Chapter 7 #2
She swallowed. How could this man ask for forgiveness when she’d hidden life-changing truths from him? She nodded.
He exhaled, as if in relief. “Thank you. And I… I know it’s a lot to ask, but if it’s at all possible, I’d really like us to be friends again.”
“Friends?” The word felt impossible. How could this man she’d kept at a distance for so long now want to be friends? Her heart flickered. And if he wanted to be friends, did that mean he might one day want more?
No. She couldn’t think like that. Wouldn’t think like that. That was too impossible. Mrs. Tinker’s heart would likely explode, but this time for real. As for her own mother…
She shook her head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“What? Why?”
How to explain? “I wouldn’t even know how to be friends with you again. We weren’t exactly friends at the end, remember?”
“But we were,” he insisted. His cheeks pinked. “I mean, we were a lot more than friends. But I thought you wanted that too.”
She ducked her head. “Yes.”
“And ever since that day I’ve wondered if we hadn’t done, ahem, that then maybe we could’ve stayed in touch. But from what I remember, we both agreed to separate so you could focus on your studies and I could concentrate on my NHL career.”
It wasn’t fair to let him take all the blame, despite what she’d let her mom think over the years. Gen had agreed to that too. She peeked up. “That’s right.”
“And now, look at you, Dr. Rivas.” He smiled. “Can I say I’m so proud of you?”
Moisture lined her eyes. She blinked it away. “Thanks.”
“I knew you could do it. You were always so determined, and so smart.”
Her throat was tight. “I couldn’t have done anything without my mom’s help.”
“She’s always been ready to do anything to help you succeed, hasn’t she?”
Oh, he didn’t know the half of it. She nodded. Her throat was dry. “You obviously have done okay with your hockey career.”
His mouth twisted. “Until this injury, anyway.”
“How… how are you feeling?”
He grimaced. “I never knew such a small organ I’ve never thought about before could cause so much trouble.”
Her gaze drifted to the portable IV. “Have you had an infection?”
He sighed. “Yeah. Doc Winthrop is threatening to cut me open again so I’m praying this stuff works.”
She nodded. “You want your kidneys to work properly, so it’s worth taking care of them.”
“I still don’t drink coffee, just so you know.”
He hadn’t changed in that way, then. “That’ll help. And no alcohol, or drugs.”
“I still like to keep clean,” he said.
He studied her, and she forced herself not to fidget. To accept his perusal.
She’d changed from her scrubs, and now wore her blouse and jeans. And now wished she’d thought to wear something more flattering, and maybe taken the time to put on more makeup than the quick swipe of strawberry lip gloss after Gerry had left.
She knew she looked older, probably wider, and definitely tireder than ten years ago.
He, on the other hand, even despite lying in a hospital bed, looked fitter, his masculinity more sharply defined, detailed in the angles of his cheekbones, the scruff lining his jaw.
Maybe it was training and years of pro hockey seasoning but even in a hospital gown she could see his chest and arm muscles were carved. He looked really good.
“Gen, I…” He wet his bottom lip, and her gaze dipped to the fullness of his mouth.
Her body heated, remembering his mouth on hers. No. This wasn’t good. She couldn’t do this. “I need to go.”
The door opened, and Lacey, one of the nurses, came in. “Oh, Dr. Rivas. I didn’t know you were in here.”
“I’m leaving.”
“Oh, don’t go on my behalf. I’m just checking Mr. Tinker’s blood pressure.
” Lacey fiddled with the arm cuff, then took notes, while Gen tried not to fiddle with the hem of her blouse, conscious Kyle’s eyes were on her still.
“There. See? All good, and all done.” She smiled.
“I’ll leave you two to it, shall I?” She exited with a wink for Gen.
Uh-oh. What would Lacey say? She was hardly the type to keep her mouth shut. “I really should go.”
“Please, stay for a moment longer. I don’t want this to be the end.”
“The end? Kyle, we ended things years ago.”
“But it doesn’t have to be the end. We could be friends again. Couldn’t we?”
Friends? Oh, she hadn’t realized until this moment how much her heart hungered for that.
Kyle had always been the one person who understood her better than anyone.
When she’d agreed to saying goodbye to him she hadn’t realized it would feel like cutting off one of her limbs.
Hadn’t realized until now that she’d suffered a bone-deep loneliness ever since.
But being friends was fraught with danger. What if she wanted more and he didn’t? What would this mean about Bella? As for his parents and her mom…
She shuddered. “I just don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why not?” His face dimmed. “Are you in a relationship? Is that it?”
“No.”
“Then what?”
“Your… your mom made it very clear that she dislikes me and wants nothing else to do with me.”
He winced. “Mom is… complicated. And I’m the first to admit she has her issues. But I don’t want to let her prejudice get in the way of what is right. And you and me…we’re right. We’ve always been right.”
She shook her head. “How can you say that?”
“Because it’s true.”
“But you didn’t think we were right enough when you wanted to break up with me ten years ago.”
“You agreed, remember?”
“I agreed because I thought that’s what you wanted. But if there’d been a way to stay together then I would’ve preferred that.”
His eyes were wide. “But… you never said anything.”
She shook her head. “I… I was a mess. So much was going on”—complicated later by hormones thanks to an unexpected pregnancy—“and, yeah.”
“Gen, if I’d known you felt that way I definitely would’ve said something. But I thought you wanted to focus on your medical studies. I didn’t know…” His voice trailed away.
She pressed her lips together, holding back the wail. Had there been a chance to stay together? Oh, if only she’d known, had dared to be honest about what she really wanted.
And yes, it would’ve been hard, especially with a little baby, but maybe there could’ve been a chance… “It doesn’t matter now. It’s the past.”
“But it doesn’t have to be,” he said eagerly. “We could be together again. Well, friends, at least.”
But would friendship with him even be possible after having tasted more?
She didn’t trust herself. And after years of honing this veneer of calmness, of working so much to keep all the plates spinning and trying her hardest to keep it all together, the fact that less than twenty minutes in this man’s company was beginning to crack her resolve only proved how vulnerable she’d always been to his charm.
She couldn’t trust herself with him. She couldn’t trust him, either.
No, this was a bad idea for lots of reasons.
“I don’t think so.”
“Gen, please.”
“I need to go.”
His brow wrinkled, his expression troubled. “Is there someone else?”
Maybe that would be easier. A small lie. Except the lie wasn’t really a lie; she was four and a half feet tall. As well as being Gen’s whole world. “Look, I didn’t want to say anything, but yes. There is.”
His features deflated, like she’d pricked a balloon and was watching it shrivel. “I thought you said—”
“I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. But now you know. And I really need to go.”
“But—”
“It’s good to see you’re on the mend. I… I hope you find happiness.”
“Gen, please—”
She shook her head, turned and exited, unable to summon enough energy to counter his broken expression anymore. But this was for the best. For Bella’s best, and her own.
She couldn’t fall for someone so different, so perfect, so right, especially when he’d be guaranteed to rip out her heart again.
Because there wasn’t a surgeon in this world who could help her put it back again.