Chapter 10 #2
She ducked her head. “Sorry. I don’t know why I did that.”
“Hmm.” Doubt loaded his expression.
“Okay, yes, fine, you’re right.” She knew exactly why she did it.
She shrugged. “It just seems incongruous for athletes who earn millions of dollars every year to be paying forward something that likely only cost them a few hours of their time. That isn’t giving back.
Mentoring poor students in a public school for hours every week, that involves real sacrifice, and commitment. Now that’s giving back.”
“Wow. Tell me what you really think.”
“You know me. I tell it like it is. I never learned the art of playing pretend.” Guilt strummed. Well, except in some things…
He shifted on his chair. “I can see why some people might see it as tokenistic. But that’s not why I do it.
See, I spent time growing up with someone who used to say things like that, who used to mock those who thought they were generous when they only gave out of their abundance, when the truly generous were those who gave when they had little. ”
She nodded. “That’s what makes someone truly kind.”
“I agree.”
Her head tilted as she studied him. It was funny. Part of her felt like spending time with him was like placing a hand inside a well-worn glove. The other part felt like it didn’t quite fit anymore.
“But that’s not what being a Christian is about,” he said softly.
Her internal walls rose again. She didn’t want to hear this, whatever it was. “If you’re going to tell me you’re a God-botherer, I’d really rather not know. It’s enough that we’re friends again, right?”
The light in his eyes faded slightly, then his lips pushed to curve up on one side. “We are friends, then?”
Well, she hoped they were. Even if it still felt like this could get messy. She wasn’t going to wallow in regrets, remember? “Yes.”
His smile carved a tunnel straight to her chest, speeding past the insecurities his comments about being a Christian had raised.
She remembered this smile. Remembered this sense of connection.
How funny that they could be parted for years yet bounce back and feel like nothing had changed.
Well, apart from his new faith. And the little matter of his child.
Her stomach tensed.
“Hey, what’s that look for?”
“Nothing.”
He eyed her like he knew she was fibbing. Then his face softened. “I’ve missed you.”
“I… I’ve missed you too.” She licked her bottom lip, noticed his gaze drop there then lift.
“So, tell me about you. I want to know about everything that’s happened in the past ten years.”
Oh no, he probably didn’t. She tiptoed through the memories, sharing about her scholarships, her studies, moving to Seattle, avoiding all references to the real reason why.
He smiled. “So that’s why I couldn’t find you.”
“Couldn’t find me?”
“I tried to find you. I revisited Willow Springs, but nobody knew where you were. It was like you had dropped off the face of the earth.”
“Mom felt it would be better that way.” No judgment, no gossip, a clean break and fresh start for everyone. She hadn’t returned to Willow Springs since.
“So you’ve been super focused on your studies ever since, huh?”
“That’s about the sum of it.”
“Wow. You’re so committed.”
Or she should be committed for all these lies she was supporting. She needed to get the conversation off herself and on him. “So, how about you?”
He shook his head. “Uh, uh. There’s something I want to know first.”
“What?” Her chest tensed.
“Um, this might sound weird, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”
“Spit it out, Kyle.”
“Your boyfriend. Is he good to you?”
Her cheeks heated. Why had she ever lied? Oh, she knew why. She had to protect herself. Except right now, with vulnerability shining in his eyes, she didn’t feel the same need to protect herself anymore. “I, uh…” How could she explain?
He arched a brow. “Is there a boyfriend?”
“No.”
He grinned, sparking butterflies within, but it quickly faded. “Then when you said you had one before…?”
“It’s, uh, actually a family member I have to support.”
“Your mom?”
Sort of. The easier answer, anyway. She nodded. Had to change the subject. His earlier reaction suggested the answer to this next question was obvious, but still, she’d rather have things made plain. “Is there a girlfriend?”
“No. I had a few first dates and tried a dating app, but it didn’t work. Nobody compared to the one I let get away.”
Her heart fluttered. Did he really mean to imply he wanted her back in his life? Oh, she knew this was dangerous, but hadn’t expected just how difficult this could be. “Kyle.”
“Look, I know it’s awkward and we can’t change what’s happened. But I know I could’ve handled things better and I’m sorry if my actions have caused you pain over the years.”
Her eyes blurred, and she blinked hard, hiding her emotion behind sipping her drink. Thank goodness there was still some liquid in the bottom. “We both could have probably dealt with things a little differently,” she admitted.
Her phone buzzed a reminder that she needed to catch the next bus.
“Do you need to go soon?”
She nodded. “But I’ve enjoyed our catch-up. Thank you for the drink.”
“Any time. And I mean that. Any time. I’d like to do this again.”
He would?
He reached across, clasped her hand again. “Do… do you think we could get together again? I feel like there is still a lot more to say—”
Oh, there was.
“—and I’d love to spend time with you again. Only as much as you’re free to, of course.”
She mentally revised her upcoming calendar. Now Bella had finished school for the summer she’d be spending more time at home, which meant spending time with Kyle would be even more fraught with difficulties. But she had a window of spare time this weekend.
“I have a big week of double shifts, but I’m free this coming weekend.”
His face fell. “I’ll be away then for a friend’s wedding. I won’t be back until Sunday afternoon.”
“Oh.”
The irrational part of her, the part often guided by her evil angel, whispered that if he was that desperate to reconnect then he should make time for her, before being shushed by the good angel who reminded her that he’d obviously made these plans months ago, and couldn’t discard a friend’s wedding just because they’d happened to bump into each other.
“But when I get back we could do something. Maybe have dinner together. Really talk.”
How could she do that with Bella at home? Mom wouldn’t want to babysit, especially if she knew it would enable Gen to spend time with Kyle. Maybe she could pay for a sitter. Except even that would mean having to choose the time when Mom was sure to be out so she didn’t raise any questions.
“I, um, will have to let you know.”
His face fell slightly. “It’s okay if you don’t want to. I mean, I’d be disappointed, don’t get me wrong, but I understand if all of this feels a bit too much.”
“No, I’d like to. But I just need to, um, check my shifts.” That was true. “Things can get a little tricky sometimes.”
“Things can get a little tricky a lot of the time,” he said dryly.
“But hey, I’ll take what I can get. Apart from Mitch’s wedding, and my captain’s baby christening, I don’t have a huge schedule of social events lined up.
I think my parents are planning to come over again at some point at the end of the month, but you don’t need to worry.
I definitely won’t be inflicting them on you. ”
“I’d appreciate that.”
“And seeing as we’re talking honestly, I gotta admit I’d be happy to not have to deal with your mom either, anytime soon.”
“Understandable.”
He grinned. “So maybe we need to go old school, and talk on the phone. Find out when the coast is clear.”
Her chuckle felt rusty. “Just like when we were fifteen?”
“You remember that time when we messaged all night so that we both slept in and missed the bus for school?”
“It’s burned in my memory. Mom was so mad.”
“Well, I don’t want to find out if that’s changed, so maybe if I just give you my number and you can let me know when you’re free.
Like I said before, my time is fairly open at the moment, so it’d be nice to spend some of that with you.
Even if it’s only on a phone call, well, that’s better than nothing. ”
She nodded, and put his contact details in her phone. Then, knowing that she’d be unlikely to do anything if she didn’t do it immediately, sent him a one-word message:
Gen.
“What’s this?” he teased, smiling at his phone. “Fine. I get the message. And yes, I’ll call you soon.”
Her phone beeped a warning again. “I should go. I need to catch this bus, otherwise I’ll be waiting another hour.”
“I’d be very happy to take you home.”
“Thanks, but I have things to do. And I don’t want you going out of your way.” Or finding out about the hovel in which she lived.
“Nothing is too far away where you are concerned.”
She rose. She couldn’t bear his kindness and consideration. Not when there was still a mighty big secret she needed to share. Not that she had fortitude enough to deal with sharing that today. One day soon. When she was stronger. “Um, I’m just gonna go pay.”
“It’s all taken care of.”
Right. “Uh, thanks.”
“Of course. And thank you. Spending time with you has been the highlight of my day. The highlight of my month. My year, even.”
She nodded, her heart lighter than it had been in years. “Me too.”
And before he could get her to spill any more truths, she hurried outside, caught her bus and went on her way.