Chapter 14
ELIAS
Okay, so, that happened.
I stare at the door connecting Ben’s room to a private bathroom, waiting for it to open. When a few more minutes pass after the sound of running water stops and it doesn’t, I get up and tap on the wood.
No reply.
I tap again.
Eventually, a small voice replies.
“I’m okay.”
“Ben, are you going to come out?”
“No, thanks.”
A laugh huffs out of me and I press my forehead against the door.
“I’m very flattered.”
“Stop!”
I imagine him in there, clamping his hands over his ears.
Willing me to go away. Maybe I should? I just wanted to make out with a cute guy.
I have no intention of being his first …
everything. But if he comes in his pants that easily, maybe I could do him a favor and teach him the ropes.
I did agree to be his fake boyfriend after all.
I turn my back to the door and slide down to the floor with a sigh I hope he hears.
“I guess I’ll just have to sleep out here.”
There’s a pause. I give him time to answer.
“You don’t have to do that.”
Is his voice louder now? Has he scooted closer to the door? Is he sitting with his back against the other side? Inches away? Why does a pleasant heat burn in the pit of my stomach at the thought of that?
“It’s not a big deal—” I start. I’m cut off with an almighty groan.
“Please don’t say that.”
“Say what?”
“It’s not a big deal … it happens to everyone … it’s not me, it’s you.”
I laugh. “I think ‘it happens to everyone’ usually refers to the opposite problem.”
He’s quiet. I listen for movement, but hear none.
“Ben, you’re twenty-one and a virgin. It was bound to happen.”
“I know I’m a twenty-one year old virgin, you don’t need to remind me.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. I meant you’re young. You have … energetic ejaculations.”
“Shut up, please! My mom will hear you.” He’s whisper-shouting.
“Sorry.” I’m not sorry.
I also haven’t heard anyone come upstairs and these walls seem fairly robust. But I could use his fear of anyone hearing to my advantage.
“You’ll have to come out here and talk to me face-to-face if you want privacy.”
“I can’t face you. I’m too ashamed.”
I roll my eyes, banging the back of my head against the door. “Get over it, will you? You came in your pants. It actually has happened to everyone.”
There’s shuffling at the other side of the door. The next thing I know I’m falling backward.
“Oh, shit, sorry, I didn’t realize you were actually sitting against the door.”
I take his hand and let him help me up.
“You’re serious?” He still can’t meet my eye. “It’s happened to everyone?”
“Well… quite a lot of people. Men, I assume.”
I glance down at the wet patch on his trousers and quickly drag my eyes up again.
“I cleaned … this isn’t …”
“Ben, it’s fine.”
“I need to take a shower, get changed, I’m sorry about all this, but, do you mind leaving me alone?”
“Only if I know you’re okay.”
He gives me a pleading look. “I’m okay.”
I hesitate. I don’t really want to leave him like this, but I’m sure it’s torture for him right now. He probably just wants to bury his face in his pillow and groan with embarrassment. Even though I meant what I said about him not needing to be embarrassed.
Of course he’s weird with me the next morning. His father has already left for work when Ben comes down for breakfast and I’ve been answering more of his mother’s questions for the past twenty minutes while I eat the fluffiest, most delicious scrambled eggs I’ve ever tasted.
Ben can’t meet my gaze as he takes his seat at the kitchen table and tries not to flinch when his mother ruffles his hair.
He looks sexy with it all mussed like that and I have to remind myself that he’s extremely inexperienced. A casual hookup would probably mean a lot more to him than it would to me.
The first guy I hooked up with, well … I don’t want to think about it. I do not want to be anyone’s first heartbreak. However, I was a lot younger—and way dumber—than Ben when I had my first experience with a guy.
I’m grateful for how chatty Ben’s mother is while we eat, but the second she leaves the table to go change, we’re left alone together. The silence is palpable.
“Ben—”
He cuts me off before I can say anything.
“We should get an early start on the court today.” He puts his fork down even though he’s barely eaten anything. “Mom will want us at her party tonight and prep starts early.”
“Okay.” I nod, deciding I’ll let him talk about it if he wants to and reminding myself that it’s not my business or my problem who Ben Harris does or doesn’t sleep with.
BEN
Nate texted this morning to ask how everything was going with Elias. I wanted so badly to call and tell him what had happened last night. And then the shame washed over me again and I couldn’t do it.
Despite what Elias said, I am embarrassed about how inexperienced I am. I’m a senior in college. The time for all this fumbling has long passed. I should be an expert at sex by now.
I sent a quick reply to Nate telling him everything’s fine before going downstairs to join my mom and Elias for breakfast. Dad is never here for breakfast—he usually grabs something at the office or has a work breakfast somewhere nearby.
Mom was excited about her party, so she was even more talkative than usual, which helped. Until she left. Then we were stuck in silence.
“We should get an early start on the court today.” I put my fork down, suddenly not hungry anymore. “Mom will want us at her party tonight and prep starts early.”
I haven’t looked at Elias beyond a glance since the second I came downstairs, but now my gaze is dragged towards his face. He looks up at me a little sadly.
“Okay,” he says, collecting himself.
By the time we get out onto the court, he is back to his confident self. I try to take a leaf out of his book, but every time I start to relax, the moment I realized I’d just come in my pants returns to haunt me.
I keep my back to him through some warmups and stretches. The couple of times I turn and catch sight of him accidentally, I regret it. Of course he looks positively pornographic stretching in shorts, his magnificent butt on full display.
We hit a few balls over the net. My mind doesn’t want to focus, and when it’s time to practice my serve, I’m all over the place. Elias is uncharacteristically patient and I start to wonder if he was ever really impatient at all, or if his energy and drive just made him seem that way.
Wasn’t he patient with me last night when I was being a baby and refusing to speak to him?
After I mess up my serve for the hundredth time, Elias finally jogs over to the net to speak to me. No amount of ignoring him is going to work anymore.
I try to keep my head up as I meander over to the net. He has his racket rested on the cable along the top of the mesh. One hand on his hip.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I lie.
He lets out a big sigh. “Let’s just talk about this and get it out in the open.”
“No thanks.” I’m about to jog back to the baseline to continue practicing my serve when he climbs over the net and towers over me.
“What are you doing on my side of the court?”
He cocks his head. “We’re doubles partners. We always share the same side of the court.”
I open my mouth to protest, but he talks before I can say anything.
“What can I do to get you out of your head?”
For some reason, my face flushes. Elias catches it—of course. He raises an eyebrow.
“Would it make you feel better if you saw me come in my pants?”
My jaw drops. Literally, I can feel it. If I were a cartoon character, it would be on the floor.
“What?” He shrugs. “I can do it.”
“You can …” God, my face is on fire, I can’t even say the words.
Luckily Elias isn’t as verbally challenged as me. “Come in my pants?” He shrugs again, this one somehow even more nonchalant than the last. “Sure. With the right stimulus.”
“Holy crap, Elias.”
He grins. Damn, I wish it wasn’t such an attractive sight.
“You don’t swear, do you?”
“Huh?”
“Curse or whatever you call it. You don’t say ‘fuck.’”
“Yes, I do. Sometimes.”
“When?”
I rack my brains for a time I cursed, out loud. I can’t think of one. “I would … if the occasion called for it.”
The way he’s smiling at me now, it stirs something—something similar to whatever made me lose it the second our bodies connected.
“Bet I could make you say it.”
Oh God. I gulp.
“Do you think you could get out of your head?”
“Huh?”
“If I made you come? This time with your pants off.”
He takes a step closer. That woodsy, manly smell engulfing me. The sun shining on his sandy hair, making those brown eyes glisten even more than usual.
“Because you need to focus. We have important matches coming up.”
Of course.
I take a step back, regaining at least some of my composure. “Of course I can. And I don’t need you to … whatever. I’ll be fine.”
He shrugs with just one shoulder. “Whatever you say.” I try not to watch as he climbs back over the net, but the way his shorts tighten around his butt is too good a sight to pass up. “Let me know if you change your mind,” he adds as he jogs back to the baseline.
Damn him.
I’m still off during practice, but not enough for him to jump over the net and proposition me for sex again. Is that what he was doing? Propositioning me? Why did it feel more like a business proposal?
When we head back inside to change, the house has already started to fill up with party planners and various other people I’ve never seen before. Elias looks around at everyone like it’s all new to him.
“Who are all these people?” he asks.
“Party planners, I guess.”
“All of them?”
“Well, party planners and their staff. Caterers, agents—”
“Agents?”
“For the performers.”
“Who’s performing? Mariah Carey?”
I laugh, enjoying the sight of him caught off guard for once.
“Doesn’t it bother you? Having all these strangers in your home?”
How do I explain to him that this has never felt like a ‘home’ exactly?
“I’m used to it.” I shrug. “Growing up, every tiny excuse for a party always turned into a huge event. The pictures from my first birthday party look like something from a post-Oscar bash. Gold and black balloons everywhere. People dressed in tuxedos—I’m not even kidding.”
Elias looks horrified and I shrink a little. Is this one of those moments where you think you’re telling a cute childhood anecdote and someone thanks you for sharing your trauma?
I try a laugh, but it comes out forced. “It’s not like I can remember it anyway.”
Elias seems to be checking my face for clues as to how he should react.
“Sure. I guess it’s just a bit … different to what I’m used to.”
“Normality? Definitely different from that.”
“Well, I, um …” He rubs the back of his neck, looking awkward. “I’d better go take a shower and get changed.”
“Sure.”
“Is there anything special I should wear for your mother’s party tonight? Is there a dress code?” He gets a cheeky glint in his eye. “I don’t think I packed my tuxedo.”
“No tuxedos. And don’t worry, we’ll probably blend right into the background tonight.”
I watch him leave, a hopeful flutter in my stomach. He made it clear out there on the courts … if I want him, I can have him.