Chapter 25 #2
She’d always thought she needed Mom’s approval.
She’d always thought she needed Kyle’s love.
She’d always thought she needed her job.
These three things had long defined her—daughter, mother, doctor.
But no. What she truly had needed—had been searching for without knowing its name—was God’s love.
God’s love. His power that had worked in her.
“Lord, I want my life to bring You glory,” she prayed.
She closed her eyes, and suddenly could see a vision of how God could use her to do that.
To show His love to others. To bring peace into unholy situations.
To help others find hope in the middle of pain and suffering.
Through sharing about God’s faithfulness in her life. In her family. And with her career.
Moisture laced her eyes. Oh, God was so very, very good.
Dr. Rialto had called ten days into her leave, inviting her to return to work earlier than initially suggested, and even though it was on probationary terms she was thankful, so thankful, to return.
The time away had been just what she needed, but she’d missed feeling like she was contributing to something bigger than herself.
She’d soaked in the encouragement she’d received from coworkers like Francis, Cindy, Nancy and others, all of whom had been outraged about her enforced leave.
She was equally thankful that Dr. Visek seemed to have requested different shifts to Gen.
Marcie had been so disgusted with the board that she’d muttered that Gen should go on Reddit and ask for advice. “The least you can do is go on social media and tell the world what’s happened. We need more whistleblowers in this world, especially when good people are being hamstrung by politics.”
And while part of her could see Marcie’s point, another part begged for her to turn the other cheek. To trust that God would have His way. She didn’t want to lose her job. Her job might be hard, but it also had the powerful potential to shine a light for Jesus. “God, I need to keep it.”
Do you?
Whoa. Who was that? She glanced around but nobody was in her bedroom, just her.
Huh. Weird. But… that thought raised interesting questions. Did she need to keep her job? What if she didn’t do it anymore? What would her life be like? What could she do instead? Maybe one day work in public health? Maybe one day work overseas?
“Lord, I don’t know what You have in my future, but I’m trusting that You do.” She opened her hands. “So here is my life. My future. You do with it all You want, and give me the strength to trust You. Amen.”
She breathed in, then exhaled, and a new kind of peace filtered through her.
Oh, she loved this. This sense of contentment.
She’d never felt this way before. And now, even while back in the same run-down house as before, dealing with her mother’s same barbs as before, still waiting on a final resolution with her job as she had before, there was a deeper peace, a deeper assurance.
Like so many of these worries ultimately didn’t matter.
Not in the sense that she’d given up, but that these things were temporary, and not important in the whole scheme of things.
What was important was that Bella was happy. She seemed to have a new kind of radiant joy that bubbled from her. Mom couldn’t understand when Bella and Gen said it was God’s love that made them different.
And Gen knew she was different. She, like Bella, was smiling more. Noticed beauty in this world, like flowers growing in cracked pavements, or lilting birdsong in the dawn. And even with Kyle’s mixed signals she was doing okay now.
After he’d pulled away from her attempt to kiss him on the island, she’d come to realize in the weeks since that he’d really only wanted to see Bella and Gen saved. And that was okay. Well, it was okay now. Or it would be.
And yes, sometimes, like when he picked them up to attend church with him, when he introduced them to his pastors, or he’d got them to say hello on a video he posted on his Northwest Ice Bible study chat, she wished for more, wished they really were a couple, that this truly was a family secured by marriage.
But she was trying to give all of that to God, give those feelings about Kyle to God, so she wouldn’t go and do something foolish like try to kiss Kyle again. That had been—would be—so embarrassing.
Her phone buzzed with a new message. Kyle. Again. For someone who didn’t want a romantic relationship with her, he sure was in touch a lot.
Hey, just wondering if you’re interested at all in coming to watch a preseason game. I can get tickets behind the bench for you and Bella and your mom if you like.
When for?
He told her, and she checked her calendar. Yep, she was free, even though Mom was working, and seeing Mom still wasn’t completely on board the I love Kyle train, then she wouldn’t bother her.
Get 2, for me and B. Thank you. That’d be fun.
I’ll get you an extra ticket, in case she changes her mind. And I want to take you all out for a meal after if that’s not too late for Bella.
Thank you. It’s not a school night so that should be fine.
Great.
Stay safe.
Always :)
“Always.” She rolled her eyes. The man was optimism personified.
But maybe that’s what faith did. Fueled trust that God was with her, would continue to be with her in all the highs and lows. And such trust bred hope, and allowed people to see possibilities, instead of all the ways something might fail.
And seeing she had lived too long the other way, maybe it was time to relax in the hope that God really did have her future secured.
And that she could trust Him, every day. In everything.
Even with Kyle.