the water cascades around us.
“Let’s finish up,” I whisper, pressing a kiss to her damp hair.
She nods weakly, her body still leaning into mine as I reach for the soap again. This time, I work quickly but tenderly, running my hands over her skin, cleaning away the remnants of our passion. Her eyes flutter closed, and a small, contented sigh escapes her lips.
When I’m done, I rinse her off, making sure every inch of her is taken care of. Then I grab a towel, stepping out of the shower first and holding it open for her. She follows, her movements sluggish but trusting, and I wrap the towel around her, drying her gently.
“Lift your arms,” I murmur, and she does without question, letting me dry every curve, every inch of her. I kneel to dry her legs and feet, my touch soft, reverent, as if she might break. She leans on my shoulder, her hands resting lightly on my hair, and for a moment, it’s just us—quiet, intimate, no barriers between us.
Once she’s dry, I lead her to the bedroom, supporting her as she walks. She sinks into the bed, and I pull the blanket over her, tucking it around her with care. She looks up at me, her eyes hazy but content.
I sit beside her, brushing a damp strand of hair from her face. “We’ll talk tomorrow about everything else,” I say softly, my voice steady and sure. “Thank you for letting me take care of you tonight. ”
Her lips part as if to respond, but she just nods, her hand reaching out to rest lightly on mine. I stay with her until her breathing evens out, her body sinking into sleep. Only then do I stand, watching her for a moment longer before turning off the light and quietly leaving the room, my mind already racing with what tomorrow will bring.