Chapter 17
All day Kyle had wavered to and fro, wondering what to do. He’d spent his confusion cleaning his apartment, trying to still his racing thoughts with prayers. But even with all of his prayers, with telling his parents, nothing seemed clear.
Old Nature Kyle craved to go back to the dump and find Gen and give her a piece of his mind.
But New Nature Kyle, the one trying to live like Jesus, knew that he’d given plenty of his mind to Gen yesterday, and there wasn’t much left.
So instead of just showing up with angry, mindless words he needed wisdom.
Needed a plan. Needed something more than an apology, but a real actionable plan.
But his emotions were still so skewed that he didn’t think he’d ever find sense again. So he needed to fight his way through his feelings to see truth. “God, help.”
The skies were dark outside, and he was partway through scrubbing the kitchen sink when his phone buzzed a message. He braced, then glanced at it. Ryan. Again. Dude sure was persistent.
Hey Kyle, been praying for you and your situation.
His skin prickled. What did Ryan know? Who had said something?
Then he realized Ryan was still referring to the status of Gen’s salvation. Yeah. Great. He typed back:
Thanks. I need it.
A second later, his phone rang, like Ryan had been waiting beside the phone. He eyed it for a second, wondering if he should answer, then figured this might be a God answer after all. “Ryan.”
“Hey, for a moment there I thought you were gonna ignore me.”
The man had good instincts. “Sorry, it’s been a big few days.”
“What’s been happening?”
He shifted to the leather lounge, closed his eyes. Tell the truth and shock him? Or keep his mouth shut? But what was the point of lying, especially when Ryan obviously cared enough to ask?
“Kyle?”
Oh, yeah. The man was still waiting for an answer. “You really want to know?”
“Whoa. This sounds like a doozy. Let me get comfy. I’m on baby duty tonight to give Sylvie a break, and little Frankie isn’t making things easy for me.”
Kyle pressed his lips together, hearing the pride of a new father. Something he’d missed out on, thanks to Gen. Indignation flared. How could she—?
“Okay, I’m ready,” Ryan said. “Hit me.”
He poked at a stupid tear, shaking his head. He was so flippin’ glad this wasn’t a video call.
“Hey, want to make this a video call?” Ryan asked.
Could the dude read minds? “Nope. I’m good.”
“Okay then. What’s been happening?”
To be one hundred percent honest, Kyle had always thought Ryan was one of the slightly flakier Northwest Ice guys.
Ryan wasn’t big on theology or sharing Bible plans like some of the others, and seemed a little quick with the tease that made him appear—okay, he’d say it—shallow.
And yet there was something about the way Ryan asked that question, the way he’d kept checking in on him, that showed he cared.
That he’d heard some of Kyle’s inner desperation, and cared enough to show up.
So Kyle told him. And yes, the fact he’d only gotten saved in the last couple of years wasn’t exactly news. But the fact that he and Gen now apparently had a child definitely was a shock to the good Christian boy.
“Dude. I, uh, I don’t know what to say.”
“Yep. That makes two of us.” Kyle sighed. “I know this is news that’s going to come out one day, but I’d really appreciate it if you don’t say anything to anyone just yet.”
“Dude, this is your news. I’m not your mouthpiece, so your secret’s safe with me. But I’m happy to be a sounding board if you need.”
“I really do,” he confessed. “I don’t know what to do. All day I’ve been thinking about various options and nothing settles. It’s just a mess.”
“Hey, I know this may seem like small comfort, but this hasn’t taken God by surprise. You know that, right?”
“Yeah. I keep getting these little reminders of that, but it doesn’t make it any easier.”
“I’m sorry,” Ryan said.
And somehow these two simple words were enough to release the floodgates again, as one stupid tear was followed by sixty million more.
He hoped he managed to cry silently so Ryan couldn’t hear.
He moved the phone away to make sure, sticking it on speaker mode in case Ryan got a heaven-sent message for Kyle he cared to pass on.
He didn’t, and the silence dragged on, until Kyle wondered if Ryan was still on the phone.
He sucked in a steadying breath. Prayed his voice sounded normal. “You still there?”
“Yeah. Just praying.”
His eyes pricked again.
“I’m not always great with knowing what to say,” Ryan confessed, “but I do know that God has an answer for you.”
“Yeah.” Kyle’s voice was squeaky. He cleared his throat. “I sure hope so.”
“It’s true, bud. I know things can seem impossible, but that’s only the circumstances we face here and now.
The way I see it is that God has us all on a journey to discovering Him, a journey that can take all our lives.
There’s a verse in the Bible that talks about that, in Ecclesiastes, I think.
I forget where exactly. It’s something like since the beginning of time God has placed eternity in the hearts of all men, that all people want to find Him.
Some people have bends in the road that means it takes them a little longer.
Others get distracted by things that look like they offer God’s promises, but it’s actually fool’s gold. ”
He’d seen that. With his folks chasing success in money, with Mom’s social-climbing ambition and focus on connections, her insistence he settle down with a socially acceptable girl—such as the daughter of one of her friends.
Ultimately it didn’t matter though, because they’d die one day and what would they have to show for their lives?
A fat bank balance, perhaps, but they couldn’t take that to heaven with them. That was, if they even got to heaven.
Conviction clanged. He needed to speak to his folks about salvation. He didn’t want them to die still separated from God and spend eternity away from Him.
“And maybe this sounds weird,” Ryan continued, “but I really feel like this situation is God tugging at you to trust Him, to really give Him all of your life. And that means with all of your hopes and plans with Gen, and now with your daughter. Because it’s not exactly living for Jesus if we keep insisting on having our own way. ”
“Ouch.” But true. He’d known that, had sensed that, had suppressed that. Lord, I’m sorry.
“Hey, I know it hurts, but it’s true. Ask me how I know.”
“How?”
Ryan shared again about how he’d chased Sylvie, how they’d almost gotten into Kyle’s own situation. Except Ryan had been raised a good Christian boy and knew better, while Kyle had just thought that was what everybody did. Because in his world, that was normal.
He winced. He could see how deliberately going against God’s instructions was in some ways worse than not knowing what those instructions were in the first place. Even if the blind had been the ones facing the consequence. “Thanks for being honest.”
“I don’t know what the point is in Christians playing pretend,” Ryan mused. “How can we be expected to encourage each other and spur one another on to love and good works and grow in God if we’re not honest with each other?”
“True.” So very, very true.
“So thanks for being open with me,” Ryan said. “Don’t worry, I’m a steel trap and nobody’s getting anything from me. I’m like a vault when it comes to secrets.”
He was touched. “I appreciate it.”
There was a sound of a whimpering baby, which earned a “Shh, bubba. It’s okay.” Then, “Kyle, I’m gonna have to go, but first let me pray for you.”
Kyle closed his eyes, as Ryan prayed aloud for him. That Kyle would let God have His way. That God would make an answer plain. That God would bless Gen and Bella with salvation soon too.
“And my parents,” Kyle rasped.
“Yep, Lord, save them too. And thank You that You are trustworthy, that we can trust You with our future, whatever that looks like. You’ve already seen it, You know it, and the Bible says You’re working things out for our good. So thanks, for everything. Amen.”
“Amen,” Kyle muttered.
Another baby whimper tore at his heart. Had that been what Bella sounded like?
“Thanks Ryan. I didn’t know I needed this.”
“Hey, it’s all good. And if it makes you feel any better, I had a good cry with my mom after I had my close encounter of the unsaved kind with Sylvie.”
Embarrassment writhed through him. How awesome to know that Ryan had heard Kyle bawl.
“Give it to God. He loves you. He’s got good plans. You can trust Him. Amen?”
“Amen,” Kyle muttered. “You should be a preacher.”
“Ha. You’re funny. But maybe. When I retire one day.” The baby squalled again. “That’s me done. Catch ya.”
“Thanks Ryan.”
The call ended, and he sat on his couch for a long time, Ryan’s words tumbling through his heart. It was one thing to know some Scriptures. It was another to actually feel like he needed to stand on God’s promises and claim them for his life.
Just like it was one thing to claim to be a Christian, and another to actually follow Christ. It wasn’t only about what one believed, but how one lived. The actions, the priorities, the choices he made day by day.
And while he might’ve been claiming salvation, he hadn’t actually submitted his life to let Jesus be first and to have His way. Kyle hadn’t picked up his cross and sacrificed himself to follow God’s promptings each day.
He bowed his head, head in his hands, elbows on knees. “Lord.”
Lord. His mind flicked to a recent Bible study someone had shared—maybe Jai.
Something about how the disciples had called Jesus “Lord” but Jesus had turned around and said “Why do you call Me ‘Lord, Lord’ but do not do what I say?” Then given them the illustration of a house built on sand versus the house built on a rock.
The person who built their life on what God said had stood strong in the storms, while the other person’s house—their life—fell away.