Chapter 22
Silas
Imake the short trek up to Thorn’s office and peek in, careful to stay out of Aubrey’s sight.
When Oakley spots me, I hold a finger to my lips to keep her quiet before crooking that same finger to call her over.
She gives Aubrey a few more instructions about what looks like math work before glancing toward Hannah.
Hannah nods, and Oakley slips out, pulling the door shut behind her.
I lead her to a bench in the hall and take her crutches as she sits. I hate seeing that tired, defeated look in her eyes.
“Silas, about the other day...”
“No.” I hold up a hand. “No apologies. I wanted what you were offering, but I’m not in a place right now where any of that can happen.”
Her shoulders deflate a little, but a soft smile tugs at her lips. “I get that. Aubrey was right up the stairs. And I’m sure you don’t trust me.”
“I do. Trust you, I mean. But that’s not what I wanted to talk about.”
She notices my hesitation and rests her hand on my thigh. For one reckless second, I wish that hand would slide higher. I force myself to focus and cover her hand with mine, hoping to give her the steadiness I don’t feel.
“The guys have been on my ass about making some changes heading into the season. I need help—with Aubrey, with the house—especially when I’m on the road. Any chance you’d be interested?”
“You need a nanny?” she asks, one eyebrow raised and a smile tugging at her lips.
“I need someone Aubrey’s comfortable with, someone who’s comfortable taking care of her. Maybe coming on the road sometimes, maybe staying home.”
“So…you need a nanny.”
I sigh. “Yeah,” I admit quietly. This is the closest I’ve come to asking for help, and it doesn’t leave as bad a taste as I expected.
“Why didn’t you just ask me that? I’ll do it.”
I shake my head. “It’s early mornings, late nights, long trips. A nine-year-old who’s equal parts rowdy and scared.”
“I get it, Si. But it’s Aubrey. She’s the best kid on the planet.”
“She asked if you were going to leave her,” I say, not softening the words.
The heartbreak on her face nearly undoes me, but I need her to understand how serious I am about this. Aubrey can’t handle losing her again. If I’m being honest, neither can I.
“So, it is about trust.”
I shrug.
“The best I can give you,” she says, “is that I won’t abandon her. Even if I leave Steele Valley, I’ll stay in touch. I can’t leave that little girl behind a second time.”
I swallow hard as the weight of her words settles in my chest. I want to believe her—God, I do—but I can’t stop the what-ifs running through my mind.
“I didn’t mean to leave her last time, you know?
” she continues before I can speak. “Everything was too fresh. I loved spending time with her as a baby, but I was drowning. I was jealous that people who never wanted kids got to bring this perfect angel into the world when I couldn’t give you that.
” Her voice trembles. “Years of therapy helped. I still never want to go through pregnancy again, but she’s part of why I came home.
I hoped she wouldn’t remember those early days. Guess I wasn’t that lucky.”
There’s a strength in her voice I haven’t heard in a long time. It’s shaky but real. And that sparks a little bit of hope that we might all survive this.
“Aubrey may still say no. I haven’t really talked to her about it.”
“I get that. I don’t know everything that’s happened, but clearly she’s been struggling.”
“She might talk to you,” I admit. “I don’t get much out of her.”
“Is she seeing anyone? A therapist, child psychiatrist?”
I shake my head. “No. We tried in the beginning, but she refused to get out of the truck. Her doctor says as long as the nightmares are less frequent, we’re doing okay.”
“I’ll do it if she’s in,” Oakley says firmly. “Driving’s the only thing I’m really limited in, and my mom’s right around the corner if we need anything.”
“You comfortable staying at my place?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
I shrug, unsure. Nervous, if I’m honest.
“Let’s go talk to Aubrey and make sure she’s good with it.”
We step back into the room just as Aubrey finishes packing away her tablet and keyboard.
“Bubs!”
“Get all your work done, little miss?”
She nods, grinning. “Hannah and Oakley helped me get ahead on math. Now I don’t have to do any numbers until next week!”
“That’s awesome, Aubs.” I glance at Hannah. “Thanks again for today.”
“You know I’m always around if you need me. Family first.” She slings her bag over her shoulder and starts for the door. “Feel free to chat in here. I’m making the hubs take me to lunch before he replays your preseason disaster.” She winks.
When the door closes, I look at Aubrey. “Did you finish this week’s other assignments, bug?”
“You betcha. I know all my spelling words, did my reading, got ahead on math, and finished science worksheets. Now I don’t have to take school stuff with us.”
“Awesome job, kid. Hey, we want to run something by you.”
She hops onto the couch near Oakley, careful not to bump her foot. “What’s up?”
“Once we get back from this road series and Oakley has her surgery, how would you feel about her staying with us?”
Her eyes widen. “Does that mean I can sleep in?”
I laugh as Oakley smothers a grin. “Yeah, kid. You can sleep in instead of leaving before sunrise.”
“Then I’m so in, brother.” She turns to Oakley. “When are you moving in?”
Oakley glances at me then back at her. “Probably next week, if that works for you.”
Aubrey throws her arms around Oakley’s neck and squeezes tight.
“How about we go grab lunch at Stumps?” Oakley says once Aubrey releases her. “Noah’s probably getting grumpy without food.”
That gets a giggle out of Aubs as she bounces to the door.
“I’ll ride with Noah,” Oakley says after a beat.
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
I watch her go, and for the first time in a long while, it doesn’t feel like she’s walking away.